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touching-not-so-much

Why Do Sexuals Require SEX Specificially to Orgasm? Magic?

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m4rble

You make it sound so appealing.

The turn of phrase is supposed to denote the eagerness and energy of the individual. For someone to be said to "eat you alive" sexually, it would denote that they are very much enthusiastically into sex. This is appealing to most sexuals, as most sexuals are aroused by their partner's arousal.

They could've fooled me with the language they use.

You do know a lot of that language has more to do with conveying feelings of intense, sometimes aggressive, desire, and not violence or malice towards sexual partners, right? Right?

I was kind of joking.

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Homer

The food analogies work so well on the sexual field :D

For most peopleTM sex isn't just about orgasm, just as eating isn't just about keeping yourself from starving for most peopleTM. You could eat spam meat, or this tasteless food for astronauts every day and it would keep you alive but... something would be missing, wouldn't it?

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El-not-so-ace

If I told any of my friends to go relieve themselves if they're feeling hormonal on a certain day, they'd look at me like I'm crazy. When I felt needy, nothing can replace even Skyping with my boyfriend and just talking. It's definitely an emotional component for many sexuals, if not most.

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OutsideObserver

You make it sound so appealing.

The turn of phrase is supposed to denote the eagerness and energy of the individual. For someone to be said to "eat you alive" sexually, it would denote that they are very much enthusiastically into sex. This is appealing to most sexuals, as most sexuals are aroused by their partner's arousal.

They could've fooled me with the language they use.

You do know a lot of that language has more to do with conveying feelings of intense, sometimes aggressive, desire, and not violence or malice towards sexual partners, right? Right?

I was kind of joking.

I was kind of aware you were kind of joking. It's the "kind of" that prompted me to respond.

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m4rble

For most peopleTM sex isn't just about orgasm, just as eating isn't just about keeping yourself from starving for most peopleTM.

Maybe, but if starvation weren't a consequence of not eating I have a feeling a fairly significant portion of people would do it far less often. (why not save money and avoid indigestion?)

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OutsideObserver

For most peopleTM sex isn't just about orgasm, just as eating isn't just about keeping yourself from starving for most peopleTM.

Maybe, but if starvation weren't a consequence of not eating I have a feeling a fairly significant portion of people would do it far less often. (why not save money and avoid indigestion?)
Because being hungry sucks, of course. 😉

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Sally

The food analogies work so well on the sexual field :D

For most peopleTM sex isn't just about orgasm, just as eating isn't just about keeping yourself from starving for most peopleTM. You could eat spam meat, or this tasteless food for astronauts every day and it would keep you alive but... something would be missing, wouldn't it?

I actually like Spam. Spam spam spam

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Snao Cone

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m4rble

For most peopleTM sex isn't just about orgasm, just as eating isn't just about keeping yourself from starving for most peopleTM.

Maybe, but if starvation weren't a consequence of not eating I have a feeling a fairly significant portion of people would do it far less often. (why not save money and avoid indigestion?)
Because being hungry sucks, of course.

I meant if people felt no hunger.

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OutsideObserver

For most peopleTM sex isn't just about orgasm, just as eating isn't just about keeping yourself from starving for most peopleTM.

Maybe, but if starvation weren't a consequence of not eating I have a feeling a fairly significant portion of people would do it far less often. (why not save money and avoid indigestion?)
Because being hungry sucks, of course.

I meant if people felt no hunger.

Hmm, but if we're going with the Food = Sex analogy, most people DO get hungry, even if they don't starve from it. I mean, not you, you don't get hungry, but most everyone else does. That's why they'd still eat even if they didn't technically need to. Being hungry sucks.

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Mysticus Insanus

For most peopleTM sex isn't just about orgasm, just as eating isn't just about keeping yourself from starving for most peopleTM.

Maybe, but if starvation weren't a consequence of not eating I have a feeling a fairly significant portion of people would do it far less often. (why not save money and avoid indigestion?)
Because being hungry sucks, of course.

I meant if people felt no hunger.

Hmm, but if we're going with the Food = Sex analogy, most people DO get hungry, even if they don't starve from it. I mean, not you, you don't get hungry, but most everyone else does. That's why they'd still eat even if they didn't technically need to. Being hungry sucks.

Note the use of "if + conditional". It doesn't matter if most people do get hungry in this world here. In the hypothetical world described by m4rble, they factually don't. ;)

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WoodwindWhistler
If anything, we should be idolizing slow and luxurious lovemaking

But that's not always how sexual people enjoy it.

Well duh. But conventions shape people's perceptions and desires and fantasies. For example, people can imitate porn they see (which does tend to be very male-oriented, so you can guess how that works out for females)

You make it sound so appealing.

