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a gender positive thread


butterflydreams

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3 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I remember seeing a thing where some mom tried to find a neutral word for baby girl, and it became baby goat.

2 hours ago, Member114264 said:

Uhh. What the...

 

:) Here's the news article: https://www.insider.com/mom-calls-non-binary-child-baby-goat-not-baby-girl-2019-7

 

Baby goats are known as "kids."

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I had another discussion with mom and my doc about stopping my periods, and they said it wasn't possible because I already have too many meds. I 'jokingly' asked if I could just be 'spayed like a cat' and they went 'of course not, no one will agree to do that, besides you'll probably want kids later'. A classic. Except this time I actually know about transgender stuff and what can actually be done. So, instead of just feeling ill with dysphoria, I also had the thought that 'Gods, I can't wait to prove you wrong'. It felt strong. It's probably one of the first time I feel strong against a doctor's refusal because of my gender, so that's what I'm choosing to remember. 

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1 hour ago, PoeciMeta said:

I had another discussion with mom and my doc about stopping my periods, and they said it wasn't possible because I already have too many meds. I 'jokingly' asked if I could just be 'spayed like a cat' and they went 'of course not, no one will agree to do that, besides you'll probably want kids later'. A classic. Except this time I actually know about transgender stuff and what can actually be done. So, instead of just feeling ill with dysphoria, I also had the thought that 'Gods, I can't wait to prove you wrong'. It felt strong. It's probably one of the first time I feel strong against a doctor's refusal because of my gender, so that's what I'm choosing to remember. 

After reading the first part, I thought what is gender positive about this, but then I read the second part :). I am glad you found your own strength.

 

P.S. Why do I cry when I read posts like this?

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1 hour ago, PoeciMeta said:

I had another discussion with mom and my doc about stopping my periods, and they said it wasn't possible because I already have too many meds. I 'jokingly' asked if I could just be 'spayed like a cat' and they went 'of course not, no one will agree to do that, besides you'll probably want kids later'. A classic. Except this time I actually know about transgender stuff and what can actually be done. So, instead of just feeling ill with dysphoria, I also had the thought that 'Gods, I can't wait to prove you wrong'. It felt strong. It's probably one of the first time I feel strong against a doctor's refusal because of my gender, so that's what I'm choosing to remember. 

I hate the "you'll want kids someday" line of reasoning.  People should have the right to make drastic decisions, even if they do eventually end up regretting them.  Freedom has to include the liberty to do things that have major consequences.

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2 hours ago, Iridium said:

I hate the "you'll want kids someday" line of reasoning.  People should have the right to make drastic decisions, even if they do eventually end up regretting them.  Freedom has to include the liberty to do things that have major consequences.

Exactly. The most ironic thing is that drastic decisions are expected of people younger than me regarding education, where they more or less choose things that might determine their whole life sometimes as young as 14, and if they make a choice that is wrong for them, they'll probably regret it their whole life with potentially terrible consequences.

 

Besides, why do people think this is automatically such a regrettable decision? The choice here is basically the possibility of having biological kids BUT periods, pap smears, possibility of unwanted babies (at young age, too!) and several terrible diseases including cancer, against none of the above so having to adopt if you want kids and having to go through surgery but significantly lowered risk of ruining your life or ending it altogether, plus possibly reducing dysphoria? And the second choice is supposed to be the one people regret?? 

If you add vaginectomy in the mix, 

Spoiler

I understand that people might think it's a terrible choice because I'll abandon the possibility of something that's important for many people, but as an ace, I can't wait to get rid of what's no less than a rape hole. I would just feel better and safer. But it would be a miracle if I can get people to understand that. 

 

As you said, this should be my choice and even if I end up regretting it, it's no one's business and I'm willing to take that risk. People shouldn't assume that I'm unable to make the right choice by default and that I'll be lucky if I don't regret it. As unfathomable as that may sound, many people do know what is good for them better than others that barely know them.

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Celyn: The Lutening

@PoeciMeta I was just thinking about that - "Medically, my body belongs to a (cis) man I haven't met yet."

