How old were you when you found asexuality?

[DogObsessedLi]

I only found out about asexuality this May. Suddenly it all makes sense! I've only very recently worked out my romantic orientation also as that took longer. If only I knew I was demiromantic ace back in high school it would have saved a tonne of heartbreak. Knowing the difference between a squish and a crush also would have helped! But back in my day, if you had any interest at all in anyone you were sexually attracted to them 🙄. At least I now have answers to many of the confusing experiences I've had.

[Gone Boy]

Only recently found out I was ASexual. never knew that there was a term for it and I'm 54. I just knew I was not that into sex as others were.

[Tyke]

2 hours ago, Foo Dog said:

Only recently found out I was ASexual. never knew that there was a term for it and I'm 54. I just knew I was not that into sex as others were.

You beat me to it! I've only been here about 2 years. It's a fun place, very social. I've made lots of new friends and acquaintances

[will123]

5 hours ago, Foo Dog said:

Only recently found out I was ASexual. never knew that there was a term for it and I'm 54. I just knew I was not that into sex as others were.

Welcome to AVEN 🍰 I'm sort of saddened that it took you so long to find out. I was 44 when I discovered asexuality and was so relieved.

[Gone Boy]

Hi will123. thanks for the welcome. Never mind I wouldn't be me that I am had I not gone through the journey I have been on.

[kumiko_itoe]

I knew I was different around 13 as all the girls my age were having raging hormones. Thought I was a late bloomer  (but I hit puberty at 9years old while my friends at 12-13 years old). Found the term Asexuality at 16 when it came out in the papers and my mom waved it in front me telling me she thinks that is me and to check out the AVEN website. 

[Tyke]

6 hours ago, kumiko_itoe said:

I knew I was different around 13 as all the girls my age were having raging hormones. Thought I was a late bloomer  (but I hit puberty at 9years old while my friends at 12-13 years old). Found the term Asexuality at 16 when it came out in the papers and my mom waved it in front me telling me she thinks that is me and to check out the AVEN website. 

Wow! Your Mum is a true hero. Not many people here have had your journey.

[UkeNut]

I always thought there was something wrong with me that needed fixing. I've never been interested in sex.  Just found out about asexuality a few months ago (I'm 42).  

[Nick2]

56.

[kumiko_itoe]

On 4/14/2019 at 5:22 PM, Midland Tyke said:

Wow! Your Mum is a true hero. Not many people here have had your journey.

@Midland Tyke I agree. I am very lucky. Then again my mom is also asexual but she had no clue what was going on.

So it was a huge thing for her too. 

[sunflxwer]

 

On 4/13/2019 at 11:00 PM, kumiko_itoe said:

 

I knew I was different around 13 as all the girls my age were having raging hormones.

 

mood. i knew something was different around 13 as well. then i found the term ace when i was 14.

[will123]

11 minutes ago, sunflxwer said:

 

mood. i knew something was different around 13 as well. then i found the term ace when i was 14.

I'm so envious!

 

I was 14 in 1975, does anyone know if people were aware of asexuality way back then? I had no interest in having a girlfriend or dating in high school. I just thought I'd figure it out later...

[kumiko_itoe]

7 minutes ago, sunflxwer said:

 

mood. i knew something was different around 13 as well. then i found the term ace when i was 14.

Oh you're lucky dear. Everyone in school thought there was something wrong with me. I used to bring romance novels to school to read during break time but I had no reaction while my friends would get all "Crazy"

[kumiko_itoe]

3 minutes ago, will123 said:

I'm so envious!

 

I was 14 in 1975, does anyone know if people were aware of asexuality way back then?

I don't think it was known yet then.

My mom often told me that if she had known she is asexual before 1980, she would most probably not have had me. 

[will123]

6 minutes ago, kumiko_itoe said:

 

My mom often told me that if she had known she is asexual before 1980, she would most probably not have had me. 

That is sad.

 

My reasoning for wishing I knew earlier (like in my 20s) is that I would've avoided trying to be heterosexual when I clearly didn't know what I was doing...

