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butterflydreams

a gender positive thread

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Custard Cream
3 hours ago, Ms. Carolynne said:

My choker came in the mail today. I struggled a bit getting it on (the clasp is kind of small, and I'm not coordinated), but I felt so great when I got it on!

 

Like, I don't know, I felt feminine, and it made me look feminine. I got a huge rush of euphoria, I didn't even expect to feel that good about wearing a choker, but it's such a cute choker!

 

I'm not sure how to explain it, but I genuinely smiled, which I haven't done in a long time. I don't know, I might've even felt kind of good about my appearance :lol:

That's great! Anything that makes you feel like that is really special!

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Kimmie.

The few times when I feel truly happy and confident is when i dress up. When it looks like I have actual curves.

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kiaroskuro

I caused some confusion in the ladies' room today, which doesn't happen that often. I don't even deny that I enjoy being (looking) confusing from time to time. ^_^ Anyway, it was a beautiful genderqueer moment for me. 🧡

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Bloc
3 hours ago, kiaroskuro said:

I caused some confusion in the ladies' room today, which doesn't happen that often. I don't even deny that I enjoy being (looking) confusing from time to time. ^_^ Anyway, it was a beautiful genderqueer moment for me. 🧡

I know this from the men's toilet. Confusing people about your gender can be fun. But I had also scary encounters with men being confused about my gender.

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DuranDuranfan
7 hours ago, Bloc said:

I know this from the men's toilet. Confusing people about your gender can be fun. But I had also scary encounters with men being confused about my gender.

That’s why even when my masculine side has asserted itself I still wear a hat and a hoodie when using the men’s bathroom. It’s to partially obscure my face. Although with the haircut I have and my face looking mixed, I’m not sure if I’ll be read correctly. So if there’s an option of a single occupant bathroom I’ll use that one.

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kiaroskuro
13 hours ago, Bloc said:

I know this from the men's toilet. Confusing people about your gender can be fun. But I had also scary encounters with men being confused about my gender.

I'm afraid to even imagine what these kind of situations must be like - scary as hell, I'm sure.

 

I wouldn't take my own 'gender-confusion-situations' so lightly if girls actually felt threatened by me. But this is an absurd thought, seeing that I'm rather a slender little thing, and I'm usually perceived as female, and often feel threatened by very masculine presenting dmab persons myself.

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Bloc
1 minute ago, kiaroskuro said:

I'm afraid to even imagine what these kind of situations must be like - scary as hell, I'm sure.

 

I wouldn't take my own 'gender-confusion-situations' so lightly if girls actually felt threatened by me. But this is an absurd thought, seeing that I'm rather a slender little thing, and I'm usually perceived as female, and often feel threatened by very masculine presenting dmab persons myself.

This didn't happen in a toilet, it was on the street. Men blocking my way and demanding in an aggressive tone to declare my gender. But this not on topic in this thread.

 

In toilets the confusing is usually that some guy enters is confused goes outside checks the sign and enters again.

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kiaroskuro
2 minutes ago, Bloc said:

In toilets the confusing is usually that some guy enters is confused goes outside checks the sign and enters again.

That happened to me, too, once. The strange thing is that the guy went out, must have seen the ladies' (!) toilet sign, and yet went back in.

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Celyn

Took another "what gender is yout personality" quiz and got "casual masculine".

Too enby for a formal gender, I guess 😛

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ColeHW34

I flat out avoid public restrooms to be honest.

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Janus DarkFox

Same with the public toilet avoidance unless it’s mixed sex or disability ones.  Unless it’s a critical emergency and unavoidable.  I do hold a ‘use a toilet anywhere’ card so that covers emergencies with no reasonable access to any public toilet. 

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PoeciMeta

Normally I wouldn't care about what I wear, but I found a long tunic and semi-tight trousers that are kinda feminine but don't emphasize curves ^^ It's rare outside of 'masculine' clothes, which are monotonous to wear all the time, so this is a nice change. Accepting it didn't mean anything about my gender was another nice change. 

