Jump to content

a gender positive thread


butterflydreams

Recommended Posts

The-world-is-quiet-here

So I’m in this program for mental health stuff, and I have a crush on one of the group members. (Don’t worry, I haven’t done anything about it! I haven’t contacted them out of group, etc.)

 

I’ve been meaning to ask my crush about their pronouns since I met them. But as everyone here appears to be cis, I didn’t want to single them— or myself— out.

 

today at lunch, another group member was asking my crush, “so, are there a lot of lesbians at your school?” Cause they go to a women’s college. And their answer was, “Well, I’m bi, so all my friends are gay. So it’s really hard to say. I’m biased.”

I made some comment about my “being uncomfortable with women’s restrooms”, and my crush was like “oh, yeah.” That was that. 

 

Then, after group ended today and we weren’t surrounded by ~12 other people (including a therapist!), I was kinda hanging out with them, waiting for our rides. And we were sitting next to each other, and they asked, “Are you nonbinary?” And I was like, “yeah, i am!” And they said, “Me too!” So that was super cool. We had a good conversation about how being out in group isn’t really a priority. I went on a rant about “how ironic it is that mental health programs are so binary-gendered”, I believe were my exact words. And we were talking about fighting people who try to out us, and when I said, “I need to learn how to fight!” They said, “you just do it, and let out all of your Repressed Gay Anger!” :P 

It might sound silly, but the more I get to know them, the more I’m excited to *keep* getting to know them. 

  • Like 11
Link to post
Share on other sites
nerdperson777
On 1/19/2018 at 2:14 PM, Andiamo said:

My college just accepted my name change form! I just went to check my email and it was addressed to my chosen name! I was so surprised that I definitely yelled and worried my roommates...

My friend's school allowed people to do that right after she graduated.  I really hope that it is a thing through the whole UC system and other schools.

 

On 1/20/2018 at 1:28 AM, Kimmie. said:

This is maybe not directly gender related, but I just got some dark purple hair dye. So I am one step closer to that now. I just need to build up the courage now. I am just thinking of some small highlights. 

I actually found some product online the other day and bought it, thinking that it could be an alternative to hair spray for cosplay.  I saw the video again and actually, it might be light highlights instead.  They actually used someone putting purple high lights in their hair.

 

On 1/22/2018 at 2:20 AM, Rynar said:

Hearing people switch between he and she if they talk about me is funny. This is going to the right direction :D

Especially my mom, she isn't aware of that :lol:

I feel like my parents do it more because of them not being natively American.  He and she sound exactly the same in my heritage language.  So they might call me he but "correct" themselves to she, or forget to correct. 

 

@Mezzo Forte I'm an incredibly slow person, so I actually really slowly insert my needle.  When I did IM, my hands shook so much that I'd feel like I had a bruise for the next couple days.  I used to have steady hands but now I couldn't possibly keep them still.  Now my SC shots take like 10-15 seconds to go in as far as I need it to and slowly inject.  I haven't had blood come out of the hole in the last couple times now so that's a relief. 

 

I got a call from the top surgeon earlier, since the planned appointment for tomorrow was on a busy day, and they said that I can get keyhole.  That makes me very satisfied.  But I plan to have this surgery in December, a popular time, so I have a long time to wait until then.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

I got a call from the top surgeon earlier, since the planned appointment for tomorrow was on a busy day, and they said that I can get keyhole.  That makes me very satisfied.  But I plan to have this surgery in December, a popular time, so I have a long time to wait until then.

Dude, congrats! I'm willing to bet that December's popular for surgeries because of the way annual deductibles work. That was partially why I had my hysto in November :P Still, now that you've got a time frame, you can start counting down from here :)

 

It's kinda cool to see all the people who were able to get keyhole/peri on here. It's definitely the rarer surgery since it isn't recommended to everyone. (I like hearing about the DI stories too though, and I'm super happy for all my friends who don't have to worry about chest dysphoria anymore.) Honestly, seeing everyone's transition progress and their musings about it is part of what keeps me on here :P

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites

My facial structure is apparently classified by the general population as that of an "unsexy girl". I never wanted to be sexy, either. Cool! And my hair is passable with a headband, too, so that's nice. 

