a gender positive thread

[Tortuga]

I got eyeliner 4 christmas (Thx mom!) and even though I know I will be using it wrong, I'm gonna wear it, hopefully it will alleviate dysphoria... (Actually I tried it on with a headband I... obtained... from my sister's room and it feels so feminine, yaay! Then again, maybe it's just tired 2:00 AM weirdness.  I feel actually okay about my appearance at this point, so that's amazing!

[nerdperson777]

@Mezzo Forte Are you planning on being openly trans while teaching, or have it on a need to know basis?

 

I still think I look 14-15.  My facial hair is only noticeable at really close range.

[daveb]

3 hours ago, Tortuga said:

I got eyeliner 4 christmas (Thx mom!)

Cool

 

I got earrings that my sister made for me (different sister than the one who gave me the nail polish set). Also, today my niece was visiting and opened a subscription box she received, and one of the items was a set of eyeshadows that she offered to me. (I was dressed in women's clothing but no wig or makeup, as I often do when I am just hanging around at home, and she didn't bat an eye - of course she knows about me and has even been out with me fully dressed/made-up, but this was the first time she had seen me only dressed and not made-up)

[Mezzo Forte]

4 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

@Mezzo Forte Are you planning on being openly trans while teaching, or have it on a need to know basis?

 

I still think I look 14-15.  My facial hair is only noticeable at really close range.

I was actually thinking of being somewhat stealth while teaching. A while ago, I actually updated my Facebook privacy to hide my old pre-transition profile pictures from the public so students couldn't figure it out from Facebook-stalking me. Come to think of it, I don't think my boss even knows I'm trans. Maybe it won't be a strict secret, but it's not something I'd go out of my way to share in an educational setting. The college itself has anti-discrimination policies that include gender identity, so I have the freedom to be open about it if I wish.

 

Regardless, I am considering taking some measures to make my classes trans-friendly; for example, I may try to find a discrete (and optional) way to let students share their pronouns/preferred name if they so choose, like having them fill out index cards with basic info about themselves. If any students were to directly come out to me as trans for whatever reason, I would probably consider disclosing my trans status as well.

 

That said, I actually have to cancel one of the class meets because it conflicts with my presentation at Harvard University that's specifically about transgender musicians. Depending on if I share my presentation topic, my students could end up reading between the lines. Guess we'll see what happens.

[daveb]

42 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Guess we'll see what happens.

Good luck! I think you're going to be an awesome professor!

[nerdperson777]

1 hour ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I was actually thinking of being somewhat stealth while teaching. A while ago, I actually updated my Facebook privacy to hide my old pre-transition profile pictures from the public so students couldn't figure it out from Facebook-stalking me. Come to think of it, I don't think my boss even knows I'm trans. Maybe it won't be a strict secret, but it's not something I'd go out of my way to share in an educational setting. The college itself has anti-discrimination policies that include gender identity, so I have the freedom to be open about it if I wish.

 

Regardless, I am considering taking some measures to make my classes trans-friendly; for example, I may try to find a discrete (and optional) way to let students share their pronouns/preferred name if they so choose, like having them fill out index cards with basic info about themselves. If any students were to directly come out to me as trans for whatever reason, I would probably consider disclosing my trans status as well.

 

That said, I actually have to cancel one of the class meets because it conflicts with my presentation at Harvard University that's specifically about transgender musicians. Depending on if I share my presentation topic, my students could end up reading between the lines. Guess we'll see what happens.

Ah yeah, I did look at your profile once.  I keep forgetting your last name so I can never look again, unless you comment on something and I notice your name. 

 

I had a friend say that they had a stereotypical gay man as a TA before and he reminded the class every single time "I'm gay".  I'd consider that overdoing it but okay.  That wasn't meant to rhyme.

 

My no longer friend is a binary transwoman and she addresses the class as "guys", regardless of what genders are in the class.  I've started teaching there too now.  Currently I'm still new so I'm having loads of anxiety with it.  But my eventual goal is to call the students as a group something gender neutral, because from knowing her, although we are respectful of her gender, she is still promoting an needlessly gendered society.  I don't think I have the right wording right now.  I get that we're both stuck in the ways of how we were brought up, since I still exhibit very anxious, feminine coded behavior, and she still teaches class in ways that show male authority.  She also introduced me to an anime series that really objectifies women so back then I would gripe about why they "upgrade" to less clothing.  I'm not sure if I'm making sense anymore.  My goal is to ungender things while hers perpetuates the world we currently live in.  I'm not sure if she's really intentionally doing this.

