Can anything be better than sex for sexuals - split from better than sex sexual edition

November 7, 2016

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Edit post-spIit. I’d just Iike to cIarify that the surveys I have Iisted were Iight-hearted surveys meant for a Iight-hearted thread. These are aII things I have personaIIy seen/heard certain sexuaI peopIe saying that they find more enjoyabIe than sex under certain circumstances, and I Iinked the surveys as opposed to just writing a Iist of things I have heard other peopIe saying as the surveys are aII quite funny (and a coupIe of them are quite interesting, ie the cheese one)

ObviousIy, not aII sexuaI peopIe experience their sexuaIity in the same way. Some pIace higher importance on sex than others, some pIace other things as more enjoyabIe than sex whiIe stiII enjoying sex. As far as I am concerned, a sexuaI person is someone who desires partnered sex for sexuaI and/or emotionaI pIeasure under certain circumstances. The degree, intensity, and frequency of that desire varies from sexuaI person to sexuaI person. This desire may exist with or without attraction (it’s a myth oft perpetuated in this community that aII sexuaI peopIe must be attracted to someone in some way to want to have sex with them)

Anyway, the initial thread caused a heated debate as to whether or not some sexuaIs wiII aIways find some things ‘’better than sex’’, which is what this thread is now about.

End-edit.

A 2013 study of over 200 male and female Columbia University students found that 42 percent of them would give up oral sex before giving up cheese

:lol: https://www.bustle.com/articles/154557-heres-how-many-people-would-choose-food-over-sex

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a 2013 poll found that 53 percent of people want coffee instead of sex first thing in the morning. The same poll also found that people can give up sex far longer than they can ever imagine giving up coffee.

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A 2014 study by Harris Interactive that was published in the French edition of Grazia, found that 74 percent of French women would rather have gourmet meals than sex…

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A 2011 survey by Maple Leaf Food Inc found that 43 percent of Canadians, both male and female, prefer bacon to sex. However, to prove that these bacon lovers aren't only obsessed with bacon, 81 percent of the respondents who put bacon above sex did say that they consider themselves romantic and 82 percent of them reported they were “good lovers.”

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One in five Americans would rather give up sex for a month than haggle over the price of a car. Yep, to 21 percent of Americans not having to haggle is worth a dry spell.

http://magazine.foxnews.com/love/nine-things-people-would-rather-do-have-sex-statistically-speaking

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When asked to rank what they can't live without, U.S. adults revealed they favor their smartphones over sex in a survey by Harris Interactive.

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almost 80 percent of women admitted they would rather get some shut-eye than get intimate. Sorry guys, but maybe she's dreaming of you during her slumber.

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A survey from the UK shows half of men would rather have a plasma TV than sex. A 50-inch plasma TV, to be exact.

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. According to a study by Cadbury, 70 percent of of Irish women admit to prefering hot chocolate to sex. Sometimes the sweet stuff just hits the spot better.

There is soooo much confusion in the asexuaI community over what it means to be sexuaI. So many here seem to truIy beIieve that to be sexuaI, you have to be IiteraIIy addicted to sex and wouId give up anything eIse (even food!) to have it - and if you're not Iike that, you must be somewhere on the asexuaI spectrum. This underIying, innate antisexuaIity in the asexuaI community needs to stop. To be sexuaI doesn't mean ''you're a horny, drooIing beast who can't keep your pants on around attractive peopIe, can't Iive without sex, and you think about sex 24/7'' ..Being sexuaI (when it comes to sex anyway) means that under some circumstances, you desire partnered sex for sexuaI and/or emotionaI pIeasure. That's aII there is to it reaIIy. If you onIy desire sex once a month, or onIy desire when in Iove, or desire sex but wouId choose pizza (or cheese) over sex, that doesn't make you asexuaI or 'on the asexuaI spectrum' ..That's just a normaI, heaIthy, happy sexuaI person. The asexuaI community is in vitaI need of education as to what constitutes normaI, heaIthy, sexuaIity.

November 7, 2016

Also, I wouldn't take any of those surveys (apart from the Columbia one, and that's only a couple of hundred final year students) too seriously - they're all clearly done for PR purposes, not rigorous academic research.

November 7, 2016

Also, I wouldn't take any of those surveys (apart from the Columbia one, and that's only a couple of hundred final year students) too seriously - they're all clearly done for PR purposes, not rigorous academic research.

Instead of shitting on those surveys, why don't you offer counter evidence or go out and prove it for yourself?

November 7, 2016

That's not how it works. The burden of proof is on the person making the claim. Others are expected to question their research methodology, and if they want to stick by their original claim they will have to defend it. It's comparable to how the burden of proof falls on the prosecuter in a criminal trail.

