botanywildfowl

Abrosexual

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botanywildfowl

Hi, my name is Jaimie and I'm an abrosexual. I'm not sure if I belong in the AVEN forums, but I couldn't find a forum dedicated towards abrosexuality. If you don't know, abrosexuality is when your sexuality is constantly changing or is fluid. I can't find any other term that defines who I am. I've tried identifying as so many different sexualities and none of them ever stuck. My sexuality randomly changes from asexual, heterosexual, bisexual, pansexual, homosexual, etc. For a long time I thought there was something seriously wrong with me.I've come out too many times to the point where my mom is like "whatever" and it just breaks me inside. Are there any other abrosexuals out there? I'd love to get to know you!

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Star Bit

That's just called being a normal bisexual. Sexual people don't desire sex 24/7 and go through dry spells. It's a misconception that bi peoples attractions don't fluctuate. They factually and commonly do. Yes, there are many other bisexuals just like you out there.

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Wallflowerbaby13

Hi Jaimie! I am not a fellow abrosexual, but glad to see you here and welcome! It sounds like you have been through a lot of self exploration and research to come to this point. Cheers! Learning about ourselves, especially our sexualities can be very confusing and a long journey. It is okay to not have it all figured out! I hope Aven turns into a fun place to continue exploring and meeting more people and finding other abrosexuals 😀

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Snao Cone

Hi Jaimie :cake:

Everyone is welcome in AVEN regardless of orientation. I hope you find some helpful information here. :)

Like Star Bit said, your fluctuating feelings about your sexuality might just be bisexuality that's felt in varying phases. I'd imagine that it's very frustrating, not knowing how you're going to feel towards someone in a sexual way based on how you feel at that time. Have you had a lot of experiences with this within a relationship, or is this more of a pattern of attraction outside of being with someone? I've found that many people who experience day to day fluctuations become steadier when they are in a committed relationship.

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Ashes of the phoenix

I think that you are the way you are and tbh I fluctuate a lot of the time between being grey and being, like, incredibly ace. I go about a week at least either way.

TBH I have seen so many terms for someone in flux. I wish I remembered them all, and I confess I don't know enough about them, I don't know if the terms are interchangeable or subtly different. but maybe there are others who use a different word more commonly, and that is why you couldn't find a forum dedicated to it.

tbh I am sad when people go "but that is how it normally is" and I just go :huh: the person described that their orientation is in flux, and you say what is normal is people who's emotional experience is in flux. maybe it is true that in this case that is what both people mean, and as such it is indeed normal. but, it is not normal for a person to not always be able look into themselves and think, "yeah I mean I'm not horny right now but I still know I'm sexual". my experience is, that I can for a whole week earnestly believe to the core of my body that I'm a fool for thinking I've ever experience sexual attraction or even horniness. it just doesn't make sense in those moments, that that really happened. other times, even tho in the moment i do not feel "sexual" I still can believe that I am, and it is so fundamentally different, those two ways of being, it can't be described any other way than as my orientation in flux.

maybe it is true that this kind of thing is indeed what is normal. but whenever I see people say "wow that's normal" the way they say it is just so dismissive it's rude :mad:

I think, tbh, there should be a thread for people in flux, here on these forums. everyone is honestly welcome here, just because it is a place focused on asexuality awareness where asexual people flock, doesn't change that. there are people of all orientations here, if you run into them. some are only here briefly of course, so it might take some patience to find others who are closer to you than average.

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Star Bit

I think that you are the way you are and tbh I fluctuate a lot of the time between being grey and being, like, incredibly ace. I go about a week at least either way.

Like i said, that's normal. Sexual/Gray-sexual people don't desire sex 24/7. Your reaction to being in those dry moments is irreverent to it being normal. Actually, it's somewhatly a norm to not identify with things without attraction; after a relationship some people go "why was i attracted to them?" and are repulsed by the relationship (while the repulsion not nececerily being because the person was bad). Or like a pregnant person having cravings for specific things and then after the pregnancy going "ew, i ate that? why?". So without the urge people can feel differently about things. And like i also said, it IS factually a normal Bisexual thing and is a misconception that they aren't in flux. Google bisexual fluctuations. If you take offence to someone simply stating something is factually normal then that's really your problem. Them saying so doesn't mean "yah, that's not real" it means "there are a ton of people like that"; it's validating not invalidating. It shouldn't be induced that every little thing is a new orientation.

Also, "sexually fluid" can mean alot of things. How i typically see it used is on normal bisexuals, but others define it as the person's orientation changing permanently, their preferred type of sex changing (not doing kinky sex to desiring kinky sex), them being monoflexible, they're capable of having sex outside their orientation (e.g. straight men in prison), or can desire to have sex with any gender but not romance (i.e. monoromantic bisexual). Obviously all the definitions already have titles and they have a misconception, so if you look up research on sexual fluidity it may not end up being accurate.

(mono being an orientation prefix short for hetero/homo/not bi)

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Starlit Sky

Could be wrong, but it sounds to me like the OP means that they go through times where they're only attracted to males, times where they're only attracted to females, times where they're attracted to no one--that's not bisexuality, last I checked.

