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butterflydreams

a gender positive thread

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ChillaKilla

Sunday at work-

Me: Hey [supervisor] can I get a new name tag bc reasons

Her: Sure just clear it with [manager]

Me: Hey [manager] can I have a new name tag

Her: Change it in the system first

Me: *does*

 

Today-

Other supervisor: Here's your new name tag, Chilla

Me: :D 

 

So many customers sir'd me and such! I even helped out this old lady and her daughter, and I talked to her about college and she said to her daughter "This nice young man wants to go to (college)!" I was so happy, that even if it wasn't 100% accurate, I was not being read as female. All my managers are chill about it and everything. No shitty coworkers yet! 

 

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butterflydreams

@ChillaKilla, that's awesome! Congrats!

 

It's amazing how silly little things like that can have such positive effects! And I'm glad they just changed it for you too. That's pretty great!

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Guest

Yay congrats Chilla! I'm happy to hear you have had such a positive experience at work :cake: 

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ChillaKilla

Tbh I was super worried because of the area where I live, plus I've heard some nasty comments from coworkers, but I think I can chalk most of that up to ignorance and not being personally impacted by these issues, and now that they're confronted with it, their minds are changing.

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Hermit Advocate

Just thought I'd throw this on here, 2 of my teachers this quarter asked people to write down their preferred pronouns so that they can use them in class. It made me happy that this is becoming more common on my campus. 

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butterflydreams
On 3/29/2017 at 10:23 AM, ChillaKilla said:

and now that they're confronted with it, their minds are changing

I really hope this is true. It's so helpful.

 

I found myself wondering how people see me today. I was walking into the bathroom at work, and there's a giant mirror above the sink, so I always get a good look at myself when I walk in. Fix my hair mostly. For a split second when I see myself, I feel unambiguously female. Like if anyone saw me, and thought I was male, they'd be out of their damn mind. It fades pretty quickly though. I'm sure it's something going on in my own head. If people are consistently seeing me the same way I see myself for that split second, wow, I'm doing much better than I think.

 

(meta: huh, in writing this, I realized, I never used to look at myself in the mirror when I went into the bathroom. In fact, I specifically avoided it. Now, I always do...even though I'm arguably more self-conscious about my appearance now. Weird.)

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Heart

@Hadley167, you've come so far ^_^

 

On another unrelated note, in my local meetup group, we host an Ace Prom once a year around the end of April/beginning of May. I am already starting to think of my outfit. One of my partners bought a killer-awesome dress shirt online, but it didn't fit him. His shoulders are too wide. So he gave it to me and told me to try it on. I was on a feminine day, so I wasn't wearing a binder, and so it was tight around the chest. But it wouldn't be if I wore a binder, and it fits my shoulders (I have very small shoulders for a man), and the only place it would be ever so slightly tight was my hips (which are altogether too big for a guy, but whatever). So in short, it's actually a really cool shirt.

 

So I think, for this year's prom, I'm going to genderqueer it up. Binder and this shirt, with dress pants, and heck maybe I'll actually do my hair or makeup or something really feminine. I'mma do all the masculine with all the feminine and just layer all the gender markers I can. I never do androgynous presentation in the sense of having both feminine and masculine markers; I always end up either feminine or masculine or as "blank slate" as I can get. My gender has never gone in the andrgyne zone, only ever man, woman, agender, and neutrois. So I think this could be fun ^_^

 

Anywho. That's my "I'm actually psyched about my body today" thought. Carry on.

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daveb

Sounds great, @Heart! Have fun! :)

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Guest

So, I started this brand new adventure at my local gym and i noticed i'm losing weight! I'm so glad i can finally start looking better and get healthier too, I'm secretly hoping i can build up some muscle so i can look more masculine too :D

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Heart

Congratulations @Jayce! Going to the gym is so hard to start with, but after a while I always find that I feel so much better after the workout. And I've been doing this challenge with myself where I try to run a mile twice a week, and I really notice a difference. I can run short distances now without getting out of breath! It feels powerful.

 

I'm cheering you on, and I know you can do it! Working up muscle takes time and dedication, but it's possible and oh so rewarding.

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butterflydreams
6 hours ago, Jayce said:

So, I started this brand new adventure at my local gym and i noticed i'm losing weight! I'm so glad i can finally start looking better and get healthier too, I'm secretly hoping i can build up some muscle so i can look more masculine too :D

That's great! Would it be cool to ask what kinds of exercises or workouts you're doing? I'm always trying to find new stuff that'll work for me to keep me healthy. Hoping to get back on my bike soon (this weekend if my sickness lets up), but winters are tough.