So crappy. And I'm grateful I'm not on any other medication; if I had no way to stop my periods I would LOSE MY SHIT BIG TIME.

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Seriously, though- if you can get a face tattoo when you're 18, you should also be allowed to make other major choices about what to do with your body.

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27 minutes ago, Celyn said:

@PoeciMeta I was just thinking about that - "Medically, my body belongs to a (cis) man I haven't met yet."

So crappy. And I'm grateful I'm not on any other medication; if I had no way to stop my periods I would LOSE MY SHIT BIG TIME.

It's the same patriarchal BS as "you have to save yourself for your husband".

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Just now, Iridium said:

It's the same patriarchal BS as "you have to save yourself for your husband".

This is just terrible. If that means not doing bad things to yourself because it will cause pain to your loved ones, I can accept, but regarding your own body and mind and self, you don't owe anyone anything. Especially someone you don't know. But still anyone. I have decided I didn't need anyone's approval to change my body, and if that means I'll disappoint or even anger my mother, so be it. It feels good just to write that down. ^^

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I can understand that some people, especially parents, worry about young people making poor life choices.  But ultimately, I think that a person's individual liberty outweighs any need to be shielded from the consequences of their actions.

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nerdperson777
On 9/1/2019 at 10:02 AM, PoeciMeta said:

Exactly. The most ironic thing is that drastic decisions are expected of people younger than me regarding education, where they more or less choose things that might determine their whole life sometimes as young as 14, and if they make a choice that is wrong for them, they'll probably regret it their whole life with potentially terrible consequences.

 

Besides, why do people think this is automatically such a regrettable decision? The choice here is basically the possibility of having biological kids BUT periods, pap smears, possibility of unwanted babies (at young age, too!) and several terrible diseases including cancer, against none of the above so having to adopt if you want kids and having to go through surgery but significantly lowered risk of ruining your life or ending it altogether, plus possibly reducing dysphoria? And the second choice is supposed to be the one people regret?? 

If you add vaginectomy in the mix, 

  Reveal hidden contents

I understand that people might think it's a terrible choice because I'll abandon the possibility of something that's important for many people, but as an ace, I can't wait to get rid of what's no less than a rape hole. I would just feel better and safer. But it would be a miracle if I can get people to understand that. 

 

As you said, this should be my choice and even if I end up regretting it, it's no one's business and I'm willing to take that risk. People shouldn't assume that I'm unable to make the right choice by default and that I'll be lucky if I don't regret it. As unfathomable as that may sound, many people do know what is good for them better than others that barely know them.

I want a hysterectomy to remove the uterus and cervix just so I don't have to deal with pap smears.  I had my first one like 4 months ago and that was super uncomfortable.  Plus since I never had anything put in there before, it felt even worse.  I'm fine with keeping ovaries so I can still have biological children if I wanted to.  I just wouldn't be able to carry one.  I don't get why cis people must have this one idea about all trans people who want "cross sex" hormones and get rid of their reproductive parts for another.  It's not all about the sex or the parts!

 

On 9/1/2019 at 11:07 AM, Iridium said:

Seriously, though- if you can get a face tattoo when you're 18, you should also be allowed to make other major choices about what to do with your body.

I've read some posts that were saying that you can get a gun at age 18 or 21 or whatever, but can't rent a car until 25-26.  It's easier to get a gun than a car (depending on where you live).

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3 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

I want a hysterectomy to remove the uterus and cervix just so I don't have to deal with pap smears.  I had my first one like 4 months ago and that was super uncomfortable.  Plus since I never had anything put in there before, it felt even worse.  I'm fine with keeping ovaries so I can still have biological children if I wanted to.  I just wouldn't be able to carry one.  I don't get why cis people must have this one idea about all trans people who want "cross sex" hormones and get rid of their reproductive parts for another.  It's not all about the sex or the parts!

 

I've read some posts that were saying that you can get a gun at age 18 or 21 or whatever, but can't rent a car until 25-26.  It's easier to get a gun than a car (depending on where you live).

