How old were you when you found asexuality?

[will123]

On 1/16/2022 at 3:31 PM, scientificsmile said:

My exact experience! I thought that because I didn't feel attracted to guys like my friends did, I must by mutual exclusion be a lesbian. Fast forward to actually dating women and absolutely hating anything physical with them. So here I am! 

Most of you know that I was 44 (60 now). Prior to finding out about asexuality, I thought I was straight because I had female friends and was attracted to the female body, while on the other hand I had no romantic or sexual interest in males.

[Itsa me a person]

I actually found out about me being ace not to long ago, I was 16 and I'm almost 18 now. But I found out about asexuality in general a little bit earlier, like 15 or 14 I believe. 

[kashfy]

I discovered asexuality when i was about 16, figured out about my asexual identity that year and now I'm past 17.

[ivyolddog]

Hi there - I’m new here, having only found this site yesterday.  I’m a 57 year old woman, I always knew I was different from my teens.  I liked boys but kept my distance, at uni I got a bit of a reputation as a tease as I would get on well with a guy, then he’d make a move on me and I’d back off quickly.  Eventually any guy chatting me up would be sent packing - there’d always be the voice in my head ‘oh no, get rid of him, he’ll want sex’ - just when he had only said hello!  I wondered a long time what was wrong with me, if anyone asked me about relationships I’d say ‘I’m not interested’.  I always longed for a romantic friendship with a guy, but knew that wouldn’t be likely to happen, as there would have to be sex at some point.  It is only in the last few years with all the different discussions about gender/sexual identity did I start thinking about asexuality, then I realised this was me, and there are others out there like me.  I’m a bit confused by all the different descriptors, there seem so many.  In the last year or so I have started describing myself as ‘straight asexual’ on those equality monitoring questions they have on surveys.

[Skycaptain]

@ivyolddog, welcome to AVEN 🍰🍰

[J. van Deijck]

I was in my 20s, I think. Prior to that I was wondering what's wrong with me that I liked other boys, but the thought about doing anything sexual with them was making me uneasy.

[Tyke]

14 hours ago, ivyolddog said:

Hi there - I’m new here, having only found this site yesterday.  I’m a 57 year old woman, I always knew I was different from my teens.  I liked boys but kept my distance, at uni I got a bit of a reputation as a tease as I would get on well with a guy, then he’d make a move on me and I’d back off quickly.  Eventually any guy chatting me up would be sent packing - there’d always be the voice in my head ‘oh no, get rid of him, he’ll want sex’ - just when he had only said hello!  I wondered a long time what was wrong with me, if anyone asked me about relationships I’d say ‘I’m not interested’.  I always longed for a romantic friendship with a guy, but knew that wouldn’t be likely to happen, as there would have to be sex at some point.  It is only in the last few years with all the different discussions about gender/sexual identity did I start thinking about asexuality, then I realised this was me, and there are others out there like me.  I’m a bit confused by all the different descriptors, there seem so many.  In the last year or so I have started describing myself as ‘straight asexual’ on those equality monitoring questions they have on surveys.

Welcome! I hope you find this site a source of as much fun and education as I have. Do have some 🍰

[DanM27]

I’m not sure how old I was when I discovered the term asexuality. I’ve always thought I was not into sex since I was young as I just never got the fascination with it. Friends used to always mention dating sites but I could never do it. People used to flirt with me too but I actually always found it uncomfortable. I had girlfriends when I was a kid and I kissed them but when I was older I just didn’t really look. I dated and slept with one girl about 7 years ago but I struggled a lot during sex and looking back, I realised that I wasn’t attracted in a sexual way at all. I tried making a post on Reddit last year and made some friends, I sexted with people but I got hurt by a few people. I watched my best friend discover his asexuality and it confirmed to me that I was the same. I realised myself earlier this year as I knew then I didn’t want to have sex with people. I summed up my asexuality by saying “I get way more excited by the latest Mario game coming out than sex”. It’s just not for me and it’s always been there.