November 7, 2016

What Nano said.

So... the first study is from a press release by Le Meridien hotels, which starts:

NEW YORK, Sep 26, 2013 (BUSINESS WIRE) -- --Le Meridien to Add More Than 100 Master Baristas at Hotels around the World as Part of Initiative to Meet Growing Coffee Culture Demands http://www.marketwatch.com/story/new-le-meridien-study-reveals-more-people-choose-coffee-over-sex-for-their-morning-buzz-2013-09-26

That is, it's about promoting their coffee shops at their hotels. The methodology is very sketchy.
The second is for the French edition of Grazia, with almost no explanation of the methodology.
The third - about women preferring bacon to sex - is from a bacon company.
The fourth originally comes from PC Advisor magazine, though I can't trace the original at all.
The one about hot chocolate comes from Cadbury... who make hot chocolate.

Why on earth should I give them any credence at all?

Why are you so invested in them being right, anyhow?

November 7, 2016

So I was looking through AVEN and talking to some asexy people and it made me realize something.

Us sexuals never talk about what WE think is better than sex. So let's start on that now:

-Garlic bread (GOOD garlic bread not that stuff that is just bread with garlic butter on top of it)

-Finishing up that TV show I was watching

-Some cake (seriously, there is some cake in this world that even I find better than sex)

-naps

-seeing cute animal videos

-REALLY good sushi

I can list so many things that are better than sex off the top of my head. Don't get wrong, I like sex but I will at least put sex off for some of the things on this list and some of the things on the list I flat out prefer to sex.

I dont think the comparision is posible, I dont think either that all sexuals have the sane opinion since sexuals represent 99% of population and the differences between them have to be huge.

Having said that and speaking about myself, just myself, Sex as a whole, is more important than anything else except family, and health.

I dont think sex can be treated as a thing because sex is a relationship, When we talk about sex, orgasma. An be good or bad, sex can be good or bad, I had sex with a girl who made me feel that I prefered staying at work that having it, I had sex with other girls that made me feel that sex was the best in the world.

Sex is powerful, is a huge industry in porn, prostitution, etc... is a major cause of divorce.

In my case, I repeat, sex is a cornerstone that I need, if there is no good sex, for me there is no posible good relationship, I mean romantic one.

November 7, 2016

What Nano said.

So... the first study is from a press release by Le Meridien hotels, which starts:

NEW YORK, Sep 26, 2013 (BUSINESS WIRE) -- --Le Meridien to Add More Than 100 Master Baristas at Hotels around the World as Part of Initiative to Meet Growing Coffee Culture Demands [/size]http://www.marketwatch.com/story/new-le-meridien-study-reveals-more-people-choose-coffee-over-sex-for-their-morning-buzz-2013-09-26

That is, it's about promoting their coffee shops at their hotels. The methodology is very sketchy.[/size]

The second is for the French edition of Grazia, with almost no explanation of the methodology.[/size]

The third - about women preferring bacon to sex - is from a bacon company.[/size]

The fourth originally comes from PC Advisor magazine, though I can't trace the original at all.[/size]

The one about hot chocolate comes from Cadbury... who make hot chocolate.[/size]

Why on earth should I give them any credence at all?
Why are you so invested in them being right, anyhow?

They're obviously quite silly surveys (the wording makes that obvious) the point is though, there are literally actual sexuals out there who prefer other things to sex *gasp*. I've heard literally every one listed there firsthand from sexuals and as there aren't a lot of sexuals active in the community at the moment, I thought I'd list some things that some sexuals prefer to sex.

You seem EXTREMELY invested in sex Tele (which is fine!) and seem to get quite upset that not every sexual feels the same way about sex that you do (I've seen you get argumentative many times before when confronted with ideas about sex from sexuals that don't match your own ideas) but the fact is many sexuals really do prefer other things to sex, at least some of the time. I was just listing examples of some of the things some sexual people do prefer to sex, or would choose over sex when having to choose.

November 7, 2016

I agree they're silly, and I was just underlining that they're meaningless. I wasn't the one who got sweary about it.

All sexuals prefer something else to sex at some points - my problem is that these kind of threads get understood by some asexuals as seriously meaning 'look, sexuals prefer cake too, really, sex isn't that important'. I'm consciously pushing back against that because it's swinging the pendulum too far the other way. If the questions had been something like 'would you rather never have coffee/bacon/hot chocolate/or sex again' the answer would be different, I'm sure. Any researcher will tell you there are ways of structuring questions to get a particular result, and as usual with media reporting of surveys, nuance gets lost between data, analysis, then again into the press release, then again by how the media reports it.