[kumiko_itoe]

1 minute ago, will123 said:

That is sad.

 

My reasoning for wishing I knew earlier (like in my 20s) is that I would've avoided trying to be heterosexual when I clearly didn't know what I was doing...

Perhaps my mom and I are a little eccentric. We believe that if one is to be born and we are meant to be mother and daughter, it would have happened anyway - perhaps I may not have been her biological daughter and she would have adopted me. 

 

My mom wishes she knew earlier too so she could avoid the need of feeling guilty for not being able to enjoy the act as expected to. 

[Tyke]

12 hours ago, will123 said:

I'm so envious!

 

I was 14 in 1975, does anyone know if people were aware of asexuality way back then? I had no interest in having a girlfriend or dating in high school. I just thought I'd figure it out later...

I was even older in 1975. By contrast I did want a girlfriend, because I'm not aromantic and it was the norm to be in a relationship. But it was years later before I heard the term asexual and all the relationships I'd managed to start floundered because "they weren't going anywhere". I heard this last phrase from women more than once. Even then it didn't twig what they were missing. Sigh....

[ryn2]

7 minutes ago, Midland Tyke said:

I was even older in 1975. By contrast I did want a girlfriend, because I'm not aromantic and it was the norm to be in a relationship. But it was years later before I heard the term asexual and all the relationships I'd managed to start floundered because "they weren't going anywhere". I heard this last phrase from women more than once. Even then it didn't twig what they were missing. Sigh....

I was a tween in 1975 and am also not aromantic, so I have a long history of failed relationships behind me.  

[Tyke]

12 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

I was a tween in 1975 and am also not aromantic, so I have a long history of failed relationships behind me.  

We should have met way back then! Although I'm a decade older than you? So maybe not in the 70s 😲

[ryn2]

14 minutes ago, Midland Tyke said:

We should have met way back then! Although I'm a decade older than you? So maybe not in the 70s 😲

People would have jumped to unfounded conclusions.  XD

[daveb]

47 minutes ago, Midland Tyke said:

I was even older in 1975. By contrast I did want a girlfriend, because I'm not aromantic and it was the norm to be in a relationship. But it was years later before I heard the term asexual and all the relationships I'd managed to start floundered because "they weren't going anywhere". I heard this last phrase from women more than once. Even then it didn't twig what they were missing. Sigh....

Similar story here. Except I was so shy I rarely asked anyone out, and managed to not have any relationships until I was nearly 50 years old.

[kiaroskuro]

I think I first heard of the term asexual when I was in my early 20s. It caught my attention, but back then I didn't care to join any forum, neither was I interested in learning more about asexuality, because for some reason I associated it with 'absolute beginners': people over the age of 20 (or older?) who never had a relationship or sex. And those people - who I imagined to be desperate for a relationship and sex - always seemed kind of pathetic to me, if I'm being honest. Besides, I wasn't interested in any of these things.

 

But a couple of years ago I finally found AVEN and everything fell into place. 😊

[Allport]

15 hours ago, Midland Tyke said:

By contrast I did want a girlfriend, because I'm not aromantic and it was the norm to be in a relationship. But it was years later before I heard the term asexual and all the relationships I'd managed to start floundered because "they weren't going anywhere". I heard this last phrase from women more than once. Even then it didn't twig what they were missing. Sigh....

Yep, sounds familiar. In my case I had a well-spaced-out string of relationships that all broke down for reasons that were never clear - to me at least. Nobody was ever honest with me, and I resent that. But you can never tell what is in someone else's head, and you need to have a distinct formulation and a name for something like asexuality in order to be able to discuss it.

 

A.

 

[ryn2]

4 hours ago, Allport said:

Nobody was ever honest with me, and I resent that.

My experience was similar and I used to feel this way but, having spent a while here, I’ve heard a lot of sexual posters say that (especially absent an understanding of asexuality) a lack of sexual desire reads as having “fallen out of love” and that makes me wonder if my past partners might have been as honest as they knew how to be (about this, at least).

