Squishy cake

Have you ever mistaken a squish for a crush?

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Wolf_Dragon303

I’ve had one alterous crush and the rest were squishes. I should’ve realised this when I could ‘tone down’ My supposed crushes and didn’t have anything more than an attraction for my squished and no romantic thoughts with my crush...

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Whistle

I'm in a constant state of not knowing if i'm dealing with a crush or a squish.

 

I grew up assuming whatever kind of crush thing i got was romantic bc I didn't know you could be anything but straight. After I got married, I learned that I was ace and came to ID as aro as well, and recontextualized old crushes with that in mind. But now that I'm (happily) divorced and have another crush/squish/something I'm having difficulty identifying what it is. I think, there's a possibility that in my relationship with a non-ace I've come to associate romance and sex very strongly, such that my definite aceness makes me think I don't want romance either. But I think maybe I just don't know what romance might look like without the threat of romantic gestures escalating into sexual ones. Maybe. So I've been considering and re-recontextualizing those experiences.

 

I have some form of crush on a guy now, where I can't tell if it's a crush that is lightly romantic in nature or if I just admire/adore him / hold him in very high regard. I certainly want him to think somewhat highly of me as well, and I appreciate any interaction I get with him. And it seems more intense than I feel about, say, my best friend who i've generally felt is my closest thing to a soulmate (who i've expressed in the past that i'd be down to QPR with) but I don't know like... what this feeling indicates. The more I research the topic, the more I get "could be affectionately platonic or light romantic, entirely up to personal interpretation" it seems. 

 

tldr: I am absolutely confused. squish? crush? something alterous? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

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Dedicated to Baking

I had a squish on an acquaintance that lasted for 4-6 years. If I'd known what a squish was at that point I would have easily realised it wasn't a crush. The biggest clue would have been when I realised that I had the ability to ask them out myself, but held back because they might have said yes and then I would've had to actually date them.

After I realised I was AroAce I developed a squish on someone the day I met them, and it was a great feeling to know that's all it was. In that case the squish went away in only a few days.

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Squirrel Combat

Squish and crush still seem nearly the same thing. I guess the distinction being that you act on a crush.

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Anthracite_Impreza
13 minutes ago, Squirrel Combat said:

Squish and crush still seem nearly the same thing. I guess the distinction being that you act on a crush.

You can act on a squish too, it's just that acting on a squish would mean being friends with them.

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omgimace

the whole ~squishes~ thing is kinda a giant plot twist because i've always thought that people were crushes to me but i only wanted to be friends with them or to get closer but never romantically

the thing that's confusing to me is that i "liked" them for years and it was all really similar to what is defined as ~being in love~

and yay my overthinking mind is like BUT WHAT IF *blahblah* for example i'm not very social and there's anxiety and avoidant personality disorder and stuff like that in my life and that makes me wonder if i'm just not healthy mentally or am i actually like this

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Strifed

Yes! I never knew what a squish was until I joined this site, and then I realized all my feelings I had when I was in school were squishes. I wanted to get to know these people as just people and stay up late playing video games/chillin'/eating pizza. I wanted to be close to them and talk to them a bit, so it's why I had mistaken it as a crush since everyone else around me talked about how they wanted to be close to someone too, but looking back on it they meant in a sexual/romantic way 😅Even though I didn't know what squishes were back at the time, I think my big hint was when anyone wanted to be more than friends it made me feel weird and uncomfortable, and it made me kinda sad that the people I just wanted to hang out with wanted to be something more. It kinda killed it for me that I knew they were thinking naughty things and I was just trying to find someone to play Pokemon with. But anyway, I'm glad I understand what squishes are now!

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PlasticandMetal

well, that's a mood. i have squishes for fictional characters most of the time, never actually had a crush though. i had "dated" two boys when i was younger, but it wasn't really out of a reciprocated crush but out of "well, he's nice" and feeling like they'll hate me for saying no. 

 

then comes along middle school and getting shipped with every boy i talk to. 

 

but yes, i have. i've never really crushed on anyone. 

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EvaLeone

This is actually pretty wild. I’ve heard of squishes, but I’ve never really understood what they were.

