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starrysky

Were you ever abused/molested a child, if so...?

Were you ever abused/molested a child, if so do you think it contributed to your asexuality?  

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  1. 1.

    • Yes, I was and I think it contributed to my asexuality.
      26
    • Yes, I was but I think I would have been asexual without it.
      53
    • Yes, I was and I don't know if it made a difference or not.
      38
    • No I was not.
      282
    • Other.
      18


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hollowsky

I wasn't molested, but I was emotionally abused for much of my life. My mother indoctrinated me into fearing sex and men.

I'm not sure if this really had an effect on my asexuality, though. I no longer fear either of them due to experience, and I still don't desire that kind of interaction.

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Rhaenys

I have been emotionally , verbally and physically abused to a point my mind is still damaged from it up to today.

Never been sexually abused thank god.

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Moon Thief

Never abused or molested.

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House of Chimeras

I was never abused or molested as a child so I dont think it contributed to my asexuality.

However I have been inappropriately touched, spoken to with sexual language, and threatened with bodily harm by my step-father during my late teenager years after he found out I was asexual and a pagan.

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Manticone

Yes to SA. No, I don't think it contributed to my asexuality. I honestly just don't *feel* the attraction. I think if it HAD contributed to anything, and I was not asexual, I might be sexual but afraid to have sex. And that's totally different.

I'm not afraid of sex, actually. As odd as that sounds, I mean...the idea doesn't attract me. It doesn't terrify me in some horrific way. I'm not drawn to it. I could almost say it seems a tad gross. But there's no real fear with the act itself.

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Manticone
No I was never abused or molested. Anyone who would've got near me in that kind of sense I probably would've shot them or kicked the shit out of them

I was pretty little when all of it happened. And terrified. I was four when it stopped because legally I was put under protection/ taken out of that living situation.

Little kids can be made to be really, really quiet about that sort of stuff. Most of it was SA, but with that, there are usually threats too. Like if you threaten a four year old that you will break her arm if she tells anyone...that's pretty scary. Especially if you are already hurting that same little girl by keeping her in cold water if she 'misbehaves' (hello my water phobia! I didn't get over a fear of large bodies of water for years, sadly. I still - to this day prefer showers over baths. being in a bath reminds me of being in a toilet, and it's not hard to catch the symbolism there, I don't think), or burning their hands on the stove, or locking them in the closet for extended periods of time.

Scrap asexuality. I think it's pretty amazing that I have no real fear of males at all!

Kudos to survivors :)

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baochan

I voted other here cause this is a weird subject for me.

I was NEVER molested but WANTED to be.

I know. It sounds so wierd.

I wanted physical love when I was 12 years old. Didn't get it at home not even hugs.

I dreamed, imagined and hoped to be taken by some man and loved. I didn't want to be hurt. and I had no idea what sex was. Remember this was in the dark ages when kids grew up innocent about sexual things.

But I most definately wanted to be molested and fondled and huged and kissed and loved.

I don't think this desire has anything to do with me being asexual. But then I don't know.

Once puberty was over, for me that was about 16 or so, late bloomer. started 14. I know longer had those dreams or wished to be molested. That is also why for awhile I thought I was gay, because I always dreamed of guys never girls. But I associated girls with sex and I didn't want sex. Guys I associated with fondling, and playing around not sex.

Yes. I was a niave kid. But most kids back then were niave.

This was refreshing to hear. I don't remember being sexually abused, but somehow I always thought I must have been and just forced myself to forget about it. I still have fantasies of being raped (pretty much the only thing close to sexual fantasies I have), and two of my imaginary friends/voices in my head were sexually abused as kids. But I think deep down I know it's all a lie, something I wish were true for some reason. Why would anyone want to be sexually abused? I never understood that part of myself. And just saying it feels like an insult to people who actually were. But it's somehow reassuring to hear I'm not alone.

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Silent_Silver

I said yes.

Although the sexual abuse happened between the ages of 14-16/17 so I wasn't really a child.

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allons-y-alonso

Not as a child, no. I was sexually assaulted when I was 14. Prior to that, I had not experienced sexual attraction, I hadn't dated, or wanted to date anyone, and I had only been kissed once. I remember not particularly enjoying it.

