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I am so lost...


Linda79

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Hi all.

I am new her, and I have been reading some of the posts and I what to get something off my chest.

I have just moved inn with my girlfriend and before I moved inn we lived some ways apart and did not have the opportune to get together more then in the weekends. In the start I cod not see any problem, but as time passed I started noticing that there was less and less interest in sex form her point of view. I tried to talk to her about it but I did not get anywhere, she always had a excuse, she was tired, she was in pain (arthritis). we ended up having sex every other weekend and still dropping. I ended up falling head over heels for this women and I garbed my two kids and moved inn, thinking that this wold sort itself out during the summer.

The sex problem did not stop tho, now it is down to ones a mouth. I have tried to initiate sex, but I get turned down over and over again and it is starting to make me feel less confident, like I am systematically being broken down. It is now gone so far that I don`t dear initiate sex anymore out of fear of being turned down again.

I can tow sett my timer on when I will get any sex, because she suddenly wants me just days after her period is over.

I have asked my girl if she is asexual and her reply is that yes in some periods she might be. Now when I tray to talk to her about this problem, she will just get mad and say hurtful things and my confidante will go even lower. I currently don`t have a job and I cry when she is not home because I don`t know what to do or what I am doing wrong or how I shod/shod not act. I am scared of putting my arm around my girlfriend out of fear of being told of or something...I cant talk to her, because then the hole day will be messed up and she wont look at me and just be angry all day, say mean things to me and all that crap, making me feel like I did something horribly wrong.

I have now been reading a little her, and there is some of the answers that I just cant get out of my mind. There was one that replayed to a post that he/she wold mentally prepare for a hole day to give her/his partner sex.....now this just rubs me the wrong way. That wold be like allowing somebody to rape you....and I cod never do that to my girlfriend...that wold just be so wrong in so many ways, and I wold never find any pleasure from it.

So I feel like I am at a crossroad now, shod I live out the rest of my life knowing that I will never have sex with her?, never be intimate with her and always be told mean things? or shod I ..... leave? leave the love of my life, leave all this because of .... no sex?? that just feels so shallow .... but at the same time I just what to feel loved, feel something other then fear of rejection.

Like many here, if I don`t hazel her for sex or being intimate, life is perfect. And I cod not ask for anything better then what I have with her. She is a god mom for my girls, she is just perfect. The only problem is the sex.

I know I have to make up my mind on my own, I just what to hear your point of view, if there are others out there that is or have been feeling the same way, what I can do or cant do....I am just so lost at the moment.....and I just need somebody to hear me...because my girlfriend wont....

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Well, this migth not be a direct reply, but...

Im the sexual, and when my wife has her period, then she suddenly starts giving those lovely, warm hugs and also kisses more! Why? Could be because she is in the safezone and doesnt have to worry about 'the risk' of sex, or it could be, that her hormones are just making her do it, because she suddenly wants to hug? I dont think she knows, since im the sexual, who happens to react, like a touch is like an opening/posibillity for sex! For a moment, im so happy, then it strikes me, like a freigth train and I remember, that she loves me, but doesnt 'want' me! Then I have mood swings between feeling loved and lonely!

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Man, we have very similar stories. I started noticing pretty quickly that things were... different... regarding sex. After the first month or so we stopped having sex with regularity... over the years it went from a couple times a week to an almost immediate once a week to once every other week, and then a huge drop to a couple times a year. In seven years, my partner hasn't run out of reasons or ideas on how to fix it. The reasons don't matter to me and the fixes never work.

As far as the feeling like you're raping her thing... I have that same issue, which is probably why the major drop in frequency... I just stopped being able to deal with it. I don't want pity sex or compromise sex or anything like that. My partner sometimes says things which I know she means to be nice or alluring or... something... but it's always like "I've been making myself think about sex all day so I can try tonight!" and I'm just like... BLERRRGGGGG. In no way, shape, or form does that do it for me.

My only good advice is to break up. But, that's much easier said than done, I realize. Incompatibilities only get worse with time, in my experience.

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There is a serious lack of communication here. I know this should seem like an obvious answer, but have you told her that it hurts your feelings when she says mean things? In the nicest way possible? Honestly, if my partner was saying mean crap to me a lot I would leave . . . I don't think I would be able to handle that.

As for the period thing? A lot of women--sexual and asexual--have hormones go crazy. A lot of women are most aroused during their period and don't want to tell their partners because most people think it's gross to do anything during a girl's period (though it is possible). I doubt it's so much that anyone thinks they can "get away with it" as much as it is . . . I mean, the energy's there. For me my hormones tend to spike right before my period.

If you choose to stay with your partner, you're likely going to learn that it would be best to not think that cuddling, hugging, or anything else is going to lead to sex. I realize that ordinarily it would! But she most likely wants all of that stuff, too, and all of it can be done if you don't talk about sex all--or even most of the time--that you're doing it. . . . If you go to do it, you can tell her out-right that you're not wanting to get sex, you're just wanting something. I don't think I need to say this, because I'm sure you already know, but if you tell her that, and you guys hug, and then you start talking about sex, she's probably not going to go for that again.

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