Tokophobia: Fear of Pregnancy and Childbirth

[Crystal7]

The goal of this poll is to find out how common tokophobia--the intense fear of pregnancy and childbirth--is among AVENites.

 

https://www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/im-pregnant/mental-wellbeing/specific-mental-health-conditions/tokophobia

[m4rble]

I don't experience tokophobia. 

Edit: Well, not exceptionally anyway.

[Snao Cone]

I don't fear pregnancy or childbirth. I certainly don't want to live through them, but I don't have a phobia about it.

[Sea Lemon]

I'm pretty sure I do to some degree - the whole having a womb thing, and the thought of having something growing inside me and giving birth to it just horrifies me beyond words.

[ChillaKilla]

I'm not asexual so I can't answer- maybe having two questions, one for asexuals and one for sexuals?

[Icelime]

I wouldn't say I'm afraid of it. But rather, disgusted by the whole idea.

[Hermit Advocate]

I wouldn't say that I have an overpowering fear of getting pregnant/ giving birth, but I am strongly repulsed. 

[Crystal7]

4 hours ago, ChillaKilla said:

I'm not asexual so I can't answer- maybe having two questions, one for asexuals and one for sexuals?

5 hours ago, CBC said:

I'm not sure how to answer your poll, though. I'm likely much closer to asexual than sexual (grey-a works, but I don't really use that term outside of AVEN), so I guess I'll go with that. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

 

I have edited the poll to add another question aimed at allosexuals. Thanks for the suggestion!

[Busrider]

Poll critique: The mental health link hints that Tokophobia is a females only thing? - So why don't you filter guys out?

I haven't yet been well earning enough to consider child support payments peanuts or possible and for that reason I was maybe a tad overly concerned about contraception.

[Gloomy]

I'm more disgusted by pregnancy than fearful of it. For vanity reasons it's not something I'd want to do to my body. I am fearful of childbirth, but major medical things in general freak me out. Getting my wisdom teeth pulled was hard enough.

[Kuebiko]

I don't think mine's a fear as bad as a phobia, but I wouldn't like it if I got pregnant/had children.

[Crystal7]

1 hour ago, Busrider said:

Poll critique: The mental health link hints that Tokophobia is a females only thing? - So why don't you filter guys out?

I haven't yet been well earning enough to consider child support payments peanuts or possible and for that reason I was maybe a tad overly concerned about contraception.

 

Some men experience tokophobia as well, although of course the implications of tokophobia are different for fertile persons with a uterus than they are for other persons.

 

http://www.omicsgroup.org/journals/tokophobia-among-first-time-expectant-fathers-2167-1044-S3-002.php?aid=62201

[ChillaKilla]

6 hours ago, Busrider said:

Poll critique: The mental health link hints that Tokophobia is a females only thing? - So why don't you filter guys out?

I haven't yet been well earning enough to consider child support payments peanuts or possible and for that reason I was maybe a tad overly concerned about contraception.

Because trans men can get pregnant

[deltaX]

I am very repulsed by the idea of becoming pregnant and giving birth, but not so much that I would call it a phobia.  

[Lemonsky]

It's probably not strong enough to be called a literal phobia in my case, but the idea of giving birth still terrifies me quite a lot. Being in extreme pain for multiple hours doesn't sound tempting at all, no matter how rewarding having children is told do be.

[Salted Karamel]

On 12/6/2016 at 7:15 PM, sea-lemon said:

I'm pretty sure I do to some degree - the whole having a womb thing, and the thought of having something growing inside me and giving birth to it just horrifies me beyond words.

 

I mean if you think about it that's pretty much the compelling plot to a horror movie so why people act like this shit is normal and desirable is beyond me. It really needs to be treated like the horror it is, with sufficient preventive measures available to all with a functioning uterus.

[Lixt]

I have pregnancy-related issues, which make me doubt my ability to handle the whole thing reasonably at the moment. I'm working on it, as I do want children at some point, but I'm probably not ready yet.