Personally, I'd be 50/50 over sex vs coffee first thing in the morning, depending on my mood, too, but the actual survey result says ' 78% would rather give up alcohol, social media or sex with their spouse for a year rather than forfeit coffee' first thing, which indicates they've probably lumped together alcohol, sex and social media to aggregate 78%. The media then slant this towards 'sex' and social media and alcohol are forgotten.

In the French survey, it's 74pc of French women who say they prefer food to sex - 87pc of men said they prefer sex to food, if we simplify it like that.

And the bacon survey. There's a load of other results in the press release (let alone the actual research, which isn't online) that makes the story far more complicated. It's really about bacon packaging, and the sex reference is a blatant tactic to get headlines, beloved of PR companies down the ages.

And actually, I don't just pull apart stuff like this when it's about sex - it's an academic interest of mine, and I do it for other subjects too, but AVEN is about sex.

November 7, 2016

I agree they're silly, and I was just underlining that they're meaningless. I wasn't the one who got sweary about it.

All sexuals prefer something else to sex at some points - my problem is that these kind of threads get understood by some asexuals as seriously meaning 'look, sexuals prefer cake too, really, sex isn't that important'. I'm consciously pushing back against that because it's swinging the pendulum too far the other way. If the questions had been something like 'would you rather never have coffee/bacon/hot chocolate/or sex again' the answer would be different, I'm sure. Any researcher will tell you there are ways of structuring questions to get a particular result, and as usual with media reporting of surveys, nuance gets lost between data, analysis, then again into the press release, then again by how the media reports it.

Personally, I'd be 50/50 over sex vs coffee first thing in the morning, depending on my mood, too, but the actual survey result says ' 78% would rather give up alcohol, social media or sex with their spouse for a year rather than forfeit coffee' first thing, which indicates they've probably lumped together alcohol, sex and social media to aggregate 78%. The media then slant this towards 'sex' and social media and alcohol are forgotten.

In the French survey, it's 74pc of French women who say they prefer food to sex - 87pc of men said they prefer sex to food, if we simplify it like that.

And the bacon survey. There's a load of other results in the press release (let alone the actual research, which isn't online) that makes the story far more complicated. It's really about bacon packaging, and the sex reference is a blatant tactic to get headlines, beloved of PR companies down the ages.

And actually, I don't just pull apart stuff like this when it's about sex - it's an academic interest of mine, and I do it for other subjects too, but AVEN is about sex.

Most things, studies are meaningless. Doesn't make the research any less valid/reliable, only the approach to finding the results effects it. Not the phrasing.

Well done! You've pulled apart the fundamental basics of research and applied it to each of the studies! Amazing work!

I notice you still haven't actually put forward any evidence to back up anything you're actually saying though. So far your case study is based off one person (yours) opinion, which really isn't reliable or valid.

And if you're gonna get offended by the phrase "shit on", then I truly feel sorry for you, sweetie.

November 7, 2016

Most things, studies are meaningless. Doesn't make the research any less valid/reliable, only the approach to finding the results effects it. Not the phrasing.

Some studies are better than others, and a study carried out for PR purposes is it the largely meaningless level. I've commissioned them, professionally, and they are less valid and reliable, because they are by and large self selecting, small, not blinded, not controlled, and not peer reviewed. Please try to understand research methodology before claiming all research is equal.

I notice you still haven't actually put forward any evidence to back up anything you're actually saying though.

I've said the studies aren't to be taken seriously because, unlike proper academic studies, we can't examine their methodology in any detail, and from what I can find out about them, they're not serious work. Their agenda is to achieve publicity for the people who commissioned them, not to uncover truths.

So far your case study is based off one person (yours) opinion, which really isn't reliable or valid.

I didn't offer a case study. I just said 'here's some reasons not to take these studies seriously', and Pan, who posted them, agrees with me. My reasons are perfectly valid, backed up by what I can find out about their methodology and my experience of how surveys pushed by PR companies (which these all are) work.

November 7, 2016

I agree they're silly, and I was just underlining that they're meaningless. I wasn't the one who got sweary about it.

All sexuals prefer something else to sex at some points - my problem is that these kind of threads get understood by some asexuals as seriously meaning 'look, sexuals prefer cake too, really, sex isn't that important'. I'm consciously pushing back against that because it's swinging the pendulum too far the other way. If the questions had been something like 'would you rather never have coffee/bacon/hot chocolate/or sex again' the answer would be different, I'm sure. Any researcher will tell you there are ways of structuring questions to get a particular result, and as usual with media reporting of surveys, nuance gets lost between data, analysis, then again into the press release, then again by how the media reports it.

Personally, I'd be 50/50 over sex vs coffee first thing in the morning, depending on my mood, too, but the actual survey result says ' 78% would rather give up alcohol, social media or sex with their spouse for a year rather than forfeit coffee' first thing, which indicates they've probably lumped together alcohol, sex and social media to aggregate 78%. The media then slant this towards 'sex' and social media and alcohol are forgotten.

