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Compromise


MoonPrincess

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When it comes to mixed relationships between asexuals and sexuals I've seen a lot of talk about compromises and I was wondering if some of you can talk about those compromises in a little more detail on, what was the compromise, how did you come to an agreement, did it or did it not work, the difficulties? 

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I'm an ace in a relationship with a sexual bf.  We've been together for over three years now.  We have a compromise that we have sex often enough that he doesn't go insane with horniness but not so much that I get pissed.  It's important because I have close to no libido and don't even enjoy sex, so the act isn't my favorite thing and can't be all the time, but he can't be celibate and neither can he all but cut it out of his life.  We've adjusted the frequency because of the way our relationship developed, and we'll probably continue to as we get more time together.

 

It developed because it had to.  One of the reasons he stuck with me was because I promised this relationship wouldn't be a celibate one.  Getting to the point of sex was hard, but now we're figuring out how much we can see each other (we live around an hour apart and with school and work we don't get much time together) and how much of that time should be dedicated to sex or sexual stuff.  It's worked so far but hasn't been easy.  I doubt any relationship ever is.  Difficulties are my lack of affection in more ways than just sexual, my preference to just be a limp fish (completely not actively participate in sex basically), and so on.  Communication is the big problem as it's SUPER important that he tells me when I'm just checked out and that I tell him when I'm not in the mood, but it's also important that I don't seem like I'm trying to worm out of sex all together and just pushing it off forever.

 

Sorry if that doesn't help.

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Difficulty: Some sexual partners appreciate being desired / wanted a lot. Letting them initialize and reacting as happily as you'd face another flat tire on your bicycle leaves them unfulfilled. -> Relationship attempt failed due to lack of acting skills.

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Im sexual with an asexual wife. Asexual in the meaning, that she could do without and she have realised that when she before thought that she wanted, then she actually didnt want sex. She is not repulsed by sex, luckily. Normally, it works like this:

once every fourteen days we have sex. Usually initiated by me (of course, since it doesnt pop up in her mind) sometimes it feels like she is a bit disconnected, but normally she likes it, when it is going on. It has to be a bit like a quickie. Very little foreplay, and usually a race towards orgasms. I have one every time. Sometimes she wants me to stop before she reaches hers. 

More than 14 days, makes me very depressed and lonely. Less than fourteen days is to much for her. 

 

How did we get there? Because We talked about why I was so depressed

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