a gender positive thread

[Emery.]

1 minute ago, Celyn said:

Gender-neutral bathrooms are the best things ever and we need more.

This is true but so dumb. "You have the goods I want, I have the money to pay for them, what exactly is your problem, Mr Judgey Cashier Man?" 

Well, it's a three fold issue: we have the staff at the cash register and helping out in the shop and keeping and eye at the fitting rooms. The staff in the store will try to be helpful and will guide you to the clothes they think you want. Then in the fitting rooms it is the most clear you are trying the clothes on. Then odd looks are the most likely, but nobody will tell you it's not what you want. Then at the cash register they can give you odd looks IF they figure out it's not for your brother or boyfriend or whoever else, and that it's not your style, because then the "Well, that's odd" reaction stems from a clash between this petite cutie in front of them and thing big tee with a basketball print and saggy jeans. It is just contradictory. Well, there are always people who will be like "OMG a crossdresser!" but they seem to be a minority. So in most cases I wouldn't blame the salespeople for being surprised or wanting to be helpful.

[Emery.]

On 6/1/2018 at 12:30 AM, nerdperson777 said:

Yeah, I don't really bind anymore.  With my leg still healing, even during my exercise, I'm not really moving fast enough for anything to bounce in any noticeable way.  I'm just worried about people seeing a not flat chest whenever I move.

My chest stopped bouncing and moving around since I started to exercise more.

 

In general, I like being so fit. I ran across the mall yesterday, because I was in a rush and didn't get tired and it felt awsome :) Wearing running shoes helps too xD

 

On 5/29/2018 at 7:53 PM, Zsareph said:

I went out with my friend today and was read as male twice. The first time, we were at a cafe and the person at the till was surprised that we were paying separately, then asked my friend "is he your boyfriend?". Later, we were shopping and went to try some stuff on. The employee outside the women's changing rooms asked her coworker if I'd be ok to go in (again using he pronouns) and then directed me to the changing rooms for children and men upstairs. My friend knows I'm questioning but she still asked why I didn't just tell them I was a girl 😕 at least she didn't say anything when we were in the cafe.

I don't know what to do about the fitting rooms. Everything is bad.

[nerdperson777]

15 hours ago, Emery. said:

My chest stopped bouncing and moving around since I started to exercise more.

 

In general, I like being so fit. I ran across the mall yesterday, because I was in a rush and didn't get tired and it felt awsome Wearing running shoes helps too xD

 

I don't know what to do about the fitting rooms. Everything is bad.

I do exercise a lot.  At least 4 days a week.  I probably did get a little smaller since I can actually go around without binding.  I don't think I was able to do that before.  I'm just at that size where people can't tell if I have boobs or pecs, which is awesome.

 

I would like to have low body fat and be fit, but with my current situation, I don't think I'm going to get there anytime soon.

[PixleyDust✨]

Is there room for gender hilarity in this positivity thread?

 

Okay, so my Mom, my aunt, my uncle, and my grandma were on our way to a fireworks show a few nights back. 

 

Now some important background info before I go on: 

 

My Mom’s side of the family is pretty traditional. And by traditional, I don’t mean in the uptight, fundamentalist way, I mean in the racist redneck sort of way. *sigh*

 

Anyways, I decided to wear a sweatshirt, men’s jeans, while binding and packing (with an STP packer nonetheless) and was feeling pretty good. They all still see me as their daughter, neice, granddaughter, which is fine since I do identify as a gnc girl. I just like appearing as masculine as I feel sometimes. 

 

So, on the drive there, they all start gabbing about sores and scabs and skin tags, and I can feel my gag reflex kicking in. So, I’m putting in my earbuds and searching for music to play on my phone to drown it out and they, naturally, wonder what I’m doing. I joke at them that I’m getting grossed out and am going to puke if I have to keep listening to their conversation.

 

My aunt, in her...loving? way, I guess, told me I needed to “grow a pair” because the world is full of gross things and I should just get used to it.

