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nerdperson777

OH WAIT I'M 8 MONTHS ON T TODAY BUT I'M TOO TIRED TO TAKE PROGRESS PICTURES AND JUST WANT TO SLEEP :lol:

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nerdperson777

When I teach, my belt is part of my uniform.  I think the fat in my middle area has re-distributed enough that my belt just sits on my hips almost vertically, not diagonally on rounded hips.  I occasionally take a look at myself in the mirror while I'm teaching and the way my belt sits just looks right.  (The not so good part is that I had to teach my whole 3 hours today and my legs are so dead from standing, with most of my weight on my good leg, causing me to mostly limp around the floor.)

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On 3/19/2018 at 2:34 AM, nerdperson777 said:

When I teach, my belt is part of my uniform.  I think the fat in my middle area has re-distributed enough that my belt just sits on my hips almost vertically, not diagonally on rounded hips.  I occasionally take a look at myself in the mirror while I'm teaching and the way my belt sits just looks right.  (The not so good part is that I had to teach my whole 3 hours today and my legs are so dead from standing, with most of my weight on my good leg, causing me to mostly limp around the floor.)

What do you teach?

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nerdperson777
6 minutes ago, Lirpaderp said:

What do you teach?

Wushu, it's more of a performative art than practical.  But I have been teaching my dad a little bit of taiji, as that is more my specialty.  I'm not able to teach the taiji class at my studio because it's taught by someone who's a better teacher and has learned it longer and really the class times right after rush hour traffic means that I'm not guaranteed to make it there in time after work.  Also I learned it differently from how the place teaches it so often I'm at fault for "confusing" students.  I've been in the class long enough to see how it's taught differently, but explaining taiji is hard.  Good thing my dad gets to be my test monkey.

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Celyn: The Lutening

THIS THREAD IS JUST SO WONDERFUL! AND YOU'RE ALL SUPER CUTE AND DOING SO WELL! 

 

Thankyou so much for existing and being yourselves. Reading this thread made me feel so much better after a really crappy dysphoric day (maybe TMI but shark week approaches so I'm super hormonal and grumpy). But this thread came to my rescue. So without further ado:

 

Things to Kill Body Dysphoria

I like my hair (It's just above shoulder length, but I *nail* the musician rather than girly look (helps that I am a musician).

I like the fact that my chest doesn't look crazy big if I wear a hoodie or a button-up shirt.

I like that I look good in hats - any hat, it's a superpower

I like my narrow, hourglass waist.

I like my eyes - deep blue-green with grey streaks.

I like my face - I'm so lucky it is actually androgynous.

I like that my shoulders are wide and muscular

I like that I can buy clothes/shoes from mens, womens and kids sections and have them fit.

Unisex clothes and shoes are my aesthetic! Converses and 501 Levis forever.

Things to Kill Social Dysphoria

On 18/11/2017 at 4:54 PM, miau said:

I entered the bike traffic very clumsily yesterday morning, mostly due to lack of caffeine and a functional brain in the mornings. I almost collided with a middle aged cyclist who angrily shouted "Pay attention, boy!" and then surely wondered why I'm smiling happily at him. I had been wearing skirts the whole week before that, mostly as an experiment, and was starting to feel weird about it. The first day I dress again in my usual clothes and I get validated before my first coffee. Thanks, random angry person!

This happened to me! Actually he said "You gotta death wish, boy?" 

A dentist put M in the gender box. I never corrected him (I moved and got a different dentist)

My neighbour was saying how her daughter is a girly girl and my dad said "well, we got a tomboy" He also said "she doesn't have a women's multitasking skills" when my mum wanted me to make pasta and look at something at the same time (not my preferred pronouns and an inaccurate gender stereotype, but still)

I've been noticing people avoid gendered language to refer to me lately :D 

 

On 28/02/2018 at 5:58 AM, Mezzo Forte said:

I'd love to get singing lessons. I'm a contralto/countertenor and I love the sound of arias for those voices :3 I have this fantasy of playing castrato parts (because a castrato would be quite androgenous looking), but it'll probably never happen.

