Miss Wrong Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 I'm demi-sexual and I always feel like I'm lying to myself and that I need to just "admit that I'm actually straight." So I bought a vibrator thinking that I could force myself enjoy sexual things and "prove" that I'm straight. The issue is that because demi-sexual, I don't feel sexual attraction unless I am with my partner and they're touching me sexually. I'm never horny, I never think about sex or want sex aside from if we're actually doing sexual acts. And even then I generally lose interest half way. I figured that if I bought a vibrator and just used it that it would turn me on because it stimulates your genitals. Right? Well not right. Even though I was using it, it didn't turn me on at all. It just ended up making me feel more broken. I hate being demi-sexual because I feel like I live in the invisible world between asexual and allosexual and that I can't relate to anyone on either side. Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 I actually feel a bit differently as a Demisexual. While I agree it's hard to masturbate without actually being with a partner, I'm able to focus on my libido and what helps while masturbating. I think of more physical feelings rather than a specific person. Are there any physical feelings you enjoy even without another person involved? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 I'm demi-sexual and I always feel like I'm lying to myself and that I need to just "admit that I'm actually straight." So I bought a vibrator thinking that I could force myself enjoy sexual things and "prove" that I'm straight. The issue is that because demi-sexual, I don't feel sexual attraction unless I am with my partner and they're touching me sexually. I'm never horny, I never think about sex or want sex aside from if we're actually doing sexual acts. And even then I generally lose interest half way. I figured that if I bought a vibrator and just used it that it would turn me on because it stimulates your genitals. Right? Well not right. Even though I was using it, it didn't turn me on at all. It just ended up making me feel more broken. I hate being demi-sexual because I feel like I live in the invisible world between asexual and allosexual and that I can't relate to anyone on either side. I am sorry you feel this way. I am not demisexual and I can't fully relate how you feel in this situation.If you don't enjoy sexual things without a partner,then that is okay. You being demisexual is okay, you aren't broken. If you honestly feel demisexual, then you aren't lying to yourself,thats how you are. Don't try to force yourself to do things that you simply don't enjoy, it'll just make things worse. If you aren't heterosexual,then you just aren't heterosexual.And that's okay.I know how society,and the media may make you feel that you are "broken" or "that there is something wrong with you" if you don't enjoy sex,desire sex (especially if it's heterosexual sex), or don't experience sexual attraction at all,or under certain circumstances. But don't let society's hypersexuality get to you. Who you are,how you are, is okay, I can't stress this enough.I'm not trying to tell you how to feel or to think,but I don't want you to feel bad about yourself, either.Also, did you desire masturbation before using the vibrator? I ask this because you typed "I'm never horny". If this is the case,that you weren't horny before using the vibrator,that could have had a part to play in this as well.Also, did you fantasize about people while masturbating? Maybe try doing that if you are able to. But,like I typed before, don't push yourself to do things you don't enjoy. I hope I helped some. Being a sex repulsed asexual, maybe I wasn't much help. XD. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Wrong Posted October 8, 2016 Author Share Posted October 8, 2016 I'm demi-sexual and I always feel like I'm lying to myself and that I need to just "admit that I'm actually straight." So I bought a vibrator thinking that I could force myself enjoy sexual things and "prove" that I'm straight. The issue is that because demi-sexual, I don't feel sexual attraction unless I am with my partner and they're touching me sexually. I'm never horny, I never think about sex or want sex aside from if we're actually doing sexual acts. And even then I generally lose interest half way. I figured that if I bought a vibrator and just used it that it would turn me on because it stimulates your genitals. Right? Well not right. Even though I was using it, it didn't turn me on at all. It just ended up making me feel more broken. I hate being demi-sexual because I feel like I live in the invisible world between asexual and allosexual and that I can't relate to anyone on either side. Also, did you desire masturbation before using the vibrator? I ask this because you typed "I'm never horny". If this is the case,that you weren't horny before using the vibrator,that could have had a part to play in this as well.Also, did you fantasize about people while masturbating? Maybe try doing that if you are able to. I didn't desire to masturbate and I thought if I used it I could make myself want it. I haven't ever fantasied about people. Its like if the person isn't there with me, I dont feel anything I guess I just have to be okay with this being my sexuality. It's really hard to explain to people though Link to post Share on other sites
Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 I'm demi-sexual and I always feel like I'm lying to myself and that I need to just "admit that I'm actually straight." So I bought a vibrator thinking that I could force myself enjoy sexual things and "prove" that I'm straight. The issue is that because demi-sexual, I don't feel sexual attraction unless I am with my partner and they're touching me sexually. I'm never horny, I never think about sex or want sex aside from if we're actually doing sexual acts. And even then I generally lose interest half way. I figured that if I bought a vibrator and just used it that it would turn me on because it stimulates your genitals. Right? Well not right. Even though I was using it, it didn't turn me on at all. It just ended up making me feel more broken. I hate being demi-sexual because I feel like I live in the invisible world between asexual and allosexual and that I can't relate to anyone on either side. Also, did you desire masturbation before using the vibrator? I ask this because you typed "I'm never horny". If this is the case,that you weren't horny before using the vibrator,that could have had a part to play in this as well.Also, did you fantasize about people while masturbating? Maybe try doing that if you are able to. I didn't desire to masturbate and I thought if I used it I could make myself want it. I haven't ever fantasied about people. Its like if the person isn't there with me, I dont feel anything I guess I just have to be okay with this being my sexuality. It's really hard to explain to people though I understand. Explaining to others about being ace or on the ace spectrum is very hard to explain. Link to post Share on other sites
Isak Posted October 8, 2016 Share Posted October 8, 2016 Is it even possible to masturbate (and get off) without fantasising about anybody at all? I sure couldn't. As for explaining to others, I have never told any of my friends about my sexuality. It's never come up, as they have no clue about asexuality, greys, etc. although they sure are curious as to why I seem so picky ;) . Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 Is it even possible to masturbate (and get off) without fantasising about anybody at all? I sure couldn't. Absolutely. I almost never fantasize about anybody. Sometimes I do, just to mix it up, but if I don't think about it, it won't happen. Link to post Share on other sites
borkfork Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 I've gotten a lot of useful answers from some people I know, but I cannot ask "Do you think about things in first person? Do the people in your fantasies have faces and everything? Is there like a whole plot or sequence of events?" Link to post Share on other sites
Isak Posted October 9, 2016 Share Posted October 9, 2016 Is it even possible to masturbate (and get off) without fantasising about anybody at all? I sure couldn't. Absolutely. I almost never fantasize about anybody. Sometimes I do, just to mix it up, but if I don't think about it, it won't happen. I suppose we're all different, even in our being different ;) Link to post Share on other sites
binary suns Posted October 15, 2016 Share Posted October 15, 2016 I'm not demisexual but I am grey. for me I totally feel like that, with the whole, not fitting in with aces, not fitting in with sexuals. I like touching, and it has a sexual element to it... an element that other aces who like touching don't get. it makes me feel kind of alien to them, and sad. but when I've been with sexual people... they have all this energy towards sex and the topic of sex that I'm so uncomfortable with. I don't know what to say in response to your vibrator question. I can masturbate, but I don't like it. I've thought some about getting a vibrator, it'd make it less involved I think. I wish I could just make my libido go away. Link to post Share on other sites
rainycity Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 It can be kind of an ordeal for me to masturbate. I do it maybe once a month, and I have to build up to it. I wait until my hormones are at their peak and then I think about some scenario or read erotica or something... it can help if I'm half-asleep too, like if I just woke up... and then uh, well, I get out my vibrator. Sometimes it works, and it's super fun and relaxing and feels really good and I lay in the afterglow for a while. Sometimes it does feel like I'm just completing a chore, though, and I may or may not finish, but even if I do the momentary physical pleasure goes away instantly and I'm left feeling irritated and like I just wasted my time. I don't know if that's relatable... or why I typed it out even.. heh... I guess, you know, sex is complicated, self-pleasure is complicated. But it sounds like you know what makes you happy and what you don't want, so isn't that good? I'm glad you're open to experimenting and trying this new thing, but listen to yourself and believe yourself, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Slayerin96 Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 I'm (hetero)demisexual, too. Personally, sex toys do nothing for me, as I want to feel a human being, not plastic. I only get turned on when thinking about the boy I desire. As far as masturbating is concerned, I only feel something slight when fantasizing about him - but I can't focus on it for more than a few minutes since what I find truly enjoyable is lying in bed with him, and feeling his body as close to mine as possible. My sex drive is only active when we get to meet up and have our fun as this friend of mine is the only one who can give me these physical sensations. I can't imagine myself sleeping with any other boy, he is the only one I want to do these things with. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Loki Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 Honestly, that doesn't mean all that much. I'm demi too but (tmi) I have a very strong libido, I gotta take care of it all the time and I never liked using a vibrator. The sensation isn't really that nice to me and just using something weird and plastic and alien grosses me out. And I've talked to plenty sexual women about it and quiet a few have also expressed that they feel that way, so please don't think that makes you weird and broken ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
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