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touching-not-so-much

Why Do Sexuals Require SEX Specificially to Orgasm? Magic?

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AvengelAzrael

Huh. It makes sense when you spell it out for me like that. That viewpoint just never occurred to me before. I guess you learn new things every day, thanks all!

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Janus DarkFox

But to Snow's post... Why overcome urges when you don't need to? Of course cuddling is not the same as sex. Cuddling is peaceful, sex is fire.

People shouldn't have to overcome urges when they don't need to, that's my point. That is why cuddling can't be a stand-in for sex.
I'd be lucky to get any urge generally, while others asexuals could have an urge for sex in a verity of ways beyond any actual physical urge to do anything themselves.

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Bezzy-Loo

- Revealing your body is pretty scary

- Having someone else's body revealed to you is pretty scary also

Hmm. I have seen friends naked and they have seen me (each from different angles, so... yeah). It wasn't all that scary; you can already guess that my body is messed up by looking at my face, so either for me it's not THAT BIG of a deal or there's something different to it when it comes to a sexual context. So I'm left scratching my head once more...

(Sorry for derailing everything, again :redface: )

I've known others who are also comfortable with seeing each other's bodies, but there are many people who aren't. I myself am among those who, when it was time to change for PE back in school, would always seek out the most secluded area possible to change in. Even then, I was never naked. I'm not bothered by seeing others naked, but I don't like being seen.

And there is a little extra when it's nudity for the purpose of sex. Just plain nudity can be very embarrassing for some, but when you're intending to engage in any form of intimacy while naked, the idea that the other person might dislike something about your body can become several times worse. It's something that everyone is supposed to not only enjoy, but to get excited about - and if that doesn't happen, most people will automatically assume it's because something is wrong with their body in a significant enough way to prevent having a happy partner. That said, I don't think those sorts of thoughts are terribly common when things are going along well.

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OutsideObserver

Huh. It makes sense when you spell it out for me like that. That viewpoint just never occurred to me before. I guess you learn new things every day, thanks all!

Out of curiosity as someone who holds that viewpoint, what about it didn't you understand before?

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Starlit Sky

If this was a post by a sexual complaining about how asexuals never have sex, the OP would be under so much fire. Way more than now. That's just an observation I've come to. . . .

If anything, we should be idolizing slow and luxurious lovemaking

But that's not always how sexual people enjoy it.

Man, if I had a boyfriend who only wanted to do the so-called "slow and luxurious lovemaking," I'd chuck myself off a building. Or break up with him. Whichever my feeling of dread and boredom made me do first. And it's not like I'm sexual.

. . . But that's off-topic haha

To each their own!

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Snao van der Cone

^^ Personally, I'd chuck the guy over a building. :P

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Sally

Even before I learned about asexuality, I realized that I just couldn't do the sex thing anymore when my partner exulted over 1+-hour sex. 15 minutes was tolerable but more than an hour...

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nanogretchen4

Yeah, I like piv but at some point there are chafing issues.

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Galactic Turtle

*pops in*

I usually only take 5 minutes to shower but my roommate is in there sometimes for close to two hours. I wonder what she does in there?

Similarly I've heard some people say sex only takes a few minutes but then other people are like "YO WE WERE UP ALL NIGHT." Like what is even happening? Are you watching TV and only moving during commercial breaks?

Don't answer that question.

*pops out*

XD

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Halffull

The food analogies work so well on the sexual field :D

For most peopleTM sex isn't just about orgasm, just as eating isn't just about keeping yourself from starving for most peopleTM. You could eat spam meat, or this tasteless food for astronauts every day and it would keep you alive but... something would be missing, wouldn't it?

DONUTS!!!!!!

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Snao van der Cone

Even before I learned about asexuality, I realized that I just couldn't do the sex thing anymore when my partner exulted over 1+-hour sex. 15 minutes was tolerable but more than an hour...

Some men brag about how long they last, but how is that a good thing for them when their partner will get sick of it and give up before they climax? I don't have the patience to see it through to the end and have stopped sex in the middle because of this. I'd imagine some sexual women also just get bored of the same session, so it's not just the asexuality that plays a part here.

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Homer

That's just bragging, though. BTW, firing quickly is a good thing from a scientific POV.

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OutsideObserver

Yeah, I like piv but at some point there are chafing issues.

On both sides of that equation. Yeesh.

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OutsideObserver

That's just bragging, though. BTW, firing quickly is a good thing from a scientific POV.

That's the Ace-est thing I've heard all week. Congrats.

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AvengelAzrael

Huh. It makes sense when you spell it out for me like that. That viewpoint just never occurred to me before. I guess you learn new things every day, thanks all!

Out of curiosity as someone who holds that viewpoint, what about it didn't you understand before?