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
nerdperson777
On 1/23/2018 at 4:22 PM, Mezzo Forte said:

Dude, congrats! I'm willing to bet that December's popular for surgeries because of the way annual deductibles work. That was partially why I had my hysto in November :P Still, now that you've got a time frame, you can start counting down from here :)

 

It's kinda cool to see all the people who were able to get keyhole/peri on here. It's definitely the rarer surgery since it isn't recommended to everyone. (I like hearing about the DI stories too though, and I'm super happy for all my friends who don't have to worry about chest dysphoria anymore.) Honestly, seeing everyone's transition progress and their musings about it is part of what keeps me on here :P

I just thought December because of having at least 2 weeks off for rest.  The surgeon says that I'd probably be able to move a lot at 3-4 weeks and then anything at 6 weeks.  I also timed it out that way so that I wouldn't have to miss too much work.  Since I'm a martial arts coach now, I would need to do a lot with my hands and legs, like lifting my arms high above my head, which wouldn't be advisable while healing.  To make sure I heal, I might even have to take January off and then teach again in February of next year.  I should be able to return to my desk job at the start of the new year, assuming as I can drive still.  I really have to plan this out since I need to get a surgery for my knee soon, and the surgeon doesn't advise having the two surgeries at the same time due to the compromised immune system.  But lately I've been having more chest dysphoria so should I really wait until December, is another thought.  Can I wait that long when I'm feeling worse than usual?  I probably would have to anyway because of my knee surgery.

 

Yeah, keyhole is for the smallest of chests, which is probably harder to find in bigger America.  I know if my chest was much bigger, I would feel so much worse.  I'm glad that I have a low metabolism.  But at the same time, I hardly grow at all.  I was at around the 7% percentile in growth in middle school, so I was really not developing at the rate of other estrogen dominant bodies.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I finally bought myself men's underwear for the first time and I wore it today. I honestly don't know if I'm just imagining this or not but I think it really helped me feel a lot more confident and less anxious than usual. As I've said in the past, my voice always gets high when I'm anxious, which usually happens when I'm talking to strangers (in stores, for example), when I talk to my dad or when I talk on the phone. Today I did all three of those things without my baby voice coming out! It's a miracle.

  • Like 8
Link to post
Share on other sites
Alex the Queer

(of course i have to be super dysphoric rn) but that aside, i think i’ve finally fully embraced not labeling my sexuality and not being able to pinpoint what my gender is

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
AmberInTheMoonlight

I love that I can look androgynous with little to no effort, even when I still had long hair

I also love that I look pretty good in most clothes

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, Light02 said:

I finally bought myself men's underwear for the first time and I wore it today. I honestly don't know if I'm just imagining this or not but I think it really helped me feel a lot more confident and less anxious than usual. As I've said in the past, my voice always gets high when I'm anxious, which usually happens when I'm talking to strangers (in stores, for example), when I talk to my dad or when I talk on the phone. Today I did all three of those things without my baby voice coming out! It's a miracle.

I was too afraid to buy men's underwear in person, so I ordered it online. Holy crap! It's so comfortable! Women's underwear were always so tight and uncomfortable, even the briefs. But now, I actually sometimes hang out in my room with no pants. :lol: 

 

My voice gets high around those times too. Though I've been trying to purposely higher my voice at work since I'm not out at my job and I don't want them to notice anything different... but I'm happy and actually having a lot of fun how my voice is slowly but surely getting deeper.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
35 minutes ago, SkyWorld said:

But now, I actually sometimes hang out in my room with no pants. :lol: 

Welp, you just reminded me of a song that my sis plays constantly. :lol:

Spoiler

I like the way that you dance
When you dance
Like the way that you dance
When you dance with your pants off

 

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Lonemathsytoothbrushthief

My binder arrived and I love it ^_^ just gonna have to remind myself to take it off on time, oh dear. Also I know most people don't care about youtube drama but Theryn Meyer did an apology video to non binary people and took down a bunch of videos. Is a good day! :D

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
Lonemathsytoothbrushthief
On 25/01/2018 at 1:48 AM, Tortuga said:

My facial structure is apparently classified by the general population as that of an "unsexy girl". I never wanted to be sexy, either. Cool! And my hair is passable with a headband, too, so that's nice. 

