Jump to content

a gender positive thread


butterflydreams

Recommended Posts

I didn't bind at all this week because I've decided that I should probably skip on binding whenever I can to give my chest a break, since I've been binding for probably over two years now and likely still have some more years to go.

And it was surprisingly okay. As long as I zipped up my hoodie all the way my chest wasn't really noticeable enough to make me look female, and in a way wearing the sports-b makes me less aware of my chest than the binder because it feels more comfortable and less like there's something there.

 

It's kind of weird but out of all the things about my body that give me dysphoria my chest is usually one of the easiest to ignore, I guess because I feel like it's something that can be corrected relatively easily. It's not something permanent like other things. And the fact that I've been able to go out and still be seen as male without binding several times has helped me feel like it's something I can do, that I don't have to bind every single time I go out. I just need to have a good hoodie and terrible posture. But my chest will probably thank me in the long run.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

After the test run of my big presentation, I ended up chatting one-on-one with a few faculty and students about trans stuff, and when I shared a story where I got misgendered on the phone nearly a year on T, both the cis guys I was chatting with had stories about getting misgendered on the phone. (There's something nice about knowing that cis guys deal with this too.) The faculty member was especially funny about it:

 

"Ma'am"

"Excuse me? I'm a man."

"Oh, I'm so sorry Mister ___"

"Actually, it's Doctor ___"

 

If I ever get misgendered after I earn my doctorate, I am definitely going to try that. :lol: 

  • Like 10
Link to post
Share on other sites
15 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

"Ma'am"

"Excuse me? I'm a man."

"Oh, I'm so sorry Mister ___"

"Actually, it's Doctor ___"

 

If I ever get misgendered after I earn my doctorate, I am definitely going to try that. :lol:

I'd loved to be referred to as "doctor". To be honest, I don't really like being called "sir" or "mister", but neither "ma'am" or "miss". It's just way too formal for me and it makes me feel older.

 

Which brings me to how I love it when people would casually call me "dude" or "guy". I've always used them neutrally and so do some others. Though, I know that they're technically neutral. If anyone was uncomfortable being called such, of course I'd stop. Anyway, my point is that had always made me feel good and still does. 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, SkyWorld said:

I'd loved to be referred to as "doctor". To be honest, I don't really like being called "sir" or "mister", but neither "ma'am" or "miss". It's just way too formal for me and it makes me feel older.

 

Which brings me to how I love it when people would casually call me "dude" or "guy". I've always used them neutrally and so do some others. Though, I know that they're technically neutral. If anyone was uncomfortable being called such, of course I'd stop. Anyway, my point is that had always made me feel good and still does. 

Oh yes, there's something hella cool about the title of "Doctor," and I've been vying for that title for most my life. Even as a kid, I knew I wanted a doctorate of some sort; I just didn't know what field until I got older. :P You know full well that I'm going to make everyone and their mama call me Doctor when I finish that degree. Heck, I'll probably add it to my AVEN title or username, assuming I'm still active on here when that day comes. :lol: 

 

I love how "Dude" just never lost its clout when it seemed like a term that would have died out a long time ago. It's been a staple in my vernacular for quite some time, even back in the 90's when my mom used to retort "I'm a woman, not a dude!" :lol: 

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
15 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I love how "Dude" just never lost its clout when it seemed like a term that would have died out a long time ago. It's been a staple in my vernacular for quite some time, even back in the 90's when my mom used to retort "I'm a woman, not a dude!" :lol: 

It's funny how even when I was younger and wasn't to terms with my gender, whenever someone would call me a dude and then "correct" themselves and say "dudette", I would get angry and say "Just call me 'dude'. 'Dudette' just sounds stupid". :'D *shrugs* But there are some people who like it, so, to each their own.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
nerdperson777
12 hours ago, daveb said:

 (unlike some women's underwear that comes in numbered sizes, and don't even get started on the complicated sizing system for bras! :lol: )

Once I was in some online chat about bras and someone said "many (cis) guys don't know anything about bra sizes.  you could tell them C4 and they'll smile and nod."  (For those who don't know, C4 is an explosive.)  Then there was a reply with a bunch of random numbers attached to letters, might've been my comment, I forget.  Another person asked if we were playing Battleship because of that.