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Celyn
23 hours ago, PoeciMeta said:

Accepting it didn't mean anything about my gender was another nice change. 

Me: Yeah I'm wearing high heels on a he/him day, SO WHAT, FIGHT ME!

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Karst
43 minutes ago, Celyn said:

Me: Yeah I'm wearing high heels on a he/him day, SO WHAT, FIGHT ME!

Hey, Louis XIV wore not just high heels, but tights and a flowing wig.

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cp1213

Idk where else to put this so I'll post it here.

There's this one time I went into a washroom and a woman came after me and stood near the washroom at the door. 

"Alex? Are you done yet?"

I was confused because I wasn't Alex. Keep in mind that I was the only one in there.

"Alex?"

"I'm not Alex." I replied.

I could hear her muttering under her breath how long her son is taking a piss, and then I realized, I went inside the male's washroom by accident xDDDDDD. I was scared out of my mind and didn't know what to do so I just sat there for a very looooooong time. Luckily, she left. 

Tbh to this day I don't know how she had mistaken me as her son because of my feminine voice, but then again, he might be probably going through puberty which would make sense in this case. 

 

 

 

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ColeHW34
1 hour ago, cp1213 said:

Idk where else to put this so I'll post it here.

There's this one time I went into a washroom and a woman came after me and stood near the washroom at the door. 

"Alex? Are you done yet?"

I was confused because I wasn't Alex. Keep in mind that I was the only one in there.

"Alex?"

"I'm not Alex." I replied.

I could hear her muttering under her breath how long her son is taking a piss, and then I realized, I went inside the male's washroom by accident xDDDDDD. I was scared out of my mind and didn't know what to do so I just sat there for a very looooooong time. Luckily, she left. 

Tbh to this day I don't know how she had mistaken me as her son because of my feminine voice, but then again, he might be probably going through puberty which would make sense in this case. 

Whoops. 

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nerdperson777

Got my top surgery.  We found out a few days later that I had a hemotoma, probably because I coughed or sneezed at some point and a clot broke from that.  I had changed my appointment from 6 days post-op to 5 days because I wanted out of the binder.  But turns out now that I still have to wear it because I had to go back to the hospital earlier to drain the hemotoma.  We knew something was wrong when my left side drained well to the point I'm pretty flat there now but the right side was like a decent pec size, without the healthy implications.  I told one girl that it was like wearing a pushup bra because of how squished that side was.  So I guess I have two flat sides now, once the swelling goes back down.  It added a week to my recovery, but can I really complain when I already have the least amount of incisions?

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ColeHW34

@nerdperson777 Yay! The recovery will take a long time but please do get some rest and try reducing stress as much as possible. Stress tends to slow healing and forms scars.

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nerdperson777
On 11/22/2019 at 6:33 AM, ColeHW34 said:

@nerdperson777 Yay! The recovery will take a long time but please do get some rest and try reducing stress as much as possible. Stress tends to slow healing and forms scars.

Yeah, I got confused on what I could and couldn't do since I received instructions before the surgeon walked in and said that I got a hematoma.  I heard that I could shower so I did.  But then the hematoma side still had the dressing on it and water fell inside there.  It got yellow/brown and when I got it removed, it smelled pretty horrible.  But everything seems good now.  I don't need any more doctor visits for a month, when I send in pictures and I don't actually have to physically see him, even if it's just an hour drive away.  I notice now that falling asleep in bed and dropping my phone hurts me way more now.  I'm contemplating wearing those sports padded shirts in case I get hit by something.  Currently I feel weird because I'm numb and in pain at the same time when I remove the medical tape that holds down the rectangles that cover my nipples.  I'll be thinking, "I thought I was too numb to feel this."  Then "why does this hurt so much?"  But being able to see my nipples has been my incentive to take showers, which I haven't really had incentive all year so I have been taking those a little more regularly.  So my no complications side, my arm can lift to about 80% of its usual height.  Other side is maybe 50%.  I can't wait to get back into my exercise because sitting around doing nothing drives me crazy.  I think I can do something again after a week or two.  All I've done is stretching.

