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a gender positive thread


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Mezzo Forte
6 hours ago, Wayfarer said:

I started dancing in September, I do Lindy Hop, a form of swing dancing. It's a lot looser in lead/follow roles than many other dances, so I usually lead. I can follow too, and will frequently switch around, but it's really nice not to always have to have the 'female' role.

I had a really good day genderwise on Saturday. We did an aerials workshop in the afternoon (so leads lifting their follows), and led that, which was amazing. Took a lot of strength though, but there wasn't a single comment that I 'shouldn't do that' or anything, which is really nice. Especially because in cases like that I really don't pass for anything else than female. I'm really happy the community is so open to stuff like that.

For the party that evening (theme: 'feathers and bow ties') I really dressed up, but with a dress shirt, waistcoat, bow tie, flat cap, it was brilliant! I also really loved how because I dressed like that, people were less likely to assume that I follow. I was extremely self-conscious, especially at the beginning, but felt really good about it overall. Oh, and my bow tie was a rainbow one, because why not :P

I'm really looking forward to the photographs that were made, it'd be nice to have a picture of myself like that :)

My twin is really involved in the swing scene, including Lindy Hop, (Lindy Focus is the highlight of her year when she gets to go,) and I love hearing how progressive the swing scene is about gender compared to other coupled dances. The circles she's been in, everyone seems to really encourage learning both lead and follow roles, as knowing how to follow makes you a better lead, and vice-versa. (She likes to joke about "Swinging both ways" because of that :P)

 

Swing aesthetics are so fun too. I wear a lot of waistcoats and bow ties when I play music/teach, but there's something about the mix of casual and formal in the swing aesthetics that's just so unique and fun. :)

 

I've tried salsa dancing too, once while I was very androgynous and perceived female in the US; once while I was unambiguously read as male in Cuba. The first time, people went out of their way to ask my name, and because I used my birth name, everyone assumed me female. At that lesson, I asked to dance lead, and everyone asked "Are you sure?" People were also far more critical of me when I danced lead at that lesson. In Cuba, there wasn't even a question of who danced what part; if you were perceived male, you danced lead. Definitely was a very gendered experience compared to the swing scene.

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nerdperson777
1 hour ago, Mezzo Forte said:

(She likes to joke about "Swinging both ways" because of that :P)

I guess now we have to find that pic about swings.  The ace said that they fell off the swing.

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2 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I guess now we have to find that pic about swings.  The ace said that they fell off the swing.

Or just stits on the swing.

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21 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

My twin is really involved in the swing scene, including Lindy Hop, (Lindy Focus is the highlight of her year when she gets to go,) and I love hearing how progressive the swing scene is about gender compared to other coupled dances. The circles she's been in, everyone seems to really encourage learning both lead and follow roles, as knowing how to follow makes you a better lead, and vice-versa. (She likes to joke about "Swinging both ways" because of that :P)

 

Swing aesthetics are so fun too. I wear a lot of waistcoats and bow ties when I play music/teach, but there's something about the mix of casual and formal in the swing aesthetics that's just so unique and fun. :)

 

I've tried salsa dancing too, once while I was very androgynous and perceived female in the US; once while I was unambiguously read as male in Cuba. The first time, people went out of their way to ask my name, and because I used my birth name, everyone assumed me female. At that lesson, I asked to dance lead, and everyone asked "Are you sure?" People were also far more critical of me when I danced lead at that lesson. In Cuba, there wasn't even a question of who danced what part; if you were perceived male, you danced lead. Definitely was a very gendered experience compared to the swing scene.

We also use "Swinging both ways", which always feels like a double inside joke, because I'll usually make it with my best friend, who also dances both, and is also ace. And it's very true about knowing both roles enables you to be better in them, the understanding you get of the movements is more complete. And yes, the aesthetic is wonderful :D

 

In my Lindy class there is one follow who always comments on me being the bravest lead in the room. Probably because I'm not that big or anything, so she didn't expect me to lead all the time? I think it's mostly become some sort of joke now, and always feels all in good fun.