Ahaha, I love it! Anyway, if it's cis guys saying that well remember while girls and femmes struggle against impossible beauty standards, cis straight guys probably don't have as much reason to challenge it. My mum thinks I'm too fat when my belly gains 2 inches, even though I'm 5'5'' and often under 9 stone/around 51kg. People are really unreliable on what they think looks good.

Link to post
Share on other sites
nerdperson777
11 hours ago, SkyWorld said:

I was too afraid to buy men's underwear in person, so I ordered it online. Holy crap! It's so comfortable! Women's underwear were always so tight and uncomfortable, even the briefs. But now, I actually sometimes hang out in my room with no pants. :lol: 

 

My voice gets high around those times too. Though I've been trying to purposely higher my voice at work since I'm not out at my job and I don't want them to notice anything different... but I'm happy and actually having a lot of fun how my voice is slowly but surely getting deeper.

I always thought having wider and thicker parts to be better quality.  Men's underwear is actually thick and not even a bit see-through.  The waistbands are at least twice the width so that it can stay in place instead of doing a curvy wave thing, or at least not look so curved.

 

I was constantly doing that around family friends and doctors since I'm not out, but it's kind of getting harder to hide.  I can only go high if I'm singing a song, apparently.  I've had a dry throat with coughing the past week and I think I can hear the higher parts of my voice again, strangely, after not doing anything for the whole week.  So I think I can only mimic sounds when it comes to high pitches, and it's really hard to create my own without any reference.

 

7 hours ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

Ahaha, I love it! Anyway, if it's cis guys saying that well remember while girls and femmes struggle against impossible beauty standards, cis straight guys probably don't have as much reason to challenge it. My mum thinks I'm too fat when my belly gains 2 inches, even though I'm 5'5'' and often under 9 stone/around 51kg. People are really unreliable on what they think looks good.

Ah, impossible beauty standards.  It doesn't help that cishet male artists draw female superheroes with impossible figures.  It's like they're more into making a fashion statement than saving the world.  Leather isn't practical for moving in and a huge cleavage just begs "wound me here".  Then femmes see this as the standard to strive for, and it doesn't work out.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, nerdperson777 said:

Ah, impossible beauty standards.  It doesn't help that cishet male artists draw female superheroes with impossible figures.  It's like they're more into making a fashion statement than saving the world.  Leather isn't practical for moving in and a huge cleavage just begs "wound me here".  Then femmes see this as the standard to strive for, and it doesn't work out.

It’s kind of scary how far people would go to achieve beauty, now and way back when. And body armor designed for women for superheroes or games are very impractical. I mean, it’s body armor, why isn’t it protecting the body? 

 

It kind of reminds me of how I mostly see body positivity when it comes to clothes to be one-sided. I’ve mostly seen women saying it’s okay to wear thin shoulder straps, short shorts, etc. And it is. Though it comes across as also shaming those who do wear clothes that covers more skin. These people don’t have to if they don’t want to, but there are some people out there who genuinely like wearing clothes that covers more skin.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

@SkyWorld @Light02 

Any suggestions for buying men's underwear? Ordering online would be the best bet for me but I don't know anything about sizes or styles. The store is an option too, but that seems a little scary.

Link to post
Share on other sites

@Lirpaderp It helps to know your pants size in men’s. It’s easy to sinply measure yourself, but I suggest actually trying on a few pairs in similar sizes in different brands since it’s might slightly differ in sizes depending on the brand. That had helped me get a general idea of what size underwear I would need.

 

Then, I would strongly suggest doing some brief research in reviews for different brands from customers. See if the quality is good and comfortable. When I did my research, most people suggested the regular underwear from Target. Some brands can be really good, but expensive. So the general kind can be okay, depending on what you get.

