Disgust and/or anger at receiving love/affection

[Elena,]

Idk why but I feel extremely angry every time someone shows me love doesnt matter if its romantic or not. I noticed that I react aggressively every time my family wants to show me affection 

[Condoned_weirdo]

I feel similarly. When someone tells me they like me I feel repulsed or sick and once it even made me cry, even though I liked the guy back. It’s strange because I actually do feel like I like or love people and have crushes on guys and if the people I am interested in like someone else I get really jealous. But on the same time if they show similar affection towards me then at some point I start to feel sick of it. It’s like in theory I want people to like me but in reality I feel repulsed by being liked. 😕

[mirrorcle_world]

I don't feel fear or disgust, but more like being uncomfortable or annoyed. When people have flirted with me in the past, I just wish they'd stop or go away lol. I always feel awkward. 

[frogpal]

i was talking to a close online friend recently and for a period of time i liked him a lot, possibly to the point of a crush. but then as time went on, i don't know what happened but i just noticed he began to make jokes about liking me and i felt really disgusted/almost angry at that? we are both very affectionate people and we have always been like that towards each other but i just one day started to feel really disgusted and angry at his shows of affection and i don't know why???

[SithAzathoth WinterDragon]

I absolutely hate romance on all levels and sexual attraction along with romantic attraction, I do not find anything good in either of them and never experienced either of them. So I have blocked people who've tried expressing such affection since I never want to be touched in anyway or form that's romantic or sexual. I avoid everything to do with both. I get extremely sickened by the thought of either and engaging with anyone. I find it disgusting to be honest. However people can love each other, just NEVER express that affection with me, it shuts me down and I block people for it.

[lanse]

I am mostly amused, there is tiny bit of anger that i cannot contain. Sometimes i dont recognize the love and my partner always feel rejected. I dont know how to accept it

[Honeymustard]

I see a common ongoing theme with people either hating the idea of faking love or just fear of accepting it. I wish I could somewhat understand that but I could almost say I loathe affection. It makes me feel uncomfortable and just a stomach turn of emotions. I especially detest it when I comes from a current crush or lover, I’m kinda okay with it being family or friends. Just the thought of sweet kind words put me off. When it comes from out of the blue, example, “hey I just want to let you know I love you and I’m here for you”. For some reason that just irks me mostly because I didn’t ask for it. I just don’t find anything pleasing and can’t seem to understand why. I could only compare it or describe it as gum stuck in your hair. Even a restless night in bed as you try to find a comfortable position!

[cricketflour]

I can't tell if it's from me being aro, or childhood trauma, or a combination of both. My family isn't all close and lovey dovey, and it always struck me as weird and uncomfortable to be vulnerable with people or cherished. So when it's familial affection, I'm not really angry at receiving it, it's more a feeling of being uncomfortable because it's something unfamiliar to me. As for romantic love, this is something that I'm pretty much always a little...flattered, angered but also disappointed by? I know it's not the other person's fault that they have feelings for me, you can't control stuff like that. It's just that I know I can't and won't give them the answer they want, I can't return that romantic affection as the feeling is totally foreign to me. And I suppose there is some annoyance in there too, because I never expected us to be anything other than friends and maybe that was never their intention at all (I'm not very good at telling when people are flirting with me). Maybe that's a bit selfish? And now that they've told me their feelings, how can our relationship ever go back to the way it was? I just wish I could have relationships with people without the fear of "maybe they're only talking to me because they're interested in me that way" which can only end badly for the both of us. Anyways, I try to balance respecting my own identity as well as understanding their affection doesn't come from a place of malice.

[SpinsterElm]

This... this thread feels like a weight has been lifted off my chest for the first time since high school; when a boy gave me a rose and as I accepted it awkwardly I felt a rising panic and disgust. It’s happened so many times, that I eventually began to realize that something was wrong and I wasn’t reacting the way I should. Many years later accepted that I was aroace, but always having a feeling like it didn’t fully cover everything. A boy I really like platonically was in love with me, asked to date me, I agreed out of a concern that maybe I just needed to be pushed a bit to get comfortable with dating. I still remember how it felt when he pulled me to sit in his lap at a house party, wrapping his arms around me. I still remember the panic in the car when he said I love you and I couldn’t say it back. I’ve always blamed myself for feeling this way, that it must be just me. 
 

thank you for everyone who has replied, I cannot tell you what reading our shared experiences has done for me. 

