a gender positive thread

[PixleyDust✨]

I was spending an early Christmas dinner with my Mom’s side of the family today (think conservative country type, thankfully some of them are okay). 

 

Anyways, I was getting deadnamed A LOT, and was getting WAY too many female pronouns thrown my way to the point I like to call “estrogen poisoning”. 

 

Until my very young second cousin (about 4 I think) wanted me to play with her on the floor with these magnetic blocks. We kept building thing like a house then a spaceship, until she couldn’t think of anything else.

 

I suggested she build her school (in an attempt to an elicit a “school is lame” answer from her). To my surprise, she actually loved her school and loved telling me about it. That’s when her Mom (my cousin’s wife) asked what she was talking to me so excitedly about. 

 

She turned around and said, “He asked me about my school.”

 

And my first thought was (since she was talking kind of quietly) “Wait, WHAT did she say?” 

 

Her Mom goes, pointing at me, “Wait, she was asking about your school?” 

 

And my second cousin, god bless her heart, goes, “No, that’s a him...” and she had the most confused look on her face as she looked back and forth between me and her Mom, which actually kind of cracked me up a little. 

 

A part of me wanted to speak up and point out to her Mom NOT to correct her, since there was nothing to correct, but I didn’t want the awkwardness I guess. Like, I know my older, OLDER relatives are hopeless at this point, but her Mom is in the age group where I think she’d actually be kind of cool if she knew my shit, and I don’t really want her (however unintentionally) spoil the newest generation by teaching them to associate me with my old name and pronouns. 

 

(To be fair, her Mom isn’t transphobic or anything. I think it’s just they genuinely don’t really know about my deal, they still think I’m a cis girl). 

 

But anyways, even though I didn’t speak up, I smiled like a total goon because it was like the happiest, most wholesome 30 seconds of my life. Especially since I have ZERO chemistry with little kids, and every interaction with all my little second cousins on that side of the family had been so FREAKING awkward so far. I actually frightened my baby boy cousin just by saying hi to him.

 

OUCH. 🤣

 

So I got bonus fuzzies all around: Being invited to play with my adorable baby cousin BY my adorable baby cousin, AND her gendering me correctly without any prompting or hinting on my part. 

 

It was a good day. ✨🙂😃😊🥰✨

[no-longer-in-use]

@Pixley Oh, how wonderful! I'm really happy for you Sometimes kids can be so much more open-minded than adults.

[ColeHW34]

@Pixley That is awesome that a child knew the right pronouns.

[Guest]

@Pixley I'm not much of a kid person, but I like that one! 😄

[Kimmie.]

I agree with everyone else that is really great. 

[nerdperson777]

11 hours ago, Coddiwomple said:

@Pixley Oh, how wonderful! I'm really happy for you Sometimes kids can be so much more open-minded than adults.

I'm reminded of a meme that captioned two different pictures.  The first one is about talking LGBT+ stuff with cishet people.  The picture is some adult trying to make a baby take a toy.  Then talking about LGBT+ stuff with other LGBT+ people is a bunch of philosophers from some Renaissance art piece.

[AcornCarvings]

I've been pretty down about gender for a little bit, but today I remembered a really good memory that made me feel really good about my gender and it was really nice 

 

It was when I sort of came out to one of my friends. I went to this party that was a lingerie party for women and trans and NB folks, and I went in a binder and underwear shorts I felt really good in, and It was the first time I presented a way that made me feel really amazing about my gender, while also not hiding my body. By going how I did I basically came out to a bunch of people on campus at once, and when I went back to my room I cuddled with my friend for a while, and told her about my night, and she asked if I used woman to describe myself at all, and I answered that I didn't really, and that I never really strongly ID'd with it, but I didn't really know that much.

It was just a really nice night and thinking about it makes me really appreciate my friend, and my gender, and even my body to a certain extent.

[Celyn: The Lutening]

So I'm pretty sure I passed totally as male yesterday. I was coming back from a walk in the woods through one of those narrow footpaths, and there was a, uh, cluster of youths that I had to get past. I'm thinking "great, it's sexual harassment time" based on past experience, but they don't even look at me. Their eyes just pass over me, nothing to comment on here.

So that was unexpectedly pleasant. 

[PixleyDust✨]

I feel like I should mention this, but I'm pretty sure my baby second cousin only read me as male because of my SUPER short hair, in fact I'm pretty sure that's what she was pointing at while explaining it to her mom why she was calling me "he" (because no one on that side of the family really knows about my identity, like AT ALL).

