daveb Posted February 4, 2020 Share Posted February 4, 2020 18 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said: I've been small but not delicate. I got my dad's dense bones, my mom has said. Sites seem to label me as having a medium sized frame. I don't have my mom's fragility. She bruises very easily. I was almost always the youngest and smallest in my class, only having gotten to 5 feet tall at 13 when many of my classmates were already there by 11 or 12. It is surprising now that I grew to a decent height. I found some site that said that your height should be between that of your parents, more closer to the dad for guys and mom for girls. I grew an inch on T so I'm actually meeting that approximate height for a male now. It still isn't very tall, as my parents aren't, but it's good enough for me. Did you have a growth spurt or 2 where you grew a couple inches or more in one year? I've known that to happen with some people, where they go from being one of the short kids to being average or even taller than average. I assume the height between your parents is more of a general rule of thumb that can vary with the individual. My dad is quite a bit taller than both of his parents (maybe more of a nutritional thing in that case?). I am between his height and my mom's height, but closer to hers. She is actually somewhat on the tall side for women (although not as much these days, with the effects of age and health issues). 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted February 4, 2020 Share Posted February 4, 2020 41 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said: I found some site that said that your height should be between that of your parents, more closer to the dad for guys and mom for girls. I'm a fair bit shorter than both my parents, but the same height as my smol grandad. Genetics is weird. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Custard Cream Posted February 4, 2020 Share Posted February 4, 2020 I'm 5'4", about the same height as both my parents - but several inches shorter than either of my brothers. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 On 2/4/2020 at 1:47 PM, daveb said: Did you have a growth spurt or 2 where you grew a couple inches or more in one year? I've known that to happen with some people, where they go from being one of the short kids to being average or even taller than average. I assume the height between your parents is more of a general rule of thumb that can vary with the individual. My dad is quite a bit taller than both of his parents (maybe more of a nutritional thing in that case?). I am between his height and my mom's height, but closer to hers. She is actually somewhat on the tall side for women (although not as much these days, with the effects of age and health issues). I don't think I've had that big of growth spurts. I only remember that I graduated middle school at 13, around 5' 1" or a slight bit less. When I graduated high school at 17, I was about 5' 3", which is average for AFAB. My dad is 5' 6", and he always said that there was one year he grew 5 inches and stopped growing after that. My mom is not quite 5' 3". She's already the tallest out of all her siblings. One of my aunts on that side (well, it's my mom's cousin) must've been 4' 8" or something. Even at my short height, I surpassed her in 7th grade. But I heard that my grandmother was like 5' 7", the tallest of everyone. Not even my grandfather was that tall. On my dad's side, I never met my grandfather (or either of them really) since I was born about 10 years after his death so I don't know how tall he was. My grandmother was not tall. So I shouldn't expect to be that tall, especially with my small metabolism. I'm 5' 4" and maybe a quarter inch now. I didn't expect to grow in my 20s, but exercising regularly and then taking T really changed something. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Starbogen Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 @nerdperson777 you grew an inch taller when you started T post-puberty?? What age were you? (If you don't mind me asking) I'm not expecting that to happen in my case cause I know it's not a thing that happens when you're past a certain age but if it did by some miracle it'd be awesome X'D Though I'm already pretty fortunate and happy with my height as it is. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DuranDuranfan Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 5 hours ago, Starbogen said: @nerdperson777 you grew an inch taller when you started T post-puberty?? What age were you? (If you don't mind me asking) I'm not expecting that to happen in my case cause I know it's not a thing that happens when you're past a certain age but if it did by some miracle it'd be awesome X'D Though I'm already pretty fortunate and happy with my height as it is. I’m wondering if it strengthens the vertebrae. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ColeHW34 Posted February 8, 2020 Share Posted February 8, 2020 Lately a bunch of people have been using they/them a lot and time to time him/his to refer to me. It's catching me off guard because i thought people around here were conservative and cisnormative. Unless I'm accidentally messing with everyone minds. