a gender positive thread

[vmdraco]

I love how, when I spend time with my partner, all the dysphoria goes away.

 

I could have had the most miserable of days, but when I spend five minutes talking with them or hugging them all of the garbage I put up with gets obliterated.  I feel so lucky.

[butterflydreams]

This week in February will always be special to me. It was two years ago now that I came out at my job and started living full time as a woman. To me, it means I'm slowly starting to chip away at all the years of my life I lived as someone else. It seems like forever ago. Two whole years. But really it's not that long a time at all. I think about all the things I've learned and all the challenges I've faced. I bought a new car as myself. I was a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding. Going swimming at a public lake by myself. So many other things. All crammed into just two years.

 

I hope I can continue for many more years after this. It's been quite the struggle lately. But right now, I just want to be proud, two full years living full time as myself. If only I could go back in time and tell myself, once I took that leap, I'd never look back. Not once. Sometimes I have my doubts about all I'm doing, but I've never thought, "wouldn't it be great to be a guy again?" Not just because I never was in the first place, but because I never ever want to go back to that. Even when things are difficult.

 

Two. Whole. Years.

 

Thanks everyone for your support and friendship. 

[Lirpaderp]

I guess one good thing that happened is I finally ordered a pair of dress shoes for guys.... It was in "big kid" sizes, but still. Now I'll finally have good dress shoes

[SkyWorld]

So this happened last semester. I was on campus and I had to use the restroom. I don’t pass, so I went to the women’s restroom while on break from a 3 hour class. One of my classmates, an older woman, had to go as well. In the bathroom was a man and a woman fixing something in the bathroom and the man apologized saying “Oh, I’m sorry. It’ll just be a moment and I’ll be out of here soon.” So me and my classmate dismissed ourselves and she said “I don’t care if he’s in there, I just got to pee”. Tbh, I didn’t care either. But it just made me happy how a woman didn’t react so negatively to a guy, presenting as a guy and not even using the restroom, but just doing his job fixing something. Just the way she didn’t make a big deal about it and just wanted to do her own business rather than concerned about other people just “impressed” me, I guess you could say?

[Emery.]

So... I used to think that when I google for anime characters and cosplay shows up, then the FtM cosplayers really pass. Now I think... I have a similar look, with men's clothing and all, so maybe my passing isn't all this bad?  

[Lonemathsytoothbrushthief]

16 hours ago, vmdraco said:

I love how, when I spend time with my partner, all the dysphoria goes away.

 

I could have had the most miserable of days, but when I spend five minutes talking with them or hugging them all of the garbage I put up with gets obliterated.  I feel so lucky.

I was with a friend who is bigender, but who I guess probably isn't out to many people, and their friends he/him'd them and she/her'd me when leaving almost the same time, so when we got out the door I joked about what happens when two enbies have to decide who holds the door for the other. I love all my trans and enby friends, hang out together and it's always better.

[Kimmie.]

@butterflydreams you have helped me with my motivation and i can´t thank you enough for that.

[nerdperson777]

15 hours ago, Lirpaderp said:

I guess one good thing that happened is I finally ordered a pair of dress shoes for guys.... It was in "big kid" sizes, but still. Now I'll finally have good dress shoes

I surprisingly found a good pair at Goodwill.  I originally got it for a fancy interview that needed to be business casual.  But my mom is really laid back and I don't see the customers so I can be a little more casual.  I just think it really sucks that finding the shoe size I need is hard.  Boys could get bigger shoes and then assumably grow into them.  But I don't grow anymore.  I tried looking up boots that I could use for costumes and my choices are men's shoes that are at least size 8M or women's shoes that have my size but have heels.

 

10 hours ago, Emery. said:

So... I used to think that when I google for anime characters and cosplay shows up, then the FtM cosplayers really pass. Now I think... I have a similar look, with men's clothing and all, so maybe my passing isn't all this bad?  

 

 

This is a combination of two versions.

 

 

But the idea of anime sometimes tends to be about androgyny so who knows?  *shrugs*

[999papercranes]

I’m pretty sick right now and my chest dysphoria is off the charts, but at the same time I’ve felt a lot of peace lately towards accepting myself as trans. Last week when I thought I was going to the gender therapist’s (my mom got the date wrong it turns out ) I spent the whole night before lying awake and just coming to terms with my dysphoria and my disassociation and what makes me happy (presenting as male, that is) and now I just feel a lot less struggle within me. 

