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How Did You Figure Out You Were Asexual?


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Hi, 

 

I'm a 22 y.o. cis-female currently in the process of questioning her sexuality or lack thereof. During my last couple years of college I - for the first time - became very preoccupied with being in a relationship, as I had never been in one. Never had sex. Never been kissed. I've only even been hit on a total of one time in life. I've never prioritized dating or my crushes, school or social issues with friends always seemed more important. My closer friends throughout high school never disclosed much of their romantic/sexual feelings to me. I never "liked" people often, but when I did, I would get very anxious and methodical about it. I'd imagine what would happen if he'd ask me out, but could never make a move myself. Sex didn't really factor into the equation until college, when it became evident that most relationships at my school started with sex and became romantic afterwards. I really hate that idea. I had never thought about masturbating until it was brought to my attention that it's weird that I haven't and that I'm not knowledgeable/curious about my body. 

 

Within the last year, it occurred to me that maybe the reason that I've never prioritized relationships and why people aren't particularly attracted to me is because I am inherently on the asexual spectrum and don't exude any of the same behaviors, attitudes, (or pheromones?) that other girls do. I very much want to be in an intimate relationship and it bothers me that I might not be interested in sex - that it makes me nervous. I can someone imagine doing it with someone now, but only out of forcing myself to. The late bloomer/"you'll know it when you meet the right person" argument resonates very true, because that's what I've been told my entire life. I took that as a given until now. But the absence of opportunity/conversation because of my not having had sex & lack of prioritizing it is becoming too much to believe that. I can definitely feel romantic attraction though; but I don't usually look at someone and say "damn" just based on appearance.

 

I'm interested in hearing what people think about "my story" and hearing more instances that caused people to question their sexuality/consider the asexuality spectrum. I'm thinking I may fall somewhere in the gray-a or demi-sexual spectrum... but I dunno. Maybe I just have a far below average libido. The more I mull on asexuality, the less it scares me - but it doesn't not scare me. Especially as I'm seeing more and more that the definition seems to include "not minding not wanting sex."

 

Anyway, thanks for reading. 

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Welcome to AVEN!

 

All throughout school I just didn't care, like you. Even when I did my two years in collage, I just did my work and left. I guess you could say I was oblivious to it. It didn't really hit me until a few years ago with coworkers and talking to them. The thought of someone liking me like that (sexually) off that bat severely grosses me out to be blunt. To the few people I've told, I've said that I would only be sexual for the pleasure of my partner, but I don't know if that would change.

 

Onto your second paragraph though. Sometimes giving off a certain attitude or behaviors can be a blessing. An ex-coworker told me that he's never met anyone so 'innocent' as me; him meaning and knowing that I am not really sexual, but he doesn't know of me being asexual. I'm glad I don't give off that vibe cause honestly, I don't know how I'd deal with all the allos in my town.

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PurveyorOfBadPuns

Welcome to AVEN!

 

So when I was in high school I realized I didn't like dudes, so I assumed I must be a lesbian.  Even then, though, other people seemed to notice subconsciously that I wasn't attracted to people.  When I asked a guy in high school if he would kiss me (part of a conversation about people we wanted to kiss that I hadn't really participated in), he replied that he would feel weird about it since it would be like kissing a kid.  When I asked my mom (who still doesn't believe asexuality exists) why no one ever asked me out, she said it was because I didn't make it seem like I was attracted to them.

 

Over time, I realized me being a lesbian didn't make a whole lot of sense since I didn't like women either.  I spent a really long time looking through pictures of random dudes and ladies trying to find someone attractive and decide if I was lesbian, bi, or straight (because I believe in the scientific method and the testing of hypotheses).  I also tried reading erotica/watching porn to try and have fantasies about sex (as it is, all of my fantasies are about cuddling and I've never even had a sex dream).  Eventually, I came across AVEN and found out that other people also didn't feel sexual attraction, which was a blessing because I could finally stop my fruitless quest to find someone sexually attractive.

 

I also feel weird about the definition of asexuality including "not minding not wanting sex" because I very much do mind.  I also mind that I don't feel romantic attraction.  In my mind, I want nothing more than to have a life partner to share things with and hold hands with, but I can't find someone who I feel attracted enough to to try for that.  I also feel like I'm missing out on a lot of experiences that sexual people find pleasurable and that upsets me.

