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a gender positive thread


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nerdperson777
15 hours ago, AcornCarvings said:

I've been coming out more and more at my college lately, and it feels really really amazing. I'm even out at work (even though they don't always gender me right).

I never thought I'd have a caring community that appreciated me for who I am, but I really feel like I have one now, and I have realized how important to me this all is, and become less mean and critical to myself about my gender. I feel so much more comfortable with my gender now, and I am questioning less (or maybe am more ok with the questioning that I am doing?).

 

I'm away at home for summer right now which is kind of a mess but it's comforting to me to know those people and that community are there.

I'm definitely more comfortable now than I was a few years ago.  Transitioning made me feel more comfortable with myself to the point that I'm doing things that I would've never done before because I was trying to affirm my masculinity.  I don't think I really have a gender label that catches everything that I am right now, even after several years.  I still say transmasculine because my gender expression is as binary male as I can make it even if inside, I'm not binary male.  I can always go with non-binary, but I feel like my masculine side sticks out way more than any other gender.  Only my actions can be feminine.  For costuming, I'm really considering feminine guy stuff.  Sometimes I like that I'm talking in a "gay" voice.  One of my possible upcoming costumes could be decked out in a darkish pink when I really hated pink when I was younger.  I guess I'm just caring way less.  My aunt made such a big deal out of it when I actually had a few red shirts.  I always associated red with love, which I would stay away from as a repulsed aro, but I'm realizing my repulsion is probably more due to toxic masculinity and not wanting to be weak.  So now I just acknowledge that many people are into romance or sex and don't judge them for it.  Associating red with blood and gore didn't really work out for me so I'll just be walking around with occasional red shirts.

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nerdperson777
4 hours ago, Ardoise said:

@nerdperson777, I know a lot of cis guys who do ridiculous things to affirm their masculinity, so you're doing better than them.

Yeah, I feel affirmed enough now.  I feel like being AFAB and transitioning to being seen as male, while not being male makes me continue to recognize toxic masculinity, although I know there are trans guys that can recognize it to not be part of it.  I can think of one person on here that I know well enough to fit that.  I guess I've been in groups that advocate for rights, consent and have many kinds of trigger warnings so that I understand what I should and should not do.  I have come across a few trans guys who seem really toxic masculine so I know not to be like them.  One group for exercising trans people had an owner who I saw say that some user was too serious and couldn't take a joke.  I thought that invalidating that other person's feelings was a toxic masculine action.  Then in my chatroom, some trans guy came in.  As the only AFAB person who did masculinizing transition there at most times, I did talk to him but he seemed obsessed with being manly.  Talking about feelings in a chatroom wasn't manly.  I said that I passed pre-T so he asked my secret, one thing which I said was having an androgynous Asian body.  Androgynous wasn't enough for him.  He wanted male.  I also said that I'm not good at facial expressions so I'm not very expressive.  He took that as he needed to be less expressive.  I just naturally don't know how to react to things.  Then he said some comments about T turning him into a shag rug and he needed all that hair to keep him warm while hunting.  I then saw a sexist comment about how women don't have hair, just weaving baskets in caves so that's why they're obsessed with shoes, to keep warm.  I shared that part with my roommate "I didn't realize we were cave people".  Through all this, I'm sure he wouldn't want to know all the "feminine" stuff I do, including enjoying arts and crafts, playing with fans, and all my feminine guy costume ideas.

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Mezzo Forte
On 5/20/2019 at 5:26 PM, nerdperson777 said:

Transitioning made me feel more comfortable with myself to the point that I'm doing things that I would've never done before because I was trying to affirm my masculinity.

I feel you on that front, my friend. I've been noticing the same thing myself, where I don't really feel as obligated to present or act quite as masculine as I did in the past. I actually started wearing earrings again this year, and I have actually gotten a lot of compliments because of it. :P People are more and more inclined to assume that I'm gay, and they do so with increasing confidence too. (Seriously, some people not only assume I'm gay, but also that I'm *openly* gay.) A lot of those assumptions are based on my voice and mannerisms, but I'm ultimately at a point where those things simply don't bother me like they used to. Apparently, my cardigans and scarves didn't help my case in the winter months, but considering that I've been read as gay in a standard black T-shirt and jeans, I guess I just give off a sort of femme aura at this point or something.

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2 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I feel you on that front, my friend. I've been noticing the same thing myself, where I don't really feel as obligated to present or act quite as masculine as I did in the past.