There was this guy in one of my classes last semester who I just adored. I thought he was so great, and I didn’t want to be romantic with him, I just wanted him to be my friend and talk to me and be in my life, so much so that the thought of not talking to him again after the semester was over literally would bring me to tears. I thought I was insane, because the only language I could access to describe this feeling was associated with romantic love, but I was pretty sure that that was not what I wanted. I think it was my first super-intense squish. I also do have romantic crushes though. I had one major one when I was 11-12 and I haven’t crushed on anyone that hard since, so I think I’m kind of forgetting what it feels like? Now when I feel romantic feelings for someone it’s super fleeting and I feel like it’s me desiring attention more so than being attracted to these people, but idk. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately lol.

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Nettaiurin

Yes twice. Once while i was 13 or 14 for a good friends cousin that i was chatting with regularly for at least 6 month.
And the second time was when I was 16 for one of my best friends in my group.

I think both times i just convinced myself that it was a crush because everybody else was talking about their crushes. So because of that as soon as i got along better with one of the guys i didn't get to know over my brother, i just figuered that this feeling must be, what they were talking about.💁‍♀️

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Celyn

It's difficult when it's a deep feeling for someone you know well that's ~already~ your friend. I think we need another word that means "want to be in a QPR with".

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Winter Spirit ❅

Many times. You think because you feel more strongly about them than the majority of other people that it must be romantic. It's especially confusing for me because I very rarely connect with people.

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Greywulf
10 hours ago, Winter Spirit ❅ said:

Many times. You think because you feel more strongly about them than the majority of other people that it must be romantic. It's especially confusing for me because I very rarely connect with people.

Ditto.

 

Looking back, I think all of the 'crushes' I thought I'd had may have just been squishes. And that makes sense to me, because there were no urges on my part, no desire for sex, or to touch, to hold, to kiss. Nothing. Most of them I didn't even feel the desire to talk to. I wasn't compelled to interact with them in any way, just a 'feeling' I got whenever I noticed them. 

 

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Lunala

I have. All my past "crushes" (all on fictional characters, never real people) were actually squishes.

 

I have a squish at the moment and it's amazing but also kinda crazy because every 5 seconds my brain thinks about how much I want to hug him (the fictional character who is my squish)

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Barbio

I once had a "squish" on a girl in the third grade who I never for a second thought was anything more than just a "friend crush", since I hadn't been taught yet that same-sex romance was a thing.

 

But in high school, I did have another squish, this time on a boy. I knew in my head that it was nothing more than a "friend crush" and that I never wanted to pursue any sort of relationship with him beyond just friendship, but because I thought I was straight at the time, part of me wondered if this actually was a crush and I was just denying my "true feelings". I questioned myself for years before I finally stumbled upon the term "squish", then I had a big "HA! I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG!" moment. :-)

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BeADreamer
On ‎10‎/‎23‎/‎2018 at 10:30 PM, banana monkey said:

I had different definitions to the ones in this thread. Mine were - Squish - someone you desire to be friends with. ( any type of friendship) Crush - someone you desire to be in a romantic relationship with. However, I get that most people use squish as - someone you desire an intimate friendship/qp partnership with and if that definition is used I really cant tell the difference no matter how hard I try. Never have been able to. Does anyone have any tips? I would love to be able to determine if my feelings for someone were squish or crush as I keep changing my mind. 

Imagine kissing the person on the lips. If you could see yourself enjoying it, crush. If you think to yourself, what in the world am I doing trying to imagine this? -squish. Of course this wouldn't necessarily work for someone who is romance-repulsed (and therefore would probably experience the latter in either situation), but that's how I tell the difference.

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banana monkey
6 hours ago, BeADreamer said:

Imagine kissing the person on the lips. If you could see yourself enjoying it, crush. If you think to yourself, what in the world am I doing trying to imagine this? -squish. Of course this wouldn't necessarily work for someone who is romance-repulsed (and therefore would probably experience the latter in either situation), but that's how I tell the difference.

Thanks for the input - I can kinda get what you mean from my last relationship, however where I am confused what I mean is I think there are some people I would QP with whom I would kiss. I kinda want that in a QP relationship. Similarly for me i think it may be that for a relationship to be romantic does not necessarily mean I would want to kiss them, but I may be wrong there. I suppose each act can have a different meaning for each person, ie I would say most traditional romantics would consider the desire to spoon romantic but many people in QP relationships do that together (I certainly have) and still consider it a platonic act. 

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