 

But I've heard stories about bras being inconsistent in sizing in different brands.  A C cup can be a D cup in another store.  Same thing happens with pants.  I don't even know what difference there would be in DD vs E, they're still bigger than a D.  But what do I know?  I've only ever been A.

 

8 hours ago, SkyWorld said:

I haven’t worn women’s clothing in years. I only knew my pants and shirt size (don’t remember now, but then again I have slimmed down anyway). My underwear and bra size was always a gamble. Especially when it came to different brands.

 

I seriously hate my breasts, but I try to make myself feel a little better that it could be worse. Throughout my life, I had always hoped they wouldn’t get as big as my mom or grandma. Thankfully it’s not, but, I still wish they weren’t there. I’ve been binding for about 3 years now. The only time I wear a bra is a sports bra for working out.

 

Now other people’s breasts on the other hand... I honestly still don’t like them. Unless there’s a really good shirt, sweater, or jacket that really complements them and the shape just goes along well. It’s cute.

I think I'm a 6 or 8, different based on whichever brand.  A 6 probably fits me in terms of body size but I have huge shoulders and thighs, plus I like my clothes loose.

 

I'm fortunate that I don't know any big chested people in my family.  My size is the same as my mom, or even a little smaller.  When she cleaned out my room, she probably took the bras I put away and never wore again for herself.  I binded for over 3 years now but I felt not wanting to wear a binder anymore starting around 2 years.  Only now I've actually not worn it most of the time.  Before I still wore it when I was at school, but in recent times I've felt constrained by binding.

 

I have no aesthetic attraction so when are boobs really that good?

 

31 minutes ago, SkyWorld said:

I'd loved to be referred to as "doctor". To be honest, I don't really like being called "sir" or "mister", but neither "ma'am" or "miss". It's just way too formal for me and it makes me feel older.

 

Which brings me to how I love it when people would casually call me "dude" or "guy". I've always used them neutrally and so do some others. Though, I know that they're technically neutral. If anyone was uncomfortable being called such, of course I'd stop. Anyway, my point is that had always made me feel good and still does. 

I've talked to Heart who said that the reason to get a doctorate is to have a neutral title.  I find that a really awesome reason, although hard to achieve.  I currently have the title of Coach, since I coach people in martial arts.  I doubt I'll be able to get a doctorate so I'll just take Coach.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
56 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

But I've heard stories about bras being inconsistent in sizing in different brands.  A C cup can be a D cup in another store.  Same thing happens with pants.  I don't even know what difference there would be in DD vs E, they're still bigger than a D.  But what do I know?  I've only ever been A.

I feel like a lot of sizing in general when it comes to different brands vary for everyone. It’s annoying. I never really did feel too comfortable talking about my body. Especially if it’s my family complimenting how I look, but it always makes me dysphoric because they’re complimenting my feminine features. Before I even came to terms with my gender, I would distress how big my chest is. My mom and grandma were DD, and I was usually a C, but as I was growing, I’d sometimes would have to wear a D and I hated that because I didn’t want them to get grow. I had always wished they were smaller.

56 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

I've talked to Heart who said that the reason to get a doctorate is to have a neutral title.  I find that a really awesome reason, although hard to achieve.  I currently have the title of Coach, since I coach people in martial arts.  I doubt I'll be able to get a doctorate so I'll just take Coach.

Yeah, I think it would just be too expensive for me to get my doctorate. And just deal with the “sir” and “mister” and perhaps insist they just use my name. No need to be so formal. 

 

Ack! Sometimes I forget what thread this is and get invested in the conversation. :’D Okay, something positive... Well, it’s kind of positive? For me, when it comes to dysphoria, the easiest thing about my body I can ignore is actually downstairs. Except for shark week, that definitely always gets me, but otherwise, it’s very easy for me to ignore it. My only interaction is maintaining good hygiene. I just really don’t think about it or pay much attention. It’s also kind of a reason why I feel like I don’t need bottom surgery or a packer. It’s also always nice to save money! If I was born with that male anotomy, I still wouldn’t care too much about it. It’s funny how whenever I’m dreaming, I’d always think “oh, that’s pretty neat” and then go on with something else. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I didn't know I would actually be able to say this but I am actually somewhat passable in a way. It is just that face that really needs some work stat

 

 


 

DSC_0841.jpg

 

DSC_0839.jpg

 DSC_0840.jpg

 

DSC_0840.jpg

DSC_0838_02.jpg

 

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
butterflydreams

@Kimmie., you are not that far off. See? No reason to be so hard on yourself. Getting rid of the facial hair and the shadow will really go a long way all on its own to helping you out. Have you ever styled your hair? Put some waves in it? Also have you considered bangs? That would help soften your face a little bit. 