 

I tried a class of salsa a couple years ago, but it was extremely gendered and just made me extremely uncomfortable by how it was taught, so I never got beyond the one lesson.

 

On a (dancing-related) side note, has anyone seen the documentary series "We speak dance" ? It follows a dancer as she travels to different cities across the world and tracks down the dancers there, and discusses the links between their culture and their dance and what dance m.eans to them. I found it very inspirational, especially as for so many it is a way of expressing themselves, or of protest, and of just being them within (or around) any kind of cultural barriers forced or placed on them by the country they live in. I would highly recommend it, especially if you're interested in cultures and their link to art forms.

 

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Groovy Teacakes

Whoop! I bought pants! I’ve been so nervous about going into the men’s section and getting pants, but it turns out that all I needed was some mental prep. Boxers are very much the best thing, I don’t want to ever wear my “girl pants” again. 

Also, I’ve been sewing bow ties!! It turns out that it’s so incredibly easy, and I think self-tie ones are so much more spontaneous and whimsical than the pre-tied ones you can get. I’m going to make a pink taffeta one (using the fabric I used to sew a prom dress two years back)!! 

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nerdperson777
1 hour ago, Groovy Teacakes said:

Whoop! I bought pants! I’ve been so nervous about going into the men’s section and getting pants, but it turns out that all I needed was some mental prep. Boxers are very much the best thing, I don’t want to ever wear my “girl pants” again. 

Also, I’ve been sewing bow ties!! It turns out that it’s so incredibly easy, and I think self-tie ones are so much more spontaneous and whimsical than the pre-tied ones you can get. I’m going to make a pink taffeta one (using the fabric I used to sew a prom dress two years back)!! 

Well, the bowtie wasn't for me..

 

https://www.dropbox.com/s/y02yaf2rchuh4x6/2014-01-02 12.48.30.jpg?dl=0

 

It was just a badly sewn strip of fabric that I horribly BSed.

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On Friday I went to an ice cream place with my friends and the person at the counter said "and for you sir?" 😊

 

The next day my sister was messaging a friend I was with and she talked about me and said him. She knows I prefer it, but I haven't asked the family to call me anything yet so I was happily surprised when she did that.

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Starting tomorrow, I can finally use the girls' bathroom at school!

 

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So I wore those combat boots today, with the bomber jacket and a sports tee, and I felt like a boss :D This is what I was looking for during the last few days. I felt handsome like Ruby Rose. And so happy.

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I finally gathered up the courage to cut my hair short! I've always wanted to have short hair, but after cutting it twice before and having disasterous results, I've been reluctant to do it again. Around the beginning of March, I felt a need to cut my hair, not just a want, and I knew I had to do it. I've had short hair for about two weeks now, and I love it. It looks and feels so much more right, and I'm so happy I did it. 

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On 06/04/2018 at 1:49 PM, Rhyme said:

I finally gathered up the courage to cut my hair short! I've always wanted to have short hair, but after cutting it twice before and having disasterous results, I've been reluctant to do it again. Around the beginning of March, I felt a need to cut my hair, not just a want, and I knew I had to do it. I've had short hair for about two weeks now, and I love it. It looks and feels so much more right, and I'm so happy I did it. 

This need to suddenly cut hair is something I get as well. I was growing my hair out again (mostly by default, I didn't really know what I wanted), and then last Monday I felt I wasn't going to get to the end of April without getting it cut, and Friday it suddenly just needed to happen. I have an appointment on Tuesday, so can't wait :)
It'll be quite a change, as it's grown past my shoulders, and I'm going back to short.
I'm glad that getting your hair cut works so well for you :)

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Celyn: The Lutening

I need a haircut too. Only going from my shoulders to just below my ears, but that length works so much better for me. *Shakes fist at hair* How dare you grow after I find a nice length for you! Ungrateful wretch!