Well I'm asexual so I have the point of view of "Of course I wouldn't have sex" so everything except sex is automatically thought of as an option and sex just isn't. It isn't on purpose, it's just how I am. Since I don't even consider sex as an option, I kinda forget other people do. When it's pointed out to me it's like, "Duh! If you wanna have sex and sex is possible, of course you'd have it! There's no reason not to!" I just automatically and accidentally assumed sex wasn't an option for other people and so they have to like make a decision to consider above like cuddling. I also have the "What's so great about sex" feelings. Does that make sense? It was obvious when it was pointed out to me.

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Blondbeard

If this was a post by a sexual complaining about how asexuals never have sex, the OP would be under so much fire. Way more than now. That's just an observation I've come to. . . .

If anything, we should be idolizing slow and luxurious lovemaking

But that's not always how sexual people enjoy it.

Man, if I had a boyfriend who only wanted to do the so-called "slow and luxurious lovemaking," I'd chuck myself off a building. Or break up with him. Whichever my feeling of dread and boredom made me do first. And it's not like I'm sexual.

. . . But that's off-topic haha

To each their own!

Well, that's actually because in real life slow "disney" sex for hours almost never happen and is boring. Good sex usually is passionated and last no more than 20 minutes plus foreplay.

It neither happens in thr beach or in a bed with roses petals, it happens in a car, on the living room table, in messy bed or in the sofa.

When is good what happens is that you can have sex two times the same night, in crazy days three, and three times in a night is a lot, I just did it one night 5 times and that's somethimng not done out of pleasure the 5th time but only because my girlfriend asked me.

Usually sexual people can have a lot of problems regarding sex, including verbal fights.

Having said that, for me sex is the best thing and take my relationship to a new level.

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Telecaster68
"YO WE WERE UP ALL NIGHT." Like what is even happening?

This is almost certainly not eight hours of banging PIV... it's probably going to involve long, slow, teasing build up, a lot of touching, stroking, exploring each other, talking, laughing, maybe some dozing and recovery, doing it slow, doing it fast. It's not going to be an eight hour version of a three minute porn clip.

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Tarfeather

Public service announcement: Sexuality isn't all about sex, guys. -_-

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Blondbeard

"YO WE WERE UP ALL NIGHT." Like what is even happening?

This is almost certainly not eight hours of banging PIV... it's probably going to involve long, slow, teasing build up, a lot of touching, stroking, exploring each other, talking, laughing, maybe some dozing and recovery, doing it slow, doing it fast. It's not going to be an eight hour version of a three minute porn clip.

Actually one thing that is great about sex for me is all what moves around it.

I love when she send me messages during the day about what she is planning to do or what she wants that I do, to ha e showers together, to give her small surprises, small presents and end making love later. It also changes the day to day, in my asexual relationship my former girl and me we almost never went to sleep at the sáme time, I never prepared breakfast in bed for her, never had surprise trips, etc..

Yes, I think sex is more than she or me just bouncing on eachother.

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Philip027
Call me out on this if I'm wrong, but I got a very different vibe from this topic. To me, it was more of a question of my do allo people seem to turn to sex for their intimacy. I know that people don't only get intimacy from sex, but why is sex viewed as like one of the "go-to" ways or biggest show of intimacy?

I don't know. It's weird to me, because I hear a lot of people using "intimacy" like an euphemism for sex (when to me, that greatly cheapens and oversimplifies the term). To me, intimacy is a far, far more emotional thing that isn't conveyed by any particular physical action.

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Telecaster68
why is sex viewed as like one of the "go-to" ways or biggest show of intimacy?

Because it means trusting someone with your physical vulnerability, the combination of intense physical and emotional feelings, and being comfortable with losing physical control with them.

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OutsideObserver
Call me out on this if I'm wrong, but I got a very different vibe from this topic. To me, it was more of a question of my do allo people seem to turn to sex for their intimacy. I know that people don't only get intimacy from sex, but why is sex viewed as like one of the "go-to" ways or biggest show of intimacy?

I don't know. It's weird to me, because I hear a lot of people using "intimacy" like an euphemism for sex (when to me, that greatly cheapens and oversimplifies the term). To me, intimacy is a far, far more emotional thing that isn't conveyed by any particular physical action.

Two reasons I can think of:

1) sex is incredibly intimate for sexuals. Maybe not the most intimate thing ever (and results may vary from person to person), but so strongly intimate for so many sexuals that it may as well be the most intimate thing ever. Anything else you could name in it's place would be considerably more subjective to a lot of people.