 

Wow, that was more of a wall of text than I was anticipating. Anyway, going to remember that this thread exists to cheer me up when I'm having a bad day <3 

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Mezzo Forte
1 hour ago, Celyn said:

I like my hair (It's just above shoulder length, but I *nail* the musician rather than girly look (helps that I am a musician).

My hair was at my knees before I finally cut it. I remember having total strangers ask me if I was a classically-trained musician because of my hair. Gonna be honest though, I still secretly wish a total stranger would walk up to me and ask if I were in a metal band. I'm not, but from all my years of wearing my hair that long, I wish that just once, someone would think that. :lol: (What do you play/sing btw? I've been actually building a network of trans musicians thanks to my recent research projects, so it's always fun to run into others on here.)

 

PS, in a lot of respects, we sound like we share some similar traits. Similar eye color (though my eyes are more green than blue), similar narrow waist, similar broad shoulders, similar (pre-op) chest size, similar taste in converse. If there's a key difference, it's this one:

1 hour ago, Celyn said:

I like that I look good in hats - any hat, it's a superpower

I'm the exact opposite: I can make just about any hat look stupid just by placing it on my head :lol:

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nerdperson777
33 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I've been actually building a network of trans musicians thanks to my recent research projects

Meanwhile, I've stopped playing because of the bad memories I've had, at least for piano.  I've learned it for so long but I felt that I was only playing for other people's approval.  Maybe one day I'll try to play again, or another instrument, who knows.  But I'm fine with having intellectual conversations about music, I just don't want to play it.

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Mezzo Forte
2 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

Meanwhile, I've stopped playing because of the bad memories I've had, at least for piano.  I've learned it for so long but I felt that I was only playing for other people's approval.  Maybe one day I'll try to play again, or another instrument, who knows.  But I'm fine with having intellectual conversations about music, I just don't want to play it.

Or you could become a musicologist. Takes special effort to keep performance in your life when you go that route, let me tell you. :P I like mixing everything, but it's definitely easy to let one discipline fall on the back burner while focusing on another. 

 

(Heck, while I was prepping lectures, my idea of procrastination was downloading 40+ academic articles concerning a mix of topics like tacit knowledge, music Ed, and trans articles from a lot of non-music disciplines. How many I'll actually read, who knows? But the download-krieg was fun at least :P)

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nerdperson777
37 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Or you could become a musicologist. Takes special effort to keep performance in your life when you go that route, let me tell you. :P I like mixing everything, but it's definitely easy to let one discipline fall on the back burner while focusing on another. 

 

(Heck, while I was prepping lectures, my idea of procrastination was downloading 40+ academic articles concerning a mix of topics like tacit knowledge, music Ed, and trans articles from a lot of non-music disciplines. How many I'll actually read, who knows? But the download-krieg was fun at least :P)

I'm no longer really performing anything right now.  I'm only really into martial arts now but I've been kicked out of a performance team and I can't do much currently with my leg still healing.  I've only been really fantasizing about all the acrobatics I can do when it's healed up.  Then since my home studio can't teach taiji to the level I would like to be, I'm planning on learning that elsewhere.  They're big on the calm energy but I'm not going to be the best internal martial artist I can by staying there.  The owner doesn't have that knowledge.  He's primarily about external styles and taiji was a side thing.  In fact, the best practitioner we had, he switched to another school so he could get better.  (He probably wasn't going to get to that level unless he just took private lessons from the owner, which isn't cost-efficient.)  We're both mesmerized by the competition world.  There's a place near my work that I can go to, even if it's the opposite direction from home.  I believe there I can learn competition level internal styles.  My friend thinks I should go for the big leagues, but I'm not going to get there without an instructor who can take me there.  Sometimes I think I'm past my prime already since a lot of my students are still teens and pre-teens, but T has definitely gotten me a lot stronger.

 

Well, that definitely wasn't a music conversation, haha.

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Mezzo Forte
21 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

Well, that definitely wasn't a music conversation, haha

Guess it was more of a passion conversation than anything :P Always good to stick with what you love doing. Keeps everything more on a "want to" level than "ought to" and makes what you do that much more fun. (That said, I have more fun with the early stages of research than the late stages. I love the ethnographic aspects, and I can sometimes get into the reading, but I take forever to get going on the writing. That's going to make thesis/dissertation writing a joy, but I'll at least appreciate the results once they're done!)