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Calligraphette_Coe
On 11/22/2019 at 6:27 AM, nerdperson777 said:

Got my top surgery.  We found out a few days later that I had a hemotoma, probably because I coughed or sneezed at some point and a clot broke from that.  I had changed my appointment from 6 days post-op to 5 days because I wanted out of the binder.  But turns out now that I still have to wear it because I had to go back to the hospital earlier to drain the hemotoma.  We knew something was wrong when my left side drained well to the point I'm pretty flat there now but the right side was like a decent pec size, without the healthy implications.  I told one girl that it was like wearing a pushup bra because of how squished that side was.  So I guess I have two flat sides now, once the swelling goes back down.  It added a week to my recovery, but can I really complain when I already have the least amount of incisions?

I felt a chill go down my spine when I read the words 'hematoma' and 'clot'. Being a 3 time stroke victim, and all. Your body will slowly dissolve and absorb them, and it sounds like you are past the worst. And surgery is the worst. 

 

I'm soo glad everything is coming together for you and that you passed this milestone!

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Celyn

@nerdperson777 Congrats, hope the last little bit of healing goes quickly!

 

I just realised that the fact that I'm now shark week free is probably what allowed me to wean myself off antidepressants. I'm not experiencing the high levels of dysphoria for about half of every month that I used to. 

That, and not having the physical agony of it, is just. The. Best. Thing.

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief
On 11/29/2019 at 7:09 PM, Celyn said:

@nerdperson777 Congrats, hope the last little bit of healing goes quickly!

 

I just realised that the fact that I'm now shark week free is probably what allowed me to wean myself off antidepressants. I'm not experiencing the high levels of dysphoria for about half of every month that I used to. 

That, and not having the physical agony of it, is just. The. Best. Thing.

I'm so so happy for you!!! ❤️

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief

I feel pleased with myself for figuring out workouts for my top half which don't a) stress me out because they're difficult to do regularly enough and b) make me paranoid about my joints. ^_^ I sometimes get wrist pains now which I take as an indication to maybe not practice things like piano, excessively type or do workouts involving much boxing or pushups, and I don't want to do many workouts for my core which I've read can be bad for your back long term, so I just do a limited amount of pushups every two days and hold my legs in the air while on my back until I can't do it any more. It would be nice to have more definition in my middle area, I have none and it might help with hip/bum dysphoria.

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PoeciMeta

I played Resident Evil with my brother (and I'm not out to my family so they all still think I'm a girl) and I naturally took the super muscular guy and him the thin feminine girl who wore huge earrings on a battlefield. Just like that, why not. We got asked why (in an amused way) and he answered with me: "meh? It's a game? We didn't think about it'' and the best part was that we all did find the situation amusing, which resulted in... rolling pronouns for both of us! :D😂 It was so fun! 

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Bloc

This is probably more a genderqueer moment. I ordered pizza at a Vapiano restaurant and the guy at the counter called me "madam, eh sorry sir". I didn't try to pass as femme, I was just wearing a hoody under a "women's" coat and jeans.

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Celyn
18 hours ago, Bloc said:

This is probably more a genderqueer moment. I ordered pizza at a Vapiano restaurant and the guy at the counter called me "madam, eh sorry sir". I didn't try to pass as femme, I was just wearing a hoody under a "women's" coat and jeans.

Being nonbinary and presenting androgynously is such a weird experience because people are so binary-minded that it seems their brain just flips a coin and decides that's definitely my gender.

l just want to tell them no, that initial uncertainty is the correct state.