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Hi and Welcome!!!! :D:cake::cake::cake:

I figured out I was asexual last spring. Like you, I was 22 and had never been in a relationship or been kissed. I thought there must be something wrong with me because I was 22 and still a virgin. I wasted so much time worrying about why I hadn't had sex yet, that it never occurred to me to wonder if I even wanted sex. Last spring, I spent a lot of time researching asexuality. I had heard of it before, but always dismissed it as a possibility because I sometimes experience arousal. It took a lot of googling to find people whose experiences resembled my own to figure out that I was actually somewhere on the ace spectrum.

 

You mentioned being unhappy with your lack of desire for sex. I don't know if this will help, but I will point out that we live in a culture which glorifies sex, and emphasizes that we cannot possibly be happy without it. These values may be true for the allosexual majority, but for us asexuals, there is no reason why we can't live happy, wonderful lives completely devoid of sex. It isn't necessary for us, and western culture's obsession with it is a little ridiculous.

 

Don't worry that you don't seem to act or feel like other people. You know best what you think, want and feel, so just ignore society telling you to be a certain way. Only you know what's right for you, regardless of what everyone else says is 'normal'.   

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When I was a teenager, I couldn't join conversations about how hot some girl was. At the time I was interested in having sex because everyone said it was fantastic, essentially I would think of it as a greater form of masturbation. However, it never happened because I was averse of getting intimate with someone else. As I grew older, I found out that sex is not necessarily better than masturbation, and it depends on how much interested you are into doing it with another person. So I completely lost interest in it.

 

While I did heard about asexuality before, it took me a while to take a deeper look. Recently I changed from aromantic to romantic, and the overwhelming feelings made me want to read more about asexuality. I am not sexually attracted to Human bodies, which makes me asexual.

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Welcome! :cake:

My story is strange because during the time of puberty and high school, I did not realise for quite a while that I was significantly different to my peers. I assumed that the wild stories of sex and so on were exaggerated and meant for bravado rather than anything serious. I thought that although some people where highly sexual, there must have been many others who shared my complete lack of interest.

 

It was only after school had finished and time began to march onwards that I started to see that things were changing. Old friends dropped their previous hobbies, interests and willingness to be friendly, and instead all began to hook up with partners, have sex and everything else. Suddenly, it seemed that an epidemic had hit and all my friends had dedicated their lives to this pursuit. It was for them clearly a very strong, incredibly important thing. I still felt like I did before - no interest.

 

I challenegd my own feelings and looked into everything under the sun about sexuality. I thought that somewhere, something would jump out and I would find whatever it was that I was missing. This ended, more than once, in tears. Nothing worked and I still felt nothing towards sex, romance, or any grey area in between. I began to wonder if I was crazy in some way.

 

Then, somehow, and this was back in 2008 when I was using a different account, I stumbled upon AVEN. I searched for something like “not interested in sex” in Google, and it came up. Well...what to say. It was like somebody had came into the room and switched the light on. It all slotted into place at once, like the missing peice of a jigsaw puzzle. I knew then that I was, and always had been, Asexual. The rest is history!

 

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I was on vacation and had a long conversation with some guy I just met and we started talking about relationships. SInce I didn't know him and didn't think I was ever going to see him again, I felt comfortable enough to tell him that I'd never had the urge to have sex with anyone. He found it odd but was also curious and respectful. I remember being very confused after this conversation thinking "what? so sex isn't just a hobby? people crave it as much as they crave food and water?"

 

A few days later when I got back, I thought about this conversation again and remembered how anyone I ever told always thought it was weird that I didn't want to sleep with anyone and that I didn't really want to date anyone. I also remembered that a few years before, a friend jokingly called me asexual when I told him I didn't want to date anyone. I googled the word "asexual" and found AVEN :cake:. I read a few threads and was like "Holly crap, asexuals actually exist. There are other people like me!"

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I was never interested in sex, even though I was friendly with girls. About 10 years ago I saw a newspaper article about asexuality, which mentioned AVEN. Reading up I figured out what I had been dealing with.

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Galactic Turtle

Ello. ^_^

 

During my teenage years I never found myself caring about relationships though because school is the way it is, the gossip that would come from couple A or couple B would be amusing on some front. For the most part I just thought everyone around me was losing their minds and I enjoyed watching. There'd be rumors about what Casey and Arthur did over the weekend at Libbie's party and I assumed it was all exaggerations at best and lies at worst. No matter how old I got, things like sex especially was just something that "older people" did and before I knew it, I was in college and my RA gave me a string of condoms the second my parents left after dropping me off (though I thought they were wet wipes for the first few days). 

