I Need Some Insight

[timidcat]

Note: I would appreciate it if women (transwomen as well) could please inform me what sexual attraction feels like. I say women because science supports that men feel sexual attraction more intensely than women.

I've heard that studies show that men not on the ace spectrum find it very hard to not notice their preferred gender. It's why so many adds contain women, just the legs of a woman, or just the bust of a woman. I used to think it was all pretty ridiculous but studies show that sex sells. It's why one of the most common complaints from couples on holiday is when the man can't stop looking at the women on the beach no matter how hard they try. The men show and swear that they are in no way dissatisfied with their partner, they literally can't stop looking because their brains are wired that way.

Studies definitely prove that women feel sexual attraction less frequently than men and that they are more likely to develop sexual attraction only after they have some insight on the person's personality.

So I'm just incredibly curious how many times a day, week, month, year do non ace women feel sexual attraction? How intense is it? Do you get over it and how hard is it to look away?

[NuOmicron]

Those are some interesting questions. I don't know if I'm the best candidate to answer this, because I don't get how my sexuality works, but I'll give it a shot.

Sexual attraction towards people is for me an exciting feeling. It feels like... something exciting is going to happen, and I get playful, because to me it feels a bit like a game. Not like game you beat someone at, but something you play together with someone. A cooperative game. You'll hint at something, and see how they respond and maybe they'll hint back. I'm a fan of non-verbal communication so I like that game a lot, and I guess most people call it "flirting", even though I personally think flirting doesn't have to be sexual. I rarely feel sexual attraction towards people if they're not physically there. I don't feel sexual attraction by bodies so much rather than actions. Feeling sexual attraction for me doesn't always mean I actually want to have sex with them, but that something they do or the way they look gives me sexual feelings.

Sexual attraction towards someone you love is completely different though. It's more.. intimate and to me very meaningful. It's like having a long and pleasing discussion, but instead of words you use your body (that sounds awfully poetic, but I guess it's a good way to describe how it feels). I just now, when reading that, realized I sound kind of passionate, haha.

I feel sexual attraction (the non-loving kind) every now and then. Maybe once or twice a week, depending how much I go out and meet people. Sometimes I feel it more often. For me I guess it's a pretty intense feeling. I usually get a little bit embarrassed and try to just act normal, but if it's with someone I trust and love I try to play the flirting game instead. To get over sexual feelings I think about "Do I really want to have sex with this person?" and the answer is most often no, because to me sex is something very emotional. If it's with someone I actually want to have sex with but feel I should not because of other reasons I usually think about the reasons why we shouldn't have sex, and it calms me down a little bit. Sometimes it can be very hard to not think about it, because I kind of feel guilty and out of place when I suddenly start feeling sexual feelings and really want to have sex when I "shouldn't", and then they become more intense just because I'm trying to not feel them (instead of just accept them and move on). Some people like casual sex, but I don't.
Oh, and, I've recently discovered that I sometimes find men's bodies attractive (which I didn't before), so now when I see something I find aesthetically pleasing in a sexual way I just try to enjoy it, haha.

Some of my friends that identify as male say I have a high sex drive, but I don't know. Maybe I do? It feels like a hard thing to compare. I barely know how sexual attraction works anyway.

[timidcat]

Thanks for you're reply! Your experience is generally what most of my straight girl friends experience. Me being asexual and aromantic makes so much sense now that I think about it. Even under the pressure of my friends I was always thinking in a scientific and logical manner when the subject of romance came up. I never got the butterflies in my stomach that people experience when crushing on someone. I must say though that I love to learn everything there is to know about sex and romance. This one time I flirted with a guy who was clearly interested in me just to see what he would do.

[scarlett45]

It's has to be noted that for heterosexual women there are more social and biological consequences to sex (especially casual sex). A young woman might DESIRE sex, find certain men she knows attractive but not act on it for a variety of reasons, safety, those men not being socially appropriate (like a co-worker) etc.

The average sexual woman may desire sex just as much as the average guy, but the way the world works we have to think about the consequences if we choose to ACT on the attraction. Also if it's "just sex" most women aren't going to shout it from the rooftops, or even mention it the way a man would, again, slut shamming.

Speaking as a sexual woman who's in a dry spell right now, just because I'm not having sex doesn't mean I don't want it. My sexual desire may be ramped up if there is a specific guy I am into but I don't have to have an object to have the desire. Yes there have been celebrities and random dudes in the grocery store I have been sexually attracted to, as in "if we lived in a magical world where there were no consequences would I want to have sex with them?" SURE, but I'm not going to approach random grocery guy for sex (not against women who do, it's just not me).