How Did You Figure Out You Were Asexual?

[Sotapanna]

I made it to my 40's before I really got it, I was married, 2 kids, (no longer married)

First relationship post divorce?  confused....    
lotta things led to my missing it--  
religious upbringing, (strangely, I had no problem waiting til I was married)
lack of experience, being weird in other ways...   there was no outside interest when I was younger.

lotsa people questioned that I might be gay at some point in my life--  including myself more than once..  

One Christmas Eve, I chanced to be reading something, and dove into reading more.
I realized--   every single sex act of my life, wasn't BDSM stimulus but rape equivalent 
(I have kids 'cause my wife hurt! me...  the only way I've ever had penetrative sex....)
I thought I was a masochist..  (I am submissive by temperament, and my porn has always been femdom and text, never visual)

Turns out,  the same stuff that 'got me going' is all to be found in peoples 'survivors experiences' from female on male rape..
actions, methods, a totality of physical stimulation, leading to capability...  

to which I say, sardonically,  Bite me.

 

[advd]

Wow. Thank you all for taking the time to share your stories and read mine. I'm really happy to see that so many of you have found solace and self-acceptance through this community.

 

Reading all of your experiences, there's still something about the label of "asexuality" that doesn't seem to fit. Maybe it's just because I've yet to have a sexual experience (or frankly even a real romantic one)... It's almost like I feel I might be asexual by default; because it hasn't "happened" for me yet, I'm trying to assign some sort of reason for that outside of my generalized/social anxiety around people. Although I've definitely found myself again and again in a position, among my friends especially, as being slightly repressed and naive when it comes to things of a sexual nature (that being said, I've learned to be pretty good at making filthy jokes and its funnier when it comes from the person they least expect). I can't help but wonder if its something innate, like asexuality, or just a shyness I need to learn to get over. 

 

On 1/31/2017 at 0:17 PM, daveb said:

But I don't think I would have figured out I was asexual if I hadn't tried to have sex with a woman I loved. 

So I'm fairly confident that I am romantic and what I'm starting to suspect is that some form of asexuality is getting in the way of that, because so often nowadays people seem to operate in reverse (sex first, romance later). I keep imagining having the opportunity to have sex with someone I really care about one day and being scared out of my mind that it will be a litmus test for whether or not I'm asexual. Because the concept of "losing it" isn't stressful enough as it is... 

 

 

[goldyace]

I got into reading webcomics late into highschool some sexy some not. Eventually I was like why am I nothing like the people I read about! One comic was a journal type thing about an ace guy and his ace sister. The sister read the same stuff I did and was totally out and ace about it. It was the first time I took note of asexuality. I was like 'hey thats me! There are other people like me and theres a word for it!' So I searched asexuality and found aven and a youtube channel called sexplanations and slowly began to cave out my ace identity.  

[J.T. Grey]

When I looked up why I couldn't stand seeing sex scenes in movies.

[Annie9]

For me, it just came naturally, i guess. Maybe during sex Ed.

[ShiniTheGami]

A kiss and a lot of soul searching.

[ManPlush]

On 04/02/2017 at 5:43 AM, advd said:

Wow. Thank you all for taking the time to share your stories and read mine. I'm really happy to see that so many of you have found solace and self-acceptance through this community.

 

Reading all of your experiences, there's still something about the label of "asexuality" that doesn't seem to fit. Maybe it's just because I've yet to have a sexual experience (or frankly even a real romantic one)... It's almost like I feel I might be asexual by default; because it hasn't "happened" for me yet, I'm trying to assign some sort of reason for that outside of my generalized/social anxiety around people. Although I've definitely found myself again and again in a position, among my friends especially, as being slightly repressed and naive when it comes to things of a sexual nature (that being said, I've learned to be pretty good at making filthy jokes and its funnier when it comes from the person they least expect). I can't help but wonder if its something innate, like asexuality, or just a shyness I need to learn to get over. 

 

So I'm fairly confident that I am romantic and what I'm starting to suspect is that some form of asexuality is getting in the way of that, because so often nowadays people seem to operate in reverse (sex first, romance later). I keep imagining having the opportunity to have sex with someone I really care about one day and being scared out of my mind that it will be a litmus test for whether or not I'm asexual. Because the concept of "losing it" isn't stressful enough as it is... 

