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butterflydreams

a gender positive thread

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nerdperson777
On 8/29/2019 at 3:15 AM, Celyn said:

I have to catalogue the gender positive moments of my holiday...

Auntie: "You're the absolute spit of your dad at your age!"

Godfather: "Wow, to move to a new country is so brave, you have huge balls of steel, can you walk with those?"

Nan, introducing me: "This is my son's...offspring." (I found this particularly adorable as she tried to find a gender neutral word)

I remember seeing a thing where some mom tried to find a neutral word for baby girl, and it became baby goat.

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ColeHW34
59 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

I remember seeing a thing where some mom tried to find a neutral word for baby girl, and it became baby goat.

Uhh. What the...

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daveb

Ha, you kid!

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PoeciMeta

I had another discussion with mom and my doc about stopping my periods, and they said it wasn't possible because I already have too many meds. I 'jokingly' asked if I could just be 'spayed like a cat' and they went 'of course not, no one will agree to do that, besides you'll probably want kids later'. A classic. Except this time I actually know about transgender stuff and what can actually be done. So, instead of just feeling ill with dysphoria, I also had the thought that 'Gods, I can't wait to prove you wrong'. It felt strong. It's probably one of the first time I feel strong against a doctor's refusal because of my gender, so that's what I'm choosing to remember. 

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Bloc
1 hour ago, PoeciMeta said:

I had another discussion with mom and my doc about stopping my periods, and they said it wasn't possible because I already have too many meds. I 'jokingly' asked if I could just be 'spayed like a cat' and they went 'of course not, no one will agree to do that, besides you'll probably want kids later'. A classic. Except this time I actually know about transgender stuff and what can actually be done. So, instead of just feeling ill with dysphoria, I also had the thought that 'Gods, I can't wait to prove you wrong'. It felt strong. It's probably one of the first time I feel strong against a doctor's refusal because of my gender, so that's what I'm choosing to remember. 

After reading the first part, I thought what is gender positive about this, but then I read the second part :). I am glad you found your own strength.

 

P.S. Why do I cry when I read posts like this?

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Karst
1 hour ago, PoeciMeta said:

I had another discussion with mom and my doc about stopping my periods, and they said it wasn't possible because I already have too many meds. I 'jokingly' asked if I could just be 'spayed like a cat' and they went 'of course not, no one will agree to do that, besides you'll probably want kids later'. A classic. Except this time I actually know about transgender stuff and what can actually be done. So, instead of just feeling ill with dysphoria, I also had the thought that 'Gods, I can't wait to prove you wrong'. It felt strong. It's probably one of the first time I feel strong against a doctor's refusal because of my gender, so that's what I'm choosing to remember. 

I hate the "you'll want kids someday" line of reasoning.  People should have the right to make drastic decisions, even if they do eventually end up regretting them.  Freedom has to include the liberty to do things that have major consequences.

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PoeciMeta
2 hours ago, Iridium said:

I hate the "you'll want kids someday" line of reasoning.  People should have the right to make drastic decisions, even if they do eventually end up regretting them.  Freedom has to include the liberty to do things that have major consequences.

Exactly. The most ironic thing is that drastic decisions are expected of people younger than me regarding education, where they more or less choose things that might determine their whole life sometimes as young as 14, and if they make a choice that is wrong for them, they'll probably regret it their whole life with potentially terrible consequences.

 

Besides, why do people think this is automatically such a regrettable decision? The choice here is basically the possibility of having biological kids BUT periods, pap smears, possibility of unwanted babies (at young age, too!) and several terrible diseases including cancer, against none of the above so having to adopt if you want kids and having to go through surgery but significantly lowered risk of ruining your life or ending it altogether, plus possibly reducing dysphoria? And the second choice is supposed to be the one people regret?? 

If you add vaginectomy in the mix, 

Spoiler

I understand that people might think it's a terrible choice because I'll abandon the possibility of something that's important for many people, but as an ace, I can't wait to get rid of what's no less than a rape hole. I would just feel better and safer. But it would be a miracle if I can get people to understand that. 