In the French survey, it's 74pc of French women who say they prefer food to sex - 87pc of men said they prefer sex to food, if we simplify it like that.

And the bacon survey. There's a load of other results in the press release (let alone the actual research, which isn't online) that makes the story far more complicated. It's really about bacon packaging, and the sex reference is a blatant tactic to get headlines, beloved of PR companies down the ages.

And actually, I don't just pull apart stuff like this when it's about sex - it's an academic interest of mine, and I do it for other subjects too, but AVEN is about sex.

I've known many sexuaIs (some here on AVEN too) who if given the choice between being abIe to have sex OR have cuddIes for the rest of their Iives, wouId choose the cuddIes. So it reaIIy depends on the thing being asked and who it's being asked of.

It's very important that the asexuaI community reaIises that sex reaIIy isn't the be-aII and end-aII of pIeasure for many sexuaIs, because at the moment the view of the asexuaI community in generaI is this:

''SexuaIs think about sex 24/7, they give up important things for sex, they aIways want sex, and want to have sex with any attractive stranger they see because attractive peopIe make them horny. If you desire sex as an expression of Iove for your partner but don't Iook at your partner and get horny, or if you sometimes don't feeI Iike sex at aII, or if you enoy sex just for pIeasure but don't care about appearance, then you are so different from normaI sexuaIs that you faII into the ace spectrum, or at the very Ieast, faII itno the area of grey asexuaIity. ...Because, a normaI sexuaI couIdn't possibIy choose a fancy meaI over sex, or prefer cuddIes over sex, or desire sex for emotionaI reasons as opposed to physcaI, that's unheard of!!''

I've been here Iong enough to know that the above is a wideIy recognised and casuaIIy heId beIief in this community. Yes, it is deepIy innateIy antisexuaI, but no one seems to question it. It's just fact. Certain members (that new peopIe who come to the site wouId go to for advice) even make threads here Iisting aII the ''types of asexuaIity'', incIuding cupiosexuaIity (desiring sexuaI reIationships but not being attracted to the peopIe you have reIationships with) and freysexuaIity (onIy dsiring sex with strangers, not desiring sex once you get to know them better) etc etc, not reaIising how innateIy antisexuaI this is because it's saying ''To be sexuaI, you have to onIy want sex based on appearance, and once you find someone hot you wiII aIways want sex with them because sexuaI feeIings don't change'', and so on and so forth. This reaIIy, reaIIy needs to change.

Yes SOME sexuaI peopIe onIy want sex based on appearance, and some sexuaI peopIe think about sex 24/7, but I mean, even on FetIife (a forum specificaIIy catered to kinks and fetishes with IiteraIIy miIIions of members) the most popuIar group is ''Kinky and Geeky'' where members rareIy even taIk about sex, it's aII about their passion for videogames, movies, and books. Moderators actuaIIy discourage convos about sex unIess they specificaIIy tie into geeky interests, Iike ''which fictionaI character do you want a D/S reIationship with and why?''..And that's the most popuIar, busiest group on the entire website (with 176,854 members just in that ONE group and dozens of new threads started every singIe day) ..Even the big boob Iovers groups (I use that exampIe as it's a very common 'fetish') onIy have Iike 8,000 members tops, with maybe one new thread started every few days.

Yes sex is an integraI part of romantic reIationships and to the pIeasure and enjoyment in Iife, for many sexuaI peopIe; asexuaIs do need to understand that - especiaIIy going into reIationships with sexuaIs (that is vitaIIy important) but at the same time, we as a community need to put an end to the dogma perpetuated here that sexuaIs Iook at peopIe and get horny and want sex 24/7 based on that physicaI reaction and that's what it means to be sexuaI - ''gosh, those shaIIow sexuaIs, aII they can think about is sex, sex, sex. Don't they reaIise there is more to Iife than sex with attractive peopIe?''

Yes sex is very important to many sexuaIs, but it's not something they need 24/7 and yes sometimes sexuaIs wouId even choose other things over sex depending on the circumstances. Some sexuaIs don't feeI Iike sex at aII for Iong periods of time. Some sexuaIs see sex as something enjoyabIe and physicaIIy pIeasurabIe but they couId Iive without it and not mind. Some sexuaIs wouId even give sex up compIeteIy if they had to choose between sex and snuggIes.

As I aIways say, to be sexuaI (when it comes to sex) mereIy means that under some circumstances, you desire partnered sex for sexuaI and/or emotionaI pIeasure. The depth and extent of that desire, and the reasons behind it, vary from sexuaI person to sexuaI person. That's aII there is to it reaIIy.