 

 

It can certainly be hard living in uncertainty. I'm 28 and was pretty much in "we'll see what happens and I don't care anymore" mode since a few years ago. I was unhappiest around 24 because I didn't have an explanation for me finding women attractive, fantasizing about them, but when I was actually with them I only wanted to cuddle and certainly not have sex. But I also masturbated so... What then?? I thought it was a side-effect of my asocial tendencies; I became a recluse and abandoned social life (I'm better now, luckily, still awkward though!)

 

Now, I discovered that asexuality existed pretty recently, but as I was reading more and more about it I kept finding similarities.

I realized that my fantasies never occurred when the person was present, only when they were away.

I realized that I masturbated either out of boredom or because I wanted to feel good for a while.

I realized that while I liked the sight of breasts and butts, unlike my male peers, it's in a "oh, pretty!" kind of way.

I think I might want a romantic relationship, but I haven't had something resembling that in 10+ years so that's maybe not vital to me!

 

So that's my cis male personal perspective, but there's a lot of variance on the spectrum. Some don't feel the desire to have romance, cuddle, or kiss.

 

Personally, realizing all this and putting a name on it, and finding others like me, I haven't felt this happy about myself in... I don't remember when

 

If you haven't already, I advise you to check the Helpful info for those questioning their (a)sexuality thread, it might help you further!

[Félinferno]

My story is pretty short and simple.

So, throughout my entire life, especially through my teenage years, I knew I wasn't like other people. Everyone else I knew were fantasising over meeting someone and having sex with them, but I was not. I, on the other hand, was just weirded out by the whole idea of sex.

When it came to highschool, everyone had boyfriends and girlfriends, with many wanting to start sexual relationships with them, and that's what some of them did.

Confused me sat there thinking "Why? Why do people want to have sex? It's gross". I was also never sexually attracted to anyone. The only attraction I ever had was purely aesthetic. So when other girls told me to look at the so-called "hot" guy, I shrugged, while they were drooling over him and talking about getting into bed with him.

Anyway, so fast forward to my final year of school (last year to be exact). I was on another forum and came across a thread asking about different members sexualities and genders. Of course on the list were ones I had already heard about before (gay, bi-sexual, trans, etc), but many of them I had never heard of before, so I looked them all up. Made my way through the gender list, and down into the sexuality list, and that's were I found it. Asexuality.

I looked it up on Google, and I realised something. That was me.

The lack of sexual desire, lack of sexual attraction, etc. It was exactly how I had felt my whole life.

That was the day I found out I was ace, and well, the rest is history I guess 

[Azrael]

First time I had sex I thought : well that was really boring. Why is everyone so crazy about it. 

 

I was just tired of being called the Virgin. 

 

Amused how my guy friends Lose their minds when it comes to women where as I am clear headed and somewhat apathetic. I do like women and hanging out with them but sex just seemed like a boring thing to do. 

[Lorna81]

On 29/01/2017 at 2:13 AM, advd said:

I'd imagine what would happen if he'd ask me out, but could never make a move myself. Sex didn't really factor into the equation until college, when it became evident that most relationships at my school started with sex and became romantic afterwards. I really hate that idea.

I know exactly what you mean about being unable to make a move and being put off by sex. I've felt like this all my life. Being brought up in a sexual culture I used alcohol for many years as a way of pushing through my asexuality to force myself to have sex. It's caused both me and my partners a lot of heartache. Coming back to this old problem in a relationship I had hoped would stay a friendship, but the other person wanted more led to me researching lack of interest in sex - I've wondered if I'm autistic, alexythymic (someone who can't express emotions) or whether it's caused by suffering from anxiety. Yet when I got down to it the core of the matter is that I don't experience sexual attraction or desire - I'm asexual. Lightbulb moment! At 35 years old I finally understood. If I'd known I was asexual at 22 it would have saved me and a few other people a lot of pain.

 

On 29/01/2017 at 2:13 AM, advd said:

 I very much want to be in an intimate relationship and it bothers me that I might not be interested in sex - that it makes me nervous. I can someone imagine doing it with someone now, but only out of forcing myself to.