[Emery.]

Okay. I'm gonna spam you with pictures of Howl

 

 



 



 



 

I fancy him and I want to look like him

[Mezzo Forte]

8 hours ago, daveb said:

Good luck! I think you're going to be an awesome professor!

Thanks! I will admit that I'm a bit nervous, as I feel really behind on the class prep, but I hope I can give these students a good experience with music. Honestly, the college uses some pretty intense textbooks, so the biggest challenge I'm facing is making the materials digestible for people who are not trained in music at all. Still, education is one of those fields where experiential learning is the most important way to really improve, so I'll be learning right alongside my students, I suppose.

 

7 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Ah yeah, I did look at your profile once.  I keep forgetting your last name so I can never look again, unless you comment on something and I notice your name. 

 

I had a friend say that they had a stereotypical gay man as a TA before and he reminded the class every single time "I'm gay".  I'd consider that overdoing it but okay.  That wasn't meant to rhyme.

 

My no longer friend is a binary transwoman and she addresses the class as "guys", regardless of what genders are in the class.  I've started teaching there too now.  Currently I'm still new so I'm having loads of anxiety with it.  But my eventual goal is to call the students as a group something gender neutral, because from knowing her, although we are respectful of her gender, she is still promoting an needlessly gendered society.  I don't think I have the right wording right now.  I get that we're both stuck in the ways of how we were brought up, since I still exhibit very anxious, feminine coded behavior, and she still teaches class in ways that show male authority.  She also introduced me to an anime series that really objectifies women so back then I would gripe about why they "upgrade" to less clothing.  I'm not sure if I'm making sense anymore.  My goal is to ungender things while hers perpetuates the world we currently live in.  I'm not sure if she's really intentionally doing this.

I feel like TAs can get away with that a bit more than professors can, if in part because they're in that weird position where they're educators, but also fellow students. I was definitely a bit more casual with my TA placements than I will be for these classes. Heck, I'm actually friends with one of my former students. I didn't even come out as trans to my TA classes during my big social transition semester; my head professor simply switched to the right name/pronouns and let the students figure it out.

 

Sounds like your friend perceives the world in a binary-gendered light from what you're saying, so I can see where that creates differences in opinions. I feel like it'd be a shame if I got too gendered in the world music class in particular, though music and gender may come up within some of these topics, and I wouldn't be surprised if the course materials painted them from a binary lens. I'd rather avoid being particularly gendered in the way I teach, though a strong presence/air of authority can make a big difference in classroom management. My boss suggested that I come on strong and strict, then back off over time, as the opposite option never really works. My youthful appearance already works against me, so I have to be careful not to be too lax or casual.

[All the little Lights]

19 hours ago, Tortuga said:

I got eyeliner 4 christmas (Thx mom!) and even though I know I will be using it wrong, I'm gonna wear it, hopefully it will alleviate dysphoria... (Actually I tried it on with a headband I... obtained... from my sister's room and it feels so feminine, yaay! Then again, maybe it's just tired 2:00 AM weirdness.  I feel actually okay about my appearance at this point, so that's amazing!

So cool! You know what I use eyeliner for? To draw on my body. It's really funny, I drew a tree on my hand and on my clavicle, and things like that. I think you could also use it to draw yourself body parts you'd like to have:-)

[butterflydreams]

21 hours ago, Tortuga said:

I got eyeliner 4 christmas (Thx mom!) and even though I know I will be using it wrong, I'm gonna wear it, hopefully it will alleviate dysphoria... (Actually I tried it on with a headband I... obtained... from my sister's room and it feels so feminine, yaay! Then again, maybe it's just tired 2:00 AM weirdness.  I feel actually okay about my appearance at this point, so that's amazing!

Cool mom. Eyeliner isn't too hard to do. I find the best way to do it is start with less and add from there until you're satisfied with it. You'll look kind of weird if you overdo it too much. I love headbands, but I don't wear them too often. They're more of a summer thing for me I guess.

 

15 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

If any students were to directly come out to me as trans for whatever reason, I would probably consider disclosing my trans status as well.

I'd worry that if you told even just one person, word would get around no matter what. Of course, that would only matter if you really were intending to remain stealth. 