I am not sure if I should take hormones. But I can totally relate to this. I've a strong feeling that I would present much more butch if I would be taking hormones for a while as I would not have to compensate for a body which is too masculine. Your description of your outfit sounds like you are rocking a great outfit.

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nerdperson777
21 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I feel you on that front, my friend. I've been noticing the same thing myself, where I don't really feel as obligated to present or act quite as masculine as I did in the past. I actually started wearing earrings again this year, and I have actually gotten a lot of compliments because of it. :P People are more and more inclined to assume that I'm gay, and they do so with increasing confidence too. (Seriously, some people not only assume I'm gay, but also that I'm *openly* gay.) A lot of those assumptions are based on my voice and mannerisms, but I'm ultimately at a point where those things simply don't bother me like they used to. Apparently, my cardigans and scarves didn't help my case in the winter months, but considering that I've been read as gay in a standard black T-shirt and jeans, I guess I just give off a sort of femme aura at this point or something.

I still don't know what my "real" voice is, as there are times that I sound "gay", but other times, I sound "normal".  It's natural, yet also unnatural, at the same time.  I also have the gay mannerisms, which tends to coincide with when I have my "gay" voice on.

 

I was just at the superior court to file in my name and gender change papers.  I guess they just updated those papers to include non-binary so I had to redo a few of them.  While I was filling them out, I heard a guy saying that he was changing his last name to his husband's.  Within 5 minutes later, I heard a feminine appearing person asking for just a name change to conform with gender identity.  When I finished my papers and got back in line, I joked, "a lot of papers to fill out, right?  I'm doing both name and gender."  They said, "yeah, damn!"  So much queerness in one space (a small room) made me feel great about us being visible.

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Mezzo Forte
On May 22, 2019 at 12:25 AM, Bloc said:

I am not sure if I should take hormones. But I can totally relate to this. I've a strong feeling that I would present much more butch if I would be taking hormones for a while as I would not have to compensate for a body which is too masculine. Your description of your outfit sounds like you are rocking a great outfit.

I feel you about the balance between body and style. I actually used to try on my earrings in private as my ultimate test of how masculine my face was, as the earrings made my face look so feminine for so long. I'm officially at a point where I can wear my earrings without getting dysphoric, so wearing them in public and getting outright compliments (while being completely recognized as a guy) is actually quite nice for me. :) 

 

Aw, thanks. :) I feel like my fashion has gone a bit downhill compared to earlier in my transition thanks now that I can't fit into my button-ups or most my favorite formalwear anymore and tend to just wear T-shirts and jeans, (I decided to let myself gain weight when starting the PhD, and I've gone up in shirt/pant size for the first time since transitioning,) but I suppose I'm still technically accessorizing in a way that I like, as my 6 earrings, leather necklace, and wristwatch are everyday wear at this point. 

 

16 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I still don't know what my "real" voice is, as there are times that I sound "gay", but other times, I sound "normal".  It's natural, yet also unnatural, at the same time.  I also have the gay mannerisms, which tends to coincide with when I have my "gay" voice on.

 

I was just at the superior court to file in my name and gender change papers.  I guess they just updated those papers to include non-binary so I had to redo a few of them.  While I was filling them out, I heard a guy saying that he was changing his last name to his husband's.  Within 5 minutes later, I heard a feminine appearing person asking for just a name change to conform with gender identity.  When I finished my papers and got back in line, I joked, "a lot of papers to fill out, right?  I'm doing both name and gender."  They said, "yeah, damn!"  So much queerness in one space (a small room) made me feel great about us being visible.

I think vocal inflection can be quite situational. I think of my dad as a sort of "accent chameleon" because he sometimes unwittingly takes on the accent of the person he's talking to. While not as extreme, I have social situations where I notice that my voice has become far more delicate than usual, and it likely sounds more effeminate in some situations than it does others. Perhaps something similar is happening in your case?

 

Strangely enough, people very rarely point to my voice and say it's a "gay voice," so I might be more sensitive to its feminine inflections. I suppose it's somewhere in the space between the stereotypes of straight/gay voices. People always point to my mannerisms instead, particularly my tendency to make a lot of hand gestures—something I suspect came more from growing up with an Italian best friend than necessarily feminine social coding. :P I'm actually quite perplexed about how I seem to be getting more consistently read as gay over time, as I was somewhat straight passing when I taught community college.