I feel a similar way. I've tried the forcing and wouldn't recommend it - you and your partner would only end up hurt. Perhaps a better way of gaining intimacy is to find an asexual partner?

[9Lives]

I'm tempted to say, divine intervention, but that does sound a bit melodramatic.

 

In truth, it was a process. I went from being not interested in boys to thinking "huh, you probably should be interested", to dating one and thinking "nah", to falling in love with my best (female) friend and thinking "hm, maybe I'm bisexual?", to dating another boy and "okay, maybe gay?", to dating first one girl, then another, to "that didn't work, did it?" (I've excluded the dating attempts that never made it to the relationship stage)

 

After I broke up with my last girlfriend, I randomly googled "asexuality". I don't even know how the term had entered my mind, I must have read or heard it somewhere, half-consciously. In any case, it was a revelation.

 

[Diamond Ace of Hearts]

SUPER-LONG POST AHEAD. Sorry, if I become more active on here you will come to learn that most of what I post is either pointlessly short or annoyingly long. Thanks for bearing with. Also, some people are named in this post, but the names have been changed, I've never known anyone called Ivy, Kerry or Chrissy at all and Tasha's not the person's actual name either.

 

So, how did I figure out I was ace?

 

Well, as it says over there (<) I'm still not 100% sure but on some level I've "known" I was Ace (I'm going to go with "known" for expediency) pretty much since I was 8 or 9; nearly two-thirds of my life. At first I thought I was gay because... well mostly because the other kids always called me gay and I had a feeling I wasn't straight (I personally don't think of Heteroromantic as straight).

 

Later on, maybe about the age of 18, after years of passing for straight and becoming more and more sure I wasn't, I began to theorise about sexuality. I concluded that I probably wasn't gay, or at least I wasn't any more gay than I was straight, and I didn't seem to be bisexual. I came up with the concept of asexuality without naming it or knowing that anyone else had thought this way before. I still didn't know it was a thing but I "knew" it's what I was. Then I read something about asexual characters in fiction and - probably because the article was not particularly enlightened - I saw it as a writing device/technique, but I also thought "what if it could happen in real life? That could almost be me." Then a couple of years later I was at university and less sure of things, sexuality-wise, but I heard somewhere that asexuality was actually a thing, I don't know if it was through friends in the LGBTQ+ society or if I just gave in and googled it but I suddenly had some reading material and some thinking to do. I became more sure on one level that I was asexual, on another I was sceptical.

 

The problem was the ladies in my life: I'd gotten as far as theorising that romantic attraction could be different from sexual attraction, but I didn't believe they could be separate. I never even considered that aesthetic attraction could be different again and separate. And I'd felt romantic and aesthetic attraction. Damn, I'd felt them. Throughout all these stages of coming to know myself there was always a girl I was attracted to. At 8, when everyone called me gay, it was Tasha; she was the smartest kid in school, probably smarter than all the older kids, even. I don't know if everyone here is familiar with what we in Britain at that time called "times tables" - a method of learning multiplication that included simply memorising all the multiples of a number up to a certain level (1x1=1, 2x1=2..., 2x3=6..., 10x20=200 etc.) - but one day Tasha got up in front of the class and recited some times tables backwards. In a world of other kids who struggled to do half of the times-tables the right way 'round I found that, to borrow from the allosexual phrasebook, hot. I was smitten. She moved away. Between then and uni it was Ivy at secondary school and then, while I was theorising in college, Chrissy, both long-time friends who I thought I'd fallen in love with.

 

I re-evaluated that notion when my first year of uni started and Kerry entered my life. This was love. I really had no interest in sex with her but I ignored that feeling or repressed it or whatever; I loved her, I wasn't going to muddy the waters with theorising about asexuality. Anyway, as I said, I wanted to believe that romantic and sexual (and aesthetic) attraction could be separate because then I would make sense but I couldn't see how it could be so. Therefore I rejected, with a heavier heart than I cared to admit, the notion that I might be ace and began to steel myself for telling this woman I loved her. Kerry got a boyfriend before I could make a move and I spent the next six years nursing my broken heart, still refusing to believe that the reason I'd hesitated was that I was (maybe) ace. In truth it probably wasn't all of the reason, but I don't doubt now that it played a part.

