Jump to content

a gender positive thread


butterflydreams

Recommended Posts

I got my hair cut last Tuesday, and I'm so happy with it! In the beginning the hairdresser was  a bit like "oh, but I also really like the long hair on you", but luckily she was professional enough to just cut it the way I wanted it. I'll miss being able to do creative things with my hair, but this feels so much more like me, that it's definitely worth it. It's not that the with long hair couldn't be me, it's just that this is more me.

 

I was quite worried what my parents would think of it. I currently live with them, so if they had really hated it, that would have been something I'd keep hearing around me. Happily, my dad said he 'doesn't hate it', and my mum actually sort of likes it. That's so much better than expected, from either of them, so that's a huge relief. I know I shouldn't let it weigh too heavily, as they don't accept me for who I am anyway, but I still feel it. Still, I'm happier now, with a new haircut :)

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
nerdperson777
18 hours ago, Wayfarer said:

I got my hair cut last Tuesday, and I'm so happy with it! In the beginning the hairdresser was  a bit like "oh, but I also really like the long hair on you", but luckily she was professional enough to just cut it the way I wanted it. I'll miss being able to do creative things with my hair, but this feels so much more like me, that it's definitely worth it. It's not that the with long hair couldn't be me, it's just that this is more me.

 

I was quite worried what my parents would think of it. I currently live with them, so if they had really hated it, that would have been something I'd keep hearing around me. Happily, my dad said he 'doesn't hate it', and my mum actually sort of likes it. That's so much better than expected, from either of them, so that's a huge relief. I know I shouldn't let it weigh too heavily, as they don't accept me for who I am anyway, but I still feel it. Still, I'm happier now, with a new haircut :)

There was a time like 3-4 years ago when my mom made sure she supervised my haircut, so that it would be cut the way she wanted.  She kept she'ing me to the hairdresser.  The hairdresser said so many dysphoria inducing things like "but most girls like long hair".  LADY, I'M NOT A GIRL.

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, nerdperson777 said:

"but most girls like long hair". 

That’s a stupid argument. Why does anyone have to like what most people like? Ad populum :P 

 

My mom also told the hairdresser not to cut my hair too short when I wanted short hair. duh. And took guy tshirts from me when I wanted to buy them. She wanted me way too much to be pretty. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
nerdperson777
1 minute ago, Emery. said:

That’s a stupid argument. Why does anyone have to like what most people like? Ad populum :P 

 

My mom also told the hairdresser not to cut my hair too short when I wanted short hair. duh. And took guy tshirts from me when I wanted to buy them. She wanted me way too much to be pretty. 

My parents are just whatever you do, just be cis.  Being cis is a "normal" thing.  My mom rather tell people I'm gay than I'm a guy.  She already knows that I don't like being pretty.  I'm just trying to keep up with hygiene and even that is hard.  Whenever I came home from haircuts before, dad would look at it and say that it doesn't look cut at all.  I thought he was exaggerating, but now that I think of it, he's actually right in that aspect.  Mom just has them be minor trims, so that it doesn't seem too different.  That is probably why people tell me that I have so much hair.  It hardly gets cut.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I guess my situation isn’t as tough, because I’m oblivious to what I’m called. My family hasn’t ever been bad on gender expression either, but they had a couple of hangups like that. My mom is agender herself and she’s quite in the middle, I think, and she’s always thought that she’s not feminine enough or not pretty enough, and wanted me to not have this problem... But gender is complicated. It’s easy to misunderstand each other on the details. I also wanted to look good, but everyone has a different definition of looking good, right?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm lucky in that my parents are okay with me presenting however I want. Before I came out, though, my mom kept slowly pushing me to dress more and more feminine. I hated it, but didn't really let myself think about how I felt about it. But, since this is a gender positive thread, I'm much happier and more comfortable with how I look now, and my parents are amazingly supportive.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte
On April 13, 2018 at 4:13 PM, Lirpaderp said:

What will the field research be about? What kinds of stuff do you talk about when it comes to trans musicians? I don't know anything about the Philly trans conference but I'm near Philly. If you speak there can you tell us a time/location?