[confused person]

I had recently developed a pseudo-friendship with someone online, and we were talking a lot every day like some normal people. But eventually, he revealed to me that he had a crush on me. For some reason, I felt extremely grossed out and sick, but I just laughed along and pretended it was ok because I didn’t want to be mean. After that, he started sending these emojis (🥰❤️😘), and I grew extremely uncomfortable. I had repeatedly said that we were friends, and that I didn’t return his feelings, but he kept making those romantic implications and trying to be all sweet. Eventually I couldn’t bear speaking to him, and whenever he tried to text me I got irritated and disgusted. I ended up ghosting him and being relieved that I didn’t have to endure all the “cutesy lovey dovey flirting” bull. I don’t know if I simply don’t like all that sickly sweet romantic affection, or if I’m aro or ace. 

[WaywardHeroine]

I'm glad this thread has stuck around, because this is something I didn't even realize other people experience.

I love affection from my family and friends, but when it's romantic affection, I often become annoyed or angry.  I especially don't like when my previous significant others have talked about how much they love or miss me.  When someone does that, it feels like I'm expected to reciprocate in the same way, and, as a questioning aro, that's obviously something I don't like having to do. I don't want to feel like I'm faking returning their affections, but I feel like I have to respond in SOME way.  That's probably where the frustration comes from.

[t.cu]

hi, i sometime feel disgust/ embarassment when someone shows affection towards or towards me infront of other people. It can even been be as small as holding hands ot something. And i feel weirded out and and disgusted when someone say they like me, i question it in my head and i question whats wrong with them, and i think in my head how pathetic that they feel this way towards me. i dont know can someone help

[Detsy23]

On 10/23/2016 at 3:14 AM, Ashe2 said:

myself I feel. I know what love is, and I feel it, and I feel it towards everyone, and I feel it towards nature too. sometimes with people who are close to me, or with creatures or nature that is dear to me, I feel it stronger, I guess? it doesn't quite make sense that way tho, not that it is stronger, but that it is felt stronger.

so in this way, I realize that I love pretty unconditionally, the only things that change are what inhibit my feeling of love towards people and towards nature.

I care about people in a way that isn't love, and that is something that changes alot if I get close to someone, and it's something that I tend not to feel towards natural things, except maybe places I spend a lot of time in, or sites that are especially beautiful for me, or items that I feel affectionate towards because of long-term quality of use.

so when a person says to me, "I love you" I am confused, because of course they love me. why does it have to be said? and I feel scared because I wonder if they're about to do or say something I won't like, or maybe they feel as if I might not love them, and that scares me too. and I don't like telling people I love them, because no one is special, I love everyone. I will happily tell the people I care about that I care about them, because that is special. but love? why do I need to say this, I don't like feeling forced to say it. I don't like the idea that people's closeness to me depends on whether or not I express my love.

over the years I have restricted my heart. I know that I love people. but I do not feel my heart like that so often any more. when I think about my love, my heart hurts, or is numb, and I hate that, but I'd rather have that then feel love because love feels like a curse, but only because other people are clearly different from me, and that makes me feel alone.

This was the most beautiful thing that I have ever read and I wish to meet you. I can understand it on some level. Because I feel love very easily. People don’t believe me if I tell them that I love them. They think I shouldn’t be able to love them so quickly. So they think I am false and that is sad. And sometimes I will tell a boy I love him and he gets creeped out and I try to explain that he shouldn’t be afraid. That I don’t want him sexually and I don’t want a relationship. And sometimes it won’t compute for them. 
sometimes I love everyone. And sometimes I am angry and I don’t. I’ve been angry for some time now. And I’m sorry I don’t love as much as you do and I’m sorry you feel alone. Like I said before. That was the most beautiful thing I have ever read. Thank you. 

[Rynn]

This thread has been inactive for a long time and is now being locked. If anyone would like to discuss the topic further, feel free to start a new thread about it. 

Ryn, moderator