November 7, 2016

I think you're drawing a false dichotomy - I completely agree with you about the 'sexuals don't get the uncontrollable urge to shag randoms as the be-all and end-all' stuff, but I do think it gets challenged, mostly. I know I've challenged it on a thread today. But at the same time, what I see far more often is asexuals not understanding that for the vast majority of sexuals, particularly young ones, coffee, bacon, conversation, Pokemon, etc. will not, ever, replace sex. They want to believe it can (and to an extent, sexual partners want to believe it's true too, because it's a solution), but I think I've seen about five posters saying they've made a relationship work fairly happily without, and even then, it can be a bumpy ride.

It's not about making asexuals feel inadequate, it's about managing expectations.

Sexuals might get past it and tolerate a relationship without, for other reasons (kids, money, etc) but it will always be a loss. If it wasn't, they wouldn't be sexual. Asking 'which would you hate to lose more - cuddles or sex?' doesn't mean they're actually happy about losing either. As a sexual, I'd say the reason for the 'cuddles' choice is that it means losing all physical affection, which yes, is worse than not having sex, but it doesn't mean they'd be remotely okay about not having sex.

Yes, the need for sex varies. But it's very, very rare for never having it to only be as important as never having coffee, bacon, or hot chocolate. It's a different issue, about bonding and intimacy, not a sensual pleasure. If you want some more rigorous research, there are 40,000 posters on r/deadbedrooms with very deep qualititive case studies.

November 7, 2016

I think you're drawing a false dichotomy - I completely agree with you about the 'sexuals don't get the uncontrollable urge to shag randoms as the be-all and end-all' stuff, but I do think it gets challenged, mostly. I know I've challenged it on a thread today. But at the same time, what I see far more often is asexuals not understanding that for the vast majority of sexuals, particularly young ones, coffee, bacon, conversation, Pokemon, etc. will not, ever, replace sex. They want to believe it can (and to an extent, sexual partners want to believe it's true too, because it's a solution), but I think I've seen about five posters saying they've made a relationship work fairly happily without, and even then, it can be a bumpy ride.

It's not about making asexuals feel inadequate, it's about managing expectations.

Sexuals might get past it and tolerate a relationship without, for other reasons (kids, money, etc) but it will always be a loss. If it wasn't, they wouldn't be sexual. Asking 'which would you hate to lose more - cuddles or sex?' doesn't mean they're actually happy about losing either. As a sexual, I'd say the reason for the 'cuddles' choice is that it means losing all physical affection, which yes, is worse than not having sex, but it doesn't mean they'd be remotely okay about not having sex.

Yes, the need for sex varies. But it's very, very rare for never having it to only be as important as never having coffee, bacon, or hot chocolate. It's a different issue, about bonding and intimacy, not a sensual pleasure. If you want some more rigorous research, there are 40,000 posters on r/deadbedrooms with very deep qualititive case studies.

I think you're missing the point of the thread and of what I've been saying. I don't have time to write yet another lengthy reply, but this isn't about permanently REPLACING sex with coffee or cheese or whatever.. It's about things that are sometimes preferable to sex, and there are even things that some sexuaIs enjoy MORE than sex. It's saying that sex isn't ALWAYS number one for all (most) sexuals, there are sometimes things they prefer to having sex at any given moment. Like for example the OP says she sees cake as a "better than sex" ..I don't think she's saying she'd give up sex forever for cake (?) just that sometimes cake is preferable to sex, or even that she enjoys sex but she enjoys cake more (mmm cake). It's the false idea in this community that sexuals will ALWAYS choose sex if it's an option..Whereas no, there are many times for many (not all) sexuals, that there are certainly things preferable to sex. I don't believe anyone in those surveys is saying "I'd permanently give up sex for this" ..Just that in some circumstances, those particular things are preferable to sex, or that they enjoy those things more than sex.

EDIT: that's not to say that someone who prefers cake to sex sometimes would be happy in an entirely sexless relationship. This thread isn't saying "see?! Sexuals CAN happily go without sex as long as they have cheese to eat!" just that they'd forgo sex for other things under some circumstances. (And of course there are sexuaIs who forgo sex for Iove or whatever without too much of a struggIe) Or even that they Iike sex, but they actuaIIy Iike cake better, or sIeeping better, or watching TV better, or whatever. Not everyone sees it as this amazingIy bonding intimate experience, some just see it as a physicaIIy pIeasurabIe activity that's fun to enjoy with another person (and no, that doesn't make them asexuaI, haha)