 

Also, too many cooks is a weirdly entertaining song. I first saw it around 3am a year or so ago. It was stuck in my head for a few days after that.

I'm trying not to post the specifics about the field research yet, in part because I want to make sure nobody takes the idea for themselves (not saying you or anyone on here would, but this is a public forum for anybody to see), in part because it's going to be part of my thesis, which means talking about it here could impact my anonymity in the future. The most I can say is that it'll be a comparative ethnography, and with the right permissions, I'll be working with trans musicians in a certain Latin American country as well as my home culture. The specific project I have in mind requires timing that's once in a lifetime, so we will see if everything works out :) 

 

Again, I'm trying not to post the specifics about the workshop for the sake of my anonymity, but it I will gladly PM you the information so you can find mine! If you live near Philly, you should check out the conference anyways! (Actually, a friend of mine is doing a pair of workshops specifically about accommodating trans singers, with one AMAB workshop and one AFAB workshop.) The general track is actually free while the professional tracks cost money, so the only cost to you would probably be transportation there and any purchases you make at the different vendors. (I'm thinking about going the educator track since it's inexpensive and counts as Professional Development.)

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 16/04/2018 at 9:06 AM, nerdperson777 said:

My parents are just whatever you do, just be cis.  Being cis is a "normal" thing.  My mom rather tell people I'm gay than I'm a guy. 

I think my parents have this too. Though they frame it as: "we just want you to be happy, and if you're trans, you'll be less happy. So as long as you don't know for sure, you should just be happy the way you are." It's probably kindly meant, but really doesn't work. "don't know for sure" is their way of saying I'm not binary trans. Their idea is as long as I don't want to be a guy, I'm not trans, and therefore shouldn't let myself be influenced by all these newfangled labels floating around and should just be their cis daughter that fits into all the boxes society asks you to fit in.

 

I'm actually almost convinced that my parents hope I'm gay, but just didn't dare to come out to them. They've been dropping hints like "will you be bringing a guy home again? Or a girl, that's fine too!" They'd rather have me be gay than ace, because at least gay they can sort of understand. It's not that they're homophobic or anything, it's just that with a history of bringing home guys for some years, and then not bringing home anyone, they got to saying this.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
nerdperson777
9 hours ago, Wayfarer said:

I think my parents have this too. Though they frame it as: "we just want you to be happy, and if you're trans, you'll be less happy. So as long as you don't know for sure, you should just be happy the way you are." It's probably kindly meant, but really doesn't work. "don't know for sure" is their way of saying I'm not binary trans. Their idea is as long as I don't want to be a guy, I'm not trans, and therefore shouldn't let myself be influenced by all these newfangled labels floating around and should just be their cis daughter that fits into all the boxes society asks you to fit in.

 

I'm actually almost convinced that my parents hope I'm gay, but just didn't dare to come out to them. They've been dropping hints like "will you be bringing a guy home again? Or a girl, that's fine too!" They'd rather have me be gay than ace, because at least gay they can sort of understand. It's not that they're homophobic or anything, it's just that with a history of bringing home guys for some years, and then not bringing home anyone, they got to saying this.

My mom has asked me straight out in middle school if I was gay (because she's a robot and likes being right, while neglecting people's feelings). Seeing that I had absolutely zero interest in guys, that seemed like the logical answer. I want to be a guy, just not a typical one, but probably because I feel in between and not completely male, I'm taken less seriously. Well, my parents never took me seriously in the first place. I once went to an LGBT convention and dad joked that I was going to come home with a girlfriend, implying that I must be gay if I'm going there. But seriously, if I haven't shown anyone interest, how can you even think I'll come home with a person? Plus when I thought about it later, I could come home with any gender. 

 

My mom claims to be accepting but I'm sure it's because she doesn't want me to keep secrets from her. When she asked me about being gay, she said that it was okay with her. Then she can know more about me. It's way easier for her. None of this is easy for me either. I went through a lot more to know who I was, and when it no longer aligns with my parents, they don't believe. It is frustrating. 

 

Don't know if my mom really understand asexuality. Since she hates sex things, she's glad that I'm not into it. But that means she can't have grandchildren. Well tough luck. She's still hoping I'll change my mind on everything. 

