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I'm starting a new relationship with an asexual man and it's my first relationship ever


SSSTrips

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Hi! I wasn't sure where to post this. But here I am. Sorry this is long!

I have always known that asexual people existed but I have never met anyone until my current boyfriend. He told me on our 3rd date. We were laying in bed kissing and he stopped me and said he didn't want to go further because that would lead to sex and he doesn't want that. We stayed up for another 3 hours discussing asexuality and what it means for him. At first I took it all wrong. Like he didn't want me. And like something was wrong with me. I also stupidly said maybe he needed help(which he said he would consider if it was for the right person because he feels like something is wrong with him). After coming home and doing lots of research I realized that I shouldn't have said that. I thought I failed but he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. I've never had someone treat me so well. And make me feel so happy. I think...no I know...he's the one. If anyone here is sexual and has an asexual partner, I would like to know how you make it work long term and get married. We both don't want children so it's not an issue. I'm in my late 30s and have dated a lot of garbage lol but have never had a relationship until now. I want to do it right and not make him feel like I won't love him if he won't sleep with me. I don't want him to be uncomfortable and feel pressured. He's very affectionate but I don't push it too much. I have found my Prince Charming and I want to make sure we are both happy. How do I do this without him feeling like I'm sacrificing something?

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Member54880

Welcome! That's great that you've taken the time to understand asexuality, and what it means for your partner! There are many people here who've also joined because they have asexual partners and are looking for advice or support on their relationship, and there is is an entire board here mainly about it: http://www.asexuality.org/en/forum/30-for-sexual-partners-friends-and-allies/

You aren't alone in how you feel, and it's important for both of you to be honest about each of your limits, to find common ground that will work for both of you. This thread shows various ways that can happen, because what works or doesn't, is different for each relationship: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/81362-sexual-compromise-support/

If he likes to show affection towards you, you may want to reassure him that doesn't have to lead to sex, since an asexual partner may feel pressured thinking affection such as kissing and cuddling has to lead to it. If you're fine not having sex, you may also want to reassure him that too so he doesn't think it's a sacrifice that you're making for him that isn't making you happy.

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