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Midland Tyke

How old were you when you found asexuality?

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Linda60

I was scrolling through the news on my phone and a gray, black, white, and purple flag appeared with an article on Asexuality Awareness Week.  I was just dumbfounded when I saw the flag.  There's a flag for that!?  I immediately recognized myself, especially after buying Julie Sondra Decker’s The Invisible Orientation - An Introduction to Asexuality.  I knew I was different from about age 7 but not just how I was different.  I started puberty at age 17 and my mother was worried and shaming.  My sisters, younger and older, all hit puberty at 12 or 13.  Fortunately, I had a father who was kind to me and told me I was one of his favorite people in the world.  He was vocal about iconoclasm and prized introversion (I'm also an introvert).  He was a college professor and author and very intelligent and his little morsel of acceptance allowed me to have a little courage.  I had 2 marriages (with an 18 year break between them).  Both were really hard.  I found Decker's book, this website, and the word "asexual" at age 60.  It has helped me a great deal to understand myself and have a deeper compassion for myself.  Some day, in several decades perhaps, asexuality will be a topic taught in sex education class, people will be able to identify with this orientation and not be assumed to be ill.  I went through a lot of bullshit that never had to happen if the world (including myself) accepted who I was and that asexuality is an orientation and, as such, is enduring, a mature state, and not in need of fixing.

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will123
2 hours ago, Linda60 said:

 I started puberty at age 17 and my mother was worried and shaming.  My sisters, younger and older, all hit puberty at 12 or 13. 

 

Some day, in several decades perhaps, asexuality will be a topic taught in sex education class, people will be able to identify with this orientation and not be assumed to be ill.

 

  I went through a lot of bullshit that never had to happen if the world (including myself) accepted who I was and that asexuality is an orientation and, as such, is enduring, a mature state, and not in need of fixing.

On the first part, I hadn't heard of a person not hitting puberty until their late teens.

 

We can only hope that it comes sooner rather than later. Part of my motivation for coming out to a few close friends about being asexual (besides it being MY identity) is so that at least they (even a small group) would know that there are some people that aren't hetero', homo' or bisexual and that they have no sexual attraction to others.

 

I wouldn't call what I went thru before identifying as asexual as 'bullshit', but had I known about asexuality sooner in my life, it would've saved me some grief in my personal life.

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Linda60

People do start puberty at 17.   My mother took me to the doctor when I was 16.  I was one of 7 children and we NEVER went to the doctor so it was an unusual event.  I remember it well.  I had not started developing or had a period.  My older and younger sisters had had periods and breasts for years.  The doctor said, “I’ve seen an absence of puberty in a girl this age once before in my practice, in a patient with Turner’s syndrome.”

 

I didn’t know what Turner’s syndrome was, but guessed, by the doctor’s manner, that it was a disastrous situation that compelled medical assistance.  The doctor was comforted by the fact that my sisters were “normal.”  He suggested waiting a year.  If, by then, I did not start menstruating, he would perform an internal exam.  My mother and I did not talk on the way home but I was peripherally aware of her.  I felt her shame and pity fan the flames of my secret fear that I was unlovable.  I began my gradual descent into doubting my own reality, losing faith in my own perceptions, suspecting there was a defect in my body’s structure or personality that prevented me from fulfilling my potential as a human being. At seventeen, I had my first period, which was normal and appropriate for me.  It was late but not THAT late.  On the outer edge of the bell curve.  I know this is personal stuff, but, for me, I think this was a "marker" of my asexuality.  Thank God I had a father who always told me how wonderful I was.  It was his acceptance of my being different that made all the difference.  By the way, I don't have Turner's syndrome, or any other disorder.  I am a healthy, happy, sober, mature, employed, home owning, tax paying, parent of two, asexual.😊

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daveb
1 hour ago, Linda60 said:

Thank God I had a father who always told me how wonderful I was.  It was his acceptance of my being different that made all the difference.  By the way, I don't have Turner's syndrome, or any other disorder.  I am a healthy, happy, sober, mature, employed, home owning, tax paying, parent of two, asexual.😊

I'm glad you had such a good father and glad for your last sentence, too! :cake: 

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Midland Tyke
9 hours ago, daveb said:

I'm glad you had such a good father and glad for your last sentence, too! :cake: 

Just what I was thinking! It's a great affirmation by @Linda60, isn't it? Welcome to you, :cake:

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Paca ermito

I first recognized that I was not interested in sex in my late teens, and was absolutely certain by my early twenties, but back in the 1980s we didn't have a word for it.  I don't remember now if I first encountered the contemporary use of "asexual" on Youtube or in a web comic.  I know that I encountered it in both places around the same time a few years ago.  Honestly, I'm at a point in my life now where I mostly don't feel the need to go around declaring a label for myself--my friends and family know that I've been completely celibate for more than 20 years now, and they have long ago come to their own conclusions.  Still, it is nice to know that there is a label that is continuing to gain acceptance that does fit me, and it was nice to find this community.

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Andrea KF

I've never been pursuing sex with anybody,

 

I was in my 20s when I first heard the term Asexuality, but not until I was 34 I realised the definition of not feeling sexual attraction (even if You have a libido) fitted me almost perfectly.

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