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Mezzo Forte

Oh man, life's been so busy that I haven't had much opportunity to post on AVEN, but it's an exciting kind of busy. Like, I'm pretty much a becoming a full-fledged ethnomusicologist/trans musician scholar. I'm actually writing this as I fly out to present at the Transgender Voices Festival, and I was just invited to present at the Philadelphia Trans Wellness Conference too!

 

I'm still waiting on word, but there's also a well-respected university trying to actively secure funding for me to start my third master's degree (MA Ethnomusicology) in August explicitly for my work with trans musicians. I only contacted them ~2 weeks ago, so this kind of effort is pretty unheard of. I'm also in the early stages of organizing some really exciting field research for spring/summer 2019 that I know is going to be amazing. 

 

I havent even been posting my shot songs, so I'll post the last two songs I used!

 

 

Playlist:

 

Who knows when all the chaos is going to clear, but I'll definitely try and jump back into the swing of things posting on here in the near future :) 

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2 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Oh man, life's been so busy that I haven't had much opportunity to post on AVEN, but it's an exciting kind of busy. Like, I'm pretty much a becoming a full-fledged ethnomusicologist/trans musician scholar. I'm actually writing this as I fly out to present at the Transgender Voices Festival, and I was just invited to present at the Philadelphia Trans Wellness Conference too!

I’m not quite there yet myself, but I’m launching a project too. I’m happy for you Mezzo :) The academic environment is quite exciting, isn’t it?

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Mezzo Forte
26 minutes ago, Emery. said:

I’m not quite there yet myself, but I’m launching a project too. I’m happy for you Mezzo :) The academic environment is quite exciting, isn’t it?

There's definitely a thrill to academia! :)  The response to my work has been really amazing so far, and I'm beyond excited for what's on the horizon. I bet that new project of yours is going to be a ton of fun!

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Okay so... on one hand an older lady stared at me in the toilet and on the other, I got sir-madamed at the cafe ;) 

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief
5 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

There's definitely a thrill to academia! :)  The response to my work has been really amazing so far, and I'm beyond excited for what's on the horizon. I bet that new project of yours is going to be a ton of fun!

Just to add to things I wanna say there's a call for papers on the theme of time in my uni and I'm gonna submit one hopefully examining the relationship between sensory dissonance in western music and the effect of musical context on it. Just need to plan out an experiment. ;)

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nerdperson777
5 hours ago, Emery. said:

Okay so... on one hand an older lady stared at me in the toilet and on the other, I got sir-madamed at the cafe ;) 

Stared at you in the toilet?? Where are the stalls?

 

I got the he-she thing happen when I went to my knee surgery post-op appointment.  They were calling me she most of the time, and then one receptionist said he before "correcting" herself.

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I found a picture of me and a kid cutting up branches at work and I'm wearing my flannel and with my posture I look flatchested!

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18 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

Stared at you in the toilet?? Where are the stalls?

* it was next to the wash basins, not in the stall :P 

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nerdperson777
5 minutes ago, Emery. said:

* it was next to the wash basins, not in the stall :P 

Perhaps it makes more sense if it was bathroom instead of toilet?

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8 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

Perhaps it makes more sense if it was bathroom instead of toilet?

Well, that's what was written on the sign: toilets *shrug* 

Maybe that's regional thing and where we live there are different names and signs for the toilet/bathroom/washroom/restroom / you name it.

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nerdperson777
1 minute ago, Emery. said:

Well, that's what was written on the sign: toilets *shrug* 

Maybe that's regional thing and where we live there are different names and signs for the toilet/bathroom/washroom/restroom / you name it.

Perhaps.  I know that in China, the literal translation for bathroom is "wash hand room".  Well certainly that place isn't just for washing hands.

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Mezzo Forte
14 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I'm still waiting on word, but there's also a well-respected university trying to actively secure funding for me to start my third master's degree (MA Ethnomusicology) in August explicitly for my work with trans musicians. I only contacted them ~2 weeks ago, so this kind of effort is pretty unheard of. I'm also in the early stages of organizing some really exciting field research for spring/summer 2019 that I know is going to be amazing. 

