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How old were you when you found asexuality?


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2 hours ago, Linda60 said:

 I started puberty at age 17 and my mother was worried and shaming.  My sisters, younger and older, all hit puberty at 12 or 13. 

 

Some day, in several decades perhaps, asexuality will be a topic taught in sex education class, people will be able to identify with this orientation and not be assumed to be ill.

 

  I went through a lot of bullshit that never had to happen if the world (including myself) accepted who I was and that asexuality is an orientation and, as such, is enduring, a mature state, and not in need of fixing.

On the first part, I hadn't heard of a person not hitting puberty until their late teens.

 

We can only hope that it comes sooner rather than later. Part of my motivation for coming out to a few close friends about being asexual (besides it being MY identity) is so that at least they (even a small group) would know that there are some people that aren't hetero', homo' or bisexual and that they have no sexual attraction to others.

 

I wouldn't call what I went thru before identifying as asexual as 'bullshit', but had I known about asexuality sooner in my life, it would've saved me some grief in my personal life.

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1 hour ago, Linda60 said:

Thank God I had a father who always told me how wonderful I was.  It was his acceptance of my being different that made all the difference.  By the way, I don't have Turner's syndrome, or any other disorder.  I am a healthy, happy, sober, mature, employed, home owning, tax paying, parent of two, asexual.😊

I'm glad you had such a good father and glad for your last sentence, too! :cake: 

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9 hours ago, daveb said:

I'm glad you had such a good father and glad for your last sentence, too! :cake: 

Just what I was thinking! It's a great affirmation by @Linda60, isn't it? Welcome to you, :cake:

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  • 1 month later...

I first recognized that I was not interested in sex in my late teens, and was absolutely certain by my early twenties, but back in the 1980s we didn't have a word for it.  I don't remember now if I first encountered the contemporary use of "asexual" on Youtube or in a web comic.  I know that I encountered it in both places around the same time a few years ago.  Honestly, I'm at a point in my life now where I mostly don't feel the need to go around declaring a label for myself--my friends and family know that I've been completely celibate for more than 20 years now, and they have long ago come to their own conclusions.  Still, it is nice to know that there is a label that is continuing to gain acceptance that does fit me, and it was nice to find this community.

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I've never been pursuing sex with anybody,

 

I was in my 20s when I first heard the term Asexuality, but not until I was 34 I realised the definition of not feeling sexual attraction (even if You have a libido) fitted me almost perfectly.

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  • 1 year later...
On 3/19/2017 at 3:53 PM, Guest Jetsun Milarepa said:

I only managed to put a name to it last year, oddly enough on 14th February, when I joined the site. I was 57. 

Same here I just turned 57 in March and finally put a name to what I have been not feeling. 

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I found asexuality a few years ago, but it's really only just now that I realized how much it applies to me.  Will be 73 in June.

2 shouldn't have been marriages (but I like my kids).  If I'd really gotten this 20 some years ago,  the really good relationship I had might not have ended (I thought you had to have sex in order for a relationship to be valid).   

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On 4/8/2021 at 10:13 AM, Quannie said:

I found asexuality a few years ago, but it's really only just now that I realized how much it applies to me.  Will be 73 in June.

2 shouldn't have been marriages (but I like my kids).  If I'd really gotten this 20 some years ago,  the really good relationship I had might not have ended (I thought you had to have sex in order for a relationship to be valid).   

Welcome to AVEN! I think for those of us of a certain, we aren't likely to delve into our identity. Add to the fact that aesxuality is pretty much unheard in mainstream media, a lot of people will never find out. I just stumbled onto the article (in my signature) one day in 2005. Since then I've only heard it mentioned once on a TV show. It was during an episode of NCIS a couple of years ago. I know, if you're familiar with the show, it would be the last one on TV that you would expect to mention asexuality.

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I first heard the word when I was around 18 - but I didn't think it really applied to me at the time.  I thought I was bisexual because I knew I was queer and I didn't know what else I should call it.  There weren't the resources around then that there are now to help me make sense of myself.

 

It took another 15 years before I finally learnt about the split attraction model and worked out where I fit within it - and that was a big deal for me, and I'm much happier for it.