 

I decided today that it's been long enough since I've had a proper winter jacket. If you can believe it, I haven't had one in probably more than a decade. Even living in the frigid north like I do. Normally I just layer up. The high temperature here today wasn't even 0, and the next week or so ain't looking much better. There are lots of good stores in town where I could get a nice winter jacket. So I did. It was the first time I physically went into a store, into the women's section and tried on and bought something. The internet has been letting me cheat all this time. Nobody looked at me funny, but I was far from relaxed.

 

Once I tried on the one I liked, I looked at myself in a mirror and realized I had nothing to be worried about. It sounds dumb, but ever since transitioning, I've allowed colors to come back into my life. Fewer drab blacks, greys, navy blues, etc. I balked for a minute and almost got the black jacket, but then decided on the magenta one instead. I think it looks great and I'm done camouflaging myself into the background. It was very expensive, but it'll be worth it to keep me warm through the winter.

[Mezzo Forte]

49 minutes ago, butterflydreams said:

I'd worry that if you told even just one person, word would get around no matter what. Of course, that would only matter if you really were intending to remain stealth. 

 

I decided today that it's been long enough since I've had a proper winter jacket. If you can believe it, I haven't had one in probably more than a decade. Even living in the frigid north like I do. Normally I just layer up. The high temperature here today wasn't even 0, and the next week or so ain't looking much better. There are lots of good stores in town where I could get a nice winter jacket. So I did. It was the first time I physically went into a store, into the women's section and tried on and bought something. The internet has been letting me cheat all this time. Nobody looked at me funny, but I was far from relaxed.

 

Once I tried on the one I liked, I looked at myself in a mirror and realized I had nothing to be worried about. It sounds dumb, but ever since transitioning, I've allowed colors to come back into my life. Fewer drab blacks, greys, navy blues, etc. I balked for a minute and almost got the black jacket, but then decided on the magenta one instead. I think it looks great and I'm done camouflaging myself into the background. It was very expensive, but it'll be worth it to keep me warm through the winter.

Quite honestly, I'd half expect word to get around if I came out to any of my students, though I'm not sure how much of that would actually come back to me, as I doubt anyone would tell me that they knew if they figured it out through the grape vine. While I find the idea of gossiping about someone's trans status to be in poor taste, so long as it doesn't get in the way of my ability to teach, it doesn't really matter. 

 

In the semester where I visibly socially transitioned, my head professor simply switched name and pronouns without saying anything. Many of the students didn't even notice the switch, and one of the students who caught on basically had to point it out so they would use the correct name/pronouns. (That student became my friend, and I would not have known about that otherwise.) The next semester, it turned out I was actually somewhat stealth to the class without realizing. I think I mentioned being trans to one of the students, who was actually kind of surprised, go figure. Honestly, 95% of the people in my alma mater's school of music knew I was trans, so one more person knowing wasn't going to change anything.  

 

Can't say I own much in the way of winter coats myself.  I do worry though because the only snow shoes I own are Uggs, and I can't shake the feeling that they're too effeminate. That kind of puts me in a dilemma because I'm not comfortable with the shoes looking too feminine, but I also don't want to burn money on snow shoes unless I really need to. I'll likely be seeing snow when I visit Massachusetts in February, but I won't know about my doctoral prospects (ie: if I'll be moving up north) until after that trip.

 

Even as someone who likes dark colors, transitioning added some color to my wardrobe.  With the guarantee that I'll never face the red dragon again, I can wear bright-colored pants without the worries my pre-T self would have had. With top surgery, I don't have to wear something that hides the shape of my chest, nor something that's dark/thick enough to hide the fact that I was wearing compression. There's just so much more freedom in my dress, though I wish I had the money to burn to get some nicer outfits. It kind of sucks being stuck in children sizes, because the shirts are often too blocky compared to men's fits, but men's fits are just too big for me. I have a tailor who can make custom shirts, but those are super expensive and hard to justify. 

 

I have trouble picturing you in dark colors Hadley. Bright colors suit you well  

[butterflydreams]

49 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I do worry though because the only snow shoes I own are Uggs, and I can't shake the feeling that they're too effeminate.

Eh, they kind of are, but unless you're doing something in the snow, you really don't need special shoes/boots. Honestly, the most you need is something with tread and probably something you don't care too much about. If you're walking around in a city or anywhere with sidewalks, they're probably salting it. So wearing shoes you care about is just a not great idea. They're going to get all salty and dirty.

 

55 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I have trouble picturing you in dark colors Hadley. Bright colors suit you well  

A lot of my wardrobe, the winter one especially, is earth tones. That's pretty standard. I have one bright magenta shirt (one I made) that is a winter shirt. Everything else is either dark green, dark blue, brown, grey, etc. My summer wardrobe is much more colorful though. Bright blues, some florals, reds, etc. 

