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Newb looking for people to help understand


nobodie2u

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Hi, my name's Jessica, but most people call me Jessie. I am so completely lost. My husband and I have been together for years. When we first got together, we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. After we started having sex, things began to slow down a bit. I wasn't satisfied at the time with our sexual relationship, as far as frequency ( we were having sex 1-2 a month on the average); as far as satisfied with the sex itself-that's never been an issue-it's ALWAYS FANTASTIC!!

It's just continued to get worse from my standpoint. Within the past year & a half, we were having sex an average of every 2-3 months. We got married June of 05 & have only had sex 2 or 3 times since then. The last time that we had sex was October. We didn't even do anything sexual for my 21st birthday. It was completely devasting because we've always done sexual fantasies on each others birthday. Basically all he's got to say for himself is: he's not interested & he doesn't know why, he's fine without it, it's not me, etc. He told me (within the last year) that cuming actually makes him sick to his stomach. And of course, this just totally blew me away. I felt bad for putting him through that, for it taking 3 years for him to tell me. I felt like I was, of course, doing something wrong.

We've pretty much been talking/yelling about our sex life every weekend now for months. He's to the point now, where he doesn't know what else to tell me or do. It feels like he doesn't care because he never shows emotion. I think that I'm too fat or not fat enough (he's dated size 2-30+ waistlined women), I think that I'm absolutely horrible in bed & that its really bad becuz I thought it was great, etc.

My head knows that it's not me, but my heart doesn't. And to make things even better, I found out last weekend that he's been masturbating for the last 6 mths! I'm so completely confused & lost! I just need people to talk to about it; he is sick of talking about it & none of my friends know what to tell me anymore. Talk to me people-I need to understand. I would love to have other sexuals to talk with, but more so I need asexuals to help me understand. :? :cry: :x

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percolator fish

I very very much doubt its anything to do with your looks/appearance etc etc, it does sound like he is asexual, and although you were doing it more frequently at first, it could well have been for your benefit rather than his own. If that is the case, its not a bad thing, as he obviously cares about you enough to do something to pleasure you that he doesnt neccesarily enjoy.

The masturbation thing is meaningless, if you look around here, you see many asexuals do that.

I would definatley suggest to talk about it, maybe even send him here.

If he's not interested in penetrative sex, he may well still be happy enough to give you other forms such as oral, or use a sex toy with you.

Hope this has been of some help... :)

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I will tell ya I have never been in that situation.

However, I hope that you don't loose hope in the situation, or hope that something will happen that will help you grow as a person.

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Hello there!

Since this thread is the same as the one in Welcome and has less replies, I'm going to lock it. You can PM me or any admod if you have a question. :)

--Jesh, Allies mod

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