New but not- woman with asexual man

[Dirunitas]

Hi,

I've been reading everyone's forums in hope that I could find the answers and emotions within others- and while I have, I still don't feel completely satisfied. So I'm starting my own.

My boyfriend (hopefully someday husband) and I have been together for almost 3 year.

From the start he told me he wasn't super sexual, but I didn't understand truly what that meant. (He never mentioned asexual, I'm actually the one who discovered the name for who he is) anyways, we made out a lot, I was very into him, and he into me. When we did finally have sex, it was great, and he was very into it. For the first year and a half, our sexual relationship and romantic relationship was just fine. Then it started slipping, (my pov) which brings me here now. It confused me, it hurt me, it truly damaged me. It did all these things because I didn't understand, because he didn't and still doesn't know "why". Just to clarify, he doesn't even have interest in learning about asexuality. After exhausting research and googling about why he didn't want me, and then reading here and other places about a sexuality I am the one who has "guessed" that this is who he is. And while I may not be a doctor, this IS who he is. I know because of this: he loves me truly. He enjoys kisses and cuddles. He occasionally masturbates by for him is more of a release. He thinks sex is kinda gross, and he doesn't "like" it. He has no interest or desire in it. He thinks I'm. Very attractive and his lot wanting sec has nothing to do with me, just him. While my brain hears those things, it doesn't understand them. What I saw was him loading interest in me. What I felt was unattractive, unwanted undesired, when I had been previously. What I felt was alone. I still feel alone, and I feel unsastified. The big but? I love him still. The thought of leaving him- even tho part of me often feels I'm dying/ breaks my heart. He does try. But with out communication? Without the compromise j read so much about here... I don't know what to do. But I will take your thoughts and advice readily. Please help me.

[Telecaster68]

The problem for you at this point isn't so much his asexuality (if that's what it is...), as his refusal to talk about it. He knows, presumably, you're in pain over a shared issue and he's refusing to address his side of it. It might be because he thinks the only solution in the end is for him to have sex, and he can't face having to choose that or lose you. Or maybe he's in denial. Or maybe he's too self involved to understand how bad a problem it is, and eventually you'll be okay with it.

Regardless of sexual orientation, it's not fair of him to brush your pain aside. You have every right to expect him to explain himself, as best he can, over something as important as this.

In the end, it may take a 'let's deal with this together, or I'm off' type conversation to get his attention, and who knows whether you'll find a solution anyway.

[Dirunitas]

Thank you. That's a conversation I'm afraid will happen