 

As you said, this should be my choice and even if I end up regretting it, it's no one's business and I'm willing to take that risk. People shouldn't assume that I'm unable to make the right choice by default and that I'll be lucky if I don't regret it. As unfathomable as that may sound, many people do know what is good for them better than others that barely know them.

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Celyn

@PoeciMeta I was just thinking about that - "Medically, my body belongs to a (cis) man I haven't met yet."

So crappy. And I'm grateful I'm not on any other medication; if I had no way to stop my periods I would LOSE MY SHIT BIG TIME.

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Karst

Seriously, though- if you can get a face tattoo when you're 18, you should also be allowed to make other major choices about what to do with your body.

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Karst
27 minutes ago, Celyn said:

@PoeciMeta I was just thinking about that - "Medically, my body belongs to a (cis) man I haven't met yet."

So crappy. And I'm grateful I'm not on any other medication; if I had no way to stop my periods I would LOSE MY SHIT BIG TIME.

It's the same patriarchal BS as "you have to save yourself for your husband".

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PoeciMeta
Just now, Iridium said:

It's the same patriarchal BS as "you have to save yourself for your husband".

This is just terrible. If that means not doing bad things to yourself because it will cause pain to your loved ones, I can accept, but regarding your own body and mind and self, you don't owe anyone anything. Especially someone you don't know. But still anyone. I have decided I didn't need anyone's approval to change my body, and if that means I'll disappoint or even anger my mother, so be it. It feels good just to write that down. ^^

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Karst

I can understand that some people, especially parents, worry about young people making poor life choices.  But ultimately, I think that a person's individual liberty outweighs any need to be shielded from the consequences of their actions.

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nerdperson777
On 9/1/2019 at 10:02 AM, PoeciMeta said:

Exactly. The most ironic thing is that drastic decisions are expected of people younger than me regarding education, where they more or less choose things that might determine their whole life sometimes as young as 14, and if they make a choice that is wrong for them, they'll probably regret it their whole life with potentially terrible consequences.

 

Besides, why do people think this is automatically such a regrettable decision? The choice here is basically the possibility of having biological kids BUT periods, pap smears, possibility of unwanted babies (at young age, too!) and several terrible diseases including cancer, against none of the above so having to adopt if you want kids and having to go through surgery but significantly lowered risk of ruining your life or ending it altogether, plus possibly reducing dysphoria? And the second choice is supposed to be the one people regret?? 

If you add vaginectomy in the mix, 

  Reveal hidden contents

I understand that people might think it's a terrible choice because I'll abandon the possibility of something that's important for many people, but as an ace, I can't wait to get rid of what's no less than a rape hole. I would just feel better and safer. But it would be a miracle if I can get people to understand that. 

 

As you said, this should be my choice and even if I end up regretting it, it's no one's business and I'm willing to take that risk. People shouldn't assume that I'm unable to make the right choice by default and that I'll be lucky if I don't regret it. As unfathomable as that may sound, many people do know what is good for them better than others that barely know them.

I want a hysterectomy to remove the uterus and cervix just so I don't have to deal with pap smears.  I had my first one like 4 months ago and that was super uncomfortable.  Plus since I never had anything put in there before, it felt even worse.  I'm fine with keeping ovaries so I can still have biological children if I wanted to.  I just wouldn't be able to carry one.  I don't get why cis people must have this one idea about all trans people who want "cross sex" hormones and get rid of their reproductive parts for another.  It's not all about the sex or the parts!

 

On 9/1/2019 at 11:07 AM, Iridium said:

Seriously, though- if you can get a face tattoo when you're 18, you should also be allowed to make other major choices about what to do with your body.

I've read some posts that were saying that you can get a gun at age 18 or 21 or whatever, but can't rent a car until 25-26.  It's easier to get a gun than a car (depending on where you live).