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Guest
7 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

That's great! Would it be cool to ask what kinds of exercises or workouts you're doing? I'm always trying to find new stuff that'll work for me to keep me healthy. Hoping to get back on my bike soon (this weekend if my sickness lets up), but winters are tough.

I'd love to share what i'm doing for so far:

I'm currently following a program called egym, they got this awesome system where you can make your own account and have a special personal programme where you train based on your own strenght after doing weight training.

 

I usually work abs, belly, back, legs. They say you burn fat 3 days after working out on the egym circle.

I do regular fitness too where i run, bike and train back and belly. 

I got this app too where i can make my shedule and see the results of my efforts of that day! 

 

Thanks @Heart i'm glad your cheering me on there! I'll do the same for you!

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Heart
16 minutes ago, Jayce said:

I'd love to share what i'm doing for so far:

I'm currently following a program called egym, they got this awesome system where you can make your own account and have a special personal programme where you train based on your own strenght after doing weight training.

 

I usually work abs, belly, back, legs. They say you burn fat 3 days after working out on the egym circle.

I do regular fitness too where i run, bike and train back and belly. 

I got this app too where i can make my shedule and see the results of my efforts of that day! 

 

Thanks @Heart i'm glad your cheering me on there! I'll do the same for you!

Oh wow. This sounds so high tech. Is this all free? If it is, I might check some of this out too! I mean, my workout of just running a mile twice a week sounds so boring in comparison :P

 

*drags self down to the gym now to run my scheduled mile* gah...soo...tired... But I'll do it! :P

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Guest
10 minutes ago, Heart said:

Oh wow. This sounds so high tech. Is this all free? If it is, I might check some of this out too! I mean, my workout of just running a mile twice a week sounds so boring in comparison :P

 

*drags self down to the gym now to run my scheduled mile* gah...soo...tired... But I'll do it! :P

You can do it!!! *stands on the sideline with pompons* 

 

It's not free but not super expensive either  I've got this year all in package with egym and unlimited fitness plus lessons for about 42 euros a month. Not bad for such high tech equipement, you get your own chip you use to log in on each device and it simply adjusts itself to your body. 

 

It's definetly worth every penny :P 

 

Edit: It's very important not to do both fitness and egym together in one day unless you are a seasoned sportman/lady.

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Finn.

 

I sorted through photos at work. I found a few with myself in them and I was surprised by how androgynous I looked! *excite*

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Cognition!

Everything I'm wearing right now comes from the men's or unisex section. I've just realised. :D

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kaysir

My step mom uploaded a picture of my dad on Facebook and it recognized his face as mine, lol. "Tag kaysir in this photo?" "Kaysir's not there!"

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Guest

Second week of my workout for so far, things are getting better and i've just done my second egym day. They even made a shedule and how much weight i should lose! But it's just a matter of following the routine and stick to your diet!

 

On other news: I just heard my name/pronouns how it sounds irl and it feels so good! I can't stop smiling :P 

 

 

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Mezzo Forte

I'm in the process of basically purging my closet, and since most of the clothes I'm getting rid of are women's clothes, I found myself trying them on to see if I could get away with wearing them. What I noticed though is that no matter how dysphoric any of these shirts could make me, my back has such a clear mesomorphic V that it looks masculine in just about anything. :) If anything, the women's shirts made that shape more obvious.  Too bad they leave too much room in the chest/hips for me to like wearing them.

 

Once I'm done with top surgery, I'm going to have so much fun wearing closer-fitted shirts :) 

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butterflydreams
4 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I'm in the process of basically purging my closet, and since most of the clothes I'm getting rid of are women's clothes, I found myself trying them on to see if I could get away with wearing them.

This is always something I've wondered about. Growing up kinda poor, I got into the habit of keeping clothes forever. Getting rid of them, even if they were worn out and raggedy wasn't an option. I'd sew up holes by hand just to keep things going. I'm afraid to get rid of them too, even if I donated them. Because at one time, those clothes meant a lot to me. Especially things I got during and after college. Because they were the first clothes I got without my parents influencing them. I dunno. It's not like they're taking up a lot of space, but they are a bit cluttery.

 

I don't feel like my body shape has changed that much, but trying on some old outfits is weird. I look strange in them (kind of like how you might imagine a stereotypical butch lesbian might look). My negative inner voice says if I wear them, I'll easily pass as a guy. I wish that wasn't true, but I kind of think it is. 

 

I asked my brother if he wanted to dig through my closet, but I don't think he'd like anything that I had.