 

You have a lot of potential!

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, SkyWorld said:

It's funny how even when I was younger and wasn't to terms with my gender, whenever someone would call me a dude and then "correct" themselves and say "dudette", I would get angry and say "Just call me 'dude'. 'Dudette' just sounds stupid". :'D *shrugs* But there are some people who like it, so, to each their own.

Oh, I remember dudette, and I didn't like it either. Dude just felt cooler :lol: 

 

@nerdperson777 @SkyWorld There's definitely something cool about the title of Doctor as gender neutral, though a doctorate take a hell of a lot of love to survive, and dissertations can often take years after you're done taking coursework for your degree! Some doctorates like DMAs move much faster because they're music performance degrees with what's often a pretty laughable standard for what a dissertation is, to the point that some programs are talking about calling them "documents" instead of dissertations. It's the 3-4 recitals that really make up the bulk of that degree.

 

I've heard of some people getting ordained to gain the title of Reverend too, and Mx is definitely gaining recognition, so other options are popping up for those who don't want to spend many many years getting steeped in the world of academia :P 

 

That said, when it get my doctorate, I'm having everybody call me doctor for a good while. :lol: 

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
butterflydreams
39 minutes ago, Kimmie. said:

Styling my hair is something I really want to do. 

Honestly, just go to a salon and tell them what you're trying to do. I know it's scary but chances are they'll love to help you out. The stylist I see said I wasn't the first trans girl she'd seen and that she liked it because it gave her a chance to really be creative.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
8 minutes ago, butterflydreams said:

Honestly, just go to a salon and tell them what you're trying to do. I know it's scary but chances are they'll love to help you out. The stylist I see said I wasn't the first trans girl she'd seen and that she liked it because it gave her a chance to really be creative.

That do sound promising. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I've heard of some people getting ordained to gain the title of Reverend too, and Mx is definitely gaining recognition, so other options are popping up for those who don't want to spend many many years getting steeped in the world of academia :P 

Can't wait to be a dr :P 

  • Like 8
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Emery. said:

Can't wait to be a dr :P 

I know respect ! Gender neutral ! People can go oh gosh she isn’t married poor old dear! 

 

In addition to it marking that you studied you but of for 8+ years and actually know stuff ! 

 

But it me too! I can’t wait 😊 

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
nerdperson777
22 hours ago, SkyWorld said:

Yeah, I think it would just be too expensive for me to get my doctorate. And just deal with the “sir” and “mister” and perhaps insist they just use my name. No need to be so formal. 

 

Ack! Sometimes I forget what thread this is and get invested in the conversation. :’D Okay, something positive... Well, it’s kind of positive? For me, when it comes to dysphoria, the easiest thing about my body I can ignore is actually downstairs. Except for shark week, that definitely always gets me, but otherwise, it’s very easy for me to ignore it. My only interaction is maintaining good hygiene. I just really don’t think about it or pay much attention. It’s also kind of a reason why I feel like I don’t need bottom surgery or a packer. It’s also always nice to save money! If I was born with that male anotomy, I still wouldn’t care too much about it. It’s funny how whenever I’m dreaming, I’d always think “oh, that’s pretty neat” and then go on with something else. 

Sometimes I think calling me Coach is formal, but it could be my inferiority complex.  I've never seen myself as being a higher status than anyone.  Different coaches have different ideas on when they're a coach.  Some say they're always a coach so they will always be called Coach " " regardless of whether they're teaching or not.  I follow the one that's you're a coach when you're teaching, so this one teenage coach, I don't tend to call him Coach " " because I'm usually taking class with him instead of him being the instructor.