 

In college when I consciously made the decision to be open to dating, I still found that it made me uncomfortable. At the time, I never connected "dating" in my mind to "sex" because it was still something "older people" did. It was jarring when a person who I did think was handsome made his obvious sexual feelings for me known. He also genuinely liked me and I tried to imagine being with him. I debated what it would be like kissing him and the thought felt unpleasant so I imagined something as simple as holding his hand and it just seemed wrong.

 

A number of other incidents happened during my college years and by the time I graduated I was a little bit at a mental breaking point. I thought there was seriously something wrong with me. Like you I had never masturbated. I didn't even know girls could masturbate until I was in my twenties. I also have a big issues with people touching me and have a fear of nudity/genitalia in general. I had even confided in my mom at one point about why or when I had to have sex to which she replied "you'll just want to with the right person." But I'm 23 now and have been on AVEN for about a year so I joined at the same time as you, comparatively. Odds are that there really is something wrong with me and the result of that at least looks like asexuality for now.

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CentaurianPrincess

I had thought about sex and I feel what I realize now is romantic attraction. I lost my virginity due to peer pressure. I ended up married. After the divorce I tried a sex a little bit more before deciding I never wanted to do it again because it's so pointless. I've always thought if someone really loved me they wouldn't do this. I cannot love anyone who isn't asexual.

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Welcome to AVEN.

 

Not the best at analysising others story to say "yes you are x" but I thought I'd share my story.

 

When I was 18-20 (not sure but it's within there) a friend asked me if I was asexual.

*record screech*

You are probably wondering how it got to the point he would ask that and how I came up with an answer?

 

Well it probably then jumps back to late primary and early high school. Back then I had my 1 and only girlfriend. It started with me misunderatanding someone asking mebout for said girlfriend (great start :blink:). To cut that long story short, I just ran with it, and she dumped me for not really making any moves in the relationship (I won't deny it as it's true). And it ended before any chance of sex.

 

Throughout School, I was probably the furthest behind knowledge of sex terms and all that. I never had interest in other relationships.

 

Skip to when I was 18, and 1 night I was talking with one of my parents who was bitching (for the more accurate term) about the other who had abandoned the family when I was a baby. Another long story short, I saw a lot in common between me and the parent that abandoned us, and it scared me. I didn't want to have a family as I knew I would be the same. But I was worried about life growing up alone.

 

Around that time, I went to clubs with a close friend who started wondering about me. I just seemed to want to drink, dance and talk. Never paid atte tion to anyone really. He wondered why I didn't seem to want to pull the birds. He invented a term to describe me. To ensure he wouldn't actually embaress us both he googled it to find out it did already exsist, with the exact seem meaning. So he asked, am I asexual? When he explained the meaning My life, in a more boring way than you usually hear,flashed before my eyes, and realised that yes, I am asexual.

 

Discovering that I was ace meant that I can see a good future even if I was alone as I shortly discovered aromanticism too. So I knew my future could be very normal, for myself anyway.

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Mychemicalqpr

I had the good fortune to discover the term asexual earlier than some others at 14 while wiki-walking TVTropes. Like so many though, I didn't realize at first that sexual and romantic attraction could be separate, which is what stopped me from immediately identifying with it despite thinking, "I wish I could be asexual so I wouldn't have to deal with sex." I guess I had a feeling though that I should learn more, because eventually I found my way to AVEN. Once I finally did get the difference between romantic and sexual attraction, it was clear that I'd only felt the former, and then it all made sense.  

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2 hours ago, spacefae said:

I had thought about sex and I feel what I realize now is romantic attraction. I lost my virginity due to peer pressure. I ended up married. After the divorce I tried a sex a little bit more before deciding I never wanted to do it again because it's so pointless. I've always thought if someone really loved me they wouldn't do this. I cannot love anyone who isn't asexual.

I think from reading various posts to try with a sexual person is doomed to failure.

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CentaurianPrincess
48 minutes ago, will123 said:

I think from reading various posts to try with a sexual person is doomed to failure.

But you can always be good friends with them..friendship type of love.

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Just now, spacefae said:

But you can always be good friends with them..friendship type of love.

I guess I was referring to trying to have an exclusive "relationship" as opposed to friendship between a sexual and an asexual person. In the relationship scenarios that have been discussed, the wheels fall off when the sexual person wants sex and the asexual can't reciprocate.