 

Also, fingers crossed that all the legal stuff goes well! Having official ID with the right name/marker can be a huge relief. :) 

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Anthracite_Impreza

I'm like full on male, have been for a couple of days now; it feels awesome. I got confused, then sad, when someone misgendered me earlier, but internally corrected myself to "he" rather than "they". How long will it last? Who knows, but I always feel better when I'm full on male so maybe that's saying somet. I literally bro-swagger when I'm male xD

I also fall into the trap of toxic masculinity and overcompensation sometimes :c

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I need to cut my hair again.  I like having it short for when the hot weather rolls around again.

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nerdperson777
On 5/23/2019 at 9:44 AM, Mezzo Forte said:

I think vocal inflection can be quite situational. I think of my dad as a sort of "accent chameleon" because he sometimes unwittingly takes on the accent of the person he's talking to. While not as extreme, I have social situations where I notice that my voice has become far more delicate than usual, and it likely sounds more effeminate in some situations than it does others. Perhaps something similar is happening in your case?

 

Strangely enough, people very rarely point to my voice and say it's a "gay voice," so I might be more sensitive to its feminine inflections. I suppose it's somewhere in the space between the stereotypes of straight/gay voices. People always point to my mannerisms instead, particularly my tendency to make a lot of hand gestures—something I suspect came more from growing up with an Italian best friend than necessarily feminine social coding. :P I'm actually quite perplexed about how I seem to be getting more consistently read as gay over time, as I was somewhat straight passing when I taught community college.

 

Also, fingers crossed that all the legal stuff goes well! Having official ID with the right name/marker can be a huge relief. :) 

Definitely possible.  I said possibly in this thread about how I was able to copy a deep "female" voice.  I never thought of myself being that adept at voice related things but it's working.  I have also been known to copy a foreign Asian's accent when I talk to them.  A friend said that I get my Asian accent on when I'm nervous.  I just take it that my tone is as fluid as my mood.  I can sound gay at times, but I can also sound "typical" masculine.  I don't think I've had anyone ask I was gay yet but whenever someone mentions me and relationships, they're assuming straight.

 

Yeah, hopefully good things happen.  But they said the first day for hearings I can go to is September 24th, 4 months from now so will have to wait a bit.

 

On 5/23/2019 at 10:17 AM, Anthracite_Impreza said:

I'm like full on male, have been for a couple of days now; it feels awesome. I got confused, then sad, when someone misgendered me earlier, but internally corrected myself to "he" rather than "they". How long will it last? Who knows, but I always feel better when I'm full on male so maybe that's saying somet. I literally bro-swagger when I'm male xD

I also fall into the trap of toxic masculinity and overcompensation sometimes :c

Gender is definitely weird.  A few years ago, I felt dysphoric when I was referred to as mister.  That lasted a few days and I was fine with mister again but now I magically don't care.  I mean, Mr doesn't sound totally right to me and I'm kind of eh about Mx.  Titles sound like a nice prestige to me but I don't think there's one that would fit me right now.

 

I try to think that I'm not stuck in that trap since I've read up on a few things, including teaching my cousin about toxic masculinity.  She was able to identify it in action.  She asked her boyfriend to see what's wrong with the vacuum cleaner but a few days passed and my dad came by their house so she asked him to check.  The boyfriend got offended.  I had just told her about it a week or so before.  She's been my best familial supporter for the stuff I've been going through.

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Celyn: The Lutening

The cashier just addressed me as Sir! And didn't correct herself when I spoke!

*Walking on Sunshine plays*

 

I needed that after yesterday's random dysphoric crying session. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
AwkwardAxolotl

4 years post top surgery today! It's amazing how much better life is nowadays. Top surgery gave me back my confidence, my hobbies, my life. I gave up running and swimming when I hit puberty, because I couldn't stand the feeling of my chest moving like that when I ran, and couldn't stand how I looked in a swim suit. Now 4 years post-op, I completed my first marathon two days ago, and I'm capable of completing the swimming portion of an Ironman triathalon. Now I guess I just need to work on my biking.

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verymelancholic

I need to stop suppressing my feminine-ish side. Tbh I really wanna grow my hair and make myself look more androgynous, but schools have rules so....

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29 minutes ago, verymelancholic said:

I need to stop suppressing my feminine-ish side. Tbh I really wanna grow my hair and make myself look more androgynous, but schools have rules so....

This sucks. Can you try a more androgynous or even femme look in your free time? Hope can do safely.

 

Here in Germany school regulations on hairstyle would violate the constitution, as the freedom of expression of personality is a basic right here.

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verymelancholic
24 minutes ago, Bloc said:

This sucks. Can you try a more androgynous or even femme look in your free time? Hope can do safely.