Pap smears sound horrible. Not the only reason I want my parts removed, but I thought many times that I would rather never ever visit a gynecologist and suffer the consequences whatever they are. I even thought cancer would be a great excuse for a hysto. In fact, I'm planning to get rid of the hole before anyone has a chance to insert anything in it. *shudders at the thought*

 

And this is making me very glad to live in a no gun country. But yeah, some age limits like this are absurd. Too young and immature to decide you don't want sex, but if you want a gun, go ahead? This would be funny if it didn't have disgusting consequences. 

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nerdperson777
1 hour ago, PoeciMeta said:

Too young and immature to decide you don't want sex, but if you want a gun, go ahead? This would be funny if it didn't have disgusting consequences. 

*thinks about the weekly shootings and how people are blaming it on those with mental illness rather than entitled rich white people*

I've been having reoccurring dreams of being at an active shooting, but it was like a video game in that things had a structure and repeated after a "round".  It was basically like one of those gun games but only the shooter had a gun and the "player" was just hiding and trying to get away.  This existed in my dreams but I'm sure if someone actually made a game out of it, there would be so much backlash.  But the fact that this is happening, I'm wondering if I'm subconsciously accepting that this is the reality of things.

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Celyn: The Lutening
2 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I want a hysterectomy to remove the uterus and cervix just so I don't have to deal with pap smears.  I had my first one like 4 months ago and that was super uncomfortable. 

I'm horrified they put you through that, my doctor made a note that I wouldn't need them, because I came out to her.  I still get leaflets telling me to get one though, so it seems while she was able to put a note on my file to stop other doctors recommending it, it hasn't filtered through to the NHS mailing system. 

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5 minutes ago, Celyn said:

I'm horrified they put you through that, my doctor made a note that I wouldn't need them, because I came out to her.

That's possible? Good to know, I may have to ask for such a note in the future. 

Going back to gender positivity, I'll be seeing a new psychiatrist from now on - one who specialises in autism, and thus should know about the correlation between autism and gender dysphoria. It should turn out better than the last one I've ranted about. 

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nerdperson777
10 minutes ago, Celyn said:

I'm horrified they put you through that, my doctor made a note that I wouldn't need them, because I came out to her.  I still get leaflets telling me to get one though, so it seems while she was able to put a note on my file to stop other doctors recommending it, it hasn't filtered through to the NHS mailing system. 

My doctor says that 85% of the cancer is caused by sexual activity so this is to cover the last 15%.  She said that she had a virgin patient in her 40s that did have cancer so she said that I should get the swab.  The day I had that, I also had my Steam account stolen so I ended up forgetting that I could feel the empty space left from that device she inserted in me so I guess priorities.  I did get my account back though.

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5 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

My doctor says that 85% of the cancer is caused by sexual activity so this is to cover the last 15%.

Following that logic, everyone should be regularly checked for cancers everywhere. As far as I know, people aren't recommended to all get tested for colorectal cancer every 3 years even if they're healthy. 

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nerdperson777
2 minutes ago, PoeciMeta said:

Following that logic, everyone should be regularly checked for cancers everywhere. As far as I know, people aren't recommended to all get tested for colorectal cancer every 3 years even if they're healthy. 

*sigh* Yes, but once someone has experienced something, in this case, someone who had never been sexually active having cancer, they will pay more care to it.  There are people who think I'm overreacting when I have to wash my laundry exactly as the tag label says.  Why am I like this?  I accidentally washed a good shirt on warm when it was a cold wash shirt and it shrunk to the point that I couldn't comfortably wear it.

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12 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

*sigh* Yes, but once someone has experienced something, in this case, someone who had never been sexually active having cancer, they will pay more care to it.  There are people who think I'm overreacting when I have to wash my laundry exactly as the tag label says.  Why am I like this?  I accidentally washed a good shirt on warm when it was a cold wash shirt and it shrunk to the point that I couldn't comfortably wear it.