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Celyn: The Lutening

I play piano/keyboard mostly. I started when I was 4 so I can't remember not being able to read music or play. I'm so glad my parents made that decision for me, it's such a huge part of my life and personality. I'm most myself when I'm playing.

I've done a fair bit of choir but stopped when the teachers started being weird about my deep voice. :( I can never sing songs written for women - on the modern music front, I sound like Ozzy Osbourne or Eddie Vedder when I sing. And I've not even done T!

And I've recently bought a violin! It's way easier than I was expecting.

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Mezzo Forte
14 minutes ago, Celyn said:

I play piano/keyboard mostly. I started when I was 4 so I can't remember not being able to read music or play. I'm so glad my parents made that decision for me, it's such a huge part of my life and personality. I'm most myself when I'm playing.

I've done a fair bit of choir but stopped when the teachers started being weird about my deep voice. :( I can never sing songs written for women - on the modern music front, I sound like Ozzy Osbourne or Eddie Vedder when I sing. And I've not even done T!

And I've recently bought a violin! It's way easier than I was expecting.

Wow, that's really cool, having experience with music from such a young age. :) I could imagine your lived experience with music makes learning new instruments a bit more intuitive too. Your comments about the deep voice are fascinating too. If you don't mind me asking, are you in more of a tenor or contralto range? (Who knows, maybe taking T would drop you straight into basso profundo territory :lol:) That said, I am frustrated that your teachers were less than accommodating of that difference, especially since there's a lot of cis people who have nonstandard ranges as well as trans people. (I've had colleagues who were male altos.) Plus trans vocalists are probably some of the most visible musicians we have, and there's been a lot of activity in the choral world within the last few years focused explicitly on accommodating trans voices. (Heck, I'm about to present at a voice festival specifically for trans people next month.) I imagine the best thing to do is sing the parts that best fit your range, regardless of the gender associations, so long as you're comfortable with said range.

 

I didn't sing much before taking T, but I know that I was roughly in the alto/mezzo-soprano range back then, and the one time I had to sing, I forced my voice to hit F3 at some points. Nowadays, if we're not concerned about volume or vocal quality, I can push down to C2. :P

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I went to the men’s bathroom at my college for the first time today. And again when I had to go again (drank a lot of water). Luckily there wasn’t anyone in there both times, but, I feel happy to actually go to the right bathroom!

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PixleyDust✨
28 minutes ago, SkyWorld said:

I went to the men’s bathroom at my college for the first time today. And again when I had to go again (drank a lot of water). Luckily there wasn’t anyone in there both times, but, I feel happy to actually go to the right bathroom!

Oh my gosh, good for you! Don’t know if this is weird, but you’re kind of a badass. 😎

 

Maybe I can be that brave someday. 😊

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2 hours ago, Celyn said:

I play piano/keyboard mostly. I started when I was 4 so I can't remember not being able to read music or play. I'm so glad my parents made that decision for me, it's such a huge part of my life and personality. I'm most myself when I'm playing.

I've done a fair bit of choir but stopped when the teachers started being weird about my deep voice. :( I can never sing songs written for women - on the modern music front, I sound like Ozzy Osbourne or Eddie Vedder when I sing. And I've not even done T!

And I've recently bought a violin! It's way easier than I was expecting.

Hah this is me a bit. I can’t really sing higher so I sing lower . By myself tho. I sound normal when I’m a deeper voice but when I try to sing higher and feminine I sound like Nicky mouse had strep and was losing oxygen 

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1 hour ago, Pixley said:

Oh my gosh, good for you! Don’t know if this is weird, but you’re kind of a badass. 😎

 

Maybe I can be that brave someday. 😊

Heh! Nah. It was more like peer pressure. :'D It was during my college's GSA meeting and the topic came up and I said I've never been to the men's bathroom and was too nervous to do so. They told me to just do it, "go now!" The only thing that made me feel better was that it was at a time where nobody is really out and about so there was no one in there both times. If there were anyone, I'd be even more nervous. But I shouldn't make myself suspicious! :o I hear a lot about how guys generally don't care, but still.