 

I finally got over it last year and began to look in more detail at the concept of asexuality; reading the stories and experiences of ace people, realising that there was some credence to the belief that romantic attraction was indeed separate from sexual attraction and learning that some people even thought there was another kind; aesthetic. It started to click into place; who gets sexually attracted to someone because they're smart? No-one I know. I'd liked Tasha because of, I don't know, intellectual attraction (is that a thing?). My feelings for Ivy and Chrissy were a blend of aesthetic and romantic attraction; I'd never had a serious sexual thought about either of them, despite being in that hormonal minefield of puberty for most of both infatuations.

 

So, over the past 7 months or so I've been slowly coming 'round to the idea that I may be ace. The longer it goes on, the more I lean towards thinking I am, but I still have doubting days. I decided almost subconsciously to identify - internally - as ace for a while, to see how it feels, if this is really who I am. The first big test arrived almost immediately. During a pointlessly long interview/training process for a potential new job I was forced, for the first time since changing my identity, to come face-to-face with people for an extended amount of time. I experienced mild attraction for two people in that time but this time I was able to examine these feelings as they happened and compare them with my new identity. Again I found that both were mixtures of aesthetic and romantic attraction, with maybe some intellectual thrown in, but as far as I could tell I still wasn't getting the sexual feelings.

 

And then, after I turned that job down for a better one, I met another lady and experienced feelings almost as intense as those I'd had at university. I tentatively examined them and again found very little to suggest sexual attraction, it's been about five months now and though the attraction has grown ever stronger I've not really felt sexually about her yet. Because she's straight and I really want to do something about my feelings, I've had to consider sex. My conclusion so far has been that I would do stuff if she wanted to, but my heart's greatest desire - equal to her feeling about me like I do about her - is that she's been secretly ace this whole time.

 

And that's how I came to be 80% sure I'm ace. In the course of writing this, I've been re-evaluating stuff, dredging up memories to help answer the question and I think I've started to teeter towards 85%.

 

Whew, that was intense.

[cheshers]

I started identifying as asexual yesterday. That's right, yesterday. I haven't told a soul, and quite frankly, I'm a little nervous. I started dating someone in December, but the relationship is long distance so I haven't had to worry about him trying to instigate anything sexual. That I worried about it in the first place should've been an indication that I wasn't heterosexual like I've always believed, but up until yesterday I've never given it enough thought. Anyways, he's coming to see me for an entire month in March, so I'll more than likely end up telling him at some point--but that's a bridge I can worry about crossing later on when he's actually here, and it's not the question you asked, so here goes.

 

There's a new show called "Riverdale" on Netflix that I really enjoy based on the characters from the Archie comics. I've been enjoying it so much, in fact, that I took it upon myself to watch some interviews on Youtube with the cast. In one of said interviews, Cole Sprouse (who plays Jughead) mentioned that there's a version of the Archie comics that suggests Jughead could be asexual. It was then, in this exact moment, with Cole Sprouse on the screen of my laptop explaining how he thought it was really cool for the writers to give their audience that possibility for Jughead, that I related. Of course, it didn't take me long afterwards to jump into research, and that lead me to AVEN. 

 

I had one semi-serious relationship prior to the one I'm currently in, and reflecting upon how that relationship went and why it ended suddenly feels a lot clearer now that I've accepted the very likely chance that I'm asexual. Him and I never had sex, but he really wanted to. It got to the point where he'd try to initiate it every single time he visited from school despite the countless times I told him I wasn't ready/I would initiate it when I was ready. It's worthwhile noting that I had no interest in initiating it, and that it's something I said for his benefit. At the time, thinking I was heterosexual, I'd sometimes be curious enough about sex and what it's like (I'm still a virgin) to think I'd want to initiate it the next time we hung out, but every time we got together those feelings disappeared. We'd kiss, he'd try, and I'd put a stop to it. I have one explicit memory of our relationship where we were in bed and he took his shirt off. He looked me in the eye and said "you look disgusted". I denied it instantly, but he seemed to be quite offended by whatever expression I was making. 