 

It's different when you feel more comfortable in your own skin, what you're willing to wear. It'll be so great when I have bottom surgery and don't have to worry about tucking anymore.

[Siimo van der fietspad]

Winter jackets are often, officially, something of a unisex item. This slowly dawned on me when I realised that exactly the same coats were in the men's section as the women's at one store. In I fact I once took at look at one in the men's and it had women's sizes listed as well.  Regular readers may be used to my diatribes about "men's clothes" by now but the issue generally becomes worse when anything built for cold weather comes into the picture, because even the small sizes won't fit my frame. I have a lighter black down jacket that is one of the unisex variety described above since it was the only cut that would fit me. My treasured North Face gilet, which I otherwise love for being super warm and indestructible, only just, just looks okay if I wear two thick-ish layers under it and even then I would have preferred a size smaller - except that "men's extra small" doesn't exist. I have contemplated several times exchanging it for the women's version as it would simply be a more comfortable fit and isn't a blocky, slab sided 'masculine' cut (apparently it also has a useful interior pocket which the male version doesn't). And once again, women get brighter and nicer colours. I was doing some spending of gift vouchers today and took a quick look in one of the cheaper shops to see if I could get a green and/or purple zip hoody - nope: black, grey, khaki, other grey, and faded blue were the only offerings. 

 

Funny little thing, I bought a purple beanie hat last week which I am loving right now as I think it really helps the androgynous look, especially as my hair tufts out at the back. I trimmed my hair this evening and it actually looks more feminine shorter, which I wasn't expecting. Oh, and I got some Converse after a 4-year hiatus from owning any. Classic blue with white laces. Again in my head the look is definitely andro...

 

Re: shoes - I would get some trail shoes. They're made from hard-wearing synthetics and have a good tread, but they're flexible unlike leather boots and crucially look a lot like dark trainers, so can be worn as general casual shoes even if you don't plan on doing any serious walking in the summer. Also generally well padded and supportive and not too expensive.

[999papercranes]

22 minutes ago, Siimo said:

except that "men's extra small" doesn't exist.

Funnily enough, for Christmas I just received a men’s extra small winter coat. It was quite expensive so maybe it’s only the more pricey brands that carry smaller sizes, but I just thought I’d pipe in. My mom said it was very hard to find, but I’m not sure if that was because of the size or not. It’s Patagonia, in case you were curious. 

[Mezzo Forte]

24 minutes ago, butterflydreams said:

Eh, they kind of are, but unless you're doing something in the snow, you really don't need special shoes/boots. Honestly, the most you need is something with tread and probably something you don't care too much about. If you're walking around in a city or anywhere with sidewalks, they're probably salting it. So wearing shoes you care about is just a not great idea. They're going to get all salty and dirty.

 

A lot of my wardrobe, the winter one especially, is earth tones. That's pretty standard. I have one bright magenta shirt (one I made) that is a winter shirt. Everything else is either dark green, dark blue, brown, grey, etc. My summer wardrobe is much more colorful though. Bright blues, some florals, reds, etc. 

 

It's different when you feel more comfortable in your own skin, what you're willing to wear. It'll be so great when I have bottom surgery and don't have to worry about tucking anymore.

Yeah, you can imagine why I balk at the idea of wearing those shoes again. My mom keeps trying to insist that my pair looks gender neutral, that men's uggs exist, but my gut feeling and the reaction of anyone else I discuss this with all points to the same truth: they look effeminate, and people will notice. Glad to know that snow shoes won't be necessary though; I'll just wear some shoes that I don't mind cleaning up later and put on dress shoes when I actually present.  

 

I remember a lot of your earth tone outfits, though I guess I saw those as more subdued color rather than super dark stuff. You seem like you have more fun with bright colors though, and I'm excited for you thinking of the freedom you'll have with your dress after surgery. You could even wear leggings as pants if you were so bold  

[butterflydreams]

1 minute ago, Mezzo Forte said:

You could even wear leggings as pants if you were so bold  

Hehe, I already do sometimes in the summer. I just have to be careful about it. Heck, it'll be easier after even just an orchiectomy. 

