Extreme behavior before Ace *TW*

[idrisgallifrey]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this, but as I am an older Ace and well I have some experience, I hope to see if other older Aces might have had the same experience.

Now I did put a trigger warning on this, because it is about sex and sexual activity and taking it to a different level, because you lack sexual attraction, don't want to have sex and because you think there is something wrong with you, tend to go overboard with things that you now realize might not always have been a good idea. You live, you learn that sort of thing.

So when I am talking about extreme type behavior, it's more or less experimenting. In my case, I used to have this friend who was into swingers clubs. So because I was confused and curious, I just went along a few times just to see what it was about. I didn't participate (eeeeew nooooo), didn't care, and felt absolutely nothing. I wasn't totally disgusted either, it was just a bit uncomfortable seeing people bumping uglies and doing other sorts of "activities".

Later on I even went to fetish parties, BDSM parties and even had a friend who worked as a Dominatrix, so I dabbled in that for a while too, but well... it was not my cup of tea. It was fun for a period, but I could not identify with that either, so I just left that scene.

And then there's the one night stands, the boyfriends, and other sexual activities you do just to see if you feel something, or some type of attraction.

After a while I just completely broke off from everything. I stayed single for a few years and I was the happiest I had ever been, no sex, no pressure, it was perfect. And then I met my husband and because we're both on the Ace spectrum, we never have to have sex an we're pretty happy :-P

[Homer]

As you said, it's experimenting. Something being (more or less) unusual doesn't make it extreme, so I absolutely don't see anything wrong with what you've done. Sometimes it's trial and error and you've found that these activities don't do anything for you.

Your last paragraph is the most important part of what you wrote. You seem to be happy and content and that's all that matters :)

[idrisgallifrey]

Thanks for the reply Homer S.! Much appreciated! You actually have a point there, as it seems extreme in my view, but then again, I was raised protectively, my parents never gave me sex ed. and well, anything else besides the "normal" thing was viewed as extreme.

I mean, back in the day we didn't have the internet, or youtube and there was no information available telling us what our orientation was. So yeah, experimenting was the only way to find out if something was your thing. It took me 34 years of experimenting to find out that I'm okay the way I am :-) So yeah, coming out of the oven is probably the best thing that happened to me :p

[Ladyinred]

Congrats on your husband. And you are not alone. I experimented too. I tried hard to be a sexual person. Didn't work. Lol.

[Qutenkuddly]

Yeah, been there, did that. :p

[idrisgallifrey]

Thanks Ladyinred an Qutenkuddly! Yeah exactly, been there, done that, got the T-shirt LoL

[if-indeed]

Ah yeah, I had so much sex when I was 18-22ish. A lot of it was experimentation because I couldn't figure out what the heck my orientation was--was I bi, gay, pan? I knew on some level that I felt the same amount of attraction to any gender, but because I had no clue that it was possible not to be attracted to anybody, I thought I must be attracted to every gender. At some points, I'd think "I don't think I'm actually attracted to (e.g.) men" but I just assumed that meant I was only attracted to women. If only l knew! If I'd learned about asexuality in high school I think I'd have figured it out back then, but of course I didn't.

[Gypsy2]

Oh, yes. Lots of experimentation in my marriages (once to a man, once to a woman) trying to find *something* that would make me want to participate in sexual encounters. Nothing did, two divorces.

[idrisgallifrey]

Ah yeah, I had so much sex when I was 18-22ish. A lot of it was experimentation because I couldn't figure out what the heck my orientation was--was I bi, gay, pan? I knew on some level that I felt the same amount of attraction to any gender, but because I had no clue that it was possible not to be attracted to anybody, I thought I must be attracted to every gender. At some points, I'd think "I don't think I'm actually attracted to (e.g.) men" but I just assumed that meant I was only attracted to women. If only l knew! If I'd learned about asexuality in high school I think I'd have figured it out back then, but of course I didn't.

Yeah, it's just having to try things out, because back in the day we didn't even know it existed. If we did, we probably wouldn't have experimented and closed shop immediately LoL

Oh, yes. Lots of experimentation in my marriages (once to a man, once to a woman) trying to find *something* that would make me want to participate in sexual encounters. Nothing did, two divorces.

Yeah exactly. It's trying to find something to participate in. And sexual people have the tendency to tell you:" maybe you haven't found something that makes you want to have sex yet, like BDSM or something." And I'm just like, yeaaaaaah well, I have tried everything and I am still not interested..

[Danny_Smith]

I am kink, and I do have physical/sexual feelings. physical about the activity, and I have deep emotional feelings for my dominant, but it is a non sexual non primary relationship.

[newgirl]

I am kink, and I do have physical/sexual feelings. physical about the activity, and I have deep emotional feelings for my dominant, but it is a non sexual non primary relationship.

Danny_Smith

Are you into BDSM scene and into sub/dom relationship. I was into the BDSM but it was hard finding a sub asexual male.

[if-indeed]

I am kink, and I do have physical/sexual feelings. physical about the activity, and I have deep emotional feelings for my dominant, but it is a non sexual non primary relationship.

Danny_Smith

Are you into BDSM scene and into sub/dom relationship. I was into the BDSM but it was hard finding a sub asexual male.

We definitely exist :p Most of my favorite play partners have been lesbians, honestly, because I feel comfortable knowing they are there for the same reason I am--just to play--and won't want to have sex with me. So maybe you can look for something like that, play partners who aren't attracted to folks of your gender but who don't mind playing with you?

[Adam_Jensen]

"Reads the thread and wonders what a swingers club is.Checks on google and then immediately regrets that decision"

[idrisgallifrey]

"Reads the thread and wonders what a swingers club is.Checks on google and then immediately regrets that decision"

LoL yeah, what has been read, cannot be unread :-P I remember feeling very uncomfortable those times I tagged along. Heck I was even kind of grossed out and afraid to sit, wondering how many bodily fluids had been deposited on the furniture. And since there were mainly old people, saggy boobs and shrunken wieners were well.. not something I was willing to look at. Ooooh the horror!!

[Adam_Jensen]

"Reads the thread and wonders what a swingers club is.Checks on google and then immediately regrets that decision"

LoL yeah, what has been read, cannot be unread :-P I remember feeling very uncomfortable those times I tagged along. Heck I was even kind of grossed out and afraid to sit, wondering how many bodily fluids had been deposited on the furniture. And since there were mainly old people, saggy boobs and shrunken wieners were well.. not something I was willing to look at. Ooooh the horror!!

Oh God this sounds like something that came out of a nightmare

If those old people were also cannibals that would make a good set up for a horror movie.

I can already imagine the title "The Lust of the Flesh" Coming to theaters near you this fall :D

[newgirl]

I am kink, and I do have physical/sexual feelings. physical about the activity, and I have deep emotional feelings for my dominant, but it is a non sexual non primary relationship.

Danny_Smith

Are you into BDSM scene and into sub/dom relationship. I was into the BDSM but it was hard finding a sub asexual male.

We definitely exist :P Most of my favorite play partners have been lesbians, honestly, because I feel comfortable knowing they are there for the same reason I am--just to play--and won't want to have sex with me. So maybe you can look for something like that, play partners who aren't attracted to folks of your gender but who don't mind playing with you?

If-indeed,

I'm into Sensual Domination of course without oral ,anal or vaginal intercourse. It's hard finding a sub who's not into non pain bdsm.