butterflydreams

a gender positive thread

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Celyn

I know it's not the healthiest thing to think like this, but it's better than the alternative - it's getting chilly here down under so I can wear big fluffy hoodies, jumpers, flannel shirts etc. that not only are lovely and snuggly, they make my chest look totally flat without any form of binding. I'm cis-male passing in winter but not summer, so this season = happy Eli.

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OptimisticPessimist

Channel 4 are doing a season of Programming on Gender. Their has been some backlash because someone was outed without their consent on a TV show.

 

https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2018/05/08/genderquake-channel-4-boycott-transgender-activists-allies/

 

https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2018/05/08/genderquake-documentary-outing-channel-4-millennials-gender/

 

http://www.radiotimes.com/news/tv/2018-05-07/genderquake-channel-4-date-time-channel-preview/

 

Their is an interview here with People who took part in the TV show.

 

 

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Mezzo Forte

Someone I met at one of my recent conference presentations contacted me about putting together a collaborative proposal advocating for trans musicans at a big music education conference, and I'm pretty dang excited for what we have planned. Fingers crossed that the proposal we submit gets accepted! :) 

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Celyn

@OptimisticPessimist Great links there. I think it's awesome that channel 4 are doing this, I'm so pleased about it. Yeah outing someone without their consent is always a shitty thing to do, but it's not channel 4's fault, and I think they did the right thing to show the mistakes that are made and how people can be insensitive, because it makes it clear that it's a problem.

I do believe that Genderquake will make a difference by making non-binary and trans people seem more relatable and human to cis people.

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Celyn

Re. this quote: "“The time for debate around the existence and validity of trans people is over. Society and our collective understanding has moved on."

 

Unfortunately, that's incorrect. We ARE still in the stage of having to prove our existence. Society has not moved on. Those who boycotted the debate are not helping the trans cause, they're giving ammunition to the far right and TERFs alike who will say that they refused to take part because they couldn't "prove" they are the gender they say they are.

 

Well, that was a downer. I promise to keep it positive from now on!

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butterflydreams

I know I haven’t been around here a lot lately. Especially the past few days. I had a 102F fever for 4 freaking days. 

 

But, that didn’t stop me from at least noticing my 1000th day on HRT. Pretty damn incredible. Woot!

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Kimmie.

Great to see you again @butterflydreams sorry about your fever but yay for 1k days on HRT. 

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Mezzo Forte

Shot day! A bit of an odd shot day at that because my doctor just lowered my testosterone dosage down to half what it was before. The injection process is far faster when you're only injecting half what you usually do. :P

 

My testosterone levels tripled between October and April, and I'm guessing the hysterectomy might have been a factor in that. While my doc said my current T levels were good, she went and got a second opinion about my dosage, ultimately suggesting the drop. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if my higher T levels were related to some of the changes in my focus/impulsiveness these last few months. Not all of that was bad, but it definitely explains some of the difficulties I had during that particularly emotional low point I experienced February-March, especially in regards to my difficulty externalizing my feelings and just how bad my focus was. We'll see if the lower dose is right for me or not, but I suppose only time will tell!

 

Shot Song! Guess this one's appropriate because testosterone helped me be able to consistently sing the low notes in this piece :P

Spoiler

 

 

Playlist:

Spoiler

 

 

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C-Otter

I really like my nose. If a straight person, or anyone else really, had it, they'd hate it. It's really big but also really skinny. So forward-facing, it looks completely normal, but from the side, it's really big. Idk why, I just like it. It's unique and makes the rest of my facial features look really cool. Also I'm AFAB, and most of the women in my family have... lots of curves and big boobs. I have the curves (They still aren't half as noticeable as my mom's or sister's). And I'm fairly flat chested so I don't have to bind, just wear a sports bra and a just-a-bit-too-big shirt and I look almost completely flat!

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Mezzo Forte

I'm officially one year post-op, and I'm so happy with how my chest looks. (I'd share pictures if I didn't feel weird about posting shirtless photos on the Internet. :P) There's (very) minor contouring imperfections, and I have way less sensation back than I expected to have by this point, but I can't say I mind either of those. I had one hell of a rough recovery too, but I'd do it again 10x over if that was what it took to get these results.

 

Some friends of mine got top surgery very recently, and reflecting about everything it's done for me, I can't help but get emotional because of how happy I am for them. :) I remember the day I woke up from top surgery and the chest dysphoria was simply gone. For over a year now, chest dysphoria has been simply a memory of days long behind me. My back pain is gone. I don't have to bind in the inescapable Florida summer heat anymore. I can swim without getting dysphoric. Heck, I can swim shirtless if I so choose. I can wear t-shirts again for the first time in so many years. My posture is better than it's ever been. I can look at myself in the mirror and actively love what I see. :)

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nerdperson777
1 minute ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I'm officially one year post-op, and I'm so happy with how my chest looks. (I'd share pictures if I didn't feel weird about posting shirtless photos on the Internet. :P) There's (very) minor contouring imperfections, and I have way less sensation back than I expected to have by this point, but I can't say I mind either of those. I had one hell of a rough recovery too, but I'd do it again 10x over if that was what it took to get these results.

