scarletlatitude Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 I know AVEN already has a list of asexual dating sites. But I'm wondering if it's worth it. I am incredibly busy. I work full time (and part time in the summers, as I am a teacher). I also have lots of side jobs in the district that I teach in (coach, etc). I have AVEN duties (yey admods). I am a full time PhD student. And besides all of that, I am an EXTREME introvert. I spend more time with my cats than with people. I mean, if my job didn't require me to leave the house, I wouldn't. I would only venture out for food. Not exaggerating at all. Obviously the "go out and meet people" approach isn't going to work for me, both because I don't want to and because I would never have that kind of time. But alas, I am an asexual romantic. I want a cuddle buddy. I would consider myself maybe demi-romantic though, because I have to know someone REALLY well. So do you think it's worth it to pay for asexual dating sites? I've tried the regular dating sites... and we will just say that I'm not impressed. They are... not welcoming to aces, to say the least. (Not the websites necessarily, but the people who frequent them.) Would I be wasting money? Link to post Share on other sites
Zerο Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 The two most popular ones are Ace-Book, which is free, and Asexualitic, which is paid. Most people on Asexualitic without a paid sub just list their LINE, KIK, or whatever accounts for people that are interested to message them. That said, unless you're fine starting off with a LDR, the odds of finding someone in your area are very very small - so no don't pay. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 OKCupid has a large selection of asexual profiles, but you're likely going to be a ways away from another asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
borkfork Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 If you live in a small country asexualistic might be OK? IME most people don't want to pay for it and put their emails in their profile. There was no way to narrow it down to say, people in California unless that person was proactive enough to join a group. I got one local friend request (from someone 10 years younger than me), all the others were English and Canadian. Ace-book's biggest age group is 18-25. Which may or may not be good for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Sherlocks Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 2 hours ago, scarletlatitude said: I know AVEN already has a list of asexual dating sites. But I'm wondering if it's worth it. I am incredibly busy. I work full time (and part time in the summers, as I am a teacher). I also have lots of side jobs in the district that I teach in (coach, etc). I have AVEN duties (yey admods). I am a full time PhD student. And besides all of that, I am an EXTREME introvert. I spend more time with my cats than with people. I mean, if my job didn't require me to leave the house, I wouldn't. I would only venture out for food. Not exaggerating at all. Obviously the "go out and meet people" approach isn't going to work for me, both because I don't want to and because I would never have that kind of time. But alas, I am an asexual romantic. I want a cuddle buddy. I would consider myself maybe demi-romantic though, because I have to know someone REALLY well. So do you think it's worth it to pay for asexual dating sites? I've tried the regular dating sites... and we will just say that I'm not impressed. They are... not welcoming to aces, to say the least. (Not the websites necessarily, but the people who frequent them.) Would I be wasting money? It sounds like you feel you should date but you simply don't have the time or interest to do so. Are you maybe giving into societal pressures? Forgive me if I hitting off base, though. I could be wrong with this conclusion. Though I think anyone would find all you accomplished very impressive. Link to post Share on other sites
NerotheReaper Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 I have tried to use asexual dating sites, but just there wasn't anyone near me and close in age. So I had no success with them, but maybe you can get lucky and by lucky I mean by finding someone who fits your standards and is close to you in age. It does sound like you are crazy busy, and a lot of people in relationships can be needy. So if you are super busy and can't give attention the relationship can take a toll. Link to post Share on other sites
Moophie Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 Whoa, you are busy indeed! The issue for me would be that I wouldn't likely follow through on it. Like, I probably couldn't work up the guts to actually contact/meet up with someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Chihiro Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 I would suggest that you give it a try. But keep in mind you would likely not find anyone nearby and most likely you will end up in LDR. Based on your busy schedule, I would say maybe LDR might work in your favor. Due to difference in time zones, people are likely to have very less free overlapping time. (For instance, I am asia right now and I can interact with west coast US AVENites for max 2 hours. And I miss the east coast peeps. When I was in US, I had the ability to spend 4-5 hours in evening with US peeps). Also, LDR is good for introverts. It is easier to converse and open up via texting. The only downside of LDR is that it may take a while for either of you to move in together for cuddle relationship. But its life, instant gratification doesn't always happen. You gotta work towards it. So, if I were you maybe I would pay for an asexual site but not others like OKC. And don't forget AVEN, although its not a dating site, many here have formed friendships and are eventually dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 I don't really like dating sites, despite having alot of free time to invest i just don't feel like trying one. I have tried OKcupid and it was allright exept that you can get weird messages sometimes.Then there is Acebook wich is a nice way to meet others but i barely use it.If you are realy busy then a dating site might not be a thing for you, You could try finding someone to talk to on Aven or maybe a LDR would be something to look in for you? Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