And just because people challenge the idea that "all sexuals want sex all the time and if you're not like that you're ace" doesn't mean it's not an underlying accepted idea in the asexual community, or else the wiki etc would make it very clear that if you only desire sex sometimes or only under certain circumstances, that's actually still sexual.Instead almost every guide I've read online about "are you asexual?" always points to labels like cupiosexuality, frey, and demi (though not always using those labels) as "part of the ace spectrum" ..Most guides and wikis also still doggedly to the idea that "You can desire sex and still be asexual, because it's about attraction not whether or not you desire sex" etc, While NEVER accurately defining sexual attraction (there isn't an accurate definition because for the sexuals that DO experience whatever it is, many define it differently from each other) ..I even asked the creator of a separate asexual education website how he defines sexual attraction as he was saying "you can want sex and be asexual as long as you don't experience attraction!" and his reply to me was "I don't have to define it, leave that to sexuals.. as long as you don't experience it you're asexual" ..and this is the same "educational info" given out on much of AVEN and all over Tumblr, and practically every other (English) ace forum I've come across. People get angry and frustrated and say you don't understand asexuality when you try to say "if you desire sex for pleasure, that's still sexual.. not all sexuals look at people and get horny"

We can't change these innately antisexual ideas until the "ace educators" change their definitions and innately antisexual ideas and opinions. And that's certainly not happening in a hurry.

I saw this thread as an opportunity to show that there are certainIy things some sexuaIs prefer to sex, and used the exampIes from those articIes in my post. It was onIy meant to be a Iighthearted attempt to show others that yes, some sexuaIs definiteIy prefer some things to sex sometimes.

And on that note, I think we shouId get back onto the topic of just what sexuaI peopIe sometimes find better than sex.

November 7, 2016

I think you're drawing a false dichotomy - I completely agree with you about the 'sexuals don't get the uncontrollable urge to shag randoms as the be-all and end-all' stuff, but I do think it gets challenged, mostly. I know I've challenged it on a thread today. But at the same time, what I see far more often is asexuals not understanding that for the vast majority of sexuals, particularly young ones, coffee, bacon, conversation, Pokemon, etc. will not, ever, replace sex. They want to believe it can (and to an extent, sexual partners want to believe it's true too, because it's a solution), but I think I've seen about five posters saying they've made a relationship work fairly happily without, and even then, it can be a bumpy ride.

It's not about making asexuals feel inadequate, it's about managing expectations.

Sexuals might get past it and tolerate a relationship without, for other reasons (kids, money, etc) but it will always be a loss. If it wasn't, they wouldn't be sexual. Asking 'which would you hate to lose more - cuddles or sex?' doesn't mean they're actually happy about losing either. As a sexual, I'd say the reason for the 'cuddles' choice is that it means losing all physical affection, which yes, is worse than not having sex, but it doesn't mean they'd be remotely okay about not having sex.

So what if giving up sex is a loss? People deal with losses all through their life. Smokers often have to give up smoking to be with nonsmokers, others give up eating meat for relationships with vegetarians. Most people give up the possibility of seeing multiple partners and a number of various freedoms, associated with being single. What makes giving up sex so much more difficult than dropping an actual addiction or an eating habit that’s been forming all through their life?

Furthermore, why do you have to turn a lite thread, created just for the fun of it, into yet another topic about how much most sexuals need sex? You’ve already been a pivotal part of many such discussions. And I agree with PanFictovore – you seem to get very argumentative in the process. What for? Does it make you feel better for others to acknowledge, how big a sacrifice you’re making by living with an asexual person? No one, as far as I know, is trying to diminish your personal sacrifices or hardships. The fact that I don’t see giving up traditional sex as a tragedy for myself doesn’t make your effort any smaller.

Can't sexuals play around with the idea of giving up sex? Does it always have to be a grave matter?

November 7, 2016

What I said was this:

Also, I wouldn't take any of those surveys (apart from the Columbia one, and that's only a couple of hundred final year students) too seriously - they're all clearly done for PR purposes, not rigorous academic research.

... and then got sworn at. So I backed up my point at considerably less length and rantiness than Pan.

But no, I get the picture. Sexuals must stfu.

November 7, 2016

Please try to understand research methodology before claiming all research is equal.

I've said the studies aren't to be taken seriously because, unlike proper academic studies, we can't examine their methodology in any detail, and from what I can find out about them, they're not serious work. Their agenda is to achieve publicity for the people who commissioned them, not to uncover truths.

Ah, so you heroically spend your time making sure that every post of silly surveys is pointed out to be silly! Ignoring that a lot of academic studies a bunch of crap too, then I can really see why it is a requirement for you to spend time differentiating it all! :)

Hey I never said it was all equal, I just said that what you're saying is pointless if you aren't actually going to contribute alternate "academic" studies, which I hear so much good stuff about!

Thank you for opening my eyes, oh mighty one.