2) using the word "intimacy" instead of "sex" is a handy way to short-circuit latently anti-sexual responses to the word sex. If your knee-jerk reaction to the word sex is "BLAARGH SEX SHOULDN'T MATTER THAT MUCH!!" (which both asexuals and sexuals can both be guilty of), using the word intimacy reminds people that sex means much more than sex to some people, and being judgy about it kind of makes you a jerkwad at that point.

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Snao van der Cone

Public service announcement: Sexuality isn't all about sex, guys. -_-

Oh no, I agree with Tarfeather. What's happening???? :P

What I really don't like about sex is not The Piv - that's just unthrilling to me, and I have no need to pursue it. I have a stronger dislike for the notion of other intimacy that usually comes with a sexual relationship. You know, soft and sensuous touch, and spending lots of time together to get to know each other's bodies and minds. Gross.

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Starlit Sky

If this was a post by a sexual complaining about how asexuals never have sex, the OP would be under so much fire. Way more than now. That's just an observation I've come to. . . .

If anything, we should be idolizing slow and luxurious lovemaking

But that's not always how sexual people enjoy it.

Man, if I had a boyfriend who only wanted to do the so-called "slow and luxurious lovemaking," I'd chuck myself off a building. Or break up with him. Whichever my feeling of dread and boredom made me do first. And it's not like I'm sexual.

. . . But that's off-topic haha

To each their own!

Well, that's actually because in real life slow "disney" sex for hours almost never happen and is boring. Good sex usually is passionated and last no more than 20 minutes plus foreplay.

It neither happens in thr beach or in a bed with roses petals, it happens in a car, on the living room table, in messy bed or in the sofa.

When is good what happens is that you can have sex two times the same night, in crazy days three, and three times in a night is a lot, I just did it one night 5 times and that's somethimng not done out of pleasure the 5th time but only because my girlfriend asked me.

Usually sexual people can have a lot of problems regarding sex, including verbal fights.

Having said that, for me sex is the best thing and take my relationship to a new level.

Uh I think I'm missing something . . . I know everything you're saying haha I wouldn't really say that slow sex is boring because, like I said, to each their own. There are people, men and women, sexual and non-sexual, who like slow sex, so I probably wouldn't say it's boring in the general sense (though for me specifically it is).

I'm sorry if I'm coming off rude/uncooperative/whatever . . . but what are you really trying to explain here?

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Starlit Sky

"YO WE WERE UP ALL NIGHT." Like what is even happening? Are you watching TV and only moving during commercial breaks?

WHY DID THAT MAKE ME LAUGH SO HARD

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m4rble

When I was thinking of slow, luxurious sex, I wasn't thinking it lasted for hours, just that it was less jerky and aggressive.

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Snao van der Cone

Like, slow enough to make eye contact?

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skullery

What I really don't like about sex is not The Piv - that's just unthrilling to me, and I have no need to pursue it. I have a stronger dislike for the notion of other intimacy that usually comes with a sexual relationship. You know, soft and sensuous touch, and spending lots of time together to get to know each other's bodies and minds. Gross.

The above ^^ is easily the most Erin-est thing I've ever read re: sex. If she could have one quote on her tombstone, I think it would be "NO SOFT TOUCHES" :lol: :D

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Blondbeard

If this was a post by a sexual complaining about how asexuals never have sex, the OP would be under so much fire. Way more than now. That's just an observation I've come to. . . .

If anything, we should be idolizing slow and luxurious lovemaking

But that's not always how sexual people enjoy it.

Man, if I had a boyfriend who only wanted to do the so-called "slow and luxurious lovemaking," I'd chuck myself off a building. Or break up with him. Whichever my feeling of dread and boredom made me do first. And it's not like I'm sexual.

. . . But that's off-topic haha

To each their own!

Well, that's actually because in real life slow "disney" sex for hours almost never happen and is boring. Good sex usually is passionated and last no more than 20 minutes plus foreplay.

It neither happens in thr beach or in a bed with roses petals, it happens in a car, on the living room table, in messy bed or in the sofa.

When is good what happens is that you can have sex two times the same night, in crazy days three, and three times in a night is a lot, I just did it one night 5 times and that's somethimng not done out of pleasure the 5th time but only because my girlfriend asked me.

Usually sexual people can have a lot of problems regarding sex, including verbal fights.

Having said that, for me sex is the best thing and take my relationship to a new level.

Uh I think I'm missing something . . . I know everything you're saying haha I wouldn't really say that slow sex is boring because, like I said, to each their own. There are people, men and women, sexual and non-sexual, who like slow sex, so I probably wouldn't say it's boring in the general sense (though for me specifically it is).

I'm sorry if I'm coming off rude/uncooperative/whatever . . . but what are you really trying to explain here?

Well, I think is very clear that what I'm saying is that slow sex is not that good in reality.

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Telecaster68

Sex that starts slow and then gets... not slow can be wonderful though.

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