 

I do so wish I had worked it out a lot earlier.  It would've saved a lot of anxiety and tough years wrestling with it.  But I'm so happy that young people these days don't have to wait as long as I did 🙂

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  • 2 weeks later...
SoulSolitude

I am 57.

 

I suppose I knew I was Ace for many years, but I did not want to accept it.  You try to make it work because you know being Ace is accepting loneliness. 

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10 minutes ago, SoulSolitude said:

I am 57.

 

I suppose I knew I was Ace for many years, but I did not want to accept it.  You try to make it work because you know being Ace is accepting loneliness

In some ways I have been solo all my life, but I am a sociable person. I guess I knew that I didn't need a partner to be happy. Later when I figured out was aro (that definitely was a facepalm moment) that made sense as well, since I knew in my early 20s (when friends were 'pairing' off) that I had no interest in having a girlfriend. 

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7 hours ago, SoulSolitude said:

I am 57.

 

I suppose I knew I was Ace for many years, but I did not want to accept it.  You try to make it work because you know being Ace is accepting loneliness. 

I think accepting your ace-ness is, if you aren't also aro and not interested, is a step on a path towards being less lonely. Finding friendship amongst like-minded people might be the way to go.

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I wouldn't say "accepting loneliness", so much as gaining the knowledge for finding friendship and companionship in ways that fit me better. :) 

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37 minutes ago, Twy said:

I am 34, so... 34.

Welcome to AVEN! :cake:

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1 minute ago, skal said:

29 😅

I'm jealous!

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I think 34-35? I'm 37 now. 

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1 hour ago, JaclynA said:

I think 34-35? I'm 37 now. 

Welcome to AVEN! :cake:

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@will123 my first cake! yay, thank you! Although I found the term a couple of years ago, I mostly ignored it and shoved it deep down. But then about a month ago I watched a Buzzfeed video featuring SEVERAL asexual people across the spectrum and basically cried. I dipped into the comment section of the video expecting the worst, but the comments were so wholesome and full of people expressing their joy at the video, and how it taught them something about themselves and the relief that came with it. I "liked" nearly all the comments and didn't want the party to stop so I jumped on AVEN, which was mentioned in the video! ❤️

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4 minutes ago, JaclynA said:

@will123 my first cake! yay, thank you! Although I found the term a couple of years ago, I mostly ignored it and shoved it deep down. But then about a month ago I watched a Buzzfeed video featuring SEVERAL asexual people across the spectrum and basically cried. I dipped into the comment section of the video expecting the worst, but the comments were so wholesome and full of people expressing their joy at the video, and how it taught them something about themselves and the relief that came with it. I "liked" nearly all the comments and didn't want the party to stop so I jumped on AVEN, which was mentioned in the video! ❤️

My story is kind of funny in a similar way. When I read the article (the link in my signature if you're not on a phone) back in 2005 I checked AVEN at home and IMMEDIATELY identified as asexual (aromantic only a couple of years ago). Even though I was content to be asexual I never bothered to sign up on the forum. I happily went on with my life until four years ago when one night I ran out of things to surf the 'net about. I Googled AVEN on a lark as I had no idea if the forum was still online. I think I had seen a single reference to asexuality during the ensuing years. That was only during Toronto's Pride week and it was an explanation of the LGBTQ+ acronym. Imagine my surprise when asexuality.org popped up. I signed up and have enjoyed it. I've met four other aces since and have a few that I chat with via PM or text.

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I was 18 when I found out. Still a young age I guess but it felt like I've been searching for a long time for something that explains my feelings. I was super relieved when I finally found a term that describes my experiences.

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8 hours ago, JaclynA said:

@will123 my first cake! yay, thank you! Although I found the term a couple of years ago, I mostly ignored it and shoved it deep down. But then about a month ago I watched a Buzzfeed video featuring SEVERAL asexual people across the spectrum and basically cried. I dipped into the comment section of the video expecting the worst, but the comments were so wholesome and full of people expressing their joy at the video, and how it taught them something about themselves and the relief that came with it. I "liked" nearly all the comments and didn't want the party to stop so I jumped on AVEN, which was mentioned in the video! ❤️

If you read this thread from the beginning there are lots of stories of joy and relief from people when they discovered the term, others of similar inclination and this website. Welcome, and have another slice of 🎂

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@Midland TykeYes, thank you! That is one reason I knew I found "my people." That collective sigh of relief!

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