How old were you when you found asexuality?

[will123]

12 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

And in a way that means something so different!

On a lark I entered 'asexual' in the Merriam Webster webpage:

 

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/asexual

 

Quote

Definition of asexual

1: lacking sex or functional sex organs 

• asexual plants

2a : involving or reproducing by reproductive processes (such as cell division, spore formation, fission (see ¹fission 2), or budding (see ²bud intransitive 3)) that do not involve the union of individuals or gametes 

• asexual reproduction, an asexual generation

b : produced by asexual reproduction asexual spores

 

3a : not involving, involved with, or relating to sex : devoid of sexuality an asexual relationship

b : not having sexual feelings toward others : not experiencing sexual desire or attraction

• In general, an asexual person does not feel or otherwise experience any sexual attraction, according to The Asexual Visibility & Education Network (AVEN). Basically, it is an inborn absence of sexual desire.—Lindsay E. Mack

4: not having or showing a particular sexual identity : neither male nor female

• … parents who first encounter the world of Pokemon through their youngsters may have no idea what this land of soft, rounded, asexual creatures is or what drives it.—Vince Horiuchi

— 

asexual

 noun, plural asexuals

• • Many asexuals still have romantic attractions—identifying themselves as straight, gay or bisexual romantic—form committed relationships and value all the non-sexual benefits of a partnership that sexual individuals enjoy. Minus the sex. —Lori A. Brotto

— 

asexuality

 play \ˌā-ˌsek-shə-ˈwa-lə-tē, -shü-ˈa-\ noun

— 

asexually

 play \(ˌ)ā-ˈsek-sh(ə-)wə-lē, -shü-ə-, -ˌsek-sh(ə-)lē\ adverb

 

[Amy94]

i've known I was not like the rest of the girls my class for a very long time, but I'd never heard the term asexual until I was twenty three [which i am now] and i remember immediately feeling relief 'i'm not mentally ill and there's other people like me' 

but later i felt angry that i went to a secondary school that had SPHE for all six years and i never even heard LGBTQIA issues mentioned at all

in fact i don't think i really got a full SPHE ['health' class] education. i learned it all anyway, but it still was a long time before  i knew what asexual was.

a friend of mine goes to a non religious school and she's told me her SPHE classes were very different and they sound much better - it makes me wish i went to her school.

[Tyke]

10 minutes ago, Amy94 said:

i've known I was not like the rest of the girls my class for a very long time, but I'd never heard the term asexual until I was twenty three [which i am now] and i remember immediately feeling relief 'i'm not mentally ill and there's other people like me' 

but later i felt angry that i went to a secondary school that had SPHE for all six years and i never even heard LGBTQIA issues mentioned at all

in fact i don't think i really got a full SPHE ['health' class] education. i learned it all anyway, but it still was a long time before  i knew what asexual was.

a friend of mine goes to a non religious school and she's told me her SPHE classes were very different and they sound much better - it makes me wish i went to her school.

Progress is being made, albeit slowly. Asexuality didn't exist as a concept (although no doubt there were asexual people) when I was your age. So getting it understood and discussed, accepted even, is going to take time. Some societies and groupings will be more open than others and, I'd guess that a conservative religious group is probably going to be one of the slowest to change. But education, in the broadest sense, is happening. And you've found AVEN! Which is a good thing, isn't it?