[Mezzo Forte]

36 minutes ago, Siimo said:

Winter jackets are often, officially, something of a unisex item. This slowly dawned on me when I realised that exactly the same coats were in the men's section as the women's at one store. In I fact I once took at look at one in the men's and it had women's sizes listed as well.  Regular readers may be used to my diatribes about "men's clothes" by now but the issue generally becomes worse when anything built for cold weather comes into the picture, because even the small sizes won't fit my frame. I have a lighter black down jacket that is one of the unisex variety described above since it was the only cut that would fit me. My treasured North Face gilet, which I otherwise love for being super warm and indestructible, only just, just looks okay if I wear two thick-ish layers under it and even then I would have preferred a size smaller - except that "men's extra small" doesn't exist. I have contemplated several times exchanging it for the women's version as it would simply be a more comfortable fit and isn't a blocky, slab sided 'masculine' cut (apparently it also has a useful interior pocket which the male version doesn't). And once again, women get brighter and nicer colours. I was doing some spending of gift vouchers today and took a quick look in one of the cheaper shops to see if I could get a green and/or purple zip hoody - nope: black, grey, khaki, other grey, and faded blue were the only offerings. 

 

Funny little thing, I bought a purple beanie hat last week which I am loving right now as I think it really helps the androgynous look, especially as my hair tufts out at the back. I trimmed my hair this evening and it actually looks more feminine shorter, which I wasn't expecting. Oh, and I got some Converse after a 4-year hiatus from owning any. Classic blue with white laces. Again in my head the look is definitely andro...

 

Re: shoes - I would get some trail shoes. They're made from hard-wearing synthetics and have a good tread, but they're flexible unlike leather boots and crucially look a lot like dark trainers, so can be worn as general casual shoes even if you don't plan on doing any serious walking in the summer. Also generally well padded and supportive and not too expensive.

Amen about the men's extra small sizes. Every now and then, some stores will have those sizes, but most of them make you order online and you just have to hope they'll fit. Men's XS actually tends to run a bit baggy on me, and I never can find dress shirts small enough without digging into children's sections. Most the shirts run quite long on me too because of my size, and it makes nice formalwear rather difficult to find.

 

I find Converse/Chuck Taylors to be the ultimate androgynous shoe. The nice thing about their androgyny is that I can actually find them in my shoe size, and because I like the look, I wear mine quite often.  I imagine that your look is quite androgynous from what you describe, and you sound like you rock it quite well!

 

Thanks for the shoe tips. Some hiking shoes would probably be wise to get at this point, especially since I actually like hiking and whatnot, and they sound like they'd help for anything I do up north!

[:)(:]

3 hours ago, butterflydreams said:

Eyeliner isn't too hard to do

Yes it is! I tried once and it came out all wonky-wobbly ☹️

 

Some people just have better makeup skills...

[Siimo van der fietspad]

12 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Amen about the men's extra small sizes. Every now and then, some stores will have those sizes, but most of them make you order online and you just have to hope they'll fit. Men's XS actually tends to run a bit baggy on me, and I never can find dress shirts small enough without digging into children's sections. Most the shirts run quite long on me too because of my size, and it makes nice formalwear rather difficult to find.

 

I find Converse/Chuck Taylors to be the ultimate androgynous shoe. The nice thing about their androgyny is that I can actually find them in my shoe size, and because I like the look, I wear mine quite often.  I imagine that your look is quite androgynous from what you describe, and you sound like you rock it quite well!

 

Thanks for the shoe tips. Some hiking shoes would probably be wise to get at this point, especially since I actually like hiking and whatnot, and they sound like they'd help for anything I do up north!

Oh thanks for the compliments! I just tried on a combo I am really happy with: the Chucks, skinny jeans, my white Finland jersey, adidas track top in electric blue and pink and my beanie with my hair down - absolutely love it! And more importantly I can look at myself in the mirror and honestly say that I look half-boy half-girl.  I had a bit of an epiphany a while back that the andro look I am comfortable in is largely based around 'female' versions of 'male' items (which is kind of an androgynous idea in the first place). So the track top is quite a key piece as it's an obvious crossover. long knit cardigans and jumpers are also quite promising on this front (I need to learn to knit...), skinny zip hoodies, female gilets, tees with low necklines, skinny jeans obviously.

[nerdperson777]

20 hours ago, Emery. said:

Okay. I'm gonna spam you with pictures of Howl

 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

 



 



 



 
 

 

 

I fancy him and I want to look like him

Yes, my other gender is anime pretty boy. 

 

11 hours ago, butterflydreams said:

Fewer drab blacks, greys, navy blues, etc.