I know. It happens. Sometimes cancer happens and you don't really know why. A genetic predisposition or eating habits can suffice. It happened to a member of my family. What I don't understand is that there aren't enough screenings for some cancers but so many recommended pap smears. 

Not sure I understand the clothes analogy. Do you mean that generally, when something bad happens, people will be more vigilant and check that it doesn't happen again? Or are you referring to yourself? (If the latter, that may or may not be none of my business, now that I think about it...) 

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57 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

My doctor says that 85% of the cancer is caused by sexual activity so this is to cover the last 15%.

I've not heard of such a study. 🤔   Can someone point me to such a study? 

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nerdperson777
1 hour ago, PoeciMeta said:

I know. It happens. Sometimes cancer happens and you don't really know why. A genetic predisposition or eating habits can suffice. It happened to a member of my family. What I don't understand is that there aren't enough screenings for some cancers but so many recommended pap smears. 

Not sure I understand the clothes analogy. Do you mean that generally, when something bad happens, people will be more vigilant and check that it doesn't happen again? Or are you referring to yourself? (If the latter, that may or may not be none of my business, now that I think about it...) 

Yes, I mean that when something bad happens, people will make sure to not happen again.  I only wore that shirt maybe 3 times and that one shrink messed everything up.

 

I heard something about the three most common cancers.  Breast cancer is like #2 or #3 while whatever #1 is, which I can't remember atm, has virtually no visibility.

 

1 hour ago, Sir_The_Last said:

I've not heard of such a study. 🤔   Can someone point me to such a study? 

It's just something my doctor said so you are free to look it up and tell us if you find it.

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5 hours ago, PoeciMeta said:

Sometimes cancer happens and you don't really know why. A genetic predisposition or eating habits can suffice.

I know that my dad's side of the family is prone to benign squamous cell cancers and frequent stress can increase cancer risk.

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Some people referred to me as "he" the other day when I was out hiking, and I just thought, "I could get used to this".

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I came here to share about things I like about my body, and ended up reading about cancer... I guess there is no control over where conversation goes...  So I guess I'll put in something about both.

I'm just starting to climb 5.11s at the rock gym, and it makes me feel really good.  Strong.  Like Spiderman.

That's a good point about the cancer screenings.  My mom died of colon cancer, and I've been asking for screenings for years.  The doctors don't really want to do it.  They say when I'm 40.  Meanwhile, pap smears every 3 years? (Not that I'm following that, but maybe I can stop feeling like I aught to go?)

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I looked at some job postings in my email, since I didn't turn them off.  I was impressed that I saw one listing talk about the responsibilities and "he/she/they" was used to refer to the one that would be hired.  I'm impressed by this non-binary representation.

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no-longer-in-use
6 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I looked at some job postings in my email, since I didn't turn them off.  I was impressed that I saw one listing talk about the responsibilities and "he/she/they" was used to refer to the one that would be hired.  I'm impressed by this non-binary representation.

Simply "they" would be better imo, because "he/she/they" implies that they're including every possible pronoun. But I'm just being pedantic. "he/she/they" is definitely better than "he/she".

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  • 2 weeks later...

My transition really took off this week, right after I came back from a week long vacation.  I got a call Monday morning clarifying my papers for my legal name change.  The desk clerk said that my doctor letter said male but my application said non-binary.  I had to clarify that the people who filled the forms for me didn't have non-binary forms available so they marked male for me, but I did want to be legally non-binary.  (The clerk also wasn't a native English speaker so they accidentally said non berry.  Yes, I'm not a berry.)  They said that I could go get my papers on Wednesday or wait to have them mailed to me.  So my plan was to go get the papers Wednesday.