 

Here in Germany school regulations on hairstyle would violate the constitution, as the freedom of expression of personality is a basic right here.

Lucky you. In here you are treated like shit for not conforming to heteronormative standards. Religion also heavily influences people here, so it's even harder.

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@verymelancholic
sorry you have to deal with this. I hope you can find or build some safe space where you can be yourself.

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verymelancholic
Just now, Bloc said:

@verymelancholic
sorry you have to deal with this. I hope you can find or build some safe space where you can be yourself.

I'm waiting for that day as well. Then I would probably like myself more.

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changed my pronouns on this site...just wanted to see how they looked on a post 🤔

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nerdperson777
On 6/3/2019 at 1:09 PM, AwkwardAxolotl said:

4 years post top surgery today! It's amazing how much better life is nowadays. Top surgery gave me back my confidence, my hobbies, my life. I gave up running and swimming when I hit puberty, because I couldn't stand the feeling of my chest moving like that when I ran, and couldn't stand how I looked in a swim suit. Now 4 years post-op, I completed my first marathon two days ago, and I'm capable of completing the swimming portion of an Ironman triathalon. Now I guess I just need to work on my biking.

Oh yeah, I've only swam about 5 times since I hit puberty, minus the high school swim unit, where I lied about forgetting my swimsuit for a whole week.  I told my teacher this lie and I believed my own lie, so I learned that's how people got past lie detectors?  I wonder if my classmates found this hard to believe because I was that perfectionist nerdy student, even if I didn't have perfect grades.  I remembered to bring sandals to at least dip my feet in the water so it was definitely questionable.  My dysphoria came more from my bottom than my top though.  But even now, I don't care to go swimming.  I even forgot to swim so I've been doggy paddling my way the last couple times I went.  I'm not 100% comfortable yet since I still have my top to worry about, but my bottom should be done.  At least I got one thing out of the way I suppose.

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Calligraphette_Coe
On 6/4/2019 at 1:35 AM, verymelancholic said:

I need to stop suppressing my feminine-ish side. Tbh I really wanna grow my hair and make myself look more androgynous, but schools have rules so....

You'll also likely pay a penalty after your school days when you enter into your working/career life. I know I have, but it's a price I've been willing to pay for the comfort it gives in return. Not that I can do much about my natural androgyny anyway, as I woud never have plastic surgery to 'correct' those.

 

Even though growing your hair and cultivating  an androgynous appearnce comes at a price, sometimes it gives back, too. It becomes a disadvantage that you have to overcome, and in doing that, you have to work harder and acheive more just to be in the same place in the competition. But, you learn not to shy away from that, it's like a harsh sun that cooks the bricks of your personal constitution into a fierceness that never lets you rest on your laurels. History is often made by people who say "We shall overcome." And then when you do, you find that that is one thing they can never take from you.

 

Make  your plans, hone your resolve and know that the present Now doesn't last forever. Be ready for the Next Step.

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XxAce DetectivexX

I'm the average height for a boy my age (maybe even a little tall-ish?)

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AcornCarvings

A kid from my old school asked my pronouns today, and we high fived since we both use they/them! It was nice since pretty much all summer since I've been back at home most people haven't been respecting my pronouns

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no-longer-in-use
2 hours ago, AcornCarvings said:

A kid from my old school asked my pronouns today, and we high fived since we both use they/them! It was nice since pretty much all summer since I've been back at home most people haven't been respecting my pronouns

Yay!

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My new prescription sunglasses (face run through faceapp :P )

faceapp-fun-female-hd-single-400.jpg

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Here&Queer

I'm new to this forum (hi!) but I think it's awesome!! Goodness knows I could take a minute to recognize something about myself I actually like (it's a nice middle finger to dysphoria, which I'll admit I kinda like). Anyways, I just got my haircut into a short, asymmetrical look and I really like it. It's helping to create a little burst of gender euphoria when I run my hands through it, which is really great!

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Calligraphette_Coe
2 hours ago, daveb said:

My new prescription sunglasses (face run through faceapp :P )

faceapp-fun-female-hd-single-400.jpg

Yep, you stil look like Marilu Henner.

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28 minutes ago, Calligraphette_Coe said:

Yep, you still look like Marilu Henner.

Thanks! I could only hope to look so good (had a bit of a crush on her in Taxi). :) 

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Calligraphette_Coe
21 minutes ago, daveb said:

Thanks! I could only hope to look so good (had a bit of a crush on her in Taxi). :) 

Whereas I look like Margaret Hamilton. :)

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