 

Usually, this is where I would address the sexist implications of that idea, but I was too busy trying NOT TO BUST OUT LAUGHING AT THE IRONY. 🤣

 

The smartass in me had so many responses to this too, like:

 

1.) Okay. 😁

 

2.) What if I attach them instead? Does that count? 😆

 

3.) Done that. Still feel like puking. Now what? 🤣

 

God, I LIVE for moments like this. It was just ABSOLUTE PERFECTION. 👌

[nerdperson777]

1 hour ago, Pixley said:

2.) What if I attach them instead? Does that count? 😆

I joined this one group of AFAB trans people and one person posted about going on dating sites.  They had their gender of transmasculine visibly on their profile and didn't like being asked about dick pics.  Another person the comments just joked around that they had a collection of dicks so "you want to see one or all of them?"  But it seemed kind of weird to tell any assumed female person to grow a pair.  I'd think to mention of a pair of something I already had, like ears, nostrils, arms.  I already have a pair of those.

[PixleyDust✨]

On 7/2/2018 at 2:12 AM, nerdperson777 said:

I joined this one group of AFAB trans people and one person posted about going on dating sites.  They had their gender of transmasculine visibly on their profile and didn't like being asked about dick pics.  Another person the comments just joked around that they had a collection of dicks so "you want to see one or all of them?"  But it seemed kind of weird to tell any assumed female person to grow a pair.  I'd think to mention of a pair of something I already had, like ears, nostrils, arms.  I already have a pair of those.

That is just so magical. 🤣

[nerdperson777]

My cousin added me to her Spotify subscription.  When I was filling out the info to create a user, I saw the options for gender were male, female, and non-binary.  I was very impressed with that.

[Guest]

I've been told that my eyes are pretty cuz they change colors and that my hair is cool cuz it feels like "a floofy doggo".

 

Edit: I like my hair as well since I pass as male pretty well with how it is currently

[Starbogen]

My dad can never remember the shorter/less gendered version of my birthname that he agreed to call me so now he has apparently decided to start calling me the English male version of my birthname... I have no idea if he realizes it's a male name and this is his way of trying to be more sympathetic, if he doesn't know and this is an ironic coincidence, or if he's mocking me or messing with my head but either way I find it mildly amusing...

[Celyn: The Lutening]

@Starbogen My stepmum's forgotten my name a few times lately - just a bit scatterbrained. But when she does she remembers that it starts with "El" and just says any random name that starts with that, regardless of gender. "El....Ellie? Elvis? Elinor? Elliot? Elsa? Elijah?" I try to act "offended" but I can't because it's hilarious.

[PixleyDust✨]

I was kind of hoping to get some masculine compliments today cause I kind of feel like crying a little bit right now. Kind of hard to see the positive aspects of myself at the moment. Not sure if it’s mild dysphoria or last night’s sleep deprivation, but either way I’m clearly a little more emotional than I’m comfortable being.

 

I’m GNC, but there are times I want to be male. I’ve never really felt super connected to my birthname, so I took a plunge and changed it to something neutral that I kind of like on my Facebook account. Like honestly, it literally felt like a plunge too. Nervous, excited, embarrassed, vulnerable the works. Was afraid actually that people would start asking uncomfortable questions I don’t even really know the answers to yet.

 

And absolutely no one in my family took the giant hint. Either a.) they thought I just wanted a different handle on the Internet, or b.) just didn’t think anything of it. Period. They don’t like going on Facebook that much I guess.

 

And now I’m camping out at my aunt and uncle’s for this music event with my Dad and stepmom, wherein they keep introducing me as “my daughter [birthname]” and some of the members of my family who obviously already know me shout out my name across the campgrounds, so the people who don’t know me yet now do. Ugh.

 

Don’t get me wrong, they’re not terrible people. It just sucks that I did this to myself by not speaking up in the first place because I was too embarrassed to get that vulnerable, and too afraid that I would change my mind about the name and send myself into a nervous breakdown of guilt and more embarrassment after people adjusted to the new name. And also over all the attention I’m drawing to the most intimate parts of my identity.

 

I guess I just wish I had a little more control over my own intro (and the bravery to actually request this). But now I’m sure it’s spread far and wide over this “campground” in front of my aunt and uncle’s house that I’m [Birthname], and just seems too painfully awkward and uncomfortable to introduce myself as anything different.

 

Questioning can really suck ass sometimes. You know you’re in some kind of closet, but you’re not sure which one.

 

Like you’re just in a big room full of doors and each time you open one there’s a brick wall. So you’re definitely stuck somewhere, and you want to come out but you’re not sure where to go.

 

*sigh*

 

Sorry for the bummer post everybody. Guess I’m feeling kind of needy and can’t seem to go to anyone in real life at the moment (all cisgender). 