So, I officially heard word on this, and I got funding! Looks like I'm starting Master's #3 In August! :) (I'll probably make a celebration time post after the conference.)

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nerdperson777

Maybe Mezzo's trans advocacy in music could get me to advocate in martial arts.  Not likely due to my high introvert-ness, but I always wanted to help someone if they planned on competing.  First I would have to secure my ability to compete as male in any competition I go to.  I just hope that the higher ups in the competition stuff are not bigots about "penis = male".  But on hormones, I'd be disqualified from females, which then would mean don't compete at all if that happens.  Now, if I legally changed my gender, I probably can not deal with any of it.  Don't know if I'd be able to compete as male if I'm gender X next year.  Even if the third gender law passes next year, when can I change my name and gender?  There probably would be an influx of people trying to change their genders.

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4 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:
4 hours ago, Emery. said:

Well, that's what was written on the sign: toilets *shrug* 

Maybe that's regional thing and where we live there are different names and signs for the toilet/bathroom/washroom/restroom / you name it.

Perhaps.  I know that in China, the literal translation for bathroom is "wash hand room".  Well certainly that place isn't just for washing hands.

Yeah, I've heard different variations in different places, and most aren't accurate if you think about it. Bathrooms aren't just for bathing (some don't even have baths). People don't usually go to restrooms to rest. WCs (short for water closet) aren't closets for water (although a single toilet WC might be as small as a closet). Then there's powder room. But the more accurate terms are generally rather coarse/vulgar (like the house that starts with s). Outhouse is more accurate in a sense, but can be confused with outbulidings. :P

 

54 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

So, I officially heard word on this, and I got funding! Looks like I'm starting Master's #3 In August! :) (I'll probably make a celebration time post after the conference.)

This is so awesome! Congratulations! :cake: 

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Celyn: The Lutening

@Emery. - If I don't get stares from old ladies in the bathroom, it's not a successful outing! Happens all the time, I kind of like it but I always feel like I should say something..."I need to sit down to pee, OK!" And then I decide against it and just slink out with my tail between my legs.

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Celyn: The Lutening

I'm British, so it's a loo.

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On 4/12/2018 at 5:26 AM, Mezzo Forte said:

Oh man, life's been so busy that I haven't had much opportunity to post on AVEN, but it's an exciting kind of busy. Like, I'm pretty much a becoming a full-fledged ethnomusicologist/trans musician scholar. I'm actually writing this as I fly out to present at the Transgender Voices Festival, and I was just invited to present at the Philadelphia Trans Wellness Conference too!

 

I'm still waiting on word, but there's also a well-respected university trying to actively secure funding for me to start my third master's degree (MA Ethnomusicology) in August explicitly for my work with trans musicians. I only contacted them ~2 weeks ago, so this kind of effort is pretty unheard of. I'm also in the early stages of organizing some really exciting field research for spring/summer 2019 that I know is going to be amazing. 

 

I havent even been posting my shot songs, so I'll post the last two songs I used!

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

 

 

Playlist:

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

 

Who knows when all the chaos is going to clear, but I'll definitely try and jump back into the swing of things posting on here in the near future :) 

 

 

What will the field research be about? What kinds of stuff do you talk about when it comes to trans musicians? I don't know anything about the Philly trans conference but I'm near Philly. If you speak there can you tell us a time/location?

 

Also, too many cooks is a weirdly entertaining song. I first saw it around 3am a year or so ago. It was stuck in my head for a few days after that.

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I haven’t cut my hair in about five months. I don’t know what to with it, but I have been meaning to get it cut.

 

So at work today, a customer had called me “he” about 2-3 times. Each time, I wasn’t sure if I heard her right, but I was trying so hard not to have a big goofy grin on my face. My coworker who knows I’m trans confirmed that I did hear the customer correctly. Seriously, being called “he” by strangers just seriously makes my day because of how natural they go with it.

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