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CentaurianPrincess
1 minute ago, will123 said:

I guess I was referring to trying to have an exclusive "relationship" as opposed to friendship between a sexual and an asexual person. In the relationship scenarios that have been discussed, the wheels fall off when the sexual person wants sex and the asexual can't reciprocate.

I was just explaining more about what I had typed that you highlighted.

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On 29/01/2017 at 3:13 AM, advd said:

Hi, 

 

I'm a 22 y.o. cis-female currently in the process of questioning her sexuality or lack thereof. During my last couple years of college I - for the first time - became very preoccupied with being in a relationship, as I had never been in one. Never had sex. Never been kissed. I've only even been hit on a total of one time in life. I've never prioritized dating or my crushes, school or social issues with friends always seemed more important. My closer friends throughout high school never disclosed much of their romantic/sexual feelings to me. I never "liked" people often, but when I did, I would get very anxious and methodical about it. I'd imagine what would happen if he'd ask me out, but could never make a move myself. Sex didn't really factor into the equation until college, when it became evident that most relationships at my school started with sex and became romantic afterwards. I really hate that idea. I had never thought about masturbating until it was brought to my attention that it's weird that I haven't and that I'm not knowledgeable/curious about my body. 

 

Within the last year, it occurred to me that maybe the reason that I've never prioritized relationships and why people aren't particularly attracted to me is because I am inherently on the asexual spectrum and don't exude any of the same behaviors, attitudes, (or pheromones?) that other girls do. I very much want to be in an intimate relationship and it bothers me that I might not be interested in sex - that it makes me nervous. I can someone imagine doing it with someone now, but only out of forcing myself to. The late bloomer/"you'll know it when you meet the right person" argument resonates very true, because that's what I've been told my entire life. I took that as a given until now. But the absence of opportunity/conversation because of my not having had sex & lack of prioritizing it is becoming too much to believe that. I can definitely feel romantic attraction though; but I don't usually look at someone and say "damn" just based on appearance.

 

I'm interested in hearing what people think about "my story" and hearing more instances that caused people to question their sexuality/consider the asexuality spectrum. I'm thinking I may fall somewhere in the gray-a or demi-sexual spectrum... but I dunno. Maybe I just have a far below average libido. The more I mull on asexuality, the less it scares me - but it doesn't not scare me. Especially as I'm seeing more and more that the definition seems to include "not minding not wanting sex."

 

Anyway, thanks for reading. 

I've never felt sexually attracted to anyone; while the idea of sex doesn't seem particularly unappealing to me, I could never actually imagine myself having sex with someone and really being involved, if you follow me. Crushes were always purely romantic, and I was a bit taken aback by friends who were obsessed with the idea of sex growing up. I blamed it on my autism and general social awkwardness, but eventually, I read about demisexuality, and I could relate to it.

 

I only started identifying as full-on ace a bit later, after finding out that you don't really need to find sex unappealing to be asexual. I certainly could be demi, because I've never had the sort of bond that I would require to feel sexual attraction (and I've never been in a relationship, but I don't really feel like changing that), but I feel like asexual is the most appropriate label I can use right now.

 

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Initially I confused my lack of interest in women as being gay, but quickly realized I'm not into men either.

 

it took many years, but I suppose at my core I always knew. And now I'm happier than ever and out and proud. :-)

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I had no way of knowing about asexuality when I was a teenager, but there was an incident that really convinced me that I was different, somehow. I still smile when I think about it.

 

I was in an 8-week summer camp program, housed amid a bunch of super-hormonal teenage boys. Those in my cabin group soon found out, to their amazement,  that I had no interest in talking or joking about sex. This juicy bit of gossip soon spread throughout our section, and thinking that I simply didn't know "the facts of life", a group of them took it upon themselves to educate me. I think this amused me even then, because I don't remember feeling any concern when they frog-marched me over to a quiet corner of camp, sat me down, and asked me questions. "Have you ever seen a naked woman?" and so on. This was 1969, so this under-the-radar tribunal was accompanied with lots of grins and self-conscious glances back and forth. At the end they were satisfied I knew at least the basics about sex, but it sure confused the hell out of me. Why was THIS so important to everyone?? :o

 

 

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Arvid of Rivendell

I didn't get sexual jokes (I thought "Netflix and chill" really meant Netflix and chill - which means I probably made more than one unintentionally sexual joke) and didn't understand why people would want to do certain sexual activities (once, a friend tried to explain oral sex to me, and I was very confused as to why people would want to do that). Somehow (I don't remember the specifics), I found AVEN, and that was that.