 

Love y’all. 😊

[Celyn: The Lutening]

@Pixley wrong thread mate! That's not positive!

But hey, I get it. Last night I went on facebook and my dad had posted an ecard type thing saying "share if you have a daughter you love with all your heart and are so proud of" or something like that. And the "d-word" just made me feel physically sick.

 

But this is the positive thread! So on a positive note - IDing as bigenderflux really works for me. It's giving myself permission to have rapidly changing, conflicting gender feels, and takes a lot of pressure and anxiety away.

[Guest]

I have good vibes! Tonight I’m participating in an art show run by a collective called She/They (look it up, I don’t remember how they explain it) by reading a poem about my nonbinary identity!

[Starbogen]

@Pixley Well maybe depending on what your new neutral name is you could still introduce yourself to new people like that and just tell them you liked that name and are trying it out as a nickname? Or something.. I think people are much more chill about neutral names and don't feel like they hold as much significance of change as opposite sex names do.

For example when I told my family about wanting to be called Parker they disliked it and didn't agree but there were still.. reasonably civil conversations about it. When my dad found out about my new clearly male name he yelled at me and told me he was ashamed of me 😕 So yeah... sorry this turned dark but my point is that people, but especially strangers, will most likely be okay with a neutral name and just think it's a nickname 

[Calligraphette_Coe]

On 7/13/2018 at 8:47 PM, Pixley said:

 

 

Questioning can really suck ass sometimes. You know you’re in some kind of closet, but you’re not sure which one.

 

Like you’re just in a big room full of doors and each time you open one there’s a brick wall. So you’re definitely stuck somewhere, and you want to come out but you’re not sure where to go.

 

*sigh*

 

Sorry for the bummer post everybody. Guess I’m feeling kind of needy and can’t seem to go to anyone in real life at the moment (all cisgender). 

 

Love y’all. 😊

But when you've been at it for decades like I have been with no end in sight because of a rare disease, you learn to walk through the walls. Sure, the dysphoria always yanks you back, but just knowing you did it even once makes you know the closet can grab you by the tail feathers, but you still fly away.

 

So on the nights when I'm really Jonesing from the dysphoria, I cast my mind and feelings back to those days and nights in Southern New Jersey when I was passing and lived the life I was needing. 

 

If only for moments.....

 

And that face you see in the mirror, lined in the pain of dysphoria, is soothed beneath the loving hand of the artist that is your giant self finding itself... if only for that moment.

[Suigin]

I like my name, because to people who don't know the language it's from (like me) it seems gender neutral ^^ I also like my arms for some reason... they've become way stronger from the sport I play :3 

[PixleyDust✨]

On 7/13/2018 at 6:16 PM, Celyn said:

@Pixley wrong thread mate! That's not positive!

But hey, I get it. Last night I went on facebook and my dad had posted an ecard type thing saying "share if you have a daughter you love with all your heart and are so proud of" or something like that. And the "d-word" just made me feel physically sick.

 

But this is the positive thread! So on a positive note - IDing as bigenderflux really works for me. It's giving myself permission to have rapidly changing, conflicting gender feels, and takes a lot of pressure and anxiety away.

I know, I know. Sorry about this. Guess I figured that looking for gender positvity counted. But like I said, I was clearly feeling super needy Friday, but I’m sorry if this post triggered anybody.

 

Lesson learned, pinky promise. 💕

 

 

So, just so I know for future replies...

 

Is it okay to say that after combing my hair, filling out my eyebrows, and patting down my “sideburns” before heading out to the festival on Saturday, I looked pretty damn good? 😉

 

...

 

Well, from the right angle at least. 🤣

[PixleyDust✨]

On 7/14/2018 at 9:02 AM, Starbogen said:

@Pixley Well maybe depending on what your new neutral name is you could still introduce yourself to new people like that and just tell them you liked that name and are trying it out as a nickname? Or something.. I think people are much more chill about neutral names and don't feel like they hold as much significance of change as opposite sex names do.