 

But dad, he's a privileged cishet male who doesn't understand anything about how to be anything but. He makes gay jokes. He hasn't tried understanding anything he doesn't get. He thinks I'm the one who doesn't know what's going on in the world. Really it's the other way around. He belongs to a group who doesn't get discriminated against. He already has it better than many others.

 

I've only really brought trans people home lately so that's not indication of any sexuality. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Tintenfeder
On 16.4.2018 at 9:01 AM, Emery. said:

 

My mom also told the hairdresser not to cut my hair too short when I wanted short hair. duh. And took guy tshirts from me when I wanted to buy them. She wanted me way too much to be pretty. 

That sounds familiar. I alway get to hear things like "You are a girl, so dress like one! Girls aren't supposed to act like that!" or my favourite from a few days ago "Don't take too big steps, it's unbecoming!" Gah, I can't hear it anymore.

 

On a more positive note, a few weeks ago I went to a restaurant with some of my friends and my freind's SO used they/them pronouns for me! I was so happy!

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening
6 hours ago, Tintenfeder said:

"Don't take too big steps, it's unbecoming!"

Ugh I get this. I have to point out "I'm 5'3", I'm just trying to keep up with you giants!"

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte

Man, I have so much lecture prep I need to do, but I just can't focus. The university that was offering me Master's funding is now offering me PhD admission with far better funding (with my dissertation focused on my trans musician advocacy) and I'm kind of freaking out! (I'm also kind of still dead from all the travel and excitement of the conference I was at last weekend, especially after my Floridian ass got caught in a historic snowstorm and had one hell of a roundabout series of flights home. :lol:

  • Like 7
Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Man, I have so much lecture prep I need to do, but I just can't focus. The university that was offering me Master's funding is now offering me PhD admission with far better funding (with my dissertation focused on my trans musician advocacy) and I'm kind of freaking out! (I'm also kind of still dead from all the travel and excitement of the conference I was at last weekend, especially after my Floridian ass got caught in a historic snowstorm and had one hell of a roundabout series of flights home. :lol:

Congrats!!! :D 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Ms. Carolynne

I felt something today.

 

That something is a confidence of sorts. Confidence in my gender identity. ^_^

 

I'm a demi-girl; somewhere on the corner of girl and agendered.

 

Whatever I've felt, whatever I've doubted, this is me. I'm not male, and I don't have to be. Not on the inside at least. I'm happy having come to this conclusion.

 

Getting in touch with my agendered side today, really contemplating the parts of me that feel genderless, caused me to have an epiphany. I realize now that there isn't and never was a male component to me. Just things I didn't understand about myself.

 

I had self doubts. I had mental hurdles. I feel I have gotten over these, and that I'm finally getting somewhere with my gender identity.

 

I really couldn't have gotten to this point if it weren't for everyone here. The insight I've found here has helped me a lot.

 

I still have a long way to go, but I feel like I've finally progressed and gotten somewhere. 

 

A bit of a ramble, but finally something positive I can say about my gender identity 8)

  • Like 9
Link to post
Share on other sites

Went a bit overboard with faceapp :D But I love the result 



One can dream atleast 

Face_App_1524383688019.jpg

 

 

  • Like 9
Link to post
Share on other sites
Calligraphette_Coe
18 hours ago, Kimmie. said:

Went a bit overboard with faceapp :D But I love the result 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 


One can dream atleast 

Face_App_1524383688019.jpg

 

 
 

 

 

You'd be surprised at how close you can get to that appearance with a really adept use of makeup. And how doing things like thinning out browlines cand help, too. I used to think that someone will know that I pluck my brows, but after 25 years of doing it, they don't even seem to notice anymore that my are thin and arched. The worst that can happen is you get a somewhat androgynous appearance, which with my baby face, suits me just fine.

 

Just sayin'.....

  • Like 8
Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Calligraphette_Coe said:

You'd be surprised at how close you can get to that appearance with a really adept use of makeup. And how doing things like thinning out browlines cand help, too. I used to think that someone will know that I pluck my brows, but after 25 years of doing it, they don't even seem to notice anymore that my are thin and arched. The worst that can happen is you get a somewhat androgynous appearance, which with my baby face, suits me just fine.