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PoeciMeta
3 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

I want a hysterectomy to remove the uterus and cervix just so I don't have to deal with pap smears.  I had my first one like 4 months ago and that was super uncomfortable.  Plus since I never had anything put in there before, it felt even worse.  I'm fine with keeping ovaries so I can still have biological children if I wanted to.  I just wouldn't be able to carry one.  I don't get why cis people must have this one idea about all trans people who want "cross sex" hormones and get rid of their reproductive parts for another.  It's not all about the sex or the parts!

 

I've read some posts that were saying that you can get a gun at age 18 or 21 or whatever, but can't rent a car until 25-26.  It's easier to get a gun than a car (depending on where you live).

Pap smears sound horrible. Not the only reason I want my parts removed, but I thought many times that I would rather never ever visit a gynecologist and suffer the consequences whatever they are. I even thought cancer would be a great excuse for a hysto. In fact, I'm planning to get rid of the hole before anyone has a chance to insert anything in it. *shudders at the thought*

 

And this is making me very glad to live in a no gun country. But yeah, some age limits like this are absurd. Too young and immature to decide you don't want sex, but if you want a gun, go ahead? This would be funny if it didn't have disgusting consequences. 

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nerdperson777
1 hour ago, PoeciMeta said:

Too young and immature to decide you don't want sex, but if you want a gun, go ahead? This would be funny if it didn't have disgusting consequences. 

*thinks about the weekly shootings and how people are blaming it on those with mental illness rather than entitled rich white people*

I've been having reoccurring dreams of being at an active shooting, but it was like a video game in that things had a structure and repeated after a "round".  It was basically like one of those gun games but only the shooter had a gun and the "player" was just hiding and trying to get away.  This existed in my dreams but I'm sure if someone actually made a game out of it, there would be so much backlash.  But the fact that this is happening, I'm wondering if I'm subconsciously accepting that this is the reality of things.

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Celyn
2 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I want a hysterectomy to remove the uterus and cervix just so I don't have to deal with pap smears.  I had my first one like 4 months ago and that was super uncomfortable. 

I'm horrified they put you through that, my doctor made a note that I wouldn't need them, because I came out to her.  I still get leaflets telling me to get one though, so it seems while she was able to put a note on my file to stop other doctors recommending it, it hasn't filtered through to the NHS mailing system. 

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PoeciMeta
5 minutes ago, Celyn said:

I'm horrified they put you through that, my doctor made a note that I wouldn't need them, because I came out to her.

That's possible? Good to know, I may have to ask for such a note in the future. 

Going back to gender positivity, I'll be seeing a new psychiatrist from now on - one who specialises in autism, and thus should know about the correlation between autism and gender dysphoria. It should turn out better than the last one I've ranted about. 

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nerdperson777
10 minutes ago, Celyn said:

I'm horrified they put you through that, my doctor made a note that I wouldn't need them, because I came out to her.  I still get leaflets telling me to get one though, so it seems while she was able to put a note on my file to stop other doctors recommending it, it hasn't filtered through to the NHS mailing system. 

My doctor says that 85% of the cancer is caused by sexual activity so this is to cover the last 15%.  She said that she had a virgin patient in her 40s that did have cancer so she said that I should get the swab.  The day I had that, I also had my Steam account stolen so I ended up forgetting that I could feel the empty space left from that device she inserted in me so I guess priorities.  I did get my account back though.

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PoeciMeta
5 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

My doctor says that 85% of the cancer is caused by sexual activity so this is to cover the last 15%.

Following that logic, everyone should be regularly checked for cancers everywhere. As far as I know, people aren't recommended to all get tested for colorectal cancer every 3 years even if they're healthy. 

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nerdperson777
2 minutes ago, PoeciMeta said:

Following that logic, everyone should be regularly checked for cancers everywhere. As far as I know, people aren't recommended to all get tested for colorectal cancer every 3 years even if they're healthy. 