 

There has been a lot of clues lying around as I've blindly walked through my life as a heterosexual. I wish I would've picked up on it sooner, or known more about it sooner to consider it a possibility, but it's better late than never. I can honestly say that this is the most content I've felt in a long time.

[aeimquy159]

I took me 11 years to realize I'm asexual. The first time I had sex at 24 it was kind of a letdown and I didn't orgasm but I figured I was just nervous. I proceeded to serial date/whore around and spent years of time in serious relationships over the next decade. Through all those experiences there was a common theme of sex feeling like a chore. Eventually I had been around the block enough that I knew I didn't enjoy sex in any form. That's when I knew I'm Asexual.

 

Parallel to all of this I was also becoming aromantic. I saw everyone around me in love and happy in relationships but I never understood how people could be so happy giving up their lives for someone else. I always felt restricted by romantic relationships. I came to understand that one human only offers another human three things: sex, children and companionship/support. I don't care about the sex, I can't have kids and the companionship/support was too suffocating. None of it was worth the sacrifice of my time and passions. Companionship from friends was far superior. I realized that a romantic partner had nothing to offer me and my life was too rich and enjoyable to be willing to make space for a romantic partner. So today I'm asexual/aromantic.

[Mauru]

Reading the opening post is like reading about myself. Every word I can totally relate to.

 

In high school all the girls were talking about boyfriends and crushes, and I just wasn't interested. I thought it was the "late bloomer" deal. Later it was the "haven't met the right person yet". Then I thought something must be wrong with me, cause I have never been attracted to anyone, and no one has ever indicated they may be attracted to me. So I made myself try online dating, thinking I need to get out and start meeting people. But it felt like a chore, and I realised I am looking forward to going home and reading a book more than meeting another guy. But the one good thing to actually came out of this, was one guy who asked if I was asexual (after I admitted I have never been in a relationship). I had no idea what that meant. So I looked it up, and I thought that might be it. I'm not 100% sure I'm asexual, but I feel a bit of relief. Maybe it is the "haven't met the right person yet", but if not, then that's ok too. I feel like for the first time in my life I'm giving myself permission to be alone and be ok with it. 

[SithAzathoth WinterDragon]

I knew I was by middle school in the early 2000's. I was not and still not wanting to be sexual and never have been, I was not going after boys like the rest of the girls around me. I always stayed to myself and avoided males that tried to flirt, I was sickened by them hitting on me, even when I was in high school I was never like the other girls. I stayed to myself and hung out with my science teacher in her classroom during lunch or hung out with another science teacher and help feed the snakes. I then found AVEN and in April 2016 I became a member. I've only told a few and will not say anymore to anyone else. My former bagpipe trainer was the first to know and she respects me, I later told my mom(not blood or related) and....well she has no respect. 

[Grisi]

For me, I started considering myself as part of the asexual spectrum because I never so much as crushed on a boy since kindergarten. I have found a total of two (real life) men aesthetically attractive since then, but I've never seen anyone and thought about being in a relationship with them without my grandmother putting the thought in my head first by trying to play matchmaker. I've never recieved that type of attention (apart from one incident in middle school) from anyone either. I guess this either means that I'm not putting out 'interested' pheremones or I just have an odd sense of beauty and I'm a lot uglier than I think.

 

Honestly though, the idea of never having sex hasn't really bothered me. Sure, it might be nice, but you can't miss what you never had. Don't mistake this for low libido, because I have a rather high one along with an ample dose of kinkiness. It's just that the idea of actual sex seems... like something I could do without.

[Kavess]

Maybe I'm just young, but when I thought about relationships I thought about them only in romantic way, sex kind of rejects me, I didn't understand how someone would want to have sex. Then I saw something about asexuality and I'm really glad that it happened. I feel proud of that and I hope that in the future I'll find someone, who will understand me 

[EnterCreativeName]

I actually never thought about relationships or anything, my friends never really talked about that stuff either. I just went through middle school and early high school never giving it a single thought.