 

I don't really have a problem down there much either.  Just wait a little longer for the T to work its disappearing magic.  I think my only problem is thinking that I have too much hair.  A strand or two grows on my thighs and I always felt weird, even before, about having the hair sticking out of briefs.  I felt distressed about that in high school PE when there was the swim unit because it would show out of my one piece.  Don't know if just shaving it all off would be a good idea.  I'm mostly worried that it's too much hair.  Doing something like laser or waxing sounds like it would hurt a lot.

 

17 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Oh, I remember dudette, and I didn't like it either. Dude just felt cooler :lol: 

 

@nerdperson777 @SkyWorld There's definitely something cool about the title of Doctor as gender neutral, though a doctorate take a hell of a lot of love to survive, and dissertations can often take years after you're done taking coursework for your degree! Some doctorates like DMAs move much faster because they're music performance degrees with what's often a pretty laughable standard for what a dissertation is, to the point that some programs are talking about calling them "documents" instead of dissertations. It's the 3-4 recitals that really make up the bulk of that degree.

 

I've heard of some people getting ordained to gain the title of Reverend too, and Mx is definitely gaining recognition, so other options are popping up for those who don't want to spend many many years getting steeped in the world of academia :P 

 

That said, when it get my doctorate, I'm having everybody call me doctor for a good while. :lol: 

[insert Mister Doctor Professor Patrick here]

 

I remember talking to a math TA who showed me briefly a packet which was some graduate "essay".  (Math doesn't have essays at that level.)  He joked that the math only handles 0's and 1's because there wouldn't be anything significant to report.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
22 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

I don't really have a problem down there much either.  Just wait a little longer for the T to work its disappearing magic.  I think my only problem is thinking that I have too much hair.  A strand or two grows on my thighs and I always felt weird, even before, about having the hair sticking out of briefs.  I felt distressed about that in high school PE when there was the swim unit because it would show out of my one piece.  Don't know if just shaving it all off would be a good idea.  I'm mostly worried that it's too much hair.  Doing something like laser or waxing sounds like it would hurt a lot.

I just have one word: trim.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I quite like “dudette” . And don’t really have an ussue with titles, but for reasons of identifying as a geek, and a gender-bending geek, I ‘d love to be a Philosophy Doctor :P 

Link to post
Share on other sites
nerdperson777
2 hours ago, SkyWorld said:

I just have one word: trim.

I have no idea of how to groom myself, in a general sense.  I need to trim my head hair soon and even that is going to be haphazard.

Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

I have no idea of how to groom myself, in a general sense.  I need to trim my head hair soon and even that is going to be haphazard.

There’s different ways to do it. What I have simply done was use very small scissors, like nail scissors, to clip and shorten the hairs. Shaving can cause scratchiness and irritation. Maybe I did it wrong, it was one time years ago, but neveer again. Be careful not to cut yourself. Apparently another way is to use clippers, like a nose hair trimmer? To get it cut more evenly. Though I just use scissors because it’s not like anyone else is going to see. I recommend trimming because, to me, it feels more comfortable when washing and not as irritable.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
nerdperson777
4 minutes ago, SkyWorld said:

 

  Hide contents

There’s different ways to do it. What I have simply done was use very small scissors, like nail scissors, to clip and shorten the hairs. Shaving can cause scratchiness and irritation. Maybe I did it wrong, it was one time years ago, but neveer again. Be careful not to cut yourself. Apparently another way is to use clippers, like a nose hair trimmer? To get it cut more evenly. Though I just use scissors because it’s not like anyone else is going to see. I recommend trimming because, to me, it feels more comfortable when washing and not as irritable.

 

I have some incredibly cheap manual razors that I bought at school once.  I really just used it to shave off the belly hair I was growing.  I was planning on using a clipper on my head but I'm freaking out about work this week so I haven't had time.  In fact, it's almost 3am, I haven't showered, and my assignment, which I have no idea how to do, is due in less than 12 hours.  I could clip myself tomorrow when I have more time.  And then I know my parents are going to have comments about it again, my head trimming I mean.