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I never thought I was gay, because I do find women attractive (aesthetically, romantically, and other ways other than sexually) and never felt similarly about guys. But I don't think I would have figured out I was asexual if I hadn't tried to have sex with a woman I loved. I didn't even figure it out at the time, because I didn't know asexuality was even a thing. It finally clicked when I discovered AVEN and could put everything together.

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Hermit Advocate

A herd of unicorns broke into my house one night, sat me down, and told me I was asexual.

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On 1/28/2017 at 9:13 PM, advd said:

Within the last year, it occurred to me that maybe the reason that I've never prioritized relationships and why people aren't particularly attracted to me is because I am inherently on the asexual spectrum and don't exude any of the same behaviors, attitudes, (or pheromones?) that other girls do.

This resonates with me a lot. I've avoided the entire dating scene by some miracle, or, like you said, because I don't exhibit any behaviors that would make me inherently "dateable".

 

On 1/29/2017 at 4:44 AM, Shadow Heart said:

I assumed that the wild stories of sex and so on were exaggerated and meant for bravado rather than anything serious. I thought that although some people where highly sexual, there must have been many others who shared my complete lack of interest.

 

It was only after school had finished and time began to march onwards that I started to see that things were changing. Old friends dropped their previous hobbies, interests and willingness to be friendly, and instead all began to hook up with partners, have sex and everything else. Suddenly, it seemed that an epidemic had hit and all my friends had dedicated their lives to this pursuit. It was for them clearly a very strong, incredibly important thing. I still felt like I did before - no interest.

It's very strange to realize that you're not part of this phenomenon. You keep expecting it to hit you -- but it never does. (I'm speaking for myself; dating or being interested in sex are not mutually exclusive to asexuality.)

 

I don't remember really when I figured it out; but it explained a lot.

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*NEW to AVEN*

I recently began questioning my orientation after beginning a new relationship. During the first month, everything seemed fine; until,  one day after having sex I felt horrible. I wanted to curl up into a little ball and cry. I hated myself, I did not understand. I had previously been sexual and had not experienced this harsh feeling, which has evolved more so to being repulsed by the actions of sex. I began looking into AVEN after running across the word "Asexuality" on Facebook. I did a little research here and there. Thought long and hard about it while trying to figure myself out. I knew this feeling had some reason for being there and I didn't understand. I tried talking it out with my younger brother, but he didn't understand at all and just called me weird. 

 

Growing up I was not into dating or even being sexual.  I was completely confident and understood the topic, just was not urged into it. Thinking back to when I wad 19 and a non-virgin, finally, I understand more about myself. I was not happy. I put myself out there thinking that would make me more satisfied with myself. However,  that was not the solution. 

 

When my identity began to come more understood, by myself, I attempted to explain the concept to my sexual boyfriend. He seemed to understand and be accepting, but to him it does not make sense of how the entire first month of our relationship together we were sexually active together, but now he touches me and I want to start crying (clarification: I am not upset all the time when he touches me). This is difficult to work through and I hope that he can be truly accepting.  I care for him, but my new orientation is hard for him to accept. 

 

I now identify as a Gray-A

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I am still questioning my asexuality. To stop doing so I'd like to analyze how and what I feel falling asleep with an awesome asexual girlfriend in my arms. But that "project" seems abusive to me. First of all: There aren't many asexuals in total. Some of them (would at least make me) suffer from (their) touch aversion. - And last not least: What happens if I come to the conclusion it would be better for me to hit the road and never come back since I am apparently still slightly sexual?

I

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On 1/28/2017 at 11:52 PM, Fox6 said:

... I was interested in having sex because everyone said it was fantastic, essentially I would think of it as a greater form of masturbation.

Ditto this. 

 

Hetero-romantic Ace here.

 

Here's my story: in my teen years, I liked the IDEA of sex, and since my church of origin was Southern Baptist and you weren't supposed to have sex before you were married, it remained a tantalizing idea all the way through college. I got as close to "the real thing" as I could without penetration happening, because it felt good to be "naughty".

 

Enter husband number one (yes, I was a virgin.) He was a total dipshit. Sex was beyond disappointing. Became a chore, then dried up. No touching, nothing.