After the assault, however, I tried to convince myself that I was supposed to like sex, and actively sought out sexual partners, but without sexual attraction. I never enjoyed it. I just wanted it to be over. It was just the way I was coping with what happened to me. Then I met someone who helped me realize that it was okay to not desire/think about/want sex. I don't know if I would identify as grey-A were it not for what happened to me. I think about it a lot, though, and I really think I would.

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test account

I voted other because I'm not sure if it counts that I was sexually harassed at home and school. Dad used to pretend he was going to strip me naked, and he used to tell me to go sell myself from when I was about 8 so he wouldn't have to work. He also used to let himself into the bathroom without knocking and wash his hands in my bath after I reached puberty. At school I was fondled by a boy once when I was about 10 or 11. So I dunno but I always felt unsafe. I think it contributed to my social phobia and anger towards sexuality which I'm dealing with now.

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test account

I voted other here cause this is a weird subject for me.

I was NEVER molested but WANTED to be.

I know. It sounds so wierd.

I wanted physical love when I was 12 years old. Didn't get it at home not even hugs.

I dreamed, imagined and hoped to be taken by some man and loved. I didn't want to be hurt. and I had no idea what sex was. Remember this was in the dark ages when kids grew up innocent about sexual things.

But I most definately wanted to be molested and fondled and huged and kissed and loved.

I don't think this desire has anything to do with me being asexual. But then I don't know.

Once puberty was over, for me that was about 16 or so, late bloomer. started 14. I know longer had those dreams or wished to be molested. That is also why for awhile I thought I was gay, because I always dreamed of guys never girls. But I associated girls with sex and I didn't want sex. Guys I associated with fondling, and playing around not sex.

Yes. I was a niave kid. But most kids back then were niave.

This was refreshing to hear. I don't remember being sexually abused, but somehow I always thought I must have been and just forced myself to forget about it. I still have fantasies of being raped (pretty much the only thing close to sexual fantasies I have), and two of my imaginary friends/voices in my head were sexually abused as kids. But I think deep down I know it's all a lie, something I wish were true for some reason. Why would anyone want to be sexually abused? I never understood that part of myself. And just saying it feels like an insult to people who actually were. But it's somehow reassuring to hear I'm not alone.

I've heard that often children who are not given needed physical affection at home are easier prey for molesters for this very reason, basically that any touch is better than no touch, so even tho part of the child hates it, another part craves it. It sets up terrible guilt scenarios for the poor kid who is simply getting what it needs any way it can. What can you do if clean water isn't available? You drink from the toilet. It's survival. On a personal note, my mum was incested by her step father for six years until she took a stand against him. She was only eight when it started. She hasn't come to terms with it yet.

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Nekomata

Well, as I've said before in another thread, I dunno if I'm asexual or not, but... well... I guess years ago when I was about 7 or so I was molested or 'raped' as my boyfriend puts it by a much older family member (I'm not willing to elaborate xD), I think that's led to me having problems as far as sex is concerned, why I'm not able to enjoy it and stuff. A kind of mental block if you will, which is why I'm still confused as to whether it's just that ir if I'm asexual.

*sighs* sometimes things in life are just far too complicated.

Anyway, that thing was something that haunted me beyond a few years ago, now... I think my mind is blocking it out and stuff since I can't remember as much as I used to ^^;

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Member33070

I wasn't ever molested or anything, but I suffered from quite a bit of emotional abuse and mental stuff...

A little bit of physical abuse. I don't really count it, even though it was a bit worse than some of the stuff I've heard people call "abuse"...

I don't really count either actually, voted "no".

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Idraena

I voted no. The closest I've come to it is when I was 10, and two boys from my neighborhood cornered me in the alley outside my grandparents' house and pinned me against a wall while one of them kissed me. But I am not bothered by it and it is SO mild that it doesn't really count. And it definitely had no bearing on my asexuality, since I remember (even at 10) wondering why I wasn't attracted to either of them (or anyone) since all my friends had been talking about crushes and exploring the whole thing for a while.