 

Yeah, there are some underwear I’ve seen for female-bodied people that are trans and/or nonbinary. But they’re so expensive, and it’s by each pair rather than a pack. I was worried men’s underwear wouldn’t work so well with periods, but I’ve had no problem, personally.

 

If you have anymore questions, feel free to ask. I’d love to help.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
nerdperson777
4 hours ago, SkyWorld said:

It kind of reminds me of how I mostly see body positivity when it comes to clothes to be one-sided. I’ve mostly seen women saying it’s okay to wear thin shoulder straps, short shorts, etc. And it is. Though it comes across as also shaming those who do wear clothes that covers more skin. These people don’t have to if they don’t want to, but there are some people out there who genuinely like wearing clothes that covers more skin.

I had a cousin laugh at my prom pictures because she had never seen [a "girl"] wear so much clothing to prom.

 

4 hours ago, Lirpaderp said:

@SkyWorld @Light02 

Any suggestions for buying men's underwear? Ordering online would be the best bet for me but I don't know anything about sizes or styles. The store is an option too, but that seems a little scary.

I know I wasn't asked but I don't think there would be a difference other than interacting with cashiers in buying underwear.  The underwear is in packages anyway and you won't get to try them on.  I've heard that people really like boxer briefs.  (I'm wearing those now, even though I also wear briefs.)  I'm "average" AFAB size and I wear XL in boys or XS in men.  I like the boys size better since they're a little bit looser.  As SkyWorld suggested, regular underwear from Target is just fine.  The ones I get are Fruit of the Loom and I have a few Hanes briefs.  I find that if you want to pack, boxer briefs don't work all too well because they can just fall out the pant leg if they're too loose.  Briefs hold packers in better.  I'm trying to look at "pouch" underwear, which has the flaps more horizontal and easier for STP.  I haven't been able to find out what the appeal of Y shaped underwear is.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I know I wasn't asked but I don't think there would be a difference other than interacting with cashiers in buying underwear.  The underwear is in packages anyway and you won't get to try them on.

Oh whoops! When I said trying on, I meant men’s pants since I was mentioning how it helps to know your pants size. :’D Sorry, I didn’t specify that. The reason being is knowing your men’s pants size with different brands of pants is how they feel. And comparing those pant sizes to the sizing chart of underwear.

Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, SkyWorld said:

Oh whoops! When I said trying on, I meant men’s pants since I was mentioning how it helps to know your pants size. :’D Sorry, I didn’t specify that. The reason being is knowing your men’s pants size with different brands of pants is how they feel. And comparing those pant sizes to the sizing chart of underwear.

This is very useful to me too, thanks! 

Link to post
Share on other sites
The-world-is-quiet-here

The funniest thing happened with the person I like yesterday. Tw for sexism and misgendering.

 

So, a couple days ago, this guy in our program was passing out papers for something, and he when he got to my crush, he misgendered them as “sir— uh, ma’am...” and I was smiling. (I’m the only one who knows they’re nonbinary, as far as I know. Everyone else uses she pronouns for them cause they’re not out. Nor am I.)

 

Yesterday, I got up from lunch to go throw my stuff away, and this same dude let me go first. I heard my crush laughing behind me. So I was like, “hey, what’s up? What happened?” And they told me, laughing: “so he let me go first with an, ‘after you, lady.’ And I said the same thing back to him. …he made it sound like being a woman is a bad thing.” :D I’m so proud of them for standing up like that. :) 

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
Spades&Hearts

This is a really nice thread. I'm glad I found it - it makes me feel happy so thank you for that :D

 

I like my eyes - they're pretty cool. Pale blue with darker blue rings around them. I like my hair too. It's dirty blonde and shoulder-length now, but the light color lets me easily dye it different colors (pink, blue, green) and it washes out after some time and still looks nice. I also like my height - 4'10". It took me a long time to love my height but being short I can get through a crowd easy and hide in so many different places. 

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

@Lirpaderp

It's a good thing lots of other people already answered your question because I have no idea lol. I literally just grabbed the first pair I saw and they're actually a bit small but I don't really care.