November 7, 2016

A 2013 study of over 200 male and female Columbia University students found that 42 percent of them would give up oral sex before giving up cheese

:lol: https://www.bustle.com/articles/154557-heres-how-many-people-would-choose-food-over-sex

Yikes, I don't like either one.

November 7, 2016

I think you're drawing a false dichotomy - I completely agree with you about the 'sexuals don't get the uncontrollable urge to shag randoms as the be-all and end-all' stuff, but I do think it gets challenged, mostly. I know I've challenged it on a thread today. But at the same time, what I see far more often is asexuals not understanding that for the vast majority of sexuals, particularly young ones, coffee, bacon, conversation, Pokemon, etc. will not, ever, replace sex. They want to believe it can (and to an extent, sexual partners want to believe it's true too, because it's a solution), but I think I've seen about five posters saying they've made a relationship work fairly happily without, and even then, it can be a bumpy ride.

It's not about making asexuals feel inadequate, it's about managing expectations.

Sexuals might get past it and tolerate a relationship without, for other reasons (kids, money, etc) but it will always be a loss. If it wasn't, they wouldn't be sexual. Asking 'which would you hate to lose more - cuddles or sex?' doesn't mean they're actually happy about losing either. As a sexual, I'd say the reason for the 'cuddles' choice is that it means losing all physical affection, which yes, is worse than not having sex, but it doesn't mean they'd be remotely okay about not having sex.

So what if giving up sex is a loss? People deal with losses all through their life. Smokers often have to give up smoking to be with nonsmokers, others give up eating meat for relationships with vegetarians. Most people give up the possibility of seeing multiple partners and a number of various freedoms, associated with being single. What makes giving up sex so much more difficult than dropping an actual addiction or an eating habit that’s been forming all through their life?

Furthermore, why do you have to turn a lite thread, created just for the fun of it, into yet another topic about how much most sexuals need sex? You’ve already been a pivotal part of many such discussions. And I agree with PanFictovore – you seem to get very argumentative in the process. What for? Does it make you feel better for others to acknowledge, how big a sacrifice you’re making by living with an asexual person? No one, as far as I know, is trying to diminish your personal sacrifices or hardships. The fact that I don’t see giving up traditional sex as a tragedy for myself doesn’t make your effort any smaller.

Can't sexuals play around with the idea of giving up sex? Does it always have to be a grave matter?

Basically because they dont need to. Sex is a need, is a need because if not the humans would have not survived, just like food or like sleep.

I agree with Telecaster, sex is hardwired thing in the brain, and is a complex one, if sex was not so powerful the sex industry wouldnt be one of the biggest in the world, there would be no prostitutes, neither a huge percentage of divorces.

Having said that the analogy is irrelevant, are things bette than sex on a specific moment? Sure I would prefer now to watch an episode of Black mirror than sex. Does it mean that I would pick sex over TV shows forever? No.

Also there is the fact that sex depends on the person with who you can have sex.

Are there things that we all could pick instead of sex at any given momment? Plenty of the,.

Are there things that I would pick instead of sex forever? Maybe family.

I honestly think that people dont turn their back to sex very eaisily, I mean sexuals, in fact If you read the thread regarding marriage in this forum most of the people is divorced. And I would consider that reading the sad stories of this forum sex is a major cause to split.

November 11, 2016

What I said was this:

Also, I wouldn't take any of those surveys (apart from the Columbia one, and that's only a couple of hundred final year students) too seriously - they're all clearly done for PR purposes, not rigorous academic research.
... and then got sworn at. So I backed up my point at considerably less length and rantiness than Pan.
But no, I get the picture. Sexuals must stfu.

It is hilarious when asexuals argue against sexuals about sexuals.

November 11, 2016

What I said was this:

Also, I wouldn't take any of those surveys (apart from the Columbia one, and that's only a couple of hundred final year students) too seriously - they're all clearly done for PR purposes, not rigorous academic research.
... and then got sworn at. So I backed up my point at considerably less length and rantiness than Pan.
But no, I get the picture. Sexuals must stfu.

It is hilarious when asexuals argue against sexuals about sexuals.

I don't actuaIIy identify as asexuaI, just to be cIear (and I'm not sure if Ricchan does either? They have Iisted their ''better than sex'' things after aII - maybe grey.. It was us two who were 'arguing' with TeIe anyway). And not every sexuaI (not even every sexuaI on AVEN) feeIs the same way about sex as TeIe does.

November 11, 2016

If someone *always* felt there was something they'd rather do than sex, then they'd be grey, at least. And Athena and Dane agree with me, so I'm not really some kind of outlier here.

But actually my main point was that the research wasn't to be taken seriously. Apparently it's okay to get sweary at me about that...