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted February 10, 2020 Share Posted February 10, 2020 On 2/6/2020 at 3:31 AM, Starbogen said: @nerdperson777 you grew an inch taller when you started T post-puberty?? What age were you? (If you don't mind me asking) I'm not expecting that to happen in my case cause I know it's not a thing that happens when you're past a certain age but if it did by some miracle it'd be awesome X'D Though I'm already pretty fortunate and happy with my height as it is. I started in mid 2017, so 22? But also I think my change in exercise habits may have played a factor. I didn't do any regular exercise until about age 18. There's a bit of jumping in the exercise so I think I may have gotten a quarter of an inch from that. Then one day I checked my height maybe a year and a half to two years on T and found myself at the next inch. So I've never been one with a high metabolism, so I think my first puberty didn't affect me as much. Then the T wave just whooshed over. Exercising and T probably made me get bigger a little. People don't expect with my young appearance that I have that deep of a voice, and yet my lowest can be in the bass-baritone range. Last week someone thought I was 12. I have a small mustache so I find that really unlikely that I look 12. I think I look 15. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Carolynne Posted February 10, 2020 Share Posted February 10, 2020 I recently bought a foil shaver and I think I'm getting the hang of it. It's actually pretty nice as I don't have any nicks or razor burn with it. Downside is it takes a couple passes to get a close, clean shave, but I can still touch up with my razors without too much fuss. It feels and looks so much nicer to not have any cuts or irritation. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Starbogen Posted February 10, 2020 Share Posted February 10, 2020 I was just talking with my mom and at one point she used the wrong pronoun for me but then she actually corrected herself. That was really nice and I've noticed my dad doing that as well. I know they don't truly see me as male and they call me by the wrong stuff when they think I can hear them but I can still appreciate that they're trying to be more respectful at least to my face and being more supportive than they've ever been before. It's a huge step for them and has given me hope for the future plus generally making me feel better about gender stuff in the present. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted February 10, 2020 Share Posted February 10, 2020 4 hours ago, Starbogen said: I was just talking with my mom and at one point she used the wrong pronoun for me but then she actually corrected herself. That was really nice and I've noticed my dad doing that as well. I know they don't truly see me as male and they call me by the wrong stuff when they think I can hear them but I can still appreciate that they're trying to be more respectful at least to my face and being more supportive than they've ever been before. It's a huge step for them and has given me hope for the future plus generally making me feel better about gender stuff in the present. Facebook reminded me that two years ago I told my dad to use he/they for me and he said that he would try but it won't come right away. So far doesn't look like he tried since he never used them. My mom used he once this year and that was the only correct pronoun so far. She's still misgendering my roommates. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 Yesterday I called the pharmacy to see if my hormones were ready for pick up. I didn't wait long enough for a pharmacist to answer but I realized something while I was waiting. Since my name has been legally changed, I no longer have to up my voice pitch on the phone for people to think that I'm [feminine name]. Whenever I was in some situation where I couldn't hide my name, like the pharmacy, the doctor, or wherever, I would actually try to act more like a girl so I wouldn't get questioned. But now it doesn't matter. People see the masculine name and it doesn't raise any suspicions. I never thought that this would be an actual feeling. I probably feel the same thing about having had top surgery. I'm going in Monday for my 3 month post-op appointment, even though it's been past 3 months. I thought about how people were having huge amounts of euphoria because of how flat they were. My positive feeling is merely no longer feeling the dysphoria. So I didn't really get euphoria, just lack of dysphoria. Since it was keyhole, I didn't remove any skin. The upper part of the area just looks like pecs because I no longer have the lower protrusion. All the protrusion is actually my belly now since I'm no longer proportional on the top and belly anymore. I'm going to guess that my left nipple, the better healed one, has sensation because I felt a pain when I pinched it. The other one, not so much. But overall, I'm satisfied with my results. I look like I have some pecs even if the bottom of it is nothing right now. I'm not sure if I want pecs, but I have pushups to do in my exercise. Whenever I take a shower and I look at myself in the mirror in my tank, I feel pretty good because of the pec shape, even if I don't have any yet. It may be one of the rare times I actually feel masculine lately. Most of the time now I've been kind of whatever with gender. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