 

I'm not sure how I would react to a pregnancy itself (foreign body growing inside me), which is odd because other hypothetical reproductive health situations make me react very strongly (IUD, STI or any potential health issue with my uterus - just the thought makes me panic or breakdown crying) while I simply cannot predict my reaction to a fetus invading my body. My reaction to that part is simply: ...???

 

My issue is more about the loss/theft of control over my body (and especially over THAT part of my body) and personhood from the medical community and people in general. If I were to discover an accidental pregnancy in the immediate future, I would probably hide it as long as possible, then pretend to have medical care and lock myself in my bathroom when the time comes. Not good, but I can't tolerate even the idea of someone involving themself without my consent, and I can't imagine consenting to that/trusting anyone enough to consent, so it's kind of a problem.

 

I don't think there's any link with my asexuality though, or at least not directly.

[Grumpy Alien]

I'm a... something... that has no fear of or aversion to pregnancy. I want children one day.

[MerePeasant]

... Anyway, I was going to say, as others have, that it is something I do not want, but not as far as a phobia that I keep thinking about. Yet, thinking more on this, I suppose I could say I have a phobia of it. In the past I have got pretty paranoid about the matter, even though the circumstances which gave me the paranoia has meant that being pregnant was highly unlikely. It's the dread of such an awful thing happening as that for me. (My opinion! Not saying it's awful for every woman, obviously!) A life-changing no-no! Pregnancy... thought of carrying a being inside of me... the pain... then actually having a child... all that - please no.

[RK800]

I'm a trans male so while I wouldn't say it "scares" me I do find the idea somewhat repugnant.

[Larkaloke]

Yeah, that probably qualifies as a phobia for me. I'm not sure whether it's more fear or more disgust/revulsion on a level that goes almost beyond fear, but considering that I'm quite certain I would choose things like sawing my own leg off over that, it's probably at the "unreasoning" level. The list of things that can actually happen to a person that I consider more horrifying is pretty small, and all items on it would touch on other fears I have.

[Luftschlosseule]

For me it's more an aspect of my sociophoby. I am afraid of humans, and in some cases I am paralysed by the knowledge that I, myself, am a human.

Having a human grow inside myself... that thought freaks me out. It feels more like a parasite for me than something to be joyful for.

[zoom]

Yes and no.

 

Spoiler

 

I don't experience (and never did) fear or anxiety - but the reason is "well, if I am pregnant and I cannot abort, I can also kill myself, no problem!"

 

I used to be terribly offended (why should I have to kill myself just because of some stupid law that does not save the baby anyway?), now - having enough money to abort just anything - I don't have any special feelings when it comes to me myself. 

 

 

(my mother used to tell me things like "if you don't have children then Muslims will take over Europe and they will rape you all and they won't let you abort anyway" so I never felt like "sexual abstinence = no worries about pregnancy")

 

No worries about pain though, I actually managed to open my own cervix with a knitting needle (when training for a *what if* situation) which is terribly painful "around this area" and other painful things don't really scare me that much (a documentary about someone who had 90% of their body burned is less horrible than a "cute" preggobelly in a motivational picture).

 

 

And I am not actually afraid of getting pregnant, actually when I had a condom breakage as a teenager I thought "well, I cannot afford a morning after pill now, I would have to ask my parents and thus tell them I had sex, and they would not let me go out in the evening... it is better to find some job and if I get pregnant, I will just have a normal abortion". And even later, when money was still tight I figured that "abortion is 6x more expensive than a morning after pill, but the probability of getting pregnant from one accident is less than 10%, so in long run it is cheaper to abort."

(I was having sex with random guys mostly when I needed a sleepover, that's why I *had to* buy condoms, and buying condoms AND the birth control pill would be too expensive)

 

 

[zoom]

On 12/11/2016 at 2:49 PM, Luftschlosseule said:

For me it's more an aspect of my sociophoby. I am afraid of humans, and in some cases I am paralysed by the knowledge that I, myself, am a human.