Plus I ordered a hardcover version of my favorite comic series smashed together in one book and now I’m a happy little dork  

[Homer]

Transgender Woman Breastfeeds Her Baby After Experimental Treatment

[Kimmie.]

26 minutes ago, Homer said:

Transgender Woman Breastfeeds Her Baby After Experimental Treatment

That is really great news!

[Mezzo Forte]

Shot Day! I was a bit more hesitant this time, but I made it work. (There were lyrics related to shots in thing song that I only really noticed as I was doing the shot.)

Spoiler

 

 

Updated Playlist:

Spoiler

7/26
A Moment of Silence - Streetlight Manifesto
 
8/9
Toccata and Divertimento - Ney Rosauro
 
8/23
Receiving End of it All - Streetlight Manifesto
 
9/6
Shepherd of Fire - Avenged Sevenfold
 
9/20
Bebete, Vãobora - Jorge Ben
 
10/4
Resurrected Power (Shadow of the Colossus) - Ko Otani
 
10/18
Burn My Dread (Persona 3) - Kawamura Yumi
 
11/1
Motumbá - Timbalada
 
11/15
My Shot (Hamilton) - Lin-Manuel Miranda
 
12/5
Hunting Song - Tom Lehrer
 
12/20
Oh Berimbau! - Olodum
 
1/3
Alumina - Nightmare
 
1/18
Believer - Imagine Dragons

 

1/31

I'll Make a Man Out of You - Mulan

 

2/14

Would You Be Impressed? - Streetlight Manifesto

 

[butterflydreams]

10 hours ago, Homer said:

Transgender Woman Breastfeeds Her Baby After Experimental Treatment

Sorry for the language, but holy fuck. Thank you for sharing this. I would do this in a heartbeat.

[Guest]

22 hours ago, Homer said:

Transgender Woman Breastfeeds Her Baby After Experimental Treatment

Awww! This is awesome! So much hope in one article  

[butterflydreams]

If someone is expecting you to be a woman, it's a lot easier to pass. I was at a women's meetup today and I didn't get any weird non-passing vibes. It was a meetup for women, and the one other person who came assumed I was a woman, so I think I was passing much more easily.

[Starbogen]

1 hour ago, butterflydreams said:

If someone is expecting you to be a woman, it's a lot easier to pass. I was at a women's meetup today and I didn't get any weird non-passing vibes. It was a meetup for women, and the one other person who came assumed I was a woman, so I think I was passing much more easily.

This is part of what helped me get over my insecurities and nervousness about going to men's bathrooms.

[ChillaKilla]

1 hour ago, Starbogen said:

This is part of what helped me get over my insecurities and nervousness about going to men's bathrooms.

That and men in general just don’t seem to give a shit  growing up in women’s spaces made me worry that I would be judged in men’s rooms, but they really just mind their own business.

[Starbogen]

10 minutes ago, ChillaKilla said:

That and men in general just don’t seem to give a shit  growing up in women’s spaces made me worry that I would be judged in men’s rooms, but they really just mind their own business.

For real. One time while I was in that weird bathroom transition I went to the men's but then chickened out and went to the women's and someone in there looked at me for what felt like a long moment but was probably just a second and asked me something like if there was no soap in the men's.

I've probably never even been glanced at in the men's bathroom.

It came to a point where I just kept getting looked at in the women's and getting reactions like "oh sorry I thought this was the girls' bathroom" (and it was... I was the one in the wrong place). So obviously I didn't belong there anymore. 

[butterflydreams]

13 hours ago, Starbogen said:

This is part of what helped me get over my insecurities and nervousness about going to men's bathrooms.

Same. Most people aren't out on the prowl for trans people. It's just not something they're expecting to encounter. And if you're not looking for it, you won't really notice the very subtle "tells" that often betray trans people. 

 

As trans people, we're great at spotting other trans people, but we forget most people aren't like that, and they aren't looking for us. A few bad eggs notwithstanding.