knick-knack Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 I recently registered to OkCupid because it actually lists "asexual" as an orientation, but finding interesting people wasn't as easy as expected :\ the creepiness level is pretty high. BUT! There's a "hide me from the straight guys" option buried deep in your control panel, and that gave my inbox some peace. (I call it "tumblr mode" - my feed is now full of funky folks with piercings and neons hair and feminism.) So, I'd say, just try it and see how the people in your area are! And most importantly: just delete the unpleasant/uninspiring messages, don't bother answering to everyone. You don't sound like you really have the time to be polite. Link to post Share on other sites
Sunflowerfield Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 I know you are keen on a romantic relationship, but since you are so busy and introverted - would it be worth considering a platonic cuddle buddy? That way it is a fairly low-commitment and low-investment relationship, and there would be less expectation on you to always be there for them. Finding a good platonic cuddle buddy can take some time but thankfully I have two of them now. Link to post Share on other sites
Éadweard Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 There seems to me some misconception that if we asexual people attach a romantic orientation to ourselves it makes us appealing to others. I don't care if you say you are heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic or whatever, no one else who is NOT asexual gives a crap about romantic orientations. If you want to date someone who is NOT asexual you are either going to have to have sex with them at some point or you are going to have to find someone willing to not have sex with you. Put what you want on a dating app profile but don't complain after a few dates about someone ignoring it. There are expectations from 99 PERCENT of the population when it comes to dating. If you can't deal with that you don't need to be on dating apps. Link to post Share on other sites
scarletlatitude Posted February 12, 2017 Author Share Posted February 12, 2017 Thank you for the responses everyone. I do have some thinking to do. Link to post Share on other sites
scarletlatitude Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 Finally had a chance to let all of this stew and I'd like to respond a bit... 21 hours ago, Sherlocks said: It sounds like you feel you should date but you simply don't have the time or interest to do so. Are you maybe giving into societal pressures? Forgive me if I hitting off base, though. I could be wrong with this conclusion. Though I think anyone would find all you accomplished very impressive. I wouldn't say that I am giving in to pressure. I really do feel the need to have another person with me. I have considered this a lot really. I do realize that society is pushing me a bit. But underneath it all, I think I really do have that need. It's a romantic need for sure. Definitely not a sexual need. 14 hours ago, knick-knack said: I recently registered to OkCupid because it actually lists "asexual" as an orientation, but finding interesting people wasn't as easy as expected :\ the creepiness level is pretty high. BUT! There's a "hide me from the straight guys" option buried deep in your control panel, and that gave my inbox some peace. (I call it "tumblr mode" - my feed is now full of funky folks with piercings and neons hair and feminism.) Right? I tried OKC for a while but the creep factor was too much. I can't tell you how many messages I got about guys who wanted to "fix" my ace-ness. *le sigh* Best I found from there was a trans-woman that I talk to sometimes. 12 hours ago, Sunflowerfield said: I know you are keen on a romantic relationship, but since you are so busy and introverted - would it be worth considering a platonic cuddle buddy? That way it is a fairly low-commitment and low-investment relationship, and there would be less expectation on you to always be there for them. Finding a good platonic cuddle buddy can take some time but thankfully I have two of them now. I actually responded in your other thread too. Yes, but... I don't know that I could keep it separated. You know how some people have trouble separating sexual and romantic feelings? I have that issue with romantic feelings and "romantic" activities. Even if it was platonic, I think it would become romantic for me. 10 hours ago, Just like Jughead said: There seems to me some misconception that if we asexual people attach a romantic orientation to ourselves it makes us appealing to others. I don't care if you say you are heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic or whatever, no one else who is NOT asexual gives a crap about romantic orientations. If you want to date someone who is NOT asexual you are either going to have to have sex with them at some point or you are going to have to find someone willing to not have sex with you. Put what you want on a dating app profile but don't complain after a few dates about someone ignoring it. There are expectations from 99 PERCENT of the population when it comes to dating. If you can't deal with that you don't need to be on dating apps. I know. It's unfortunate. I've tried dating sexuals. No offense to them, y'all are good people. But the pressure to have sex was just so intense. The people I have interacted with can't comprehend asexuality. Link to post Share on other sites
nanogretchen4 Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 Realistically, dating will never be as convenient for members of as minority sexual orientation as it is for heterosexuals. Gay people frequently move to larger cities with a better gay scene as soon as they move out of their parents' houses. The asexual scene is not very far along yet, because it's waiting for asexuals to create it. I think the answer is for asexuals to congregate somewhere and create asexual organizations and meeting places. That's not to say you shouldn't use asexual dating sites, of course. But probably the best use of asexual websites is to organize the asexual community in the real world. How else is a demiromantic asexual going to get to know other asexuals well enough to fall in love with them? Maybe this doesn't seem like the most practical advice for a busy introvert, but they say if you want something to get done, ask a busy person. Link to post Share on other sites
scarletlatitude Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 Right? I can schedule like a pro. Good points though nano. I will have to look into the ace community in my area. There is one, it's just not very active. Link to post Share on other sites