 

Just sayin'.....

Thanks for the tips:)

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening

Indeed @Kimmie. there's lot's of YouTube resources out there to help transwomen with feminising their face without surgery :) Not a thing I would ever need, ofc but I watch a fair bit of trans stuff so it pops up.

 

A couple of super happy things for me today! 1) Woke up with NO dysphoria. Amazing. My gender hasn't changed or anything, it's just that part of my brain that "dyphorias" (that's totally a verb now) seems to be asleep. It's such a good feeling. 2) Been doing some natural voice work to sound more androgynous and by Jove is it working. Sometimes it freaks me out to hear this voice come out of my little body with pretty much no effort. I just need to relax and enjoy not sounding so feminine (I was deep anyway, just the timbre was too light, so it was fairly easy).

 

(Edited to say I watch trans stuff, not "was" it. That makes no sense)

Edited by Celyn
misspelt
  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte

Man, life's just been a wonderful kind of whirlwind as of late, and I just haven't been keeping up with AVEN, but I'll remember to post my shot song at least!

 

Also, tomorrow's a pretty important milestone for me, (care to guess?) so I'll likely make a celebration time post then. :)

 

Shot song!

I couldn't find the cast recording I used, but this is the correct cast at least!

 

Playlist:

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte

Double post, I know, but I guess that's appropriate since I'm talking about being two years on testosterone. Thanks everyone for including me in this awesome community. :)

 

 

  • Like 9
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/22/2018 at 3:58 AM, Kimmie. said:

Went a bit overboard with faceapp :D But I love the result 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 


One can dream atleast 

Face_App_1524383688019.jpg

 

 
 

 

 

Does face app go the other way too?

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, Lirpaderp said:

Does face app go the other way too?

Yup it can. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
nerdperson777

Kimmie became a model!

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
16 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Kimmie became a model!

Haha yeah somehow apparently :D

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
nerdperson777

I tend to sing in the car when I'm driving around, to work, from work.  Today and yesterday I went back to one song that I posted in the voice thread before.  After warming up once, I was actually able to hit the high note at the end again.  But then I probably stressed my throat out since I couldn't do it again.  Now I'm trying to document that with a YouTube video (while I should be doing work things).  I went on my computer and found a version of me doing it in May last year, a month and a half before starting T.  It was pitchy and ear breaking in many parts.  Then I found one from late 2015.  My voice was a lot softer so it wasn't as pitchy.  I'm just guessing now, I gained confidence over the last few years so that I was putting more into my voice.  But I guess that made me sound worse on a mic.  :lol:  So I'm going to use the older not as pitchy one for documenting my voice change.  But still, I might be hitting these notes, but it's a lot harder.  I'm not able to hit them a good fraction of the time, but it's enough for me to do something.  Now, I shouldn't sing for the next few hours, or a day, because my throat is dying.  It'd be nice if I had the time to get a voice coach and get actual training, but I spend most of my salary on martial arts classes already.  I have a friend from high school (easily the best singer in the whole school, considering that she got the best female singer award every year) who was studying to become a voice teacher so I contemplate if I should go see her someday for it.  But I'm not sure how she would react to me as a guy.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Lirpaderp

Someone at a food place talked to the cashier and said he'd help these two guys first. Idk if guy was meant as in you guys, or as in boys, but he was definitely refering to me. I heard it meaning boys and it made me really happy.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening

I know it's not the healthiest thing to think like this, but it's better than the alternative - it's getting chilly here down under so I can wear big fluffy hoodies, jumpers, flannel shirts etc. that not only are lovely and snuggly, they make my chest look totally flat without any form of binding. I'm cis-male passing in winter but not summer, so this season = happy Eli.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte

Someone I met at one of my recent conference presentations contacted me about putting together a collaborative proposal advocating for trans musicans at a big music education conference, and I'm pretty dang excited for what we have planned. Fingers crossed that the proposal we submit gets accepted! :) 

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...