But what the hell I'll take it lol. Is it weird that I think it only makes it cuter? 😆
 

Actually makes it easier on my part. No voice lowering, no "manly" mannerisms. Just super short hair.

I can do that. 😅

@AcornCarvings That sounds AMAZING. Seriously, I'd love to go to a queer-inclusive lingerie party, that sounds DOPE. If I had the opportunity, I would also totally show up in a binder and my cute boxer briefs, maybe even while wearing my packer (if I was feeling bold enough). Good on you for doing that, that must have been so freeing! Also, your friend is AWESOME. ❤️❤️❤️ 

@Celyn It's kind of fucked up that someone would have to pass as male in order to not get harassed, but yeah that was also my experience. It's only when I stopped wearing women's pants WHILE binding that I literally stopped getting hit on. The subtext is sad, yes, but it's nice to just be out and about in the world, to just be. And it is kind of affirming, I feel you mate. 🤜🤛

[Celyn: The Lutening]

1 hour ago, Pixley said:

 I'm pretty sure my baby second cousin only read me as male because of my SUPER short hair, in fact I'm pretty sure that's what she was pointing at 

Last time I was at the doctors a toddler was going "Lady, Man, Lady, Man..." going down the line of chairs as we were waiting because he noticed that the way the ticket numbers came out, we were sitting broadly by alternating gender....and he counted me as "Man"! Likewise think it was the hair.

[nerdperson777]

12 hours ago, Pixley said:

@Celyn It's kind of fucked up that someone would have to pass as male in order to not get harassed, but yeah that was also my experience. It's only when I stopped wearing women's pants WHILE binding that I literally stopped getting hit on. The subtext is sad, yes, but it's nice to just be out and about in the world, to just be. And it is kind of affirming, I feel you mate. 🤜🤛

I was thinking that too.  While it's good that they passed as male, what kind of standard is great, I'm not getting harassed?

[Guest]

Uh, I have a question. Is it normal to go to a lingerie party in your underwear? 😳

[AcornCarvings]

27 minutes ago, Reindeer Dani said:

Uh, I have a question. Is it normal to go to a lingerie party in your underwear? 😳

hahaha honestly idk i think thats the whole idea of it?

people were there in all sorts of stuff, from nightgowns, to leather, to lacy bras, to undershirts. I was the only person I saw wearing a binder, but I didnt feel all too out of place.

I think what you wear depends on what you're comfortable with and also how you want people to see you. 

[Guest]

@AcornCarvings Thanks for answering my question. 🙂

 

I've never been to one. So not my thing, ha ha... 

 

I've only seen them on TV, and I don't recall any of the characters being in their underthings... 😆

[AcornCarvings]

@Reindeer Dani yeah I don't usually party, and I actually didn't know what it would be like at all, but one of the leaders of one of the queer groups on campus told me about it and I figured if he thought it'd be good I'd give it a shot. It helped that there weren't any cis guys at it, since they're one of the big reasons I don't like parties in the first place.

[daveb]

2 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I was thinking that too.  While it's good that they passed as male, what kind of standard is great, I'm not getting harassed?

I took it as them not being harassed because the kids assumed they were male and not a female trying to look male? That is, not harassed for being male but rather not harassed because they "passed". Maybe I'm mistaken.

[Celyn: The Lutening]

4 hours ago, daveb said:

I took it as them not being harassed because the kids assumed they were male and not a female trying to look male? That is, not harassed for being male but rather not harassed because they "passed". Maybe I'm mistaken.

I have been harassed even when presenting masc in the past, which is why I was surprised. 

But you're right, if I had been female presenting it would have been sexual harassment, if I had been visibly trans it would have been transphobia. The only people safe from these oiks are people passing as cis males 🙄

[no-longer-in-use]

Just now, Celyn said:

But you're right, if I had been female presenting it would have been sexual harassment, if I had been visibly trans it would have been transphobia. The only people safe from these oiks are people passing as cis males 🙄

It's a screwed-up world that we live in.

[PixleyDust✨]

4 hours ago, daveb said:

I took it as them not being harassed because the kids assumed they were male and not a female trying to look male? That is, not harassed for being male but rather not harassed because they "passed". Maybe I'm mistaken.

I can’t speak for nerdperson777, but I meant that the subtext of being male/being read as male/passing for male = not getting harassed, is what bums me out. 

 

That literally being male (or being perceived as it) excludes you from getting sexually harassed on the street for the most part. That’s what’s messed up to me. 