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Celyn: The Lutening

@Mezzo Forte My natural range is tenor, I can manage most of contralto range but not the top, really - like, I can hit those notes but not hold a tune and it's in head register.

The thought of becoming basso profundo makes me giggle. But I like the range of my voice, it's actually the same as my dad's. I just wish the timbre was a little less feminine. (Shh Celyn, this is a gender positive thread!)

On that note (pun very much intended) I took one of those dumb "can we guess your gender based on ~random attribute~ internet quizzes today and got gender non-conforming! I know it's really silly and little but it's affirming. Also, it's great to see a quiz even have that outcome as a possibility.

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Mezzo Forte
1 hour ago, Celyn said:

@Mezzo Forte My natural range is tenor, I can manage most of contralto range but not the top, really - like, I can hit those notes but not hold a tune and it's in head register.

The thought of becoming basso profundo makes me giggle. But I like the range of my voice, it's actually the same as my dad's. I just wish the timbre was a little less feminine. (Shh Celyn, this is a gender positive thread!)

On that note (pun very much intended) I took one of those dumb "can we guess your gender based on ~random attribute~ internet quizzes today and got gender non-conforming! I know it's really silly and little but it's affirming. Also, it's great to see a quiz even have that outcome as a possibility.

I can get wanting to remain a tenor! They do basically rule the singing world, after all. :P I remember constantly wishing I was at least a tenor back before I knew I was trans, and while I speak from a higher part of my range, I'm a baritone, possibly even eeking into the baritone-bass range. Vocal timbre is something that can be trained; heck, that's how transwomen feminize their voices. Shimmer and inflection make more of a difference than most people give them credit for.

 

I remember the SAGE test telling me that I was likely already in the process of transitioning FtM before I had even come out to myself as trans. Gotta love online quizzes. Always funny seeing old signs like that. 

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I know I'm late to the party, but did someone say music 😊?

I had a jazz performance a few hours ago. It went well, it could have gone better. My solo was weak but I kept playing this time. And I got a bunch of helpful tips.

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Celyn: The Lutening

Hmm I think I have been unconsciously training my timbre to change. I remember when my little brother asked what death metal sounded like, so I did my best growl. It came out so good I scared myself.

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nerdperson777
11 minutes ago, Celyn said:

Hmm I think I have been unconsciously training my timbre to change. I remember when my little brother asked what death metal sounded like, so I did my best growl. It came out so good I scared myself.

During my last social event with my club before graduating, we went to an AYCE Korean BBQ place.  It is known that I either like my food almost completely raw or completely burnt.  Apparently I scared our coach with an evil laugh when I took a burnt piece of meat.  I did not even notice.  He said that it was that authentic and completely in my character that it caught him off guard.

 

I must've been a contralto/tenor that could sing soprano level notes pre-T.  I don't even know what I am now.  I can go pretty low but still make a decent girl voice with enough effort.  But since I've never taken formal singing lessons, I could be completely wrong about what singer label I belong to.  I still think I have at least a 3 octave range even if it's not going up to something high like C6 or E6 anymore.

 

Funny thing, my mom had American Idol on the other day, maybe last week.  The people with that big of a range that auditioned don't tend to be good singers.  Ha, oh well.  It's not like I'm planning to be a great singer. :P

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Celyn: The Lutening
5 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

remember the SAGE test telling me that I was likely already in the process of transitioning FtM before I had even come out to myself as trans. Gotta love online quizzes. Always funny seeing old signs like that.

Out of curiousity, I took the same test. Surprise, surprise, it said I was androgynous. Cool.

(Side note - it said I'm unusual for being a "bisexual FtM crossdresser" - but that was because I used my romantic orientation instead of my almost nonexistent sexual one)

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief

Argh, I'd still have no interest in these online tests because I'm spending half the time wishing I'd go do the FTN stuff, and some of the time just being happy with my body. :lol: I'm making it a rule that I buy at least one thing from the women's section when I shop, because I don't want to be too lost for choice in colourful clothing(especially when I see a shirt I love, except it's only available in medium size and I'm XS -_- ), and I still don't ever pass or look androgynous imo, so when I go shopping irl it scares the hell out of me. But today I did a big online shop so I'll finally be able to have a regular sized wardrobe from the men's side and try to pass properly. I also got a beanie because I do wanna see if I can properly clear my hair out of my face and just show the short side. I know it's weird that it's taken me this long just to buy a coat from the men's end of things, but my clothes have always been quite simply cut anyway so it bugs me to feel like that counts against me, and I also have trouble in that a part of me is always super conscious of money so I basically skimped out on spending money until now.