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Kimmie.

To follow up on @Jayce I never thought it would feel so good to be could Kimmie and not he.

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Ix Phoen
4 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Once I'm done with top surgery, I'm going to have so much fun wearing closer-fitted shirts

I'll admit to a feeling of jealousy on this. I wish I could have both a flat chest and my curves, depending on the creative costume effect I'm going for. I guess I'll just be a man "in my next life" to make up for all the stylish options I can't wear this time around. Hehe. 

At least I can pull off some really fun feminine wear with my current shape! 

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Mezzo Forte
1 hour ago, Hadley167 said:

This is always something I've wondered about. Growing up kinda poor, I got into the habit of keeping clothes forever. Getting rid of them, even if they were worn out and raggedy wasn't an option. I'd sew up holes by hand just to keep things going. I'm afraid to get rid of them too, even if I donated them. Because at one time, those clothes meant a lot to me. Especially things I got during and after college. Because they were the first clothes I got without my parents influencing them. I dunno. It's not like they're taking up a lot of space, but they are a bit cluttery.

I'm about to move out of my current apartment, so the purge has its perks. :P I'm giving stuff to my mom, and I think she's going to give what she doesn't want to a co-worker of hers who's balancing cancer treatment and raising a child alone. My family is currently struggling with my sister's clutter (she's apparently taken over 3 of the 4 bedrooms at home) so if I have to move home, I don't want to be a burden, and if I move to a new apartment, then it's less stuff to move/store in the new place. My family definitely appreciates my effort :lol: 

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butterflydreams
1 hour ago, Ix Phoen said:

At least I can pull off some really fun feminine wear with my current shape!

Anything particularly interesting you'd like to share?

 

Ever since I got comfortable with the fact that I have boobs now, and that it's ok if people notice that I do, I've realized how bad my old clothes looked on me. Because now I wear clothes that fit properly. Because I want them to. My go-to outfits used to be broadcloth men's oxford-style shirts. Long sleeve or short sleeve. And hehe, this is kind of funny to admit now, but it's a cute story, so I'll share it.

 

When I first started buying women's clothes, I was always so nervous about the sizing, because I was buying things online. I'd look up the sizing information and take my measurements. Generally speaking, on tops, I fall on an annoying line right between medium and large, and bottoms (especially skirts) are always medium. Thanks, hips. But I bought plenty of women's medium sized tops that fit fine. Hell, some were even a little bit big. And I thought, "how can this possibly be? I used to wear men's mediums all the time? No way they're the same physical size." Well, as it turns out, I probably should've been wearing men's small sizes. I've put on some of my old shirts and they just hang off of me. I haven't lost any weight. They actually look pretty bad. It wasn't until I started dressing as I wanted to that I cared enough about making something fit right, so it was flattering.

 

So I will say, that's a pretty positive change for me. And while I might still hate that my measurements aren't very feminine, they're apparently in range enough that women's clothes look pretty good on me. Actually, aside from being a few inches taller than my mom, I'm basically her size/shape, and my current issues with her notwithstanding, I'm looking like her more and more every single day.

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Toothlesss

Yesterday I was at a beer festival with my parents (side note- I actually paced myself much better this time)- and I was going for an androgynous look anyway, and I've had one of the most positive days I've had in weeks. :):)   Is it me, or when I'm actually feeling positive, I get "lady"'d a bit less... I also did slight bit of makeup to masculinize my face. 

 

Spoiler

 

 

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butterflydreams

@Toothlesss you look great! And I have to say, in terms of a masculine style, your hair is on point.

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Mezzo Forte

@Toothless, looking great! I think your eyebrows are actually really helping with the androgynous look. They seem very expressive and not strongly gendered one way or the other. (You seem right in between the thinness associated with women's brows and the thickness of men's.)

 

I second Hadley about your hair being on point too :) 

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swirl_of_blue

My bandmates braided my hair last night after sauna at band camp, and I just took out the braids and brushed my hair. This happened. While I wouldn't want to look like this every day, I have to say I kind of like it.

 

xRktccF.jpg

 

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Guest

I just had another round at the gym again, it seems like the results are gerting better every week :D I hope my muscles will appear in the coming months or so :P 

 

 

Toothless and swirl_of_blue: you both look great! 

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Kimmie.
53 minutes ago, Jayce said:

I just had another round at the gym again, it seems like the results are gerting better every week :D I hope my muscles will appear in the coming months or so :P 

 

 

Toothless and swirl_of_blue: you both look great! 

That is great man. I wish i had something more positive to say about myself but i can't come up with something.

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