 

Of course, in my case, I think guys stopped hitting on me because they think I’m a lesbian or just generally queer. But the fact that the masc vibes they’re picking up on is what's stopping them is screwed up. 😕

[PixleyDust✨]

2 minutes ago, Celyn said:

I have been harassed even when presenting masc in the past, which is why I was surprised. 

But you're right, if I had been female presenting it would have been sexual harassment, if I had been visibly trans it would have been transphobia. The only people safe from these oiks are people passing as cis males 🙄

Exactly. PREACH. 🙌

[no-longer-in-use]

Today one of the few friends I'm out as nb to accidentally yelled "[MY PREFERRED NAME]!" at me when I was walking near them, swore, and then blamed muscle memory. Nobody who I knew was nearby, so it didn't really matter, and the sound of my name made me euphoric. Also, the fact that my friend has my preferred name so ingrained into their head that they called me by that name on accident makes me really happy.

[Kimmie.]

I got these yesterday and wow they make some changes😊

https://www.trans-missie.com/en/foam-self-adhesive-hippads.html

That with the corset makes me look like i have hour-glass figure.☺️

https://www.trans-missie.com/en/corset.html

 

One that that will be real.

[Ms. Carolynne]

4 hours ago, Kimmie. said:

I got these yesterday and wow they make some changes😊

https://www.trans-missie.com/en/foam-self-adhesive-hippads.html

That with the corset makes me look like i have hour-glass figure.☺️

https://www.trans-missie.com/en/corset.html

 

One that that will be real.

Nice, I've heard of the hip pads before, but have never seen any. How do those work?

[Kimmie.]

52 minutes ago, Ms. Carolynne said:

Nice, I've heard of the hip pads before, but have never seen any. How do those work?

They are self adhesive. And stick to the skin.(like a strapless bra)  Just remember to shave before so they will get stuck better. And when they dont stick anymore just clean them with water and soap.

[Ms. Carolynne]

3 minutes ago, Kimmie. said:

 And when they dont stick anymore just clean them with water and soup.

Campbell's or Progresso? 😛

[Anthracite_Impreza]

@Kimmie. How do you get them off without ripping your skin off?

[Kimmie.]

7 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

@Kimmie. How do you get them off without ripping your skin off?

Just peal them off from a corner. Not a problem at all, dosent hurt,

 

28 minutes ago, Ms. Carolynne said:

Campbell's or Progresso? 😛

Funny one over here.

[nerdperson777]

13 hours ago, PixleyDust✨ said:

I can’t speak for nerdperson777, but I meant that the subtext of being male/being read as male/passing for male = not getting harassed, is what bums me out. 

 

That literally being male (or being perceived as it) excludes you from getting sexually harassed on the street for the most part. That’s what’s messed up to me. 

 

Of course, in my case, I think guys stopped hitting on me because they think I’m a lesbian or just generally queer. But the fact that the masc vibes they’re picking up on is what's stopping them is screwed up. 😕

Yeah, you got what I meant.  It's like, "I didn't get harassed!  Yay?"

[PixleyDust✨]

Okay, I’m having a bizarre moment of euphoria right now. 

 

I don’t ever really “stink” really, and I think that’s most likely the result of inhabiting a vessel that produces mostly estrogen. 

 

But for some reason, I do today, and instead of reacting like: 

 

“Ew, gross. I need a shower.” 🤢

 

I’m reacting like:

 

“OOH, MANLY”, despite being non-binary, so maybe it should be more like, “OOH MASC.” 😍✨

 

In either case, it’s weird. And even though I recognize that, I’m still a little bummed that I’m going to wash it off. 

 

But yeah, there you go. I’m gross right now, but I’m digging it. Stank-phoria. I’m making that a thing. 🤣

 

Although, I kind of wonder if my past “ew gross” reactions were something I forced myself to say because of the whole “girls shouldn’t smell, look, like, or just be anything gross because they need to be perfect always” bs, rather than how I actually felt, so there you go. Another gender moment in my life I just discovered, ooh shiny. 😯✨

 

Don’t get me wrong, I like keeping up my personal hygiene. But I kind of smell like a dude right now, and it wasn’t something I had to buy, ingest, attach, put on or manufacture. It was something that just happened naturally, and I think that’s what’s actually making me smile. No illusion here, that’s ALL me. 😊✨

 

But it’s still gross, for sure.

 

And I’m going to go fix that right now, excuse me. 🤣

[Anthracite_Impreza]

@PixleyDust✨ While I understand how you feel, I absolutely hate smelling (of) BO. (Manly) deodourant for me!