The turn of phrase is supposed to denote the eagerness and energy of the individual. For someone to be said to "eat you alive" sexually, it would denote that they are very much enthusiastically into sex. This is appealing to most sexuals, as most sexuals are aroused by their partner's arousal.

They could've fooled me with the language they use.

You do know a lot of that language has more to do with conveying feelings of intense, sometimes aggressive, desire, and not violence or malice towards sexual partners, right? Right?

I was kind of joking.

I was kind of aware you were kind of joking. It's the "kind of" that prompted me to respond.

I wasn't joking. Aggression is seen as sexy in most contexts, because sex can be aggressive. It's not always just a metaphor.

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WoodwindWhistler

This so much. I really am not sure it's about the orgasm for me, as I'm pretty sure I'm demi, the desire to have sex with someone is almost purely an emotional things. It's the desire to be intimate with someone and share intense feelings with them, to let them in, and be soft. I can get myself off if I want an orgasm. So I equate sex with yes, good physical sensation, but really it's mostly just another emotional bonding experience for someone like me who is hyper-romantic.

I actually feel more when I'm solo, so, sex for me is pretty much purely about making the other person feel good. Emotional bonding is always with words. I've felt waaaay more romantic-ish finding out cute things about my partners (or singing to them) than doing sexy things.

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WoodwindWhistler

I know you're all aware these are your individual subjective perceptions of sex, but...damn, they are very very different from a strong majority of sexual people's interpretation of The Piv. I feel like I should add my own view that I don't see most consensual PIV this way (or PIA for that matter) as an asexual person. I'm not personally thrilled at the thought of phallic inclusion in my yonic realm, but I'm not disturbed by the idea of it in general. It's interesting to see different interpretations of an activity so fundamental to our species.

I don't want PIV for myself and I advise against it in most contexts (see my "Sex Cautionary" post on my profile) for varying reasons but that does not mean I am repulsed by the idea itself at all. I'm merely addressing the connotations we ascribe to it. I guess, if I were to ever change my mind and have PIV, I would prefer slower motions (the idea of that turns me on more, as well as seems less mindless, per mindfulness of Tantra) so of course that probably has something to do with my position on the matter. Heck, I think even just holding someone inside while still seems kind of interesting. Maybe it's just my desire to play with the stereotypical narrative and be creative.

Having been acquainted with several dicks in my life, I must say that although I didn't find their presence pleasurable, they certainly in no way resembled knives in the sense of "stabbing". That's an unfair portrayal of dick activity. -_-

Thank you for your imput. As I said above the categorization of males and their anatomy as violent is every bit as damaging as the reverse, possibly even more so since then you have a cultural positive feedback cycle.

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Blondbeard

A girl, an active and passionated one,, can eat you alive for breakfast.

You make it sound so appealing.

I think for me it is, sex is fluid, some people dont turn you on and some people turn you on, very few people never get turned on or always get turned on.

A girl that have this amount of energy, that can take your penis, grab it with passion and do all kind of things, can be a girl that is a storm of energy, for me it was great, it went beyond sex, is this type of intense thing that you end up living when you can have sex in the kitchen and even on the table of the living room, and it's noisy and passionated and it makes you feel losing your mind when she wakes you up by jumping on you, bouncing in your penis and kissing you deeply. Yeah, I think the eating you alive is a good analogy, specially since usually blowjobs can be involved.

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touching-not-so-much

First off, re: Blondbeard's comments: Eww.

Second: thanks to everyone for your thoughts on my question, I just have to internalize how to take all these.

Third, actually also to Blondbeard directly, although it wasn't in this thread, in I think one of your first threads where you explained some of your situation, I posted a reaction that rightly got me a mod warning, even if I felt justified for the post. I reacted far too emotionally, which is highly unusual for me, and I was debatably insulting and at least undeniably accusatory.

Anyway, I owe you, Blondbeard, an apology not for my reaction I felt, but for irresponsibly choosing the ad-hominem "attack" I made instead of a civil response I would not be ashamed to read later. Regardless of my views on anything you say or said, I can legitimately criticize my own behavior and I'm genuinely sorry for my reply(ies) to you, and I appreciate you were honest enough to share your thoughts and post on these topics and your viewpoint we can see other people's perceptions of things that seem "obvious" to some of us.

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Janus DarkFox

Some, sexuals and asexuals alike, may even have an orgasm, without even physical stimulation, usually this if from being over stimulated to the point orgasm. This can happen for a variety of reasons including using too much porn etc.

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AvengelAzrael

Call me out on this if I'm wrong, but I got a very different vibe from this topic. To me, it was more of a question of my do allo people seem to turn to sex for their intimacy. I know that people don't only get intimacy from sex, but why is sex viewed as like one of the "go-to" ways or biggest show of intimacy?