Having a human grow inside myself... that thought freaks me out. It feels more like a parasite for me than something to be joyful for.

Well... it is a parasite, just look up the definition of a parasite, it fits.

So it is only up to you how do you feel about the parasite. Since most people want to have children they feel about this kind of parasite differently, but that's just their subjective feeling. I suppose there are people with eating disorders who feel happy because they have a ringworm.

[Luftschlosseule]

12 hours ago, zoom said:

Well... it is a parasite, just look up the definition of a parasite, it fits.

So it is only up to you how do you feel about the parasite. Since most people want to have children they feel about this kind of parasite differently, but that's just their subjective feeling. I suppose there are people with eating disorders who feel happy because they have a ringworm.

I know, but I tend to phrase it more carefully because, well, "you're a woman you have to like children!!!".

[zoom]

43 minutes ago, Luftschlosseule said:

I know, but I tend to phrase it more carefully because, well, "you're a woman you have to like children!!!".

And make-up and high heels and cooking and pink color and expensive dining out and and and!!!!

 

Actually at some point (when I was like fifteen years old) I refused to wear skirts and "nice" clothing and cut my hair really short and so on, because I saw it all related and I hope I will get rid of the "study well, get married, give birth to a pink screaming pile of shit that will destroy your life, pretend you are happy" stigma and that my parents will give me more independence, "like the boys have". It did not work. 

[Tanzanite]

At first I didn't fear it, I just couldn't see myself in that position. Then I read about the process. It's already bad enough that I feel uneasy every time I drink really cold water and can feel it travel down into my stomach. Aside of my heartbeat, it feels weird feeling something going on inside me. It feels vulnerable, like my body's not as strong as I think it is.

[Crystal7]

10 hours ago, zoom said:

And make-up and high heels and cooking and pink color and expensive dining out and and and!!!!

 

Actually at some point (when I was like fifteen years old) I refused to wear skirts and "nice" clothing and cut my hair really short and so on, because I saw it all related and I hope I will get rid of the "study well, get married, give birth to a pink screaming pile of shit that will destroy your life, pretend you are happy" stigma and that my parents will give me more independence, "like the boys have". It did not work. 

My parents did not--and still have not!--let me cut my hair, but I went through a no-pink, no-skirts or dresses phase as well. I associated it with being a lady, conforming to sexist, unequal gender rules and I wanted no part of it. I wanted people to realize when they saw me I was NOT interested in being a boy toy.

 

Now I have a much higher comfort level with skits and dresses because I believe you can be yourself and own your favorite style. I've found defying stereotypes can be really rewarding.

[zoom]

20 minutes ago, Crystal7 said:

My parents did not--and still have not!--let me cut my hair,

I did not ask and did it myself (using my father's electric shaver), but yeah, the situation was such that they virtually cannot ban me from doing something or withdraw some kind of support from me, because there was nothing like that, they would not buy me what I wanted (and press some other "hobbies" on me, though it was not much gender related, they were just all about "family, family, together!" and ummm yeah, that's exactly what you want to do as a teenager, especially if you are much better at sports than your mother and sister and you spend all the bicycle / skiing / etc trips standing on the next crossroad waiting for them). 

 

Me too, now I wear quite feminine clothing (no heels though), long hair, make-up every day etc. - but I also cut contacts with my family, because they keep doing the same thing, interpreting every tiny step in the "right" direction (in their mind) as a proof that you are heading there. Like when they talked to me on Skype and mentioned that my (childfree) sister played with baby cousins, how they were surprised, and you could see on them the "oh we guess we are gonna get grandchildren in few years!" - just because someone played with children for one afternoon. 

[m4rble]

On 12/12/2016 at 5:08 PM, zoom said:

(my mother used to tell me things like "if you don't have children then Muslims will take over Europe and they will rape you all and they won't let you abort anyway" so I never felt like "sexual abstinence = no worries about pregnancy")

That may be one of the stupidest things I've heard about someone saying and I've heard about people saying a lot of stupid things.