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Anthracite_Impreza

Could be wrong, but it sounds to me like the OP means that they go through times where they're only attracted to males, times where they're only attracted to females, times where they're attracted to no one--that's not bisexuality, last I checked.

My mate's bi and she regularly swings between 'straight' and 'gay', questioning her sexuality, but then realises she's still bi. Preferring one over the other at times (or even completely losing interest in one!) is completely normal for bi people according to her.
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Wallflowerbaby13

Okay, most of you are being really rude. Op has introduced themselves and they are not asking our opinions on what they are. Obviously this term is out there for a reason. Obviously op has found this not-well-known term through a lot of questioning and self reflection and research. If they asked for your opinion, that is one thing, but this is an INTRODUCTION. They are putting themselves out there to find others in a similar situation. Not to be told that, once again, they could not possibly be what they say they are. It must be this. Because we all know better then they know themselves. Weird how this sounds familiar. Idk, maybe like how a lot of people react to Asexuality?

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Star Bit

Could be wrong, but it sounds to me like the OP means that they go through times where they're only attracted to males, times where they're only attracted to females, times where they're attracted to no one--that's not bisexuality, last I checked.

No, that is bi.

@Wallflower

No, this term is not automatically out there for a reason; there are a ton of pointless terms created by tumblr.

And none of us are saying it's not real, we're saying it's normal. The term sexually fluid also refers to alot of things; all of which have terms.

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scarletlatitude

The OP says the following:

Are there any other abrosexuals out there? I'd love to get to know you!

The OP is not asking about their orientation, or if they could be something else. The purpose of this thread is to find others that are abrosexual. Please stop discussing what other orientations the OP could be. If you would like to debate labels, make a separate thread for it.

scarletlatitude

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Starlit Sky

Having a preference at a time is not the same thing as completely switching gears, which seems like what abrosexuality is about. I'm well-aware that many bisexual people will sometimes have times where they prefer females and other times prefer males.

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Star Bit

No, bi people do completely switch gears. For one span of time they can be attracted to just women, then another just men, then another both evenly, then another rarely to one and predominantly to the other. Look up bisexual fluctuation and you'll see how common it is.

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RK800

Wooo, off topic city up in this thread.

I don't ID as that personally but regardless, all are welcome here.

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scarletlatitude

This thread has been reopened.

Please keep the discussion away from label debates. If further debates continue to take place (note that this is the second time I have asked for it to stop), disciplinary action will happen.

scarletlatitude

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Eligrace52

Sometimes I feel like maybe abrosexual fits me. But I think I prefer aceflux. Most of the time I feel pretty asexual but sometimes I'm more grey. Also just thought I'd signal boost this.

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AVEN #1 fan
On 09/20/2016 at 3:49 AM, Star Bit said:

That's just called being a normal bisexual. Sexual people don't desire sex 24/7 and go through dry spells. It's a misconception that bi peoples attractions don't fluctuate. They factually and commonly do. Yes, there are many other bisexuals just like you out there.

More like a pansexual.

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Star Bit

Fluctuation applies to bi and pan people.

... pan people... lol

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AVEN #1 fan
19 minutes ago, Star Bit said:

Fluctuation applies to bi and pan people.

... pan people... lol

Yeah, they said pan. Lol

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Idknomoreos

I'm abrosexual also and it does actually feel different from bisexual fluctuations. I go between asexual bisexual and apothisexual. I'm also on tumblr and post about my abrosexuality fairly often (@idknomoreos). Idk love to get to know yo too Jamie and form a little squad of fellow abrosexuals. I feel like it's a lot harder to deal with because your feelings change so often you have to constantly come out to people and for me it's a daily thing. 

 

For the the rest of you, yeah it does sound like just bisexual or pansexual flucuation but it's actually pretty different. I've had to go through every known sexuality trying to find something for me and it's hard to understand something that you don't personally feel but abrosexuality makes you feel different very often and it won't feel right to stay with one sexuality. 

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Fortune

Came in here literally just on the off chance that 'abrosexual' meant someone only sexually attracted to magicians.

 

 

But I'll stay to say;

People experience sexual attractions in a whole galaxy of different ways and finding that your ideal attractee is amorphous and constantly shifting is perfectly natural. Don't feel bad for liking cis-males one day and trans-attack helicopters the next, just go with what will make you happy.

Ride the lightening and never let it get you down.

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Snao Cone
44 minutes ago, Fortune said:

Came in here literally just on the off chance that 'abrosexual' meant someone only sexually attracted to magicians.

 

Abracadabrasexual is attraction to female magicians (which is quite rare because there are so few). Hocuspocussexual is attraction to male magicians.

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Fortune
2 hours ago, Snow Cone said:

Abracadabrasexual is attraction to female magicians (which is quite rare because there are so few). Hocuspocussexual is attraction to male magicians.

I'm 100% on board with making this a thing.

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Star Bit
On 12/16/2016 at 7:36 AM, Slackware said:

Oh, Jesus Christ, do we really need yet another label?  Just call yourself sexually fluid.  That's the proper term after all.  What language does the root word "abro" come from anyway?  Is it French, Spanish, Italian?  It's impossible to know, really, because these terms tend to be thrown together from a variety of disparate languages, depending on what foreign language the inventor of any given term is currently learning in high school.