November 11, 2016

Oh I totally don't mean you're a rare breed or anything :3 I just disagree with squishing all sexual people into the same box the way many in the ace community tend to. I feel it's important we make clear that sexuality comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes (well, I explained my stance on that quite thoroughly already).. Anyway yeah, foot massages. Even if I became a sex maniac tomorrow haha, receiving foot massages will always be my number one for pleasure at least.. oh and boob massages :lol:

November 11, 2016

Clearly sexuals differ, as do asexuals. But there is a cut off, which is saying that any of these is *always* better than sex. For sexuals, there are times when nothing else will do, and I think that's different for asexuals.

November 11, 2016

Man, only on AVEN would this thread get so serious. Jeez, guys. When I first saw it a few days ago it was just lighthearted, now it's a big-ass debate. Suffice to say that since approximately 99% of humans are sexual, there's going to be a lot of diversity in how they feel about sex and what potentially surpasses it in terms of enjoyability and/or value.

Nothing to add myself really since I've given up attempting to place myself on the asexual-sexual spectrum (I'd be here all day listing everything, since relatively mundane stuff like chewing my fingernails and working on jigsaw puzzles are better than sex to me... god I actually really love chewing my nails, it's so satisfying), but yeah. Way to turn a fun thread into a big fuss.

It just goes to show how important it is that we have more education in this community as to what "normal sexuality" is - when there are many asexuals and some certain sexuals who feel it can literally only be one way ("nothing is better than sex") or its not "full sexuality" and totally not normal. I've seen Skullery be "accused" of being asexual here in the past, just for feeling a bit differently than the generally accepted definition of "sexual" (in this community) when it comes to sex. Teles feelings (and some other posters in this thread) are more "generally accepted" expressions of sexuality in this community. If you feel a bit differently (ie would choose dairy products over sex if you had to give up one) you MUST be on the ace spectrum, you can't possibly be a fully sexual person and have things you like more than sex! D: (when obviously that's not true at all)

The studies I linked weren't even saying "people would choose this over sex forever" just that under certain circumstances, some people would choose this or that over sex, for a certain amount of time. It really didn't need to deteriorate the way it did because they were lighthearted, funny "studies" for what I assumed was a lighthearted thread.

Maybe now that we have firmly established that there are indeed very sexual people who find things like cheese or coffee better than sex under some circumstances, the thread can get back on track!

November 12, 2016

I wonder if there are any sexuals who like hostile conversation better than sex. :lol:

*waiting for the Trump supporters jokes to appear*

Anyways. I don't think that any of those surveys are to be taken completely seriously. Sex is a given to a vast majority of people; it's basically a fun question where everyone is fully aware that it's not going to happen anyways. Examples of the contrary and so on, though.

November 12, 2016

^^ Yeah, I'm sure many people take informal surveys about sex because they're like "huhuhuhuh, they wanna know about my boners." Plus there are all the surveys published in Cosmopolitan that I'd imagine are not the least bit reliable data. :rolleyes:

November 12, 2016

Clearly sexuals differ, as do asexuals. But there is a cut off, which is saying that any of these is *always* better than sex. For sexuals, there are times when nothing else will do, and I think that's different for asexuals.

Well, thanks for that info, Tele; we wouldn't have known it otherwise. :rolleyes:

November 12, 2016

Clearly sexuals differ, as do asexuals. But there is a cut off, which is saying that any of these is *always* better than sex. For sexuals, there are times when nothing else will do, and I think that's different for asexuals.

November 12, 2016

Clearly sexuals differ, as do asexuals. But there is a cut off, which is saying that any of these is *always* better than sex. For sexuals, there are times when nothing else will do, and I think that's different for asexuals.

Perhaps you didn't realize you'd already said this? Which was unnecessary to say in the first place, because we know it.

November 12, 2016

First of all, I have read many surveys, which were quite untrustworthy, like when a magazine asks its readers about their sexual interests and afterwards publish it, as a european standard, but it was only hundred young people from a specific country, who read the magazine due to their specific interest in the first place. And sometimes it is not as important, what the neighbor does, as what I can do with my wife!

OP asked about things which were better than sex! I just dont want to compare uncomparable things! I love my children, campfires, sex and I love coffee, water when thirsty and food when hungry, but it is not in the same league. I would anytime sacrifice my own needs before sacrificing the happyness of my children, though!

...but when sex is at its best,I lose myself and drift off into a state of happy/good feeeling/harmony/togetherness! When I have the best orgasm, it is like a moment, where I connect to all the cells in my body and they tremble melodically with joy. It is a happy and healthy drug! At that point, campfires and coffee doesnt quite make the cut!

Can anything be better than sex for sexuals - split from better than sex sexual edition

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