[Amy94]

15 minutes ago, Midland Tyke said:

Progress is being made, albeit slowly. Asexuality didn't exist as a concept (although no doubt there were asexual people) when I was your age. So getting it understood and discussed, accepted even, is going to take time. Some societies and groupings will be more open than others and, I'd guess that a conservative religious group is probably going to be one of the slowest to change. But education, in the broadest sense, is happening. And you've found AVEN! Which is a good thing, isn't it?

finding AVEN definitely was a big moment in my life. 

i live in ireland, and most of my family members are very religious and traditional. i can't imagine coming out to even my own mother, because i don't think she'd know what asexuality is, and if i tried to explain it to her she wouldn't think it was a real thing.

however, my own brother and sister are more up to date and seem to have a better understanding of these issues. 

my sister accidentally ended up in a pride parade last summer, and ended up staying in it for a few hours [she said they gave her rainbow cupcakes] but that was a rare event.

i know change is slow in ireland, but i feel like asexuality isn't a sexuality where there is a huge need to come out - i'm aromantic as well and i don't see myself ever really dating at all, so i don't think it will ever come up. 

however, progress is being made, and i try to focus on that - i remember when ireland voted on gay marriage, and leading up to it i was genuinely worried that it wouldn't be made legal. but that it did reminds me that progress is coming along, slowly but surely, and maybe one day there will be discussions and openess about asexuals and other lesser known orientations as well.

 

 

sorry this ended up being so long

[Tyke]

9 minutes ago, Amy94 said:

sorry this ended up being so long

it wasn't. No apology needed.

 

You are right in one sense about aromantics having less need to come out about their asexuality. But it would still be a lot easier if we didn't even have to think about whether we'd be accepted or understood, wouldn't it? Maybe the future will bring that. I hope so.

 

At 23 you will no doubt have already faced trial by 'who do you fancy?' 'Why don't you have a boyfriend yet?'. The questions will change over the years, but there will always be questions that would be best answered with a simple "I'm asexual". But until that is possible (and I don't do it myself) you'll learn ways to deflect. It's not great but there are a lot worse things to deal with in life. I hope you'll be fine. And I'm glad that finding here was a big moment. So many people have said the same, in this thread and all across the forum. Somewhere that feels like 'home' almost the moment you step in...

[will123]

1 hour ago, Amy94 said:

finding AVEN definitely was a big moment in my life. 

i live in ireland, and most of my family members are very religious and traditional. i can't imagine coming out to even my own mother, because i don't think she'd know what asexuality is, and if i tried to explain it to her she wouldn't think it was a real thing.

however, my own brother and sister are more up to date and seem to have a better understanding of these issues. 

my sister accidentally ended up in a pride parade last summer, and ended up staying in it for a few hours [she said they gave her rainbow cupcakes] but that was a rare event.

i know change is slow in ireland, but i feel like asexuality isn't a sexuality where there is a huge need to come out - i'm aromantic as well and i don't see myself ever really dating at all, so i don't think it will ever come up. 

however, progress is being made, and i try to focus on that - i remember when ireland voted on gay marriage, and leading up to it i was genuinely worried that it wouldn't be made legal. but that it did reminds me that progress is coming along, slowly but surely, and maybe one day there will be discussions and openess about asexuals and other lesser known orientations as well.

 

 

sorry this ended up being so long

No need to apologize! I can sometimes get long winded too. LOL

 

I know I cant come out to family as they aren't LGBT positive, so I know there is no point in telling them that I'm ace aro.

 

Tell me about dating when all you want to be is friends with a person.

[will123]

1 hour ago, Midland Tyke said:

it wasn't. No apology needed.

 

You are right in one sense about aromantics having less need to come out about their asexuality. But it would still be a lot easier if we didn't even have to think about whether we'd be accepted or understood, wouldn't it? Maybe the future will bring that. I hope so.

 

At 23 you will no doubt have already faced trial by 'who do you fancy?' 'Why don't you have a boyfriend yet?'. The questions will change over the years, but there will always be questions that would be best answered with a simple "I'm asexual". But until that is possible (and I don't do it myself) you'll learn ways to deflect. It's not great but there are a lot worse things to deal with in life. I hope you'll be fine. And I'm glad that finding here was a big moment. So many people have said the same, in this thread and all across the forum. Somewhere that feels like 'home' almost the moment you step in...

^What Midland said!

 

It took a 13 year gap for me to rediscover AVEN and when I did I jumped in with both feet.

