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i'm a brand new amoeba :(


xXxBrujahxXx

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xXxBrujahxXx

I'm 19 years old, and I just realized that I'm asexual. It's a pretty upsetting time because I now know that I will always be alone...

Growing up, people thought I was a slut (God knows why...), a cocktease, and a lesbian all at the same time. It was really confusing because I felt that I had to identify with one of those groups....straight, gay, bisexual, etc. I didn't even know asexuality was a possibility! I'd never even heard about it before....

So now I guess I'm an asexual girl who likes boys and girls equally, but will never have either. Ever. It really is pretty sad.

Does anybody know what made them asexual? I mean, what makes somebody completely disinterested in sexual acts of any kind? And does anybody still believe in love?

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anythingtestdead

hello xXxBrujahxXx.....welcome to aven....you know ,,you dont have to be alone the rest of your life......and we do beleive in love and realtionships and all that,,.....Well not all of us are into those things.....its a "some do, some dont" kinda thing.......im not much for explaining and all that stuff...........but stay a while and post........we are an open minded group..........very excepting........glad to have you here......

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Welcome, Bruj.

Let me echo skitz in saying that you're not the first asexual to feel this way. And it's not nearly as bleak as it first appears.

Ask yourself the following questions:

Do you need to be sexual to love someone?

Do you need to be sexual to be in love with someone?

How are sexual and nonsexual relationships generally thought of as different?

How are they (given your answers to the first two questions) ACTUALLY different?

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marleyslimit

hi, bruj! i thought i was bisexual for a long time before i realized what asexual was. i don't think there's a cause, other than we're just born that way, like some people are born homosexual, some heterosexual, some bisexual, we're asexual. you don't have to be alone for the rest of your life just because you're asexual, there's a lot more to a relationship than sex. so don't be so upset about being asexual, it's not a bad thing, it's part of what you are. :D

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Hi Brujah!! I know life can look like an endless stretch of nothin' at this particular stage, but you know what? You've got an advantage I couldn't dream about, even through my twenties - the realization that you can leave this messy physical business to itself and be all the stronger for it. It took me untold years of misunderstandings, recrimination and repeated general uncomfortableness every time a conversation took a detour I couldn't quite follow, before I realized what I was avoiding like nuclear waste and why. Believe it or not, you've already figured out most of the problem; we're just here to help bring your answers into a bit sharper focus. Welcome, and welcome !!!!

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hey... welcome. being asexual's not as bad as you seem to think. it's actually a really great thing, as you may see if you browse around her. my real reason for posting, however, is to ask about the x's... are you edge?

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Hello, Brujah.

I, too, identify with the need to identify with one of the big three (bi, straight, gay). For the longest time, I just identified as "none of the above". It is kinda nice to have a name to what I feel.

Oh, and I do believe in love.

Cameron

PS: You have no idea how hard it was to not call you Dagger. :)

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Whoops. I'm a little bit late on the welcome wagon I see. Can't have newbies running around without ample welcome, now can we? :D

Welcome, Bruja. The others have mostly said all that I thought of in reply to your post, so I won't bore you (too much). I'm glad another of our number has found her way to our Collective of Coolness.

We are out there. Don't give up hope!

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Cate Perfect

You're not going to be alone forever! That's just the sexuals brainwashing you to think that unless a relationship involves sex then it's not a real relationship. Phooey on them!

Welcome to AVEN!

Cate

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VivreEstEsperer

Hi xXxBrujahxXx! Welcome to AVEN! I'm 19 too.

A lot of people here self-identified as gay before they found the label of asexual. So you're not the only one.

Make yourself at home!

By the way...you have the Terminator as governor :shock: :shock: :evil:

Kate

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HEY!

Sorry I'm a bit late in saying HELLO....but HELLO!

School has been rough the past week. But anyways, WELCOME TO AVEN! I can't say i was homosexualy identified....i always thought i was late or something. But yeah... And no...just because your asexual dosn't mean that you will be alone for the rest of your life. There are bunches of asexuals who are seeking partners....same sex, opposite sex, multipul ones....you name it. Heck, i am looking...just not ready...i mean, i'm 20...and still in school. But that is why there are "meetup mart" and "asexual relationships" boards.

So, don't be so down about it! It's only been 2 years since you could look up the term asexual on the internet and find NON BIOLOGICAL stuff about it. Who knows what will happen in the future....OH! NOTHERN CALIFORNIA! YES! that's where i'm doing my internship this summer....I am going to be an Enologist...or a wine maker, and i need an internship for grad school. SO HAZAA! But i guess Davis and the wine making reigon are more middle arn't they...oh well...

BUT ANYWAY, WELCOME TO AVEN!

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justlearning

:) I totally think you'll fit in. The more you read the more you'll realize that you do. I loved your quote! heh heh, never heard that one before...

Mary-Liz

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xXxBrujahxXx

hey wombat, i go to davis!! and it IS in the middle of nowhere.... :(

and yes, the terminator is our governor. i haven't heard from my mom in a couple of days, she must have killed herself already. :roll:

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PS: You have no idea how hard it was to not call you Dagger. :)

"dagger?"

*points to Brujah's avatar* That's her name initially in Final Fantasy 9. She's also known as Princess Garnet.

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xXxBrujahxXx

oh! hee! i've never actually played FF9 ^_^

but my exboyfriend (and the only person ive ever loved) said i looked like her. and he looks like zidane. so its cute.

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Welcome, welcome, welcome,

Err, I felt exactly the same as you when I first considered asexuality as a possibility. In fact I found it so scary that over the years I attached many more familiar labels to my sexuality (gay, straight, bi etc) to hide from it. Asexuality (once I'd actually established that it existed) equalled loneliness.

However, it really doesn't have to be that way. I'm not pretending that I've had a string of succesful asexual relationships, but I'm getting closer to constructing the sort of realtionship in my head that is both possible and desirable.

Take a look at the 'asexual relationships' forum on AVEN for some interesting threads on relationships. Sex is not an essential ingredient for love or happiness.

P Orridge

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It can seem hopeless sometimes in regard to being asexual and finding someone who truly understands you, but it can happen, you just have to be patient. It's especially difficult because popular media spends so much time telling you that being in a relationship and wanting sex is normal and if you don't feel that way then you're not normal and will never be happy. To that I say, 'pshaw!' laugh in the face of their smug coupledom and know that you're being true to who you are. I know that sounds incredibly twee, but I've just had some chocolate and tea so I'm high on sugar and caffeine.

Cate

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YOU GO TO DAVIS?!?!?!?!?!?!

AS IN THE UNIVESITY OF CALIFORNIA AT DAVIS?!?!?!?!?!

OH MY GOD!!! That's where i'll be going! Seriously....I have two options for grad school....for a masters of science in enology...(wine making)...and one is fresno state and the other is UC DAVIS!!!!

What's it like? How many people are there? HOWS THE WINE??!! How's the scenery, the weather, the people, the culture, EVERYTHING!

WOW! I'm actually going to be in davis...or around it this summer when i do an internship at one of the wineries down there. Any recomendations?

Dude, that is sooo cool....just like your avatar....whoa....anyway. Yeah for FF characters!

But yeah, i'm really psyched...and yeah....UC Davis...might go there....anyway...I guess I'm done now....just, wow.

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the general feeling about davis is "you get used to it." it's mighty boring, very hot, and smells like cows, but the education is good and there are tons of cool classes (like welding, tractor driving, and of course, viticulture) that you won't find in a lot of places. i like davis, but i didn't at first. it's all about the people you make friends with, and i've got great friends. davis is really social though, and safe.

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