I grew up in a fairly affectionate family where I was constantly told I was loved, and my sister and I never had physical punishments. But like Samael, I have always been fairly untrusting and VERY distant from my peers. Up until I was about 8 I was EXTREMELY misanthropic and I would have been perfectly happy if everyone else on the planet had been gone, and I could be alone, in peace. I used to try to make up futures for myself where I'd never have to talk to anyone again, ever. I am not nearly as much like this now. I also have consistently used sarcasm as a defense mechanism, even when there really wasn't anything to defend from, or any need to do it. I don't know why I felt like it was necessary, but I definitely did. I still do it sometimes.

Interestingly, people have been mentioning lack of touch as a child as a possible reason people are vulnerable or such -- I actually started jerking away from physical touch around 8 or 9, especially from my family. That lasted until I was about 14. No idea why, other than that I definitely felt very much like I was alienated from the 3 of them. No real evidence for that, but the feeling was very real to me. *shrug* I still struggle with alienation and feeling like I don't belong anywhere.

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PiF

Firstly I do get annoyed when people go on these is asexuality caused by......insert what ever issue is popular this week

As to the poll we have 18 who say abuse contributed to thier asexuality... Personally I don't think it's unreasonable to ask ... Are you sure you are asexual and not just sexually repulsed/anti sexual due to your abuse?

I ask this because those 18 surely would go against the definition that asexuality is an orientation?

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Chopper

I was never but my father was abused as a child but he's not asexual

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Vampyremage

Nope although I did go through some emotional abuse from my mother when I was younger. I don't believe, however, that that contributed to my lack of attraction to people.

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Yellow Fish

Those above that mention they have experienced other forms of abuse generally indicated they still voted "no" in the actual poll, which is fair enough given the question isn't super specific (even if out of context it's clear this is about sexual abuse). I.e. I don't see a problem with how people reply.

-C.

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Vdougie

I have never been sexually abused, but I was physically and emotionally, and I do not think that attributed to my asexuality.

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SquirrelCat

I was emotionally and psychologically abused but never sexually.

I think that may have contributed to my somewhat cynical outlook on life, but as for my asexuality, that was always there, I knew I was asexual long before the emotional and psychological abuse got really bad.

So No it has not contributed to my asexuality.

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Juniper Tree

I voted other. This is because there is a big chance that I have been, there's a lot of evidence for it but I was too young to remember :unsure:

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`Silver

I've never been molested, though I've been bullied. I don't think it influenced my asexuality, but it probably made me an introvert.

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Lyn

I didn't vote on the poll because I'm not sure where I fall under those options. I dated a guy who verbally and emotionally abused me for two years. My exboyfriend did use me being asexual against me quite often, claiming that it meant I didn't care about him as much as I should.

So, no, he didn't have any impact on my asexuality. HOWEVER, I'm biromantic with such a preference towards girls that I'm basically homoromantic. Lately I've started wondering if that's more of a mental thing, since I really haven't been interested in guys since the abuse.

I've never actually told anyone this, not even my best friend, just cause it sounds kind of crazy...but I've always had the feeling that something happened to me as a child. I really don't feel like I can ask my parents, and quite honestly I don't care if something happened to me when I was little. I doubt anything took place, though

But yeah, I had no clue what to answer on the poll so....um. Yeah.

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Dandelions

I was abused physically by a baby sitter when I was very young and while I was very affectionate with people, even strangers, before that, afterwards I became (and remain) very uncomfortable with physical contact and proximity even from close friends and family. So I do think it affected things.

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Murmur

I voted "Yes", but don't know if that contributed to my being Ace or not. Methinks not.

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corvalis

Nope.

I did have an OBGYN insist my asexuality must have been because of sexual abuse I had "repressed," though :rolleyes:

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Lintu

Yes, and yes. I've suffered pretty much every type of abuse since childhood until about 17. and I believe it made me who I am, including my asexuality.

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Batman's Ace

I answered "no" making the assumption this is primarily about physical abuse. I don't think purely psychological abuse like gaslighting has any relevance. My psychologist asked me this question over and over, so I'm about as certain as anyone can be. And then he was nice and accepted my answer and didn't ask again.

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Larien

Since this is a very old thread, it's being locked as part of a plan to clean up Census and keep the information in threads up-to-date. If you're interested in reading or taking part in the discussion, here it is.

Please, feel encouraged to create a new Census thread for this topic, and feel free to PM me with any questions or concerns you may have!

-GLaDOS (aka Larien), Census mod

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