I understand that they feel sexual attraction and desire and, naturally, wish to fulfill that in the most pleasurable way but what is the difference between sex and masturbating then like cuddling with your partner? Or even masturbating with each other then cuddling? If sex is more about emotional intimacy than physical, even if that is a component, why do people turn to sex as a way to meet that need? Is that intimacy not able to be acquired any other way? Why is sex so important? As I understand it, sex is part trust, part vulnerability, part emotional intimacy and part sexual desire, but can't these things be satisfied in other, just as powerful ways? Does sex really seem to be the most powerful way to share this with your partner? Or is it just, not to offend anyone, the most convenient way?

I feel like the question is more why is sex so important? That's the vibe I got from this anyway.

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Blondbeard

Call me out on this if I'm wrong, but I got a very different vibe from this topic. To me, it was more of a question of my do allo people seem to turn to sex for their intimacy. I know that people don't only get intimacy from sex, but why is sex viewed as like one of the "go-to" ways or biggest show of intimacy?

I understand that they feel sexual attraction and desire and, naturally, wish to fulfill that in the most pleasurable way but what is the difference between sex and masturbating then like cuddling with your partner? Or even masturbating with each other then cuddling? If sex is more about emotional intimacy than physical, even if that is a component, why do people turn to sex as a way to meet that need? Is that intimacy not able to be acquired any other way? Why is sex so important? As I understand it, sex is part trust, part vulnerability, part emotional intimacy and part sexual desire, but can't these things be satisfied in other, just as powerful ways? Does sex really seem to be the most powerful way to share this with your partner? Or is it just, not to offend anyone, the most convenient way?

I feel like the question is more why is sex so important? That's the vibe I got from this anyway.

Answering some of your questions:

"Is sex the most powerfull way to share intimacy with your partner?"

The short answer is yes. Is by far the best way, also the most pleasurable way, also the most exciting way, also the most adventurous way". All that, of course, if you are sexual, and the attraction is there, you can be sexual and the atrractiom be not there, then sex is just not that good or even bad"

"Is sex the most convenient way?"

Actually many times sex is the least convenient way of intimacy. It can be the modt convenient or the least convenient.

"What is the difference between sex and masturbation?"

The difference is that sex is 1000 times better, more pleasurable if the connection and attractiom is there, even the time after sex is great, when you are laying together in the bed, the conversations are awesome.

Having said that, if attraction is not there or is not hard sometimes masturbation is better, and that's a big taboo sometimes between sexuals, because lack of sex in couples where both are sexuals can be very frequent, just like sexual incompatibility can. In many cases one of the partner, usually the man, can get addicted to porn. The truth is that the sexual attraction for the same partner gets eroded by time, little by little and a person can lose the attraction for her partner, then cheating, divorce, ir porn addiction can happen.

I have to say that for a sexual sex with a person who he-she feels passionated about. Is one of the best things to do in the world if not the best.

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Blondbeard

First off, re: Blondbeard's comments: Eww.

Second: thanks to everyone for your thoughts on my question, I just have to internalize how to take all these.

Third, actually also to Blondbeard directly, although it wasn't in this thread, in I think one of your first threads where you explained some of your situation, I posted a reaction that rightly got me a mod warning, even if I felt justified for the post. I reacted far too emotionally, which is highly unusual for me, and I was debatably insulting and at least undeniably accusatory.

Anyway, I owe you, Blondbeard, an apology not for my reaction I felt, but for irresponsibly choosing the ad-hominem "attack" I made instead of a civil response I would not be ashamed to read later. Regardless of my views on anything you say or said, I can legitimately criticize my own behavior and I'm genuinely sorry for my reply(ies) to you, and I appreciate you were honest enough to share your thoughts and post on these topics and your viewpoint we can see other people's perceptions of things that seem "obvious" to some of us.

I think is ok, In my opinion people should have the right to get angry, always inside of some limits. I like usually the post and comments you write and I prefer generally when people dont sugarcoat things.

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Snao Cone

Call me out on this if I'm wrong, but I got a very different vibe from this topic. To me, it was more of a question of my do allo people seem to turn to sex for their intimacy. I know that people don't only get intimacy from sex, but why is sex viewed as like one of the "go-to" ways or biggest show of intimacy?

I understand that they feel sexual attraction and desire and, naturally, wish to fulfill that in the most pleasurable way but what is the difference between sex and masturbating then like cuddling with your partner? Or even masturbating with each other then cuddling? If sex is more about emotional intimacy than physical, even if that is a component, why do people turn to sex as a way to meet that need? Is that intimacy not able to be acquired any other way? Why is sex so important? As I understand it, sex is part trust, part vulnerability, part emotional intimacy and part sexual desire, but can't these things be satisfied in other, just as powerful ways? Does sex really seem to be the most powerful way to share this with your partner? Or is it just, not to offend anyone, the most convenient way?