[here_on_the_morrow]

On 3/17/2017 at 3:37 PM, Midland Tyke said:

I've always liked the look of women and just assumed that when others said that they 'fancied her' and she was pleasant to look at that my friends and I were experiencing the same thing. But no! It turns out (and how can I have missed this?) what they meant was that they would rather enjoy sex with the person involved. And as many times as possible!

This, exactly. I was 34 when i started researching asexuality and discovered the different types of attraction. I had no idea that other people were experiencing anything but aesthetic attraction, like i was! I was blown away when i found out. 

[Tyke]

52 minutes ago, abby83 said:

This, exactly. I was 34 when i started researching asexuality and discovered the different types of attraction. I had no idea that other people were experiencing anything but aesthetic attraction, like i was! I was blown away when i found out. 

It's good to know that others are, or have, experienced the same thing, isn't it?

[Amy94]

Does anyone else wish they went to a school where LGBTQIA topics were taught as part of the SPHE (health) classes to give all the students a better understanding?

I feel like that would have been invaluable to me (and probably lots of other students in my year as well) and it really could have helped a lot of people.

But where I live, discussions like that don't really happen.

That's why it's so hard to come out to people - they've never even heard the term 'aromantic' or 'asexual' before and they have no idea what it is or even that it exists.

It can be quite stressful at times. 

[Carlita71]

Just discovered there was a word for it last month and I'm 47. It's been difficult. I've been married and divorced twice and I have two adult children. I always thought I was broken! often talked about seeking hormone treatment to see if that would "fix" me. I even had a tubal ligation at 25 to see if that would "cure" my lack of sexual desire. But nope...here I am at 47 and I am so relieved there are others out there that have experienced the same. I am attracted to men but I lack the sexual drive that many like so to me sex is just a chore! lol

I am finally living alone (no kids at home even!) and I LOVE it! 

[Tyke]

1 hour ago, Carlita71 said:

Just discovered there was a word for it last month and I'm 47. It's been difficult. I've been married and divorced twice and I have two adult children. I always thought I was broken! often talked about seeking hormone treatment to see if that would "fix" me. I even had a tubal ligation at 25 to see if that would "cure" my lack of sexual desire. But nope...here I am at 47 and I am so relieved there are others out there that have experienced the same. I am attracted to men but I lack the sexual drive that many like so to me sex is just a chore! lol

I am finally living alone (no kids at home even!) and I LOVE it! 

Yeah! Welcome. I hope you'll like it here. I suspect you will.  is our adopted form of greeting. What could be better?

[will123]

@Carlita71 Welcome to AVEN. I was 44 when I found out about asexuality. Never interested in sex (still a virgin at 56) even though I had female friends.

[Abraxas]

I discovered the term asexuality about 9 or 10 years ago however it's only been very recently that I have been able to finally reconcile myself with the fact that the definition indeed fits me.  So, 45 years of age to reach an acceptance of who and what I am.

[m&m]

.

[dancingeologist]

I was 35 when I learned the term and started identifying as aro/ace. The older I got the more clear it became that I wasn't a "late bloomer" or a "have not meet the right person yet". At 34 I tried having a relationship for the first time but once I had tried cuddling, kissing and sex the curiosity was gone and I had no desire to try them again. For me it was like when I decide to eat something unusual out of curiosity. For example I knew I probably was not going to like eating crickets but when I was offered crickets I tried them out of curiosity to know what they taste like. Crickets aren't for me and I won't be eating them again.

 

I suppose in some ways I have always identified as aro/ace even though I didn't know the term until the last few years. When I was 20 my best friend asked me how I could go without sex and I responded that I'd never thought of having sex. When I was 25 a friend asked me if I was gay and I said I don't think so, I've never been interested in anyone.

[Tyke]

On 5/22/2018 at 4:40 AM, mzmolly65 said:

I would rather cook a meal together, knit, go for a hike or go work in the garden.