 

Then Wednesday morning, I got a call from my top surgeon's office.  They said that they had a space available for me on October 8th.  That's less than two weeks from now.  They said that I had a day to decide, when I couldn't say yes right away (plus I was driving at the time).  I had to ask for advice from my group, which it would affect.  They said that I should do it early so I would have ample time to heal for our performances.  I was mostly afraid of how it would affect my work schedule and the one physical class I'm taking, as that requires me to lift my arms above my head.  I called two hours later to confirm that I would take that October 8th date.  Then I got asked for confirmation that it was for Double Incision.  No, I'm doing Keyhole.  The surgeon does 5-6 DI and 1 Keyhole on his surgery days and there was already a Keyhole patient on October 8th.  So I was offered a POTENTIAL date of November 15th.  My surgeon is hoping to find a place that will let him do surgeries on Fridays so he can open up that day.  November 15th isn't confirmed.  It's contingent on him getting a facility.  My confirmed surgery date is February 25th next year so if I can get any earlier date, that'd be great.  Then I picked up those court order papers.

 

On Thursday, I went to the DMV with my roommate.  They wanted to get a California license so they can vote on Californian issues instead of the state on their license.  I was obviously changing my name on my license, and then getting a Real ID.  I'll get my new ID in 3-6 weeks.

 

Then today, I went to the Social Security Administration to change that identity.  That male gender on the doctor's note was helpful here.  Doctor's note is no longer required for the court order.  So that didn't go to waste.  I'm legally male for Social Security purposes.  I tried to go to the bank to change my name there.  I waited there for like an hour.  I was told that I happened to come on the busiest day there, since it was the last Friday of the month, which is when people try to get their payments in for whatever.  Since I had a joint account with my mom, I couldn't change any of the things.  I wasn't allowed to have one account with my new name and the other with my old name.  One social security number can't have two names.  I dodged one bullet by not needing my parents' social security for changing my name in the social security but I can't avoid this one.  I did text my mom asking for that info, but she didn't reply.  I forgot she was on a plane on a trip at that time so I deleted it when I no longer needed that info.  I don't know when I'm going to drop that bomb that I legally changed my name and gender.  Is my mom going to be transphobic and not let me change the name on my bank account?  She doesn't like rocking boats but in this case I'm rocking it first and she can either rock with it or fall off the boat.  She should rock with it because she can't swim.

 

ANYWAY that's my week with transition progress.  I never thought I'd write so much in this thread when usually people just write small things they're happy about.  I'm not sure what else I need to change, passport?  I tried looking online for a checklist.  I downloaded one a while ago but I think it's on my old computer.  I found a "new bride" checklist instead.  So heteronormative, but it was useful.  I'm not sure how I'll get used to it yet.  Not having people look at my ID and question it?  They'll question the X maybe but at least my name is correct.  I'm not sure what to do with the car insurance.  The family insurance agent is a close friend so she will find out about it.  But her older son is very progressive and uses terms like Latinx rather than Latino and Latina.  He wants to be the first Asian Supreme Court Justice.  I feel like the son would understand but not sure about the mom.  He's a month older than me and she had been shipping us since we were born.  She offered him to me at the beginning of senior year to take me to prom.  I might have crushed those hopes there.

 

So passport, car insurance, bank, I think.

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Celyn: The Lutening
1 hour ago, nerdperson777 said:

She doesn't like rocking boats but in this case I'm rocking it first and she can either rock with it or fall off the boat.  She should rock with it because she can't swim.

DAMN RIGHT bro! It's your life, not hers! I'm so happy for you!

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Yesterday, I kinda sorta ''came out'' to a friend via text - to be more frank, I confessed that my psychiatrist may be suspecting gender dysphoria and that I was really questioning a lot of stuff and being concerned, which is still kinda true; I was testing the waters, so to speak. 

While I was typing this, they somehow felt appropriate to send me ''Oh, btw, I've been thinking, would you prefer me to refer to you in masculine?"

I got a very WTF happy/bewildered moment. 

Still can't believe in this godsend of a coincidence. 

 

Edit: a few texts later we're already joking about it. 

 

Edit 2: This didn't really happen out of nowhere though, I'd been especially cautious about not misgendering myself lately and tried as much as I could not to use feminine participes and adjectives (you know, the joy of gendered languages...) and defaulted to masculine when it couldn't be helped - could always blame autocorrect just in case. 

So they thought I preferred masculine language, and asked exactly in the right moment. 

Still, it felt very weird. 

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