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Midland Tyke

How old were you when you found asexuality?

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will123

I guess I lucked out. Yeah, I know there's a lot of comments about having a girlfriend or getting married, but I must've appeared 'happy' to most people so it wasn't much pressure from folks (my parents especially).

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lux aeterna

I am 28 years old and I already know for almost 10 years. But I still had two relationships, the first one lasted three years and the second one four years, where I engaged in having sex. I have never told them, maybe they knew and just did not care. I always thought "Nononononono, goddammit, just let me be normal, like everyone else. If I am true to myself and accept it, everything will be so difficult. I do not want to be alone. If I confess and break up, I will never find anyone else." So, I did it. I always knew it was wrong, but the thought of being alone scared me more than having sex. It was never forced or violent, but I always saw it as an obligation like "Oh snap, already two weeks since we did it. I'm visiting him tonight. Oh well." I am not in a relationship since two years and on one hand I really feel at ease, but on the other hand I do not even have to try to go on a date, because it will lead to nothing. Even if the gods are in my favor and I find someone who is also asexual, I will always ask myself: "Is he only acting interested, because he does not want to be alone as well?"

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daveb
1 hour ago, TheLastOfSheila said:
14 hours ago, will123 said:

Heck I didn't really make any attempt to have a girlfriend, so I'm really puzzled when I read this ^

Why puzzled? 

Also, some aces are romantic and wanted romantic relationships (which also, all too often meant some pressure to engage in sex as well - which is not to say the pressure was purely external nor ill-intentioned). I wanted (or thought I wanted) a girlfriend, and always thought that would also eventually lead to sex. Without the knowledge of asexuality and the knowledge of sex I have now I didn't really know I wouldn't want sex once it was available.

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funfetti

29-30. A lot of googling/research. Found the demisexual tumblr then found AVEN.

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borkfork

One day I was cleaning out my bathroom cabinets and in the back was this little...

 

I think I was 26 the first time I looked it up. 

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Filmfan

Back around 2000, my co-workers kept giving me a hard time because I wasn't as man-crazy as they were. Finally, I said out of frustration, "From now on, just think of me as asexual!" It was probably a few years later that I looked that up and found out that it was a likelihood.

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RobPal

I was 33 when I finally decided to google the term "non-sexual" which I'd been considering as a label for a few years before. I was surprised to find out there were many more like me than I thought and there was an actual name for it. Everything changed for me internally on that day, for the better.

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ben8884

I was about 26 when I realised I had no interest in sex but I was 31 before I researched asexuality properly, I knew it was a thing before but had not looked into it.

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AlexanderPhilips

I found out when I was 19. I was talking with a friend because I had just narrowly avoided having my first kiss, so I was trying to figure out why I hadn't wanted to kiss the person. This led to a far deeper conversation than what would usually be expected between two people who had only known each other a few weeks. He was from a much more liberal area and knew more terms than I did. He was the one who first planted the idea that I was ace, then I did some research myself and agreed.

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Muledeer

About ten years ago....so I was 44 when I first learned about it. 

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Retronaut

I was 36!

 

In earlier life I'd assumed I was heterosexual by default / lack of awareness / lack of any real thought. But I'd noticed there wasn't much difference in how I felt about men or women. I knew that what I felt for them wasn't much in a sexual sense (with hindsight not any - I didn't know about romantic orientation as opposed to sexual, and my goodness do I fall in love like a little schoolgirl!!) but didn't know there was any such think as asexuality. So I identified as bisexual from age 30ish.

 

As daft as it sounds now, you often don't realise that you can identify a certain way unless there is already a word for it, and some feelings (or lack of) got brushed under the carpet - a shame really.

 

While on an LGB forum someone happened to mention asexuality and it didn't really register at the time, but as time went by I started feeling the bisexual label didn't quite fit. Something must have called that person's post to mind and at 34 I first found Aven. It took two years of bouncing ideas round in my mind and seeing how they fit me before I finally sussed myself out.

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Elizabetsy

I was in my mid 30s. I just never heard it was an option before then and always assumed there was something wrong with me. Drinking helped with casual encounters because that was what I felt I was supposed to do, though the mechanics of sex have always seemed pretty ridiculous to me (and so much nudity involved!).

I'd never been in a long term relationship until right before  (ugh that was miserable, so much confusion for both of us) and right after (also confusing and frustrating as we were trying a minimal sex thing to see if that would be okay with me. It wasn't) I came out as an asexual. Now I'm very happy all on my own. 

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Midland Tyke

@Elizabetsy

 

Thanks for sharing. Everyone here is enriched and strengthened by every new sharing.

 

Have some cake!

 

:cake::cake:

 

It would be bigger and better cake if I'd cracked the technology, but I haven't.

 

 

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will123
46 minutes ago, Midland Tyke said:

@Elizabetsy

 

Thanks for sharing. Everyone here is enriched and strengthened by every new sharing.

 

Have some cake!

 

:cake::cake:

 

It would be bigger and better cake if I'd cracked the technology, but I haven't.

 

 

Your welcome!

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Yinlotus93

about 2-3 years ago because my best friend started calling me it (asexual) and comparing me to Sheldon Cooper due to my long time openness about lack of interest/sometimes repulsion of things that were sexual. Eventually I look up the term, find informational documentaries, AVEN and now I'm here. 

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Fulie

I was definitely still in high school when I realized that I am asexual. I was around 17 when I realized that I truly was ace. I struggled with the fact that I am. I've accepted it fully now, but I think coming out is something I have yet to do. I don't think I'm ready for that yet 😔. 

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity

Honestly? Uhm..37 :P Just a few months ago. It was pretty hard to face and deal with it at the beginning but I'm glad I got through thanks to a lot of very patient, experienced people.