anisotrophic Posted February 21, 2020 Share Posted February 21, 2020 Just came out to a neighbor I've chatted a lot with and I think it went well. I was nervous about that one! (We expect to be living here indefinitely, and I don't expect them to be moving either.) He was pretty curious about the effects of T. For me, my experience so far is that curiosity is a positive response. When people don't express that, and don't have experience with transfolk, it seems like a strong indicator that they're uncomfortable & the topic feels unwelcome / avoided. I wonder if others experience curiosity as a positive response. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Starbogen Posted February 21, 2020 Share Posted February 21, 2020 2 hours ago, anisotrophic said: I wonder if others experience curiosity as a positive response. I think I do online, though it's kind of a different thing not just because it's online in general but because the places where I'd mention being trans are LGBT spaces where obviously I'm expecting people are gonna be fine with it anyway.. I don't think I've ever had anyone react with curiousity irl, but that's probably because the only people I've had to come out to (aside from my family who reacted super badly and a few friends from high school who reacted very positively with almost no questions asked) have been professors and doctors and people like that who just say "oh okay" or "so?" (In the coolest, most positive way possible) or "okay no problem". All positive responses, but clearly not in a context where they'd express curiosity since they're professionals and don't know me personally. Though now that I think about it whenever my parents have been more supportive over the last year they do tend to ask questions sometimes and whenever they do that I feel like the conversation's going positively, because at least then it feels like they're being more openminded and like they're trying to understand. So yeah you have a point. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
anisotrophic Posted February 21, 2020 Share Posted February 21, 2020 5 hours ago, Starbogen said: professors and doctors and people like that who just say "oh okay" or "so?" I'm looking forward to visiting my gynecologist for an annual soon -- who was my OB -- she'll get to see some changes! 😂 I was open about my plans throughout... what an interesting narrative to have with a doctor. I'm pretty open about the process (well, I don't tell most people about the genital effects, not THAT open 😛). I wonder if that's related to a lack of dysphoria. That might prompt people to express curiosity. I wish my parents asked questions. They're still deadnaming me and I just don't feel like picking a fight about it. Ugh. Parents. I'm one myself. Being a parent is hard too. 🤷 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
deleted account :) Posted February 22, 2020 Share Posted February 22, 2020 (edited) [deleted] Edited July 1, 2020 by cantdeletemyaccsoilldothis 10 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted February 23, 2020 Share Posted February 23, 2020 My hair is now shoulder length. I'm absurdly happy about this. 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Carolynne Posted February 24, 2020 Share Posted February 24, 2020 I bought one of those flexible measuring tapes and learned how to measure myself, now I know my body type (sort of), and have an idea of how I should dress to appear more feminine and have clothes that suit me. Turns out I'm between a flat / straight and an hourglass, which actually works well with the kind of clothes I wanted to try. I also got an idea of how wide my hips actually are, and I'm euphoric about that. They're slightly bigger than my bust measurement, about on par with my shoulders (though I'm not sure specifically how to measure those). My waist is decently smaller, so I'm kind of inbetween, the source I was reading says anything lower than 8 inches of difference is flat / straight, I'm close to that limit so kind of hourglass-y. Most MtF individuals are apples or inverted triangles due to broad shoulders and narrow hips, my shoulders are unfortunately broad but at least I have hips to go with it. I also found some advice for broad shoulders, which kind of already fits my style; high necklines and long sleeves. I'll have to do a little more research and maybe take some other measurements to figure out what sizes I'd need, but I feel this is a good start for when I start looking into more feminine clothing. 