Link to post
Share on other sites

One thing to note with men's underwear is the sizing is usually of the more general small/medium/large (with x's at either end). In other words, it's not very precise, so you don't have to get it exact. That said, knowing your waist size (in inches or metric, depending on where you live?) and possibly your hip size if it's much bigger can go a long way in find a good fit for you. (unlike some women's underwear that comes in numbered sizes, and don't even get started on the complicated sizing system for bras! :lol: )

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
999papercranes

I had a dream last night where my friend was putting makeup on me for some reason... When I turned to look in the mirror I was completely blown away. She did some masculine contouring and put some smoky eyeshadow on and I looked like a total badass dude! I was giddy.

Of course, it was a little sad when I woke up, but now I know that when I’m on testosterone I’d look hella good with some emo makeup :lol:

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
butterflydreams
19 minutes ago, daveb said:

don't even get started on the complicated sizing system for bras!

Yeah, but once you figure it out... I used to wear generically sized bralettes because I was too nervous and thought I was too small for a "real bra". Once I got over it and took a shot on a size though, so much nicer. And now I know my size and can be comfortable from here on out. 

 

Speaking of which, I really love boobs. Not really on anyone else, but mine? I love 'em. They're funny and squishy and kinda small, but they're mine. My body did that! Being smaller means I can wear all kinds of different bras, or no bra at all.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
14 minutes ago, butterflydreams said:

Speaking of which, I really love boobs. Not really on anyone else, but mine? I love 'em. They're funny and squishy and kinda small, but they're mine. My body did that! Being smaller means I can wear all kinds of different bras, or no bra at all.

Glad you enjoy the smaller size. I actually think there is a lot of feminine appeal to the smaller breasts, cause all the cute clothes. There is so much made just for small chested people. And so many of those outfits are super cute. :o 

 

44 minutes ago, daveb said:

(unlike some women's underwear that comes in numbered sizes, and don't even get started on the complicated sizing system for bras! :lol: )

I like the fact that size 6 in underwear is infinitely larger than size 6 in jeans... I've had to play guide for helping a trans person picking out womens clothes and it's actually really complicated when you start to think about the sizing systems. I grew up on it, so I've always just kinda known my size, then as I need to go up a size I just adjust one size at a time. But, trying to figure out and explain the rules was like... huh, this is a really bad system. :lol: 

Link to post
Share on other sites

(Okay, so... I deleted that as it looks like it attracted a strange PM. Gawd, how do I stop having problems with being gay?)

Link to post
Share on other sites
butterflydreams
30 minutes ago, Serran said:

Glad you enjoy the smaller size. I actually think there is a lot of feminine appeal to the smaller breasts, cause all the cute clothes. There is so much made just for small chested people. And so many of those outfits are super cute. :o

It took a while for me to become happy about the size. For a long time I thought because they were smaller and shaped differently that it took away from my femaleness, but I've worked really hard to be confident and proud of what I have. It's so true about the clothes too. I have this adorable little summer dress with a built in shelf bra that perfectly shows off what I have and looks so cute. I imagine someone with a larger chest might have difficulty getting it to work. I wore a single strap dress to my friend's wedding and I was worried I wouldn't fill it out enough, but all my friends assured me it would look great because I was small enough for it.

 

Honestly what really helped me about my size was noticing that when I looked up bras in that size online, there were tons. They wouldn't make so many if women weren't buying them.

 

All of this isn't to say of course that larger chests aren't cute in their own way.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

I haven’t worn women’s clothing in years. I only knew my pants and shirt size (don’t remember now, but then again I have slimmed down anyway). My underwear and bra size was always a gamble. Especially when it came to different brands.

 

I seriously hate my breasts, but I try to make myself feel a little better that it could be worse. Throughout my life, I had always hoped they wouldn’t get as big as my mom or grandma. Thankfully it’s not, but, I still wish they weren’t there. I’ve been binding for about 3 years now. The only time I wear a bra is a sports bra for working out.

 

Now other people’s breasts on the other hand... I honestly still don’t like them. Unless there’s a really good shirt, sweater, or jacket that really complements them and the shape just goes along well. It’s cute.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...