Part of my trouble with being a boy and not a man.  Men's clothing mostly tends to be only black, grey, blue, and white, especially when I'm looking at underwear, or pajama clothes.  Why can't I be yellow?  Or red?  Green?  I like orange too.  Why are the colors so bland?

 

9 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Even as someone who likes dark colors, transitioning added some color to my wardrobe.  With the guarantee that I'll never face the red dragon again, I can wear bright-colored pants without the worries my pre-T self would have had. With top surgery, I don't have to wear something that hides the shape of my chest, nor something that's dark/thick enough to hide the fact that I was wearing compression. There's just so much more freedom in my dress, though I wish I had the money to burn to get some nicer outfits. It kind of sucks being stuck in children sizes, because the shirts are often too blocky compared to men's fits, but men's fits are just too big for me. I have a tailor who can make custom shirts, but those are super expensive and hard to justify. 

Oh yeah, that thing.  I always hated any kind of dripping sensation.  Sometimes it's just the whatever yellow not blood stuff but I didn't know for sure unless I actually looked.  I'm so glad that I'm not soiling my pants, that way, anymore.  Right now I'm soiling myself with pee from not STPing properly.  I still haven't done my laundry...

I'm still kinda hiding, kind not.  I hardly wear my binder now, even in the cold weather.  I run into a conflict with myself because binders are so warm but I don't want to bind.  I wear my clothes so loose that my chest can just be disguised as one of my shirt ripples.  But there still is something there and that makes me kind of paranoid.  When I'm coaching, I'm thinking to wear a binder just so people don't see that I have boobs.  But when I am learning, I haven't been.  It felt fine to me but I saw it in the mirror, or rather the window reflection, and that made me self-conscious.  I do want to be flat, but would surgery really be worth it?  I'm small enough that it feels like I'd be paying thousands of dollars just for a minor change.  I looked up a top surgeon near me who's pretty famous and I was told to call their office to schedule an appointment.  But the receptionist said that the doctor needs to know whether I'd be going through insurance or not.  It feels like a tough call for me.  If I pay it totally out of pocket, that will be a lot of money.  But if I go through the insurance hoops, I'd probably only need to pay 3k compared to 8k.  The down side to that is that my parents will know, but they would probably know anyway.  How am I going to hide that I need to be hospitalized for at least a week and stay off my martial arts for 1-2 months?  I feel like if I go through insurance, my mom can say no since she is like a sentinel for all financial activities.  If I go this way, I will need to get a therapist letter.  So I'm kind of stuck there, after I already sent pics to the doctor.

 

I tend to wear the blocky stuff for my androgynous style.  I definitely feel you on the men's fit being too big.  One of my best dress shirts is some darkish blue slim fit.  My neck should only be like 12 in but this shirt is like 14, which even then is rare to find.  A slim fit shirt, and this is baggy on me, but it's like a perfect fit in my hips so the button at that level makes my shirt flaps flare out.  I'm choosing kid's clothing over men's clothing for now, since I'm a boy anyway.  My other collared shirts, for work, I get from Uniqlo, if anyone has one in their area.  I wear their XS.  People keep saying that it's an Asian store with Asian sizes but I haven't found the evidence, other than the logo looks like it has weird font.

 

9 hours ago, Siimo said:

Winter jackets are often, officially, something of a unisex item. This slowly dawned on me when I realised that exactly the same coats were in the men's section as the women's at one store. In I fact I once took at look at one in the men's and it had women's sizes listed as well.  Regular readers may be used to my diatribes about "men's clothes" by now but the issue generally becomes worse when anything built for cold weather comes into the picture, because even the small sizes won't fit my frame. I have a lighter black down jacket that is one of the unisex variety described above since it was the only cut that would fit me. My treasured North Face gilet, which I otherwise love for being super warm and indestructible, only just, just looks okay if I wear two thick-ish layers under it and even then I would have preferred a size smaller - except that "men's extra small" doesn't exist. I have contemplated several times exchanging it for the women's version as it would simply be a more comfortable fit and isn't a blocky, slab sided 'masculine' cut (apparently it also has a useful interior pocket which the male version doesn't). And once again, women get brighter and nicer colours. I was doing some spending of gift vouchers today and took a quick look in one of the cheaper shops to see if I could get a green and/or purple zip hoody - nope: black, grey, khaki, other grey, and faded blue were the only offerings. 