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Starbogen Posted February 24, 2020 Share Posted February 24, 2020 50 minutes ago, Ms. Carolynne said: My waist is decently smaller, so I'm kind of inbetween, the source I was reading says anything lower than 8 inches of difference is flat / straight, I'm close to that limit so kind of hourglass-y. Most MtF individuals are apples or inverted triangles due to broad shoulders and narrow hips, my shoulders are unfortunately broad but at least I have hips to go with it. Huh, interesting.. I think I have like an 8-10 inch difference so I guess I'm kinda like you but the other way around. Though I just looked up how to meassure yourself and apparently you're supposed to meassure the waist at the belly button? So I guess I had been doing it wrong before and might be numerically flatter than I thought XD Ugh for me the hips are honestly one of the biggest sources of dysphoria.. even more than the chest cause at least that always feels like it's relatively easy to fix someday and for now I can handle it for the most part with a binder. With hips though.. nothing I can do about the size and shape of freaking bones, ever. I guess trans girls feel that way about their shoulders, so yeah I get that. In my case I don't have very broad shoulders but they're broad enough to work with the rest of my body I guess, and what I do appreciate about my proportions is that my waist is pretty broad compared to the hips. By afab standards I'm pretty straight in the waist/hips department at least. Also your style sounds cool just from that bit you mentioned. Good luck with finding more clothes and feminizing things to try! 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted February 24, 2020 Share Posted February 24, 2020 On 2/21/2020 at 7:45 AM, Starbogen said: I think I do online, though it's kind of a different thing not just because it's online in general but because the places where I'd mention being trans are LGBT spaces where obviously I'm expecting people are gonna be fine with it anyway.. I don't think I've ever had anyone react with curiousity irl, but that's probably because the only people I've had to come out to (aside from my family who reacted super badly and a few friends from high school who reacted very positively with almost no questions asked) have been professors and doctors and people like that who just say "oh okay" or "so?" (In the coolest, most positive way possible) or "okay no problem". All positive responses, but clearly not in a context where they'd express curiosity since they're professionals and don't know me personally. Though now that I think about it whenever my parents have been more supportive over the last year they do tend to ask questions sometimes and whenever they do that I feel like the conversation's going positively, because at least then it feels like they're being more openminded and like they're trying to understand. So yeah you have a point. The only time I remember introducing my gender in a non-LGBT space was when I was playing that Cards Against Humanity app on my phone. A player, presumed male, asked if I was a guy or girl. I could've easily said guy and be fine with it, but sometimes I've impulsively gone for the non-binary option that may not even be there. Another player decided that it meant that I was a dinosaur. Sure, let's go with that. In my friend group from high school, the presumed cishet girl probably didn't really know how to say things. She asked me about my top surgery healing when we went out for dinner and movie and we were waiting for our other friend. I said that I didn't really feel much of anything, and people can tell that I was never big chested at all. Then she asked if I was going "any further". At this point, those friends just see me as male. No one really knows that I'm non-binary unless I actually say otherwise. But I've gotten all that I really need right now. A hysterectomy would just be extra to have no more pap smears. The uterus and cervix can go. Don't know what to do with a vagina though. If I got rid of that, it's just so that I can't be assaulted there. On 2/21/2020 at 1:04 PM, anisotrophic said: I'm looking forward to visiting my gynecologist for an annual soon -- who was my OB -- she'll get to see some changes! 😂 I was open about my plans throughout... what an interesting narrative to have with a doctor. I'm pretty open about the process (well, I don't tell most people about the genital effects, not THAT open 😛). I wonder if that's related to a lack of dysphoria. That might prompt people to express curiosity. I wish my parents asked questions. They're still deadnaming me and I just don't feel like picking a fight about it. Ugh. Parents. I'm one myself. Being a parent is hard too. 🤷 I just go to my primary doctor. When she did a pap smear on me, that was really awkward. I'm guessing that I'm her first trans patient who has been on T. She said that my hole was dry, which I totally forgot about, since it's not like I had a use for it. I would think sexual people would take that as a downside. But that experience was so ick. Another hole in my body and people are messing around in it. That cold clamp that gets put in there. And since I don't have intercourse, I had to wear a pad for the rest of the day because I was spotting blood from that insertion. My parents seem to prefer being stuck in their little world. How is it that you two had 5 years and still haven't learned anything? Mom is academically the smartest person I've ever known, yet she didn't try in this. Dad refuses to learn anything new anymore because he's "old and will die soon". He's not THAT old. He is just making excuses. 