Actually it's not. Sexually fluid was created by sexologists to mean many things; all of which already have names. What it's being used to refer to orientation wise is just a normal bi/pansexual.

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Ruka S.

I'm abrosexual myself. I tend to be all over the charts. I used to regard myself as sexually fluid but it was a bit harder cause people thought that was a scientific theory. But I found the label and finally realized that was what I identified with. But if you ever want to talk message me.

 

It it is actually a valid orientation. There was a time where being Asexual was regarded with this negativity about how it wasn't real and it was a 'tumblr sexuality'. Now, it's more widely known and regarded as valid. I just hope that Jamie isn't feeling oppressed by all this, that'd be rude and not in the spirit of AVEN. Cause it seems like this is an overly supportive community. 

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Star Bit

@Ruka S. As I've already said, sexually fluid IS a scientific theory, and a wrong one at that. Not that sexuality can't change, but what they actually define it as is wrong; which is many things btw. Then the "label faeries" got ahold of it (like they've done with other clinical terms) and started using it as an orientation, when in fact it's just (again, as I said) a normal bisexual/biromantic experience according to a large percentage of them. Someone's interest in one or the other fluctuating doesn't suddenly change their orientation; they're still interested in both, just like a sexual's interest in sex fluctuating doesn't stop making them a sexual person.

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OneStarfishMatters

You all need to stop making this a mini war zone, abrosexual is a real thing "abro" means open. So this would probably mean ,based on what people who identify as it describe it as,"open to change." Which seems to describe this sexuality fairly well. I mean aren't we all supposed to be some big I'm happy family over here? I don't know about you but aside from a couple of people this doesn't seem very happy or accepting to me.

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MusicAndFandoms

Hi Jamie! I am also an Abrosexual. What many in this chat don't understand, since they aren't Abrosexual, is that it's not just bisexual flux. There are days, even when I'm in a relationship, where I feel no attraction but as a friend towards the person I'm dating and there are days when I'm head over heels for them. It's not a bisexual flux. Bisexual goes between two genders, and I switch constantly between many. Androsexual, gynosexual, asexual, omnisexual, and others. Once again, it's not just a bisexual flux. Androsexual is not a made up sexuality to feel included. It. Is. Not. A. Bisexual. Flux.  Also, the OP made an introduction. Not once did I see them ask for you opinions on how their sexuality isn't real. 

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Star Bit

@OneStarfishMatters @MusicAndFandoms Yes it's a real thing, but it's a completely normal (bisexual) thing, nothing more. YouTube it and you'll find evidence of it on Bi videos.

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acestudent

@Star Bit "just like a sexual's interest in sex fluctuating doesn't stop making them a sexual person."

 

This sounds exactly like the kind of thing people have been saying to Aces for years. If you didn't have any interest in responding to OP, and only came here to push your agenda, please leave. You have been asked many times to do so politely. I don't know what you, personally, could possibly be getting out of coming into a forum that had nothing to do with you and bullying people who you don't understand. That is not what the AVEN community is about. It is, and always has been about acceptance.

 

As a general rule, people come up with new terms in order to better describe themselves, when currently existing ones come up insufficient. Like polyflexible or quasisexual. One does not need to be a "label faerie", just someone with need. Language grows and changes all the time based on the needs of the people who use it. That is what makes it a living language. Without that growth, language would literally die. Just because one individual does not have need of it, does not mean that no one should be allowed to use it.

 

Now, @botanywildfowl, it has been my experience (as I was just saying above) that the Ace community is always very welcoming and accepting of every identity, and how *you* choose to identify yourself is absolutely what matters. Don't let anyone else tell you what your identity means to you. I allowed that for years and all I got was further and further from my true self. I think that abrosexual actually makes a lot of sense to me. I identify as Ace, primarily, but I go through periods of being strongly attracted to one or the other sex/gender combination, periods of outright sex repulsion, and other times where I am just uninterested in being sexual at all (without repulsion). And in each of these periods, I cannot imagine being any other way. To the point where I feel like I must have been a fraud in the other contexts. It is very disorienting (ba dum tss), and has often left me feeling like I just don't belong anywhere. I would want to talk to some more folks who identify with this and maybe look into it a bit more, but it has a kind of familiarity to it, much as "asexual" and "neutrois" did for me when I first started learning about them.

 

On a side note, it is interesting to hear that a significant number (but not all, by any means) of bi and pan folks may be experiencing a similar, intense fluxuation where they suddenly find that they have zero interest (possibly even to the point of repulsion) in a group they previously preferred. That almost makes me think that perhaps those bi folks simply didn't know that they could come together under a different identity. Because in the end, that is what all of these different "labels" are all about, isn't it? To help folks with experiences that don't fit existing identities to find others like them who understand and have *empathy* for what their experience means to them. Anyone can have sympathy, and it is appreciated from kind and generous folks who do not share these experiences, but with empathy, we know that we *understand* each other. And again... Isn't that really what we are all here for? I think so, anyways. Well, most of us ;)

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