I feel like the question is more why is sex so important? That's the vibe I got from this anyway.

People can ask the same thing about cuddling. Yet sex has been biologically necessary for all complex organisms, so it's going to be a core desire for almost all people. Cuddling is also important, survival wise, but not at such a fundamental level.

Even though we're a complex enough species to make conscious decisions against natural sexual urges, why would people do that when it's not necessary? I think it is very powerful for most sexual people, and while cuddling or other intimacy is also very enjoyable and serves a similar need, it's not the same as sex.

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Emery.

Why do sexuals require sex to orgasm?

Well, do they...? Don't think so...

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Skullery Maid

First of all, we most definitely should not go back to idealizing slow, gentle lovemaking (that phrase makes me want to throw up in my mouth a bit). Everyone has every right to like whatever kind of sex they want. There is absolutely nothing better about slow, gentle lovemaking compared to any other variety, so long as its consensual.

Why do sexuals go to sex for intimacy? Welllllll... because it's intimate? It's not like that's all we do. Most of my day, I'm totally NOT having sex. That doesn't mean I'm not being intimate. Why is the inclusion of sex as one of the intimate things we enjoy so hard to grasp? If you felt like sex was intimate, wouldn't you probably have sex for intimacy purposes too? It's kind of like asking why we eat different foods when we could technically survive on just a few things. The answer is because other food is also good and it's available and so why wouldn't we eat a variety of foods?

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Skullery Maid

I'm sure.... I just wanted to have at least one post on the page that implied some people actually like it...

Oh and also. I love penetration. LOVE. IT. Can't orgasm from it (well, I can with hands if they're very talented hands), but with a phallic object (penis or otherwise) I can't come, but OH MY GOD do I love it. I kinda love it more than clitoral orgasms (in a way... obviously the orgasm feels better) because of the intense intimacy and the whole having another person inside me thing. It's... mmmm... the beez kneez.

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Tarfeather

Even though we're a complex enough species to make conscious decisions against natural sexual urges, why would people do that when it's not necessary? I think it is very powerful for most sexual people, and while cuddling or other intimacy is also very enjoyable and serves a similar need, it's not the same as sex.

So, this is not relevant to the argument you're making (I don't disagree with you), but I think you're raising an interesting point there that I'll try to address.

As a sexual, I can think of quite a few reasons I have on the "con" side of having sex:

- Genitals are gross

- STDs

- Risk of pregnancy

- Funny smells

- Revealing your body is pretty scary

- Having someone else's body revealed to you is pretty scary also

I guess for those who have experience with sex and like it, those points may become less relevant over time. For me, personally, I'm still at the point where I feel a lot more comfortable with cuddling than with sex, and it would take me quite some time and trust in order to be able to have sex with someone.

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Homer

- Revealing your body is pretty scary

- Having someone else's body revealed to you is pretty scary also

Hmm. I have seen friends naked and they have seen me (each from different angles, so... yeah). It wasn't all that scary; you can already guess that my body is messed up by looking at my face, so either for me it's not THAT BIG of a deal or there's something different to it when it comes to a sexual context. So I'm left scratching my head once more...

(Sorry for derailing everything, again :redface: )

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Tarfeather

- Revealing your body is pretty scary

- Having someone else's body revealed to you is pretty scary also

Hmm. I have seen friends naked and they have seen me (each from different angles, so... yeah). It wasn't all that scary; you can already guess that my body is messed up by looking at my face, so either for me it's not THAT BIG of a deal or there's something different to it when it comes to a sexual context. So I'm left scratching my head once more...

(Sorry for derailing everything, again :redface: )

Yeah, I suppose for a sexual, the scary bit is being rejected for your body, or ending up rejecting someone else for their body (the last bit happened to me once, and it wasn't nice).

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Emery.

But to Snow's post... Why overcome urges when you don't need to? Of course cuddling is not the same as sex. Cuddling is peaceful, sex is fire.

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Homer

Yeah, I suppose for a sexual, the scary bit is being rejected for your body, or ending up rejecting someone else for their body (the last bit happened to me once, and it wasn't nice).

Right, that does make sense. It doesn't apply to friendships because well, you might not like the other person's appearance but you wouldn't have to "deal with it" that way.

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Snao Cone

But to Snow's post... Why overcome urges when you don't need to? Of course cuddling is not the same as sex. Cuddling is peaceful, sex is fire.

People shouldn't have to overcome urges when they don't need to, that's my point. That is why cuddling can't be a stand-in for sex.

("When they don't need to" overcome urges being when they are in a private environment with someone who also wants sex.)

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