 

I believe it was my Sophomore year though, when we had a GSA assembly at school. The assembly mostly focused on the LGBT, and the last slide of their presentation squeezed in pan, ace, and gray right when the bell rang. I still didn't give it much thought until afterwards, when one of my friend jokingly told me, "You must be lesbian or asexual." That's what got me. I shrugged it off and gave it more thought over the summer. It wasn't hard for me to Google it and know that I am asexual, along with aromantic a day later. 

[discotree]

When I was with my first gf. I was very curious about sex and wanted to experience it but when we had our first time I didn't feel anything, it was very disappointing and awkward... 

[DemiGeekGoddess]

I knew that there was something different about me in childhood. I didn’t necessarily know anything about the asexual term back in the 80’s and 90s but I knew that I had a different opinion. As a child, I would find myself unamused when prematurely exposed to sexualized concepts whether it be from babysitters, friends, or childhood playground interactions based on dirty jokes or exchanges that the children probably overheard or witnessed by some other adult. I always found it absurd but as a child, I was keen I could pick up on these concepts early. I learned from them. So it wasn’t a surprise that when in challenge, I kind of knew what decisions to make. This infuriated my religious groups because in even non sexual related challenges, they didn’t know why I’d spiritually knew certain things and for that I were punished. I shook it off. When I went to college, I became more exposed to the “secular” world. It allowed for me to create an identity for myself. When dating, I would reference sex as something societally deontological based upon a duty or obligation. I never wanted it, craved it, nor liked it. To me “it was like that job task that was a part of the job description on a daily job that you just dreaded doing.” But societally, I knew I had to in order to play in this crazy game of life. It was everywhere, the boys in high school nor college weren’t interested in getting to know the girls nor marrying them. They were too young. They were simply following the orders of “Ja Rule – between me and you, Ludacris Splash waterfalls, and the bloodhound gang’s infamous discovery channel song.” Even back then, I knew what the overriding societal theme was and I knew that it didn’t match my opinion. I remember becoming confused with my religious organizations after being heavily encouraged to participate in romantic relationships to the point of ad nauseum. I remember living in a century or era in my teen prime and early twenties where the radio, television, and even the church had given birth to subliminally sexual references. As it were encouraged, I never understood why the goal was to (generally speaking) condemn me for participating in an act that I felt that I had an obligation to do and that I had never liked in the first place. In solution, I started out with a two year celibacy that I enjoyed. To my surprise, the moment I began engage in the act again out of duty, my world would change and I didn’t like it. This was when I knew that I had a unique sexual preference. I didn’t like it and I held no attraction to anyone. I hit a couple of snags but continued my celibacy until I’d found the asexual group. I am glad to say that I have been happily committed to this group and lifestyle with no sexual interactions at all for over a year now. Now my theme song in reference to sexual orientation is proudly and candidly “Mothica – No one”

[Guest Deus Ex Infinity]

 The doctors put a pile of test results in front of me one day while staying in hospital. It was a hard smash in the face but it all made sense after some time. I was never really interested in sex. I just did and pushed myself into it because everyone else seemed to do and like it and there was no other option back then.

[PittAce92]

On May 11, 2017 at 12:18 PM, Deus Ex Infinity said:

I just did and pushed myself into it because everyone else seemed to do and like it and there was no other option back then

Absolutely my experience as well, especially in the sex-obsessed culture that exists.

 

I would say that I new to the extent of being an aro-ace by late junior-senior year of high school, confirmed in college, but never knew/heard of the term until late 2015, which was the point of identifying as aro-ace.

[StrangeStory]

On 1/31/2017 at 7:10 PM, Arvid of Rivendell said:

I thought "Netflix and chill" really meant Netflix and chill

It does really mean Netflix and chill, i.e., watch Netflix and relax. Just because the masses want to invent yet another silly euphemism for sex doesn't mean we have to recognize it. I'm going to do some Netflixing and chilling tonight.

[call me M]

I'm so glad I found this topic because I've noticed people are telling their stories and it's been a while I've been wanting to tell mine, just didn't know who to tell it to. It's quite long, but bear with me if you can.