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anisotrophic

a colleague that isn't very close to me used "they" in an email introducing me to another person! and they didn't do the annoying "I'm avoiding a pronoun" dance. email sigs work! ^_^ 🙌

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nerdperson777
On 11/29/2019 at 11:09 AM, Celyn said:

@nerdperson777 Congrats, hope the last little bit of healing goes quickly!

 

I just realised that the fact that I'm now shark week free is probably what allowed me to wean myself off antidepressants. I'm not experiencing the high levels of dysphoria for about half of every month that I used to. 

That, and not having the physical agony of it, is just. The. Best. Thing.

I was having this weird problem where my lats would be activating.  Usually it's because I was using them to lift my arms instead of using my shoulders.  But my lats wouldn't turn off.  I had this happen before when I first figured out how to use them.  My instructor was telling us that we had to engage these specific muscles and one day I felt the burn.  My initial reaction was "cool!  I learned how to use them!"  But then they didn't turn off so I got sore.  Same thing happened this time around.  I have a slight V shape but that side with the complication had a bulge there because of my lats.  It looked swollen because I wasn't able to rest those muscles.  But for some strange reason, after that second post-op appointment to make sure the hematoma drained correctly, I was perfectly fine.  No lat issues at all.  They're not sore anymore.

 

But one awkward thing happened at that appointment.  The surgeon noticed that I was still puffy at the top of that hematoma side.  He said it was either the drain not getting that far and thus still fluid in there, or was swelling.  If it was fluid, then he could quickly drain it out and I could heal faster.  So he got some local anesthetic and injected it in there.  It kind of spewed out all over me, mostly my arm.  Nothing was coming out of it so he deduced it as swelling.  He slapped a bandage on that but after seeing him I went to the bathroom because it was tugging on my armpit hair and that was uncomfortable.

 

I'd say I'm pretty flat now though.  He said after the second surgery that I still needed to be on low sodium and wear the binder most of the time but I haven't really been following that.  The assistants weren't worried about the binder but not being on low sodium might be what's keeping my swelling.  I'm just wearing non-adhesive pads on my nipples now, but the better side can be free now.  I still put a bandage on it in case of rubbing.  I bought some silicone tape, but I have to wait for my incisions to be all closed up.  I found out on my good side though that the hardened blood was just covering the incision so that looks mostly good.  I might start with those tonight since I didn't get all the blood off yesterday.  The feeling of my clothes right in the middle of my chest feels weird since I can feel my bones there.  I might prefer sweatshirts over hoodies again.  There's a lot of weird things now that I didn't expect like my backpack not staying stable on me because there's no boobs to hold the straps in place.  I'm going to have to be used to all this, unless I do enough pushups to have pecs.

 

On 11/30/2019 at 10:15 PM, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

I feel pleased with myself for figuring out workouts for my top half which don't a) stress me out because they're difficult to do regularly enough and b) make me paranoid about my joints. ^_^ I sometimes get wrist pains now which I take as an indication to maybe not practice things like piano, excessively type or do workouts involving much boxing or pushups, and I don't want to do many workouts for my core which I've read can be bad for your back long term, so I just do a limited amount of pushups every two days and hold my legs in the air while on my back until I can't do it any more. It would be nice to have more definition in my middle area, I have none and it might help with hip/bum dysphoria.

The place I go to makes us do leg lifts.  We just lie on our backs and lift our legs up as straight as possible.  I heard a few years ago that sit ups are actually bad for the back so I guess lifting the legs instead of the body should help with that.

 

I just looked at a video of me doing a performance pre-T and wow my butt was so big.

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DuranDuranfan

I talked to my doctor about getting a reduction done, now I’m waiting for a phone call about my consultation appointment. 

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Celyn
4 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

  I heard a few years ago that sit ups are actually bad for the back so I guess lifting the legs instead of the body should help with that.

I was taught to do the leg lift then slowly lower them without letting your back curve as an alternative to sit-ups.

(I still do sit-ups though)

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