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First off, and I don't want to sound like a prick because that isn't my intention, trans isn't really a gender it just means not identifying with your birth sex. ^_^

Now that that's out of the way I will also mention I'm not NB myself but I am trans so perhaps I can give some insight. Gender expression and gender identity are separate things, you can dress or act however you feel comfortable and it shouldn't in any way invalidate your gender. It's also alright to not be sure of you gender, I completely understand that a label can be comforting though. Just take your time, I'm sure you'll figure things out and if you need someone to listen just shoot me a message. :cake:

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Mychemicalqpr

Do you ever have any desire to be female or to not be male? Or do you just like disregarding or actively subverting stereotypes? Usually I can get a sense of this somewhere in the post, but I'm not sure with you. 

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On 2/23/2017 at 8:08 PM, ~Syl~ said:

First off, and I don't want to sound like a prick because that isn't my intention, trans isn't really a gender it just means not identifying with your birth sex. ^_^

Now that that's out of the way I will also mention I'm not NB myself but I am trans so perhaps I can give some insight. Gender expression and gender identity are separate things, you can dress or act however you feel comfortable and it shouldn't in any way invalidate your gender. It's also alright to not be sure of you gender, I completely understand that a label can be comforting though. Just take your time, I'm sure you'll figure things out and if you need someone to listen just shoot me a message. :cake:

 

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On 2/23/2017 at 10:09 PM, twilightstarr said:

Do you ever have any desire to be female or to not be male? Or do you just like disregarding or actively subverting stereotypes? Usually I can get a sense of this somewhere in the post, but I'm not sure with you. 

 

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Mychemicalqpr
2 hours ago, Ace_Machina said:

Sometimes I imagine being partially female. But never fully. I don't particularly care for gender stereotypes nor do I fit into them. I feel like a mix of male and female but a bit more female than male. Idk, I'm just really confused and feel silly posting this now. I took a gender identity test called COGIATI. The result was androgynous. Non binary feels right though, it makes sense to me. I've written a long word document of my thoughts on my gender.  I've asked a non binary friend if I can send them it. They said yes but I haven't got the nerve to send the document yet. 

Don't feel silly! People ask questions about gender here pretty much every day. We were all at that stage at one point. Believe me, you're not standing out. 

 

And from this, it sounds like you might know more than you initially gave yourself credit for. You just said very clearly how you feel, but then added, "I don't know" because... You don't trust yourself? 

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3 hours ago, Ace_Machina said:

No it's fine. That's what I meant but worded it badly. That's reassuring to hear and will do if I need to thanks.

It's no trouble, I'm happy to help. ^_^

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On 2/24/2017 at 2:42 AM, twilightstarr said:

Don't feel silly! People ask questions about gender here pretty much every day. We were all at that stage at one point. Believe me, you're not standing out. 

 

And from this, it sounds like you might know more than you initially gave yourself credit for. You just said very clearly how you feel, but then added, "I don't know" because... You don't trust yourself? 

 

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Mychemicalqpr

It sounds like you were hesitant to let that out, so I wanted to say good job. :) I was getting the sense that I was talking to another anxious person. 

 

What matters is in the first paragraph, how you feel. Liking traditionally masculine or feminine things or presenting a certain way doesn't matter. As I've been known to rant before, humans assign things to genders arbitrarily. Nature didn't decide that certain colors or shapes were for men or women, and you can see some ideas about gender roles change in different cultures at different times. I happen to like many things that are supposed to be feminine according to my society, but I still don't like being seen as a girl. This stuff that you think is ridiculous--it is ridiculous. Trust yourself, not the binary system. 

 

One thing that did seem strange is that you said you feel like you have two genders, but you said you didn't like the term bigender. I could be wrong, but I thought that was the definition of bigender. Still, even if that is the case, it's still your choice if you'd rather just use nonbinary. Not everyone feels the need to be more specific, and that's fine.

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The definition of bigender is indeed having two genders. Often, this refers to someone who "flips" between two genders, so they are one gender at one time and another, different, gender at another time. In that way, it's somewhat like being genderfluid except with only two genders instead of multiple ones (or a spectrum of genders). Perhaps that's what feels "not quite right" about the term bigender?

 

If you feel like you have a mix of two genders, instead of two distinct gender-states that flip from one to the other, then indeed androgyne or nonbinary are probably going to feel like better words for you. Androgyne is a gender that specifically refers to being a mix of woman and man, or somewhere in between. Nonbinary is a more umbrella term, to mean anything that is not "just" woman or "just" man.

 

And, just for completeness sake, it might be worth thinking about the term neutrois. Neutrois is a gender that is "neutral". It's not man, not woman, and not a combination of the two. It's a distinct gender (as in, it's not a lack of gender like agender is), it's just a gender that is neither man nor woman, nor a combination of them. A common analogy to try to explain it is to use colours. If man is blue, and woman is red, then angrogyne would be some shade of purple, and neutrois might be some shade of yellow. It's neither blue, nor red, nor a mix of them, but rather a third gender entirely.

 

From reading your post, I think your instincts are probably right; you sound like the term androgyne or nonbinary would feel best. Is that right? Ultimately, all we can do is help with definitions that sound like they might fit, but the last say is yours. Which one of those feels like it fits best?

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On 2/25/2017 at 3:29 AM, Heart said:

The definition of bigender is indeed having two genders. Often, this refers to someone who "flips" between two genders, so they are one gender at one time and another, different, gender at another time. In that way, it's somewhat like being genderfluid except with only two genders instead of multiple ones (or a spectrum of genders). Perhaps that's what feels "not quite right" about the term bigender?

 

If you feel like you have a mix of two genders, instead of two distinct gender-states that flip from one to the other, then indeed androgyne or nonbinary are probably going to feel like better words for you. Androgyne is a gender that specifically refers to being a mix of woman and man, or somewhere in between. Nonbinary is a more umbrella term, to mean anything that is not "just" woman or "just" man.

 

And, just for completeness sake, it might be worth thinking about the term neutrois. Neutrois is a gender that is "neutral". It's not man, not woman, and not a combination of the two. It's a distinct gender (as in, it's not a lack of gender like agender is), it's just a gender that is neither man nor woman, nor a combination of them. A common analogy to try to explain it is to use colours. If man is blue, and woman is red, then angrogyne would be some shade of purple, and neutrois might be some shade of yellow. It's neither blue, nor red, nor a mix of them, but rather a third gender entirely.

 

From reading your post, I think your instincts are probably right; you sound like the term androgyne or nonbinary would feel best. Is that right? Ultimately, all we can do is help with definitions that sound like they might fit, but the last say is yours. Which one of those feels like it fits best?

 

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sir octepus tea

I´m also unsure about my gender, and have been pretty much constantly questioning it for the last few years.  

I don´t feel like my birth gender internally, though I present as it IRL since I´m closeted. for me it´s just that: a feeling that I don´t necessarily need to show outward, but it´s still there. 

My gender feels neutral, sometimes like it´s not even there, so that´s why I describe it as neutrois.

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Sometimes having a label, even if you only use it in your head, is comforting too ;) I'm glad you've managed to clear some confusion! :cake:

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On 2/26/2017 at 6:10 PM, Heart said:

Sometimes having a label, even if you only use it in your head, is comforting too ;) I'm glad you've managed to clear some confusion! :cake:

.

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