Link to post
Share on other sites

So I maaaaaay have bought this to wear some time after mid-May :P



7_D1273_FF-_F5_FA-4565-_ACE0-_CAD796_FF5

  • Like 10
Link to post
Share on other sites
20 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I have some incredibly cheap manual razors that I bought at school once.  I really just used it to shave off the belly hair I was growing.  I was planning on using a clipper on my head but I'm freaking out about work this week so I haven't had time.  In fact, it's almost 3am, I haven't showered, and my assignment, which I have no idea how to do, is due in less than 12 hours.  I could clip myself tomorrow when I have more time.  And then I know my parents are going to have comments about it again, my head trimming I mean.

I'd only use my clippers on my head to clean up the edges. Otherwise, I'm too nervous about cutting my own hair because I don't want to mess it up. Yeah, it'll grow back, but I still don't want it super short because cutting it too short may only emphasize my feminine face. Though, I'd really would like to know how to cut my own hair so that that's more money I could save.

 

5 hours ago, ChillaKilla said:

So I maaaaaay have bought this to wear some time after mid-May :P

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 


7_D1273_FF-_F5_FA-4565-_ACE0-_CAD796_FF5
 

 

 

I'm... tempted to get that for myself one day. Where'd you get it?

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
arekathevampyre

anyone knows where to buy

longline vest bras ? :(

5107530.jpg?w=692

I am AFAB and agender you know sometimes , we do need proper bra for comfort/formal sake when sports bra is too itchy/uncomfortable/informal ? :D

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lonemathsytoothbrushthief

Deleted cause I'm too self-conscious for this...

Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, SkyWorld said:

Though, I'd really would like to know how to cut my own hair so that that's more money I could save.

I've been cutting my own hair for maybe 7 or 8 years now. if I have any advices to give you it would be to have a good clipper with many guards so you can start by cutting everything too long and gradually go shorter. Also to have two mirrors is really helpful. You just need to practice how to move in the right direction (looking at yourself through two mirror reflections you end up seeing yourself from behind and it can be really tricky) And maybe start practicing on other people haha.
(oh and hello!)

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
nerdperson777
14 hours ago, SkyWorld said:

I'd only use my clippers on my head to clean up the edges. Otherwise, I'm too nervous about cutting my own hair because I don't want to mess it up. Yeah, it'll grow back, but I still don't want it super short because cutting it too short may only emphasize my feminine face. Though, I'd really would like to know how to cut my own hair so that that's more money I could save.

Every time I cut my hair and it's a little shorter than expected, my mom has to ask if I want to be bald.  Because bald is totally masculine, right?  I've read enough FtM tips to know that being bald would make me look more feminine, especially when most of the femininity lies in my round face.  Plus I like having hair.  It makes me stand out less.  I have enough anxiety as it is.

 

1 hour ago, Marjolaine said:

I've been cutting my own hair for maybe 7 or 8 years now. if I have any advices to give you it would be to have a good clipper with many guards so you can start by cutting everything too long and gradually go shorter. Also to have two mirrors is really helpful. You just need to practice how to move in the right direction (looking at yourself through two mirror reflections you end up seeing yourself from behind and it can be really tricky) And maybe start practicing on other people haha.
(oh and hello!)

An FtM YouTuber even showed us that he used 3-4 mirrors.  My bathroom has three planes of mirrors so that's helpful, but the two parallel ones are still like 8 feet apart so it only helps me in a general sense.

Link to post
Share on other sites
nerdperson777

I used my manual razor Sunday night.  It felt good.  Now my legs are irritated.  Life fails.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I’m really glad my mom is coming around with me being trans. I’m glad she’s actually making an effort to learn more and be more understanding rather than being willfully ignorant. It’s nice to know that she really does care for me unconditionally, rather than a false image of me.

 

It’s funny how it came up in conversation about her maybe having another kid and she confessed saying that she always wanted a boy. I said, “Well, congrats! You have a boy.” The way her face lit up and saying “yeah, you’re right!” That really made me happy. :) Rather than her saying something like how “it’s not the same”. It means a lot to me that she’s going to make more of an effort with my name and pronouns. 

 

I’m really lucky. Not everyone has parents who are supportive. And it’s really hard. I know I was so afraid of my mom disowning me and casting me off to the streets. It’s very serious and real issues some people go through. 

  • Like 13
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...