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I recently found out I might be asexual, mostly because I experienced a rift that formed between me and my housemates