 

Funny little thing, I bought a purple beanie hat last week which I am loving right now as I think it really helps the androgynous look, especially as my hair tufts out at the back. I trimmed my hair this evening and it actually looks more feminine shorter, which I wasn't expecting. Oh, and I got some Converse after a 4-year hiatus from owning any. Classic blue with white laces. Again in my head the look is definitely andro...

 

Re: shoes - I would get some trail shoes. They're made from hard-wearing synthetics and have a good tread, but they're flexible unlike leather boots and crucially look a lot like dark trainers, so can be worn as general casual shoes even if you don't plan on doing any serious walking in the summer. Also generally well padded and supportive and not too expensive.

I always just thought that the women's coats were slimmer in the waist to show it off.  Once at Costco, my dad wanted to get a jacket that had the logo of our local hockey team.  But the team's defining color was only on the women's jacket.  He was too into what people thought about it.  He was really hesitant about buying it because of that.  He did end up buying it and showing his sister, telling her it was for women.  I forget what happened to the jacket, maybe he gave it to her, since I haven't seen him wear it.

 

 

[ChillaKilla]

I had my first top surgery consultation! I’m not going to need DI or inverted T-anchor, just peri-areolar and maybe a side incision  Woohoo!!

[Kimmie.]

14 minutes ago, ChillaKilla said:

I had my first top surgery consultation! I’m not going to need DI or inverted T-anchor, just peri-areolar and maybe a side incision  Woohoo!!

I have no idea what most of that is but it sounds great. 

[Mezzo Forte]

Spoiler

6 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Part of my trouble with being a boy and not a man.  Men's clothing mostly tends to be only black, grey, blue, and white, especially when I'm looking at underwear, or pajama clothes.  Why can't I be yellow?  Or red?  Green?  I like orange too.  Why are the colors so bland?

 

Oh yeah, that thing.  I always hated any kind of dripping sensation.  Sometimes it's just the whatever yellow not blood stuff but I didn't know for sure unless I actually looked.  I'm so glad that I'm not soiling my pants, that way, anymore.  Right now I'm soiling myself with pee from not STPing properly.  I still haven't done my laundry...

I'm still kinda hiding, kind not.  I hardly wear my binder now, even in the cold weather.  I run into a conflict with myself because binders are so warm but I don't want to bind.  I wear my clothes so loose that my chest can just be disguised as one of my shirt ripples.  But there still is something there and that makes me kind of paranoid.  When I'm coaching, I'm thinking to wear a binder just so people don't see that I have boobs.  But when I am learning, I haven't been.  It felt fine to me but I saw it in the mirror, or rather the window reflection, and that made me self-conscious.  I do want to be flat, but would surgery really be worth it?  I'm small enough that it feels like I'd be paying thousands of dollars just for a minor change.  I looked up a top surgeon near me who's pretty famous and I was told to call their office to schedule an appointment.  But the receptionist said that the doctor needs to know whether I'd be going through insurance or not.  It feels like a tough call for me.  If I pay it totally out of pocket, that will be a lot of money.  But if I go through the insurance hoops, I'd probably only need to pay 3k compared to 8k.  The down side to that is that my parents will know, but they would probably know anyway.  How am I going to hide that I need to be hospitalized for at least a week and stay off my martial arts for 1-2 months?  I feel like if I go through insurance, my mom can say no since she is like a sentinel for all financial activities.  If I go this way, I will need to get a therapist letter.  So I'm kind of stuck there, after I already sent pics to the doctor.

 

I always just thought that the women's coats were slimmer in the waist to show it off.  Once at Costco, my dad wanted to get a jacket that had the logo of our local hockey team.  But the team's defining color was only on the women's jacket.  He was too into what people thought about it.  He was really hesitant about buying it because of that.  He did end up buying it and showing his sister, telling her it was for women.  I forget what happened to the jacket, maybe he gave it to her, since I haven't seen him wear it.

 

 

 

 

I manage to find bright men's shirts every now and then. I've been told that they make me look like a tourist, but I live in a tropical area anyways, so I feel like bright colors are kind of normal. I find my parrot shirts rather rad, and I wear them if I ever need other people to find me.  

 

In regards to dripping, are you referring to discharge? At first, my thoughts went instantly to the joys of hysto recovery, but kind of remembered that you wouldn't be talking about that.  I bled for most of the first 25 days of recovery post-hysto, and even though it wasn't that much, the experience was still quite exhausting for me. It seems to be done now, but I'm still wary because it stopped and restarted once before.