[Sleepy Otter]

I was 41, and found Aven’s “You might be an Asexual if” checklist. That was a few years ago.  As much as I curse the internet sometimes, if it weren’t for Aven, I might not have the manual for my operating system…

[will123]

On 4/2/2022 at 12:14 PM, Skycaptain said:

@ivyolddog, welcome to AVEN 🍰🍰

X2

[Richie Fashion Cat]

I didn't identify with being ACE till this year about 3 weeks before i turned 45.

I Identified with being Asexual at around 28 and remember making it a plan to not have any more romantic/sexual relationships.  But assumed i was weird/broken so I tried to avoid discussing it at all. The problem is  most of the people i have shared it with over the years assume its abuse/low libido/mental health issue and i have gone along with that explanation rather than set any boundaries. 

That being said I was happy being asexual for most of my 30s  and just keeping it mainly to myself. - I checked it out, i remember David Jay Campaigning a few years back, and checking AVEN out-  but didn't identify with Ace community it just seemed like a "trend". Glad to know now though, its fascinating us older aces are finding out asexuality from our younger peers that's got to be a singular thing in human culture. Many other languages use multiple words to express some of the different concepts that in English are denoted as "love" its interesting this community has also done so .

 

 

[will123]

On 4/9/2022 at 4:40 AM, Richie Fashion Cat said:

I didn't identify with being ACE till this year about 3 weeks before i turned 45.

I Identified with being Asexual at around 28 and remember making it a plan to not have any more romantic/sexual relationships.  But assumed i was weird/broken so I tried to avoid discussing it at all. The problem is  most of the people i have shared it with over the years assume its abuse/low libido/mental health issue and i have gone along with that explanation rather than set any boundaries. 

That being said I was happy being asexual for most of my 30s  and just keeping it mainly to myself. - I checked it out, i remember David Jay Campaigning a few years back, and checking AVEN out-  but didn't identify with Ace community it just seemed like a "trend". Glad to know now though, its fascinating us older aces are finding out asexuality from our younger peers that's got to be a singular thing in human culture. Many other languages use multiple words to express some of the different concepts that in English are denoted as "love" its interesting this community has also done so .

 

 

I found out about asexuality and AVEN back in 2005. I surfed around the forum for a couple of hours, but never thought enough to sign up. I am on other forums for activities I take part in, but never thought it was necessary to join AVEN. On a lark (possibly running out of places to look) one night online, I Googled AVEN forum to see if it was still around. Much to my surprise it was and this time I did sign up.

[Richie Fashion Cat]

yeah AVEn is not normally my kinda forum - its a bit "fluffy" and im not normally into self help/self exploratory stuff. BUT thats me thinking i'm too hardcore or extreme for most things and not getting what its really there for. I like the fact that most other aces are so different theres no "ace stereotype"  so yeah we need a nice fluffy forum so we can compare notes and sound off. I like the activism side im trying to get creative and make some stuff myself raise awareness for my ace community - it doesnt have to always be 300 BPM terror Tekno

[rainbowocollie]

I was 16 I think. One of my friends on deviantart said they were asexual, so I googled it to find out what that meant. At the time it didn't resonate with me and I thought that since I had an interest in reading fanfic erotica that it couldn't apply to me. 

[MellyL]

I was in my teens (40 years ago) when I first called myself asexual but it wasn’t regarding my sexuality, it was for my personality - because I have many interests that are considered “male” interests but I am female.
 

Sexually, over the years, I just thought I was broken. I told doctors and therapists, and anyone else, that I didn’t feel desire. They/we explored everything such as hormones, past homelife history (we didn’t call it trauma then) and homosexuality but I’ve never found the answer or been “fixed” of the problem.