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Recently this SAGE test told me that I'm a "serious candidate for SRS" :lol: Like... I'm not even considering, dude! I was hoping I will get in/post transition, though... In those tests I never know which is "my sex" and "opposite sex". I wish they made it clearer. Now I'm having my gender doubts again and a thought has creeped up my mind that maybe I am cis female after all, just with a very traditionally masculine personality. But no test will classify me as such now, because I have "spent a significant length of time presenting as male". Meh, I think I'm an androgyne/gender neutral at best, so not completely cis female. But I'm enjoying myself as a girl more and more recently. Ever since I discovered I'm into girls :P Seriously, being a lesbian is more fun than being a straight girl. 

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Celyn: The Lutening

@Emery. Tests can't tell you who you are, you know who you are. I don't use tests as advice, I just like it when they affirm my identity. I think it's awesome that you're in touch with both sides of your personality :) I think androgyne is a pretty great gender, but then I would!

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Yeah, I wouldn’t rely too much on quizzes. Sure sometimes it can be helpful to people to figure themselves out, but it’s it’s not always reliable or accurate. I sometimes take them for fun and see what results would show, even though I already know. And sometimes the results are way off, it’s hilarious.

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1 hour ago, SkyWorld said:

I sometimes take them for fun and see what results would show, even though I already know.

Same :lol: 

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My real name is an unisex name.

My mom told me which names she would have named me are all unisex so whatever name I would have gotten, it would fit me regardless of gender ^_^

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nerdperson777
8 hours ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

Argh, I'd still have no interest in these online tests because I'm spending half the time wishing I'd go do the FTN stuff, and some of the time just being happy with my body. :lol: I'm making it a rule that I buy at least one thing from the women's section when I shop, because I don't want to be too lost for choice in colourful clothing(especially when I see a shirt I love, except it's only available in medium size and I'm XS -_- ), and I still don't ever pass or look androgynous imo, so when I go shopping irl it scares the hell out of me. But today I did a big online shop so I'll finally be able to have a regular sized wardrobe from the men's side and try to pass properly. I also got a beanie because I do wanna see if I can properly clear my hair out of my face and just show the short side. I know it's weird that it's taken me this long just to buy a coat from the men's end of things, but my clothes have always been quite simply cut anyway so it bugs me to feel like that counts against me, and I also have trouble in that a part of me is always super conscious of money so I basically skimped out on spending money until now.

I'd be cautious about beanies and hats, but that's mostly because of my own features.  If people only perceived me by my face, they would see a girl.  My short hair is the main thing that makes me pass, aside from my wide shoulders.  Once I wore a costume wig and I got clocked as a girl for the first time in a long time.  Character was a pretty boy type, which would mean it's someone cis girls try to dress up as.  With none of my real hair to change the idea of the perceiver, I would get clocked as a girl.  But this is all because I have a feminine face.  I knew one guy who was able to do it but don't know if it would work for everyone.

 

5 hours ago, SkyWorld said:

Yeah, I wouldn’t rely too much on quizzes. Sure sometimes it can be helpful to people to figure themselves out, but it’s it’s not always reliable or accurate. I sometimes take them for fun and see what results would show, even though I already know. And sometimes the results are way off, it’s hilarious.

I just took a "guess my gender" quiz that supposedly had GNC and a result.  Still called me a girl.  :angry:

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AwkwardAxolotl
2 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I'd be cautious about beanies and hats, but that's mostly because of my own features.  If people only perceived me by my face, they would see a girl. 

It surprises me how much a little change can affect passing. For me, hats work okay, but earrings are really what get me. They make my face look super feminine, which is a shame, because I kind of like them. I think I could still get away with wearing earrings, but only with more than a week's worth of stubble, and even then at first glance people would probably still see me as female.

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