[Iam9man]

I first heard of asexuality at around age 18 and adopted it as a label for a while. I then determined I was heterosexual because I was romantically attracted to women. Queue around 15 years of being a heterosexual who didn’t particularly want or enjoy sex. Then I stumbled across AVEN and the rest is history.

[nerdography]

If first heard of Asexuality in my mid-20s, but I didn’t really start accepting that title until recently, I’m turning 35.

[robnrdbrd]

I think I first thought about it when someone accused me of being a 'monk' ... and, apart from not being religious, I didn't think it would be so bad a life!  

 

I started questioning in my early 30s when I first heard about the concept and probably didn't admit to myself that I was probably at least demi - but could be 'largely aromantic' - until my late 30s (just turned 40).  I told my best friend recently and it felt like a massive weight off my shoulders to admit it to someone. I did hint to a friend who wanted to hook up with me years ago that it might be a reason I wasn't interested in her, and was made to feel like there was something wrong with me so didn't talk to anyone else about it. I still feel my sexuality is no one's business and thankfully I don't get much family pressure. Friends don't ask or try and set me up with anyone either, and I love that they respect my privacy.

 

I'm open to a super-best-friend relationship with a woman if I should happen to meet someone that I click with on all the levels. But I am also comfortable with being alone for the rest of my life as well. I have great friends and never have needed a continuous emotional connection or touch (and certainly not sex). I also have an active life that keeps me busy and fulfilled (so no desire for kids either).

 

 

[will123]

3 minutes ago, robnrdbrd said:

I think I first thought about it when someone accused me of being a 'monk' ... and, apart from not being religious, I didn't think it would be so bad a life!  

 

I started questioning in my early 30s when I first heard about the concept and probably didn't admit to myself that I was probably at least demi - but could be 'largely aromantic' - until my late 30s (just turned 40).  I told my best friend recently and it felt like a massive weight off my shoulders to admit it to someone. I did hint to a friend who wanted to hook up with me years ago that it might be a reason I wasn't interested in her, and was made to feel like there was something wrong with me so didn't talk to anyone else about it. I still feel my sexuality is no one's business and thankfully I don't get much family pressure. Friends don't ask or try and set me up with anyone either, and I love that they respect my privacy.

 

I'm open to a super-best-friend relationship with a woman if I should happen to meet someone that I click with on all the levels. But I am also comfortable with being alone for the rest of my life as well. I have great friends and never have needed a continuous emotional connection or touch (and certainly not sex). I also have an active life that keeps me busy and fulfilled (so no desire for kids either).

That's how I felt after telling a friend. He was the first person I came out to. I had identified as asexual 12 years before. Since then I've told three other people. There are three maybe four more people that I want to tell that I'm aro ace.

 

Welcome to AVEN  

[robnrdbrd]

9 minutes ago, will123 said:

That's how I felt after telling a friend. He was the first person I came out to. I had identified as asexual 12 years before. Since then I've told three other people. There are three maybe four more people that I want to tell that I'm aro ace.

 

Welcome to AVEN  

 

Thanks!  I'm lucky to have some very close friends who are not just caring and open-minded heteros, but also some friends in the LGBT community are also aware of and more understanding of asexuality. It's also largely a conversation I don't really want to have with a lot of people because they'll no doubt follow with questions that'll force me to re-live various moments in my life that I'd rather not (awkward 'romantic' moments where I wasn't into it, the embarrassment of people wanting to set me up, having to delicately reject people interested in me, and me being 'interested' in others but not being clear about what I wanted - I've since learned that 'squish' seems to apply to pretty much everyone I've loved ... and some are now no longer friends with me because of how weird the undefinable connection became, which I regret deeply).  

 

 

[will123]

@robnrdbrd I've had the friends ask questions after I came out to them. I feel a bit nervous telling them initially, but then am very relaxed in telling them why I identify as asexual. The questioning is more of a curiousity about asexuality than a negative reaction.