 

It's funny, the winter months made me far more tempted not to bind than to bind. I liked the idea of just covering up with layers and not worrying about compression. Can't say the winters ever got cold enough though, and I had no respite from compression until my surgery day.

 

In regards to top surgery, I'd be surprised if you needed a hospital stay; rather, you need someone to commit to caring for you for the first week or two especially because of your limited mobility. Even though I'm still fighting my insurance (they're trying to only reimburse me like $100 of the $6K my surgery cost,) I still say it's worthwhile to have insurance cover it. I don't think your family would necessarily get notified or anything, and you can go get treatment without family permission. It might had similar to like what you did with testosterone, where your family knows, but you did it of your own accord. That said, top surgery is only worth doing if you feel like you would really benefit from it; the recovery would be especially tough to handle if you're only 'meh' about the procedure.

 

Women's jackets often are fitted in the chest and hips, though I don't know if that's more of a thing for lighter jackets than it is for heavy winter coats just because I haven't really seen winter coats where I come from. I remember my mom being so confused about why I wouldn't wear this nice down jacket of mine, but it was because the fit of the hips/chest made me too self conscious and dysphoric. She didn't really understand until I bought a men's coat and let her try it on. I just won't wear clothes that are fitted to accentuate the hips.

[Mezzo Forte]

25 minutes ago, ChillaKilla said:

I had my first top surgery consultation! I’m not going to need DI or inverted T-anchor, just peri-areolar and maybe a side incision  Woohoo!!

DUDE CONGRATS!!!! I'm super excited for you! I felt like my chest is taking a while to really settle, and I think I was a bit self-conscious of it during the first 3-4 months post-op, but if peri is an option for you, I think it's definitely worthwhile! Dude, I'm kind of giddy thinking about it. Are you thinking of doing surgery this summer? Either way, I hope you have excellent results and a smooth recovery!  

[Emery.]

I like dark colours I wear mostly dark colours.

[Guest]

43 minutes ago, ChillaKilla said:

I had my first top surgery consultation! I’m not going to need DI or inverted T-anchor, just peri-areolar and maybe a side incision  Woohoo!!

Yay! Little to no scars is the best XD

 

If it is what i think it is  

[ChillaKilla]

1 hour ago, Mezzo Forte said:

DUDE CONGRATS!!!! I'm super excited for you! I felt like my chest is taking a while to really settle, and I think I was a bit self-conscious of it during the first 3-4 months post-op, but if peri is an option for you, I think it's definitely worthwhile! Dude, I'm kind of giddy thinking about it. Are you thinking of doing surgery this summer? Either way, I hope you have excellent results and a smooth recovery!  

Yep, probably late May, early June- when the semester is done and I have time to chill  I already can’t wait, haha!

[Tortuga]

I'm hoping to start HRT sometime soon- not out to a lot of direct family, though. Maybe I'll start next yr. Like, during summer vaca? My parents have an updated definition of my identity, and as far as I know, they are A-okay, but will take forever with the pronoun business. Yeay!* *Celebration stuff gets thrown around*

 

*combination of Yeah! and Yay!

[Tortuga]

Oh and I mostly wear dark reds and oranges with a periwinkle something-or-other for contrast. And always with the blue jeans, those too

[Mezzo Forte]

1 hour ago, ChillaKilla said:

Yep, probably late May, early June- when the semester is done and I have time to chill  I already can’t wait, haha!

That was why I did my surgery in May actually, so that there's plenty of time to recover and relax. I can say that it's definitely a good move if you don't have summer classes! I'm so excited for you, and it's kind of funny seeing the parallels of us both getting peri around the same time of year, but a year apart. I hope your recovery ends up easier than mine, and I'm honestly willing to get that it will be easier since I doubt you'll end up having an allergic reaction to an antibiotic like I did. The waiting game is always fun, but knowing that surgery is on the horizon is pretty exciting!

 

2 hours ago, Jayce said:

Yay! Little to no scars is the best XD

 

If it is what i think it is  

Yep! Peri only has scarring circling the areola and two small incisions on the sides where the drain holes were. (It also leaves the nipple stalk intact, so there's no nipple grafting involved either. You eventually regain full sensation there too, though that seems to take quite some time.) The scars around the areola aren't even that noticeable, and my drain hole scars faded quite nicely too. The only procedure with less scarring is keyhole, but even then, that's only marginally less. I think contouring is more challenging with peri than with DI, and peri seems to take longer to settle properly after surgery, but a good surgeon makes all the difference for either procedure.