2 hours ago, Ms. Carolynne said: I bought one of those flexible measuring tapes and learned how to measure myself, now I know my body type (sort of), and have an idea of how I should dress to appear more feminine and have clothes that suit me. Turns out I'm between a flat / straight and an hourglass, which actually works well with the kind of clothes I wanted to try. I also got an idea of how wide my hips actually are, and I'm euphoric about that. They're slightly bigger than my bust measurement, about on par with my shoulders (though I'm not sure specifically how to measure those). My waist is decently smaller, so I'm kind of inbetween, the source I was reading says anything lower than 8 inches of difference is flat / straight, I'm close to that limit so kind of hourglass-y. Most MtF individuals are apples or inverted triangles due to broad shoulders and narrow hips, my shoulders are unfortunately broad but at least I have hips to go with it. I also found some advice for broad shoulders, which kind of already fits my style; high necklines and long sleeves. I'll have to do a little more research and maybe take some other measurements to figure out what sizes I'd need, but I feel this is a good start for when I start looking into more feminine clothing. I think I can imagine what you have there, since I kind of have something similar. I'm AFAB with large enough shoulders to look androgynous. My measurements seem to be shoulders > hips > chest > waist. Shoulders are just marginally bigger. Ignoring the hips, I technically have a V shape, since my armpits curve outward, if that makes sense. But I have huge thighs from my exercise. They're bigger than my hips. I guess that makes my body look more feminine, but it doesn't cause me that much dysphoria. I think some of that lack of dysphoria is caused by me just not knowing sex differences and not caring to learn about them? I don't desire a penis because I don't know what I'd do with it. But if people say that they want something or want to be rid of it, it's not my place to say anything about it. Then some people have hip dysphoria but I don't feel much about it because I never really understood the thing with estrogen causes the hips to round out and rotate or something and testosterone is just straight down. I can see that my hips are a little round, but I don't feel bad because I don't know how testosterone hips should look? Then there's the vagina. The only thing I was really dysphoric about was the periods. The fact that this hole exists on my body doesn't mean anything. Unless I suddenly become a contortionist and can bend myself in a way where I can see it, what really is the matter with it? Mine is more like, I don't see it, why would I be bothered by it? I'm not going to use it anyway. I find that this ignorance of mine is a blessing in that I don't have to stress out about it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Carolynne Posted February 24, 2020 Share Posted February 24, 2020 4 hours ago, Starbogen said: Though I just looked up how to meassure yourself and apparently you're supposed to meassure the waist at the belly button? So I guess I had been doing it wrong before and might be numerically flatter than I thought XD I might technically be a little flatter then, I didn't really know about that. I ended up measuring just above the belly button. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rynn Posted February 24, 2020 Share Posted February 24, 2020 12 hours ago, nerdperson777 said: The only time I remember introducing my gender in a non-LGBT space was when I was playing that Cards Against Humanity app on my phone. Ha that's a coincidence, just yesterday my sister brought friends over and I played cards against humanity with them, and one of them, out of absolutely nowhere, went 'So what are your pronouns?' My sister knows I'm nb, but I don't go around announcing it to the world, and I had in fact hidden my pride bracelets before going to play games with them. So needless to say, I was a little shook. I considered lying but then decided to just say 'them/them, but it's a secret'. Turns out the person who asked that question is nb too. I'm still wondering whether they were just trying to start a conversation about pronouns so they could tell me theirs, or whether my sister told them I'm nb. 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
anisotrophic Posted February 24, 2020 Share Posted February 24, 2020 12 hours ago, nerdperson777 said: I just go to my primary doctor. When she did a pap smear on me, that was really awkward. I'm guessing that I'm her first trans patient who has been on T. She said that my hole was dry, which I totally forgot about, since it's not like I had a use for it. I would think sexual people would take that as a downside. But that experience was so ick. Another hole in my body and people are messing around in it. That cold clamp that gets put in there. And since I don't have intercourse, I had to wear a pad for the rest of the day because I was spotting blood from that insertion. My parents seem to prefer being stuck in their little world. How is it that you two had 5 years and still haven't learned anything? Mom is academically the smartest person I've ever known, yet she didn't try in this. Dad refuses to learn anything new anymore because he's "old and will die soon". He's not THAT old. He is just making excuses. tbh I lapsed with primary care; when preggers one has to see the ob so often she basically became my primary. And now I see the LGBT clinic regularly for T so that doc is listed as my primary now, which is fine by me. Pap smears are painful for me too; I have a sensitive "friable" cervix. Sex and even childbirth don't change that. The dryness isn't a problem for me sexually; it's not dry when I'm aroused. It is annoying for bleeding though (which still happens -- between T and mirena there's still occasional bleeding, sigh), I can't use tampons anymore because they get stuck. Oh well. My OBGYN doctor asked if I'm going to remove the breasts because I'm supposed to start scanning them. 