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happilyirrelevant

17! Which also happens to be my current age haha. 

(sorry just realized this was in the older asexuals forum, I didn't notice that at first! Ignore me please.)

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Woef
2 minutes ago, happilyirrelevant said:

17! Which also happens to be my current age haha. 

Me too! :D:cake:

 

Edit: I now see this is the older asexuals thread, sorry!

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity
1 minute ago, Skye2870 said:

Me too! :D:cake:

Welcome to the newbie ace club :D As for myself....it's never too late to find your true self.

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Midland Tyke

@Skye2870

@happilyirrelevant

 

I started this thread, and as far as I'm concerned you are very welcome here. Despite your ridiculous youthfulness :D. Youth - we can just about remember it...

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davprec

When I was 13 (some 67 years ago) and started to wonder about masturbation a friend  told me I should fantasize about someone to do it. I tried thinking of some movie actresses or girls I knew but it didn't affect me. So then I thought maybe I liked boys better so I fantasized on sports heroes or movie actors but that didn't work either. I found I just enjoyed the act. I then described myself as non-sexual which usually brought skepticism from my family and friends including girls I dated. I thought asexuality was a biological term that referred to creatures that reproduced without sex.  I lived most of my life thinking that explained what I was until some 17 years ago I stumbled on to the concept of asexuality and discovered that that defined me. I use the term now when someone asks about my sexual orientation.

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MorganLaFey

Just recently, so 36.  (Hi! I'm new here!)
Like a previous person, I liked guys and girls so I considered myself bi, because the only options were gay, straight, or bi back in the day.  Then the term pansexual came about, and I thought, "yeah, that sounds more like me."  I don't care about a person's gender when it comes to falling in love.  But then I realized that I also don't want to have sex with any of them.  lol.  So I'd say I'm panromantic and asexual.  People sometimes get annoyed at all of the "new labels" floating around, but sometimes having a name for something can help you figure out who you are better.  It certainly makes it easier to use Google to find other people like yourself. :)
 

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Little Owl

About 30 or so, maybe a bit earlier. That is when I came across the term. I knew I was a bit different all through my teens because I wasn't interested in other people in the same way my friends were. They were commenting on boys and men and their butts and I was just perplexed, a posterior is just a posterior, what could be so special about it? Or a particular singer or actor? Trying to think about other people that way just felt and still feels so uncomfortable.

I have labled myself as bi as well because it seemed that I was equally (un)interested in either or all sexes and genders. I did get married in my mid twenties though and still am, so I suppose I am some sort of romantic even though most popular culture romance just makes me really uncomfortable, and we have children. I used to be here on AVEN before but life has been happening (illness in family) I just returned to the site. (Hi!)

Now at 35 I'm ok being a married polyamorous ace who has sex. It can be nice but it is not necessary for me in the same way it is for my husband. read: for me it is not necessary at all.

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Midland Tyke
20 minutes ago, Little Owl said:

but life has been happening (illness in family)

sorry to hear that. Hope it pans out well.

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TKorrigan

I discovered the term for it a year or two ago and I'm 42 now. I had been single for a long time though because of the pressure of sex in a relationship. I was married at one time and had kids because I felt like it was my familial duty to bring offspring in the world. Fortunately, that was in my 20's while I had a little bit of a sex drive otherwise I don't think I ever would have had kids and I love hanging out with them now that they are all older. I never dated while in school and it wasn't until I was finally 19 that I ended up in a relationship, I was the weird friend that was single through all of middle and high school.

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vervain
On 22/04/2017 at 4:14 PM, Retronaut said:

As daft as it sounds now, you often don't realise that you can identify a certain way unless there is already a word for it, and some feelings (or lack of) got brushed under the carpet - a shame really.

 

This happened to me too, coupled with the prevalence of the "late bloomer" stereotype.  I got to just-turned-25 still vaguely assuming one day I would grow up into a heterosexual person because that's what most people seemed to do (the fact that most people are conscious of attraction-preferences well before then had rather passed me by, as had the fact that I just didn't think about this stuff at all -- at 23 a friend asked if I was gay or straight, the question came as a real surprise because I was used to other people having orientations and relationships but I had never properly thought about it happening to me, so I said right out I had no idea at all).  It was staring me in the face all the time, I just wouldn't see it because I didn't know about it being a proper valid definitive thing.

 

I had the immense good fortune to overhear a question about whether one need be LGBT to count as queer.  I wondered what on earth else one could be.  I googled. 

 

AHA.

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Velma

I didn't know the word for it, but I knew I wasn't straight. I didn't know I wasn't finding people sexually attractive until I got old enough to have physical contact. I'd only "put out" to snag someone and then I'd forget about sex and they'd get mad and dump me.  

 

-- 

 

It wasn't until very recently that I even considered that I might be aroace. I'm saving details of that and putting it in the aro forum. But I'll just say, it's SO awesome to find out my "crushes" weren't inappropriate and creepy. They were just super strong platonic feelings. I don't have to hide getting giddy and excited when I talk to certain friends. I don't have to feel guilty and confused. And I can finally clear my head and say, "Most people don't fantasize about playing board games and watching documentaries with their crush..." like.. why didn't I clue in on THAT?

 

 

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Little Owl
7 hours ago, Velma said:

 "Most people don't fantasize about playing board games and watching documentaries with their crush..."

 

 

Wait... they don't? Doing things together or just sharing a space while doing our respective things (painting, writing, playing on the computer, reading...) is pretty much what I dream about, and what I'm happy to have with my husband. And boardgames of course, we play those too.

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Little Owl
On 09/05/2017 at 1:17 PM, Midland Tyke said:

sorry to hear that. Hope it pans out well.

It's treatable even though there is no cure for it at the moment, so it's ok, just one of those stresses life throws at us.

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