[Mezzo Forte]

13 hours ago, butterflydreams said:

As trans people, we're great at spotting other trans people, but we forget most people aren't like that, and they aren't looking for us. A few bad eggs notwithstanding.

With how much phenomenology is relevant to the kind of research I do, I always tell people: Experience shapes perception.

 

The experience of gender dysphoria automatically makes trans people more critical of gender, and whether we do so through research, experimentation, or both, we figure out exactly what factors make the difference in how people assume our gender. That changes how we perceive androgyny in particular, as we know what aspects can be influenced by presentation and what aspects are tells of someone's assigned gender at birth. Our experience actively learning how to pass for something other than our assigned gender at birth changes how we understand gender presentation in ways that cis people just don't tend to experience or would even realize exist.

 

As a researcher, if there's one thing I appreciate about being trans, it's actually the perspective I've gained from these experiences. When I speak openly about my life experiences, I almost always hear people say "I never thought about that," and I think it just nails home how much gender gets relegated to tacit knowledge and rarely needs to be recognized in the conscious mind for most people. That kind of sensitivity to tacit knowledge is an incredible tool for an ethnographer even if you're not looking directly at trans issues.

 

 

[The-kind]

Hey I just recently found out I’m genderfluid (come to terms with it I guess?) and I would love any advice anyone can give me!

[nerdperson777]

4 hours ago, The-kind said:

Hey I just recently found out I’m genderfluid (come to terms with it I guess?) and I would love any advice anyone can give me!

Depends what kind of advice you're looking for?

[:)(:]

Today I was doing some messing around on MIT website ( hey we can all have dreams) and I found a term that legit fit me perfectly . According to the MIT website Boi is a term for a female that like being mistaken for a young male . Which is so me.

 

Also I learned that  DRAG KINGS EXIST!!!!! I honestly would love to dress up and be a real boy for a night. I need a suit. And to be called sir. This needs to be a thing! I would love a social club like this !

 

Lastly I was in the female restroom and walking out and the girl who was walking in had to check the gender sign outside when I walked out. I looked to much like I guy. I feel as if ppl are giving me double takes more. It kinda make me smile a bit. I just hope no one freaks out one day...

[Lonemathsytoothbrushthief]

@The-kind No advice now, but welcome.

[nerdperson777]

I got in touch with some old online gaming friends.  I did not realize that my mic wasn't picking up my voice so I was just sitting in the voice chat for a few days and no one heard me.  I tried today and got it to work.  I told the one guy that I went through puberty as the reason why my voice was different.  I guess it's good that I don't have to hide my voice.  Meanwhile, I know another person in the chatroom is the guy who had a crush on me years back and didn't feel a reason to pursue the friendship anymore after I came out.  I wonder how long I can be in the server without talking to him.

[Lirpaderp]

I have to wear tails for a singing group in school. The uniform is provided by the university, but none of the pants fit me (goddamn hips/height). So I had to get measure for them. They came back today and they fit perfectly. I haven't had the full outfit on yet but I can't wait. I'll be decked up like a proper gentleman!

 

My friend introduced me to one of his friends from class. While we were talking I didn't say much at all. My friend said I'm a man of few words. A man! We were on our way back from the gym when we ran into him and my friend kept referring to me as guy and man and he/him. He over emphasized my boyness on purpose and it felt great. I was uncomfortable in the unfamiliar social settings but I couldn't stop smiling like an idiot because of how often I was referred to as a guy. The amount of happiness I get from that really helps to calm my doubts and concerns about not being trans enough.

[butterflydreams]

omg, I just answered a call at work and got ma’am’d on the phone. Looks like my hard work is finally starting to pay off.

[Kimmie.]

4 minutes ago, butterflydreams said:

omg, I just answered a call at work and got ma’am’d on the phone. Looks like my hard work is finally starting to pay off.

That is so awesome! I am so happy for you

[nerdperson777]

3 hours ago, butterflydreams said:

omg, I just answered a call at work and got ma’am’d on the phone. Looks like my hard work is finally starting to pay off.

Paying off only now?  Your hard work paid off a long time ago, you're just reaping the benefits. 

[Starbogen]

Aside from the obvious, my body is actually not that bad under the circumstances. I especially appreciate my face, my decently thick waist and my hairy legs.