Well, I suffered from bullying in school since I was 11, and when I was 17 I started dating a guy for the first time in my life, like ACTUALLY dating, I had two quite bad kissing experiences before that, but when I started dating this guy, I felt like that was THE ultimate acceptance for me, because you know, for 17 year-old girls back then there was nothing better than having a guy liking them, so I was quite proud of myself for doing something the popular kids did, it was a proof that they weren't better than me. Fast forward to 2 years later, our "relationship" (that was never official) ended the worst possible way, though back then I had no idea, now I believe he had been in a long time relationship all along and I had always been lied to. Long story short, he got engaged to his long time girlfriend and though he did break up with me several times, he would eventually get me back, and I was willing to do whatever I could to keep him, that's how sex happened. I guess there's a tweet that says that girls aren't vending machines where guys put kindness coins until sex falls out, but for me it was the opposite, I was putting sex coins expecting that love or at least affection would fall out. I enjoyed the intimacy, but not sex itself. After the end of this affair, which involved me being shamed for something the guy was also guilty of, but got away with, it took me 2 years to recover and start dating another guy, it went on for two months and we never got any close to having sex at all, but in the end he dumped me for my best friend, with whom he had an actual relationship for a year and ruined our friendship for 5 years. From then on I decided I couldn't handle rejection anymore, so unless I found "the right person" I wouldn't get involved with anyone, and since then, 9 years ago, I haven't, and something that started out as a defense mechanism, "it's all right if no one wants, me, I don't want anyone, either", has become my life, and I've realized sex makes no difference in it. Because of my first frustrated attempt at being in a relationship, sex was a terrible memory and the reason why I got shamed and humiliated, so why would I want to do that again? I've had no romantic relationship, either, though I'm not completely averse to it, as long as there's no sex involved.

[Marlow1]

On 1/29/2017 at 2:13 AM, advd said:

 

 

 

https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/kwkway/what-its-like-to-instantly-forget-what-friends-and-lovers-looks-like

 

[LittleLillie]

I figured out this analyzing the notable characteristics that associated with asexuality(no feeling for a romantic relationship, no attractions towards anything, repulsed by lewd things), the only thing is that my asexual like characteristics became more apparent the older I got which seemed odd for the reason most people would get into that stuff I don't like to talk about when they get get older but it's the exact opposite for me.

 

To be honest, I didn't know I was asexual until I was 25(most people often though asexual was someone who can reproduce by themselves) so I wasn't too familiar with the definition of someone who has no naughty desires.

[NickyTannock]

I've known that I was Asexual since I was a teenager.
Early on, I started noticing my friends develop an interest in the sexually appealing physical characteristics of the opposite sex.
They'd talk about women having a "nice ass" or "nice tits", and I didn't understand what they meant.
I noticed the same thing in entertainment, and pretty soon after, I realised they were experiencing some form of attraction that I couldn't.
I figured this was the "sexual attraction" I'd heard about, and at that point, I started to question my sexuality.
I knew I wasn't a homosexual because I felt no attraction to the same sex either, so I discounted that possibility almost immediately.
Fortunately, at that age, I understood what the 'A' prefix meant, so I was able to guess that the name of my sexual orientation might be called Asexual.
And what I've read, has confirmed to me that I was right.
So I knew what I was, and what it was called before I read about it.

[Sweet Potato]

On 3/4/2018 at 4:09 AM, StrangeStory said:

It does really mean Netflix and chill, i.e., watch Netflix and relax. Just because the masses want to invent yet another silly euphemism for sex doesn't mean we have to recognize it. I'm going to do some Netflixing and chilling tonight.

YES! I never understood why Netflix and chill had to mean more than it said. there are a million ways to say come over for sex, you dont need to steal my netflix totally non sexual chilli

[StrangeStory]

22 hours ago, Sweet Potato said:

YES! I never understood why Netflix and chill had to mean more than it said. there are a million ways to say come over for sex, you dont need to steal my netflix totally non sexual chilli

Yes, I'm tired of ordinary words being "stolen". Try talking about erecting something, like a sign post or a tent, and look around for the giggles. And apparently "wood" means something too. I was once at a BBQ and I needed to go to the back of the house to fetch more firewood. I said, "I'm gonna go get wood" and there were laughs. I let them laugh and repeated myself, emphasizing the word "wood". I think I can guess what that one means. Seriously people, let's leave word and phrase definitions to the folks at Oxford...