clyclone Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 I honestly don't know how to express this, so here goes. One of my friends, who I happen to have feelings for, made a casual comment today about being ace. While I had some prior understanding, I was woefully uninformed about what exactly that meant. Basically, I'm asking for help on how to communicate. How do I talk about how I feel about them, boundaries, what they are/aren't comfortable with, etc? I don't want to say something ignorant/offensive when I'm just trying to get to know them better. Thank you for your help! I apologize for my uneducatedness. Link to post Share on other sites
brbdogsonfire Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 You are being pretty vague. They are asexual, and your likely sexual? Are you wanting friends? Relationship? Sex? For an asexual sex may or may not be on the table, and it is Important to understand this and clarify this before a relationship starts. It would be good to know if they are sex repulsed or sex averse( disgusted by or neutral to). If they are romantic or aromantic as is fairly common in the ace community. If they are aromantic a relationship past friends is unlikely. We need more information to have a good dialogue about it, but when my current girlfriend, if she is reading this she is a mean smelly, told me she was asexual I thankfully was aware of what it was. That didn't stop my asking questions and her asking them back. It was unfamiliar territory for both of us but we needed to know where we were. We discussed sex and set agreements and rules, it was uncomfortable for both of us but it had to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Null_and_Void Posted October 7, 2016 Share Posted October 7, 2016 They're not aliens, you don't need to consult others of their ilk to learn how to talk to them. How about you just talk to your friend and ask THEM questions? Every person is different, and there's nothing anyone here can tell you to help you get to know your friend better, because we don't know them. All being asexual means is they don't experience sexual attraction. That's it, and that's all anyone here could tell you. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 7, 2016 Share Posted October 7, 2016 How you feel about them... just tell them. If you want a relationship, say so. Nothing different there just cause they are ace. Now, if you want to reassure them that you don't want sex from them, that's something you could do. But, otherwise, it's just like talking to anyone else. One should always discuss what their partner is or isn't comfortable with anyway. Things you might want to ask them about if you want a romantic relationship though: If they are OK with sensual activities (kissing, cuddling, etc), if they are sex-repulsed, neutral, positive. See what your relationship would look like, what they are looking for in one (if they are looking for one). Link to post Share on other sites
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