 

Finally, thanks to the openly aware Millenials and GenZ and younger crowd, there is such a more accepting and allowing of differences so that now, at 54, I’m understanding that I’m not broken, just ace and aro with a well-rounded list of interests that are un-constrained by societal gender expectations.😌

[Tyke]

4 hours ago, MellyL said:

Finally, thanks to the openly aware Millenials and GenZ and younger crowd, there is such a more accepting and allowing of differences so that now, at 54, I’m understanding that I’m not broken, just ace and aro with a well-rounded list of interests that are un-constrained by societal gender expectations.😌

That must have been a great moment of relief, release and a bit of sadness at time lost spent looking for an unneeded 'solution'.

 

I didn't spend as long looking for that solution as it sounds you did, but otherwise quite a similar story to yours. I was never massivley unhappy but have definitely been more relaxed since coming here. I hope you have the same experience.

[will123]

On 5/2/2022 at 12:30 PM, Tyke said:

That must have been a great moment of relief, release and a bit of sadness at time lost spent looking for an unneeded 'solution'.

 

I didn't spend as long looking for that solution as it sounds you did, but otherwise quite a similar story to yours. I was never massivley unhappy but have definitely been more relaxed since coming here. I hope you have the same experience.

In my case at 44, that was a huge weight off my shoulders to find out about asexuality. I never thought I was broken or different. By default I thought I was straight (not interested in guys). I just figured my lack of sex or romantic partners into me not putting any effort into the matter.

[MinnieMouse]

I’m 35 and heard about asexuality for the first time a couple of years ago. I didn’t identify as ace immediately since I read that asexuality was only about feeling no sexual attraction, and had nothing to do with sexual behaviour or low libido. Therefore I thought I couldn’t be asexual, ’cause for me my non-sexual life wasn’t only about attraction but with action and low libido as well. Then I learned that there was a wide range of identities on the asexual spectrum, and it made me understand  that I might be asexual after all. I found out there was something called apothisexual (or sex-repulsed) and I felt like ”Yep, this is me”. I’ve now identified as asexual since 2021. 

[MellyL]

On 5/2/2022 at 12:30 PM, Tyke said:

That must have been a great moment of relief, release and a bit of sadness at time lost spent looking for an unneeded 'solution'.

Hi Tyke,

 

Yes, it definitely was a relief combined with sadness about the lost time and the self-pathologizing (which I still find myself doing from time-to-time, thinking there must be some relational trauma that caused it. But that's for another thread!)

 

Yes, I *do* feel more relaxed knowing this group of like-minded people is here -- and even moreso now that I'm interacting and not just lurking!😉 

[chillbro258]

14

[EllieAly]

22. I found out about it from a friend at college and after she explained it, I was like "OH! that's me."

[rainbowocollie]

16 or so. I saw it on someone's dA page and looked it up. I didn't consider myself ace until I was like 28.

[smellincoffee]

21 or so. A friend of mine and I were having a discussion over AIM (AOL Instant Messenger, for you younguns. It was a thing we did before facebook messenger existed), and she suggested I might be asexual. I looked into it via Google  and have been in the area since.

[Sally]

I found out about asexuality when I was close to 60, after a marriage and a partnership.  I knew that I didn't want to have sex when I was 15 and never changed my mind.  

[Zoeo]

I was 26. I vaguely knew of it beforehand but never considered it. Watched Bojack Horseman and thought "oh".

[Dreamfyre]

I was 16 years old but somehow knew since I was 5 now I am an adult.

[nickolekuebler]

I was about 29 or 30 when I started to understand it and realize that I fit here. But I suppose I am kind of late to the party for everything in my life, I did not even come out as trans until I was 27. Now I finally feel more like myself since I have accepted these parts of myself!! 

[daveb]

That's "late to the party"?  

[ChipmunksBeCute]

I started to notice I was different in my early 20s but didn't discover asexuality until I was 25 via a BBC article.  Wish I had found out sooner, because my mental health was not great at the time, in part from not knowing it existed.  Been over 10 years and I am in a much better spot now.

[will123]

1 hour ago, daveb said:

That's "late to the party"?  

I wonder what they'd think of 44? 😉