*sigh* Yes, but once someone has experienced something, in this case, someone who had never been sexually active having cancer, they will pay more care to it.  There are people who think I'm overreacting when I have to wash my laundry exactly as the tag label says.  Why am I like this?  I accidentally washed a good shirt on warm when it was a cold wash shirt and it shrunk to the point that I couldn't comfortably wear it.

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PoeciMeta
12 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

*sigh* Yes, but once someone has experienced something, in this case, someone who had never been sexually active having cancer, they will pay more care to it.  There are people who think I'm overreacting when I have to wash my laundry exactly as the tag label says.  Why am I like this?  I accidentally washed a good shirt on warm when it was a cold wash shirt and it shrunk to the point that I couldn't comfortably wear it.

I know. It happens. Sometimes cancer happens and you don't really know why. A genetic predisposition or eating habits can suffice. It happened to a member of my family. What I don't understand is that there aren't enough screenings for some cancers but so many recommended pap smears. 

Not sure I understand the clothes analogy. Do you mean that generally, when something bad happens, people will be more vigilant and check that it doesn't happen again? Or are you referring to yourself? (If the latter, that may or may not be none of my business, now that I think about it...) 

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Sir_The_Last
57 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

My doctor says that 85% of the cancer is caused by sexual activity so this is to cover the last 15%.

I've not heard of such a study. 🤔   Can someone point me to such a study? 

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nerdperson777
1 hour ago, PoeciMeta said:

I know. It happens. Sometimes cancer happens and you don't really know why. A genetic predisposition or eating habits can suffice. It happened to a member of my family. What I don't understand is that there aren't enough screenings for some cancers but so many recommended pap smears. 

Not sure I understand the clothes analogy. Do you mean that generally, when something bad happens, people will be more vigilant and check that it doesn't happen again? Or are you referring to yourself? (If the latter, that may or may not be none of my business, now that I think about it...) 

Yes, I mean that when something bad happens, people will make sure to not happen again.  I only wore that shirt maybe 3 times and that one shrink messed everything up.

 

I heard something about the three most common cancers.  Breast cancer is like #2 or #3 while whatever #1 is, which I can't remember atm, has virtually no visibility.

 

1 hour ago, Sir_The_Last said:

I've not heard of such a study. 🤔   Can someone point me to such a study? 

It's just something my doctor said so you are free to look it up and tell us if you find it.

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ColeHW34
5 hours ago, PoeciMeta said:

Sometimes cancer happens and you don't really know why. A genetic predisposition or eating habits can suffice.

I know that my dad's side of the family is prone to benign squamous cell cancers and frequent stress can increase cancer risk.

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Karst

Some people referred to me as "he" the other day when I was out hiking, and I just thought, "I could get used to this".

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Ferocious Cub

I came here to share about things I like about my body, and ended up reading about cancer... I guess there is no control over where conversation goes...  So I guess I'll put in something about both.

I'm just starting to climb 5.11s at the rock gym, and it makes me feel really good.  Strong.  Like Spiderman.

That's a good point about the cancer screenings.  My mom died of colon cancer, and I've been asking for screenings for years.  The doctors don't really want to do it.  They say when I'm 40.  Meanwhile, pap smears every 3 years? (Not that I'm following that, but maybe I can stop feeling like I aught to go?)

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Coddiwomple

Being out is so great. I love being gendered correctly; it's the best feeling in the world.

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nerdperson777

I looked at some job postings in my email, since I didn't turn them off.  I was impressed that I saw one listing talk about the responsibilities and "he/she/they" was used to refer to the one that would be hired.  I'm impressed by this non-binary representation.

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Coddiwomple
6 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I looked at some job postings in my email, since I didn't turn them off.  I was impressed that I saw one listing talk about the responsibilities and "he/she/they" was used to refer to the one that would be hired.  I'm impressed by this non-binary representation.

Simply "they" would be better imo, because "he/she/they" implies that they're including every possible pronoun. But I'm just being pedantic. "he/she/they" is definitely better than "he/she".

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