For example when I told my family about wanting to be called Parker they disliked it and didn't agree but there were still.. reasonably civil conversations about it. When my dad found out about my new clearly male name he yelled at me and told me he was ashamed of me 😕 So yeah... sorry this turned dark but my point is that people, but especially strangers, will most likely be okay with a neutral name and just think it's a nickname 

That’s what I’ve been trying to do, but my lack of a social life tends to make that impossible. So far, the only person I’ve introduced myself to as a different name was some manipulative creep invading my space asking for it when I was out for a walk one night. I mean, I still like the name, but I can’t deny that it’s somewhat tainted. 

 

Got a tip to use a name I’m thinking of using at Starbucks to see if it feels right. Looks like that’s kind of my only option at the moment. That and anytime I order food and they need a name.

 

And damn, that sucks. Reading that was a gut punch, and I kind of want to return the favor to your Dad...with my very angry words, because I’m a writer not a fighter.

 

And maybe also because I have really tiny wrists, so I’d probably punch like one too. 🤣

 

Still got your back though. ✨🤜🤛✨

[daveb]

30 minutes ago, Pixley said:

I know, I know.

If you ever do need to rant or get things off your chest (so to speak) there's always 

 

 

Best wishes!

[Starbogen]

4 minutes ago, Pixley said:

That’s what I’ve been trying to do, but my lack of a social life tends to make that impossible. So far, the only person I’ve introduced myself to as a different name was some manipulative creep invading my space asking for it when I was out for a walk one night. I mean, I still like the name, but I can’t deny that it’s somewhat tainted. 

 

Got a tip to use a name I’m thinking of using at Starbucks to see if it feels right. Looks like that’s kind of my only option at the moment. That and anytime I order food and they need a name.

 

And damn, that sucks. Reading that was a gut punch, and I kind of want to return the favor to your Dad...with my very angry words, because I’m a writer not a fighter.

 

And maybe also because I have really tiny wrists, so I’d probably punch like one too. 🤣

 

Still got your back though. ✨🤜🤛✨

Hmm, well if you're at uni or a have a job where you feel safe to try things out a bit that could be an option too..

I started out testing my name like that irl, first I gave it for when I needed to order food and then I came out to my professors and started just going by it full time.

And yeah my dad's really an asshole when it comes to lgbt stuff. I've tried talking to him very honestly and openly and educating him but jt's almost like literally the next day after I said something he erases it from his mind like it never happened.. I've lost all hope for him at this point.

[PixleyDust✨]

20 minutes ago, daveb said:

If you ever do need to rant or get things off your chest (so to speak) there's always 

 

 

Best wishes!

Aw, thanks. 😊

 

And I actually follow that thread, but I guess in my addled state I completely forgot about it. So thank you for reminding me. 

 

And I mean that too!

 

Seriously, I’m extremely forgetful even when I’m level-headed and NOT sleep deprived. 😆

[daveb]

I tried to word it carefully. I wasn't admonishing you, just trying to be helpful. I hope that came through. 

[Celyn: The Lutening]

@Pixley I wasn't having a go at all, just reminding you what thread you were on. Like everyone here, I support you with all my heart and understand completely that, this thread aside, the non-cis experience is far from all positive.

[Guest]

My poetry reading Saturday night went really well!

[AcornCarvings]

I just listened to an interview npr did with Rebecca Sugar and she is so kind and affirming of gender stuff 💚

[Emery.]

13 hours ago, nelpogrando said:

My poetry reading Saturday night went really well!

That's great  to hear  Performances are always so stressful!

 

On 7/16/2018 at 3:18 AM, Pixley said:

That’s what I’ve been trying to do, but my lack of a social life tends to make that impossible. So far, the only person I’ve introduced myself to as a different name was some manipulative creep invading my space asking for it when I was out for a walk one night. I mean, I still like the name, but I can’t deny that it’s somewhat tainted. 

Oh that sucks...

[nerdperson777]

It's late at night right now, but I'm now one year on T, well in like 12 hours.

[Guest]

On 7/17/2018 at 4:55 AM, nerdperson777 said:

It's late at night right now, but I'm now one year on T, well in like 12 hours.

Good for you!

[Guest]

I’m going to see Hamilton with my family tonight, and while I don’t want to have to dress up for it, I’m anticipating some level of gender euphoria from presenting masculine. It’s not really a huge deal, since my parents let me present however I want, but I’m feeling masculine today, so dressing to match will be nice unless I switch again.

[Starbogen]

So I graduated uni today but the thing I was honestly most excited about was finally getting to wear a full suit for the first time and it was awesome! XD