One of the things I miss most in solo-living is sharing a freshly cooked meal.

 

I love to hike, too. But doing that alone has never seemed to be a major disadvantage.

 

Both way better than sex, of course. Although I miss the occasional hug. 

[will123]

7 hours ago, dancingeologist said:

I was 35 when I learned the term and started identifying as aro/ace. The older I got the more clear it became that I wasn't a "late bloomer" or a "have not meet the right person yet". At 34 I tried having a relationship for the first time but once I had tried cuddling, kissing and sex the curiosity was gone and I had no desire to try them again. For me it was like when I decide to eat something unusual out of curiosity. For example I knew I probably was not going to like eating crickets but when I was offered crickets I tried them out of curiosity to know what they taste like. Crickets aren't for me and I won't be eating them again.

 

I suppose in some ways I have always identified as aro/ace even though I didn't know the term until the last few years. When I was 20 my best friend asked me how I could go without sex and I responded that I'd never thought of having sex. When I was 25 a friend asked me if I was gay and I said I don't think so, I've never been interested in anyone.

You thoughts are so close to mine. To me sexual activity is just that, an activity no different than sky diving or mountain climbing. If I never do those things it won't bother me in the least. 

 

I guess what puzzles sexuals is that the actual sex act is pretty simple yet we don't want to do it.

[ryn2]

4 minutes ago, will123 said:

I guess what puzzles sexuals is that the actual sex act is pretty simple yet we don't want to do it.

Eating crickets is pretty simple too.  

[ryn2]

I always wonder if it’s a case of not feeling the same things or of feeling them but just not liking them.  An example of the latter would be an adrenaline rush... it’s not that risk-seekers don’t feel it whereas panic-attack-sufferers do; it’s that one group enjoys the sensation and the other does not.

[m&m]

.

[ryn2]

I have quick thumbs!  

[will123]

6 hours ago, ryn2 said:

Eating crickets is pretty simple too.  

Big cricket 'farming' operation about half an hour south of where I live.

[will123]

5 hours ago, mzmolly65 said:

Actually I think they're more along the lines of .. "this is the best thing EVER .. how could you not want to do this?"  but it's only the best thing ever if your wiring says it is.  If your wiring says it's boring, awkward, painful and/or icky .. well then, why do that again?

Using your example I dont think my wiring was ever connected. I really have no way of describing partnered sex because I never experienced it. I guess you could say I felt no need to 'do it' with someone.

[ryn2]

2 hours ago, will123 said:

Big cricket 'farming' operation about half an hour south of where I live.

For people or animal consumption?

[will123]

42 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

For people or animal consumption?

People. I think they roast them and then grind them into protein powder.

[pickles.]

On 5/21/2018 at 8:40 PM, mzmolly65 said:

Everyone else seems to love having sex and I would rather cook a meal together, knit, go for a hike or go work in the garden.

 

12 hours ago, Midland Tyke said:

One of the things I miss most in solo-living is sharing a freshly cooked meal.

A huge YES to both of these.

 

17 hours ago, dancingeologist said:

Crickets aren't for me and I won't be eating them again.

Hahaha!

 

10 hours ago, will123 said:

I guess what puzzles sexuals is that the actual sex act is pretty simple yet we don't want to do it.

Simple?!?

[ryn2]

4 minutes ago, will123 said:

People. I think they roast them and then grind them into protein powder.

I forgot the original topic for a moment and thought you meant like soylent green.🤣

 

Soylent green is people!

[will123]

22 minutes ago, pickles mcgee said:

 

Simple?!?

I was implying that even the dumbest members of the species homo sapiens can figure out how to procreate. They may not know the square root of 16, but they sure can screw...

[will123]

18 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

I forgot the original topic for a moment and thought you meant like soylent green.🤣

 

Soylent green is people!

I remember as a kid when the movie came out, '70 or '71, but have never seen the entire movie.