 

Some friends of mine got top surgery very recently, and reflecting about everything it's done for me, I can't help but get emotional because of how happy I am for them. :) I remember the day I woke up from top surgery and the chest dysphoria was simply gone. For over a year now, chest dysphoria has been simply a memory of days long behind me. My back pain is gone. I don't have to bind in the inescapable Florida summer heat anymore. I can swim without getting dysphoric. Heck, I can swim shirtless if I so choose. I can wear t-shirts again for the first time in so many years. My posture is better than it's ever been. I can look at myself in the mirror and actively love what I see. :)

That reminds me, I should call the top surgery insurance lady again.  My insurance is really being a pain.

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Mezzo Forte
Just now, nerdperson777 said:

That reminds me, I should call the top surgery insurance lady again.  My insurance is really being a pain.

Probably a good plan. I still haven't been reimbursed for my surgery because of some frustrating deadlock trying to get the necessary information from the surgical center after the insurance company tried to only give me $100 back out of the $6k I paid.

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nerdperson777
36 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Probably a good plan. I still haven't been reimbursed for my surgery because of some frustrating deadlock trying to get the necessary information from the surgical center after the insurance company tried to only give me $100 back out of the $6k I paid.

Mine is just being really stupid about not being able to authorize anything months in advance.  The insurance lady said that it's moving along in the process so I can call back in a couple days to see.  The one thing I'm afraid of is that there's a possibility that I could be getting more bills after surgery.  For my knee, it was supposed to be only a $200 co-pay on a $39k surgery.  But now the hospital is trying to change us $6k.  My mom has been trying to handle things for me and according to the fine print, we're not responsible for that $6k, but the insurance won't pay it either so there's a black hole in there.  The top surgery people shouldn't be charging more but never know.

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C-Otter
3 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

That reminds me, I should call the top surgery insurance lady again.  My insurance is really being a pain.

Anything related to insurance coverage is a pain. I've got plenty of experience with that. Tip for anyone getting top surgery, or anything of that caliber: If they won't cover it, it helps to have a gender-affirming therapist show that you really need it. Which means you have to talk to a therapist. You don't have to be crazy to talk to someone, and it really helps, trust me.

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nerdperson777
3 hours ago, C-Otter said:

Anything related to insurance coverage is a pain. I've got plenty of experience with that. Tip for anyone getting top surgery, or anything of that caliber: If they won't cover it, it helps to have a gender-affirming therapist show that you really need it. Which means you have to talk to a therapist. You don't have to be crazy to talk to someone, and it really helps, trust me.

Well, if I was getting the surgery through insurance, I needed the letter anyway. If it was informed consent, letter isn't required.

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Starbogen

@C-Otter Hope this doesn't sound weird but that's exactly the kind of nose I like. It just looks really cool and oddly cute for some reason. I also have a big nose but it's big in a wide and round kind of way. I used to hate it but now I appreciate it because it can be cute sometimes and boy does it help me pass. 

 

So, I finally got a haircut last weekend. I really needed it and it feels great to have my hair this short and out of the way again. Also one of the most awesome and comforting things I've learned in this whole pre-transition transition is that you don't need T to get a more masc hairline. A male hairline can just be very easily created by a barber and no one will judge you for not having one in the first place.

 

Another thing, my mom seems to be using more male pronouns randomly for me lately.. we might be at 40 or 50% now if I let myself be optimistic. And I asked my dad to call me a more neutral version of my birtname and he agreed (still sucky and I don't really have hope for him but baby steps I guess..) At least now I won't have to hear that very female name all the time and it kinda sounds similar to a shortened version of my name so I can pretend.

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Mezzo Forte

So, ever since I transitioned, I kept wondering if my favorite composer still knew/recognized me because I haven't seen him since before I transitioned. I've known this composer ever since I attended one of his music camps in 2011, 2012, and 2013. He's a total sweetheart and we would always chat when we ran into each other at percussion conventions. Heck, he'd brag to other people about me at those conventions, whether they were his fans or his contemporaries. :P We're Facebook friends, but I wasn't sure how much he would see or if he would notice who I am because of my name change and medical transition. Within the last year or so, his only comments on my posts didn't really imply one way or the other. 

 

Well, a Brazilian colleague of mine happens to be good friends with that composer, and he tagged me in a comment of a photo of the two of them together. The two of them were talking about me when they met up, and they both were speaking really fondly of me and said that they were proud of all my accomplishments. Both my colleague and the composer were commenting in that thread, singing my praises and hoping that we all get to see each other again soon.

 

When I first came out to myself as trans, my biggest fears concerned my career, and out of all the percussionists in my life who I wanted most to accept me and remain in my life, the two biggest ones were my long-time percussion mentor and this composer. (Seriously, if you look back at my AVEN coming-out thread from February 2016, you can see direct mention of this.) Rejection from either of them would have devastated me, but now I know for sure now they both completely accept me and hold me in the same high esteem that they always have. (My mentor helped me through the transition, so there's definitely no question there.) This may sound small, but I'm genuinely getting emotional right now. This composer's works sparked my love of music, cementing my love for the marimba while also sparking my deep love of ethnomusicology and Brazilian music in particular. He is easily one of the most impactful figures of my entire life, and now I've heard directly from him that he still recognizes me and holds me in the same high regard that he always had. :) 

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