justaboyfriend Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 Hey everybody. Well i dont really know where to begin but lets give this a shot. I´ve been dating the love of my life for 3 years now, we just moved in together a couple of days ago. Since the beginning she never had much interest in sex and i figured it was just that I was only her 2nd boyfriend ever. She wouldnt show much passion while having sex but still went for it throughout our whole relationship as she tried to initiate it due to how damn much i used to complain about lack of sex. It led to constant fights about whether or not she was attracted to me, if she was cheating(which never made sense as she always wanted to see me CONSTANTLY she showed so much love for me in every other way possible ). A weak ago we got into another argument about the topic and after a while she started crying and i comforted her and then she eventually calmed down and explained that she realized she was asexual and shes been holding it in for a while now. I ignorantly and almost instinctually asked are you sure your not gay?? After she explained no definitely not, i began to read about asexuality. I love this girl so much and finding out that she says she has no inner desire for sex doesn´t change that one bit. Ever since then i feel like the tension in my head of her maybe not wanting me or wanting someone else is gone. I dont know exactly what im asking you all i just want some helpful advice on making it work and being fair for both of us. I love this girl and i mean we have sex maybe twice, three times a month max and i personally desire more but the thought of making her uncomfortable for my pleasure hurts me. Ugh someone please give me some advice on how to be more understanding Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 I am married to a lovely asexual woman. Same story: she did not really know, for the first 14 years of our marriage. I was frustrated about how the sex was always on my initiative. I always worried what was wrong and blamed a ton of things. Some were also playing a part: stress, tired, kids, messy house, bad day at job, feeling fat, me being boring... but nothing could turn her on. we both know now, that turning her on, is not an option. Therefore we made a businesslike agreement on how much sex to have. It is about talking and finding a compromise. (You may find that the compromise sucks and perhaps a break up is better?) it is not easy to enjoy sex with someone, who you love, is just doing it for your sake. You may feel a bit like using her to masturbate sometimes. You have to change your mindset away from mutual desire and into loving, partnered massage with a happy ending. My wife usually likes it, when we are at it, but could easily live without, and sometimes dont want me to touch/give her that much. you need to talk about what the options are! Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 Ps I had a hard time reading your text, since there was something wrong with the text box. Link to post Share on other sites
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