 

Divorce number one. Fell in love with hubby number two. Very attracted, but sex still disappointing. Again, it became a chore, but because he had an off-the-charts sex drive, insisted we have sex anyway. I hated it. Tried to tell him, but he wouldn't listen because my genitals got wet. He thought I was "repressed" and that someday my sex drive would "emerge". Finally, after 10 years...

 

...Divorce number two. After that, tried sex with many, many different people, both genders, kept thinking, "oh, maybe this is the one..." Nope, every time, after the first week or so, back to a chore. (BTW, "sex" for me includes kissing and nakedness. Just so we're clear.)

 

Married again. He was gorgeous. But nope, same story (I'm a little bit dense).

 

Divorced again. Remarried number two.

 

By this time, I was convinced there was something wrong with me...past abuse? Brainwashing from the church? Weird vibes from my parents? But endless therapy and drugs didn't help.

 

Finally, at the tender young age of 48, it dawned on me that I didn't WANT to be sexual -- AND THAT THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.

 

I Googled "asexual" and found this website. Lo and behold, there was name for my unhappy relationship with sex, and there were even other people like me!

 

Still married. Trying to compromise, but I won't lie to you: it's hard as hell. At the best of times, I kind of enjoy watching him get off. At the worst of times, I have to grit my teeth and he has to "push through" knowing how I feel to get his release. Fortunately, we are now conscious of what's going on, we communicate well, and we're totally open with each other. We might have a chance of weathering it this time.

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22 hours ago, Chorvus said:

I assumed that the wild stories of sex and so on were exaggerated and meant for bravado rather than anything serious. I thought that although some people were highly sexual, there must have been many others who shared my complete lack of interest.

 

 

22 hours ago, Chorvus said:

It's very strange to realize that you're not part of this phenomenon. You keep expecting it to hit you -- but it never does. 

Yes. I resonate with both of these strongly. It's nice not being alone :-)

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PurveyorOfBadPuns
On 1/30/2017 at 2:16 PM, mountainhead said:

I've never felt sexually attracted to anyone; while the idea of sex doesn't seem particularly unappealing to me, I could never actually imagine myself having sex with someone and really being involved, if you follow me.

This is exactly my experience.  I don't mind sex, it's just boring.

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I'm just now starting to come to understand it - but I think my entire journey matters here. So sorry if this is a little TMI or uncomfortable for people. 

 

Things started for me in High School: I was sitting around with my friends and I realized that they talked about masturbating and I was never even interested in that. I tried it, because it seemed like if I started I'd be "normal". Even my friend that identified as asexual then masturbated, so I figured it was something everyone did. I didn't enjoy it, and I didn't understand the "need" or "desire" to do so - and stopped. I figured maybe for me sex was something I'd only ever enjoy with another person. 

 

That said, I was raped at 18. After that, I became afraid of participating in such acts. Then I blamed it on the idea that I had been through this trauma and that's what my problem was. 

 

I started dating other people and I thought sex was a requirement for dating - though I never really enjoyed it. I was able to do participate, but I never got the need or desire. It was whatever.

 

After my divorce, I realized that there was something different about me, and that there was something different in the way I approached sex. So I reached a point that I didn't care - I was who I was. If I ended up alone because I wasn't interested in sex, I ended up alone. And it was going through a journey of what did it meant that I wasn't interested that led to "hey, I really am Ace." and feeling a lot more comfortable in my skin since then. And it's been realizing I have this identity outside of my trauma, but at the core of my being.

 

But I really do resonate with the comment earlier 

 

On 1/31/2017 at 5:44 PM, Chorvus said:

It's very strange to realize that you're not part of this phenomenon. You keep expecting it to hit you -- but it never does.

Because I expected to eventually enjoy some aspect, but I don't. And It's definitely harder to label what isnt there, than to label what is. the Bi-Romantic side of me I had been calling bi-sexual for years. because I thought the fact I was interested in men and women meant bisexual - though I was never interested in the sex. 

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I'm a 58-year-old male.  I never dated at all during high school and college, though I did fantasize and masturbate.  In my 20s I started dating a couple of times a year, through dating services and so on, and once met someone while on vacation and did sightseeing together, but nothing sexual ever occurred.  It just seemed alien to me to do anything like that.  In my late 40s I saw a reference to AVEN on-line, checked it out, and reacted "THAT'S what I am!".  

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