Sunflowerfield Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 I actually responded in your other thread too. Yes, but... I don't know that I could keep it separated. You know how some people have trouble separating sexual and romantic feelings? I have that issue with romantic feelings and "romantic" activities. Even if it was platonic, I think it would become romantic for me. I think that's very normal and understandable, and I can certainly relate. I often crush to some extent on all my close friends, so I've become used to it and learned how to manage those feelings. But I know that for some people that can be distressing and overwhelming. It can help to choose someone you probably wouldn't be romantically attracted to, though. (E.g. If you are primarily attracted to one gender, you could choose someone of the other gender. Also you could choose someone in a poly relationship because if you want something monogamous, you know they are not available for that.) Link to post Share on other sites
nanogretchen4 Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Dan Savage just gave free advertising to several different asexual dating sites today. I wonder if there will be any increase in traffic. Link to post Share on other sites
TheMartianGeek Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 If I may bump this topic, I wonder the same thing. I'm not sure how I am with romantic attraction, but I at least want some deep friendships. Link to post Share on other sites
Jewelsandcrowns Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 I used to be on ace-book.net but deleted my account. It never worked because most people never wanted to meet up and just wanted to send messages all the time.... anongst other reasons. I stopped looking. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Talgo Posted July 6, 2018 Share Posted July 6, 2018 I checked out the Meet-And-Greet here but only met one person from my city. I have been on Ace-Book for 2 years, but I think I'm a bit older than most people there (33 vs 18-24). I have thought about messaging the 24's, but feel too much like an old man creeper. I have thought about doing regular dating sites, but it's hard as a dude-asexual. Like, it's very expected of me (imo) to want to bang anything that walks. My last GF (sexual) blamed my lack of sex drive on low testosterone and wanted me to see a psychiatrist. So that worries me... That all said, someone local created a group on Meetup.com for my area on June 23 and it already has 22 members and our first meetup is tonight. Not that I really think anything romantic _will_ come of it, but here's to hoping Link to post Share on other sites
KittKatz Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 Pardon my ignorance but what is LDR? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
RakshaTheCat Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 49 minutes ago, KittKatz said: Pardon my ignorance but what is LDR? Thanks. Long Distance Relationship I think Link to post Share on other sites
Squirrel Combat Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 I was on Acebook for quite a while. And I managed to maintain a LDR with a lady on there for eight months before we finally spent an evening together in Copenhagen. 😁 She and I are no more, but it was totally worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
douwd20 Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 Sadly as we know with only 1% of the world being ASEX the dating sites are virtually useless once you throw in geography and compatibility constraints. As an older ASEX I've come to the conclusion I will have to be sexual even if it is not my authentic self. The decades and decades of loneliness get to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Meta4icalMe Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 Scarletlatitude, you sound very busy as well as a introvert who prefers solitude, but are you Asexual or is it a life choice? I’m curious and I don’t mean my question to sound rude so, please forgive me if it does....For me being Asexual isn’t about what’s going on in my life rather it’s about completely having no sexual needs or the drive for sexual contact. I’m a sexual void, as are the other true Asexuals that I know. Hope you don’t mind me asking. Link to post Share on other sites
Chloe88 Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 I was on ace-book but deleted my account. Basically, you get shit loads of "hi" or "hey" or "how are you" messages from people who can't string a sentance together or just can't be bothered to. The people who I did talk to were not interested in meeting up ever and basically appeared to spend all day logged on because there is a green icon which shows if someone is online. It was a total waste of time for me. Who knows, you might have better luck. Yes, I did have a good picture of me showing my face. Link to post Share on other sites
Pulsewave Posted February 27, 2019 Share Posted February 27, 2019 I've been on multiple dating sites, main two were Acebook and Asexualitic, the latter which I even paid for at the time, I didn't really find anyone close to me or anyone I thought I could have a relationship with, lot of people seem to just be looking for online chat buddies. This was years ago and I have long since deleted all the accounts because I just gave up. Unfortunately as the months and years roll on I just feel more and more lonely and isolated desiring a romantic relationship but knowing I'll never have one. I get plenty of attention from women at work but they're all sexual women and I know them well enough to know they'd never be with an Asexual so I don't even bother asking anyone on dates. It's pretty depressing but I guess I'm learning to live with it by finding things to keep my mind occupied. Link to post Share on other sites
uniQChick Posted March 23, 2019 Share Posted March 23, 2019 I was thinking to browse around these dating sites, but after reading your posts and talks about low rate of success, I’m going to refrain from joining them. Unfortunately, there is no Meetup group in my area. Thank you all for your input! Link to post Share on other sites
warrior Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 I can only comment on ace-book, ACEapp, and this site. There just aren't enough of us around. And like all humans, we, too, have our "types" - not to mention age ranges and other preferences - all of which narrow it down even more. Luckily I like dogs and cats. They're a lot easier to get along with than humans, anyway. And I have friends. But still there's that nagging need for a soul-mate which - if you observe the world and ALL relationships in general, few people really have. Relationship drama seems to be the overwhelming norm rather than the exception. Link to post Share on other sites
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