😛 Guess we'll start doing that. What a used up old body I have... Your experience with your parents is a cautionary lesson for me; despite all your transition, they're still like that. I appreciate hearing about it. It means I'm not going to hold my breath hoping my own parents change any time soon. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ailepho Posted February 29, 2020 Share Posted February 29, 2020 Got a haircut that makes me feel really good about myself And I thought this was interesting so: Saw a TIMES magazine in a Whole Foods store that talked about gender, so while waiting in line, I skimmed through it and I found a whole section on how there is more than just boy or girl. It even talked about pronouns and how people should start asking what other’s pronouns are. It was really nice! 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JustJay04 Posted March 4, 2020 Share Posted March 4, 2020 Okay, things I like about myself: 1) super cool eyes. They have their own color that I have never seen on another human being before. In the right lighting, they look almost liquid, and I just love it. 2) I work with animals and walk some of the most unruly dogs. I have a slight(ish) build, but don’t let that fool you. I am strong. I can kick your butt, even though I never look like or act like it. 3) This kinda goes with 2, but I have the most determination of anyone I know. That does not sound very humble, but whatever. Most of my life was “If it’s going to get done, I’ve gotta do it,” and that mentality of “If I don’t get it done, no one else will” (or maybe more accurately “if you can’t do it, no one is going to come ‘save’ you, so it’s not going to get done, and it needs to get done”) has stuck with me. If it’s something big, like I can’t get an animal back in a cage, I roll up my sleeves and pick the thing up. It’s not like anyone else is going to do it for me. This is how I got strong physically, bc I’ve been picking up 80 pound unruly puppies since I was five. (Okay, when I was younger, it was was more 30 pound, but it’s been 80 pound for several years now. I’m 15, for reference.) 4) I can play clarinet in band, and, if the fact I was the person in the very front of the band has anything to do with it, I am one of the best marchers we have. I have been put up front as a sophomore, the group that we usually try to hide on the outskirts of the freshman middle to keep that score up. Sophomores are better than the freshman, but aren’t as experienced as the juniors or seniors. I was in better view than most of the seniors, so I’m counting this as a win. I was literally on the front yardline in our charting sheets. Okay, honestly, this has just been a mood booster. Thanks. Um... bye? 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kimmie. Posted March 8, 2020 Share Posted March 8, 2020 I like how I look with a ponytail. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Grey-Ace Ventura Posted March 8, 2020 Share Posted March 8, 2020 I appreciate my naturally masculine jawline and the fact that I have an adam's apple 😊 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted March 9, 2020 Share Posted March 9, 2020 On 3/3/2020 at 7:16 PM, JustJay04 said: 3) This kinda goes with 2, but I have the most determination of anyone I know. That does not sound very humble, but whatever. Most of my life was “If it’s going to get done, I’ve gotta do it,” and that mentality of “If I don’t get it done, no one else will” (or maybe more accurately “if you can’t do it, no one is going to come ‘save’ you, so it’s not going to get done, and it needs to get done”) has stuck with me. If it’s something big, like I can’t get an animal back in a cage, I roll up my sleeves and pick the thing up. It’s not like anyone else is going to do it for me. This is how I got strong physically, bc I’ve been picking up 80 pound unruly puppies since I was five. (Okay, when I was younger, it was was more 30 pound, but it’s been 80 pound for several years now. I’m 15, for reference.) I got that idea, but probably not from a good role model. My mom never trusted me, even if I did everything she asked for. She always had to double check everything. So I learned that if I wanted something done right, I had to do it myself. Even now when I teach, I'm wary letting one loud teenager lead a class while I assist. She's often changed what we were supposed to teach because she thinks it's fine. She has the voice but I have the knowledge. She got switched off one of those classes and a senior instructor got put in her place. The owner scolded me over it and she didn't know why she was moved. But that senior instructor, I trust him. He knows what he's doing. I used to be good at just doing things myself, but my failing mental health made me unable to. I had to start relying on people more, and it does take some weight off. But I might rely on the wrong people. When I am at one extreme, it's hard to adjust to having the other extreme, or even trying it. But I've tried picking up heavy things, and it made me feel masculine. It was mostly pet food and rice bags. I got a massage the other day to loosen up my muscles. I bought a 6 hour package like 2 years ago and this was the last of it. Normally I had chest dysphoria so I would ask to keep my undershirt on. But then I remembered, I had top surgery. So I was able to not wear it during the massage and I felt absolutely fine. I was amazed that dysphoria could go away just like that. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JustJay04 Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 On 3/9/2020 at 12:13 AM, nerdperson777 said: I got that idea, but probably not from a good role model. My mom never trusted me, even if I did everything she asked for. She always had to double check everything. So I learned that if I wanted something done right, I had to do it myself. Even now when I teach, I'm wary letting one loud teenager lead a class while I assist. She's often changed what we were supposed to teach because she thinks it's fine. She has the voice but I have the knowledge. She got switched off one of those classes and a senior instructor got put in her place. The owner scolded me over it and she didn't know why she was moved. But that senior instructor, I trust him. He knows what he's doing. I used to be good at just doing things myself, but my failing mental health made me unable to. I had to start relying on people more, and it does take some weight off. But I might rely on the wrong people. When I am at one extreme, it's hard to adjust to having the other extreme, or even trying it. But I've tried picking up heavy things, and it made me feel masculine. It was mostly pet food and rice bags. I got a massage the other day to loosen up my muscles. I bought a 6 hour package like 2 years ago and this was the last of it. Normally I had chest dysphoria so I would ask to keep my undershirt on. But then I remembered, I had top surgery. So I was able to not wear it during the massage and I felt absolutely fine. I was amazed that dysphoria could go away just like that. The reason for mine was incessant bullying that caused me to have no friends, and parents that didn’t help me when I needed it. I learned that if there is something that I have to do, then I am the only one that is going to do it. No one is going to come save me from an impossible task; I have to think a way around it. A thing that makes me feel more masculine is pushing up long sleeves and sticking my thumbs in my pockets. Saying that, I probably look like an idiot, but in those moments, I really don’t care. Less dysphoria is ALWAYS a good thing. YAY! It’s so cool that you got top surgery and it alleviates your dysphoria like that! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 23 hours ago, JustJay04 said: The reason for mine was incessant bullying that caused me to have no friends, and parents that didn’t help me when I needed it. I learned that if there is something that I have to do, then I am the only one that is going to do it. No one is going to come save me from an impossible task; I have to think a way around it. A thing that makes me feel more masculine is pushing up long sleeves and sticking my thumbs in my pockets. Saying that, I probably look like an idiot, but in those moments, I really don’t care. Less dysphoria is ALWAYS a good thing. YAY! It’s so cool that you got top surgery and it alleviates your dysphoria like that! I probably did have friends, but my definition of a friend was very exclusive. I don't really think an acquaintance that you've met one time is considered a friend. (All those social media sites where people have a thousand or more friends kind of drive me crazy.) A friend is someone who you hang out with regularly and would drop everything to help you in a time of need. There is a special bond that you have with the other that no one can replicate. But I'm very demi-platonic. I don't feel that sort of connection with just anyone. Only two people in my life have ever made me feel bonded, and they don't even fit the criteria I made. So even when I did have friends that I talked to at school and hung out with, I was home doing homework all the time. Even when people ask me who my friends are, I couldn't even intuitively name someone right off the bat. I actually have to think about it. I did have bullies, but my parents didn't help me. In fact, they would tell me to change myself for the bully to like me, and then the bullying would stop. They've told me to stop being "weird". I can't help being the way I am. Their current behavior tells me that it's better to be liked for who you're not than hated for who you are. I had a thing where I wore polo shirts and I thought I looked great pulling my collar all the way out when I wore sweatshirts. My mom would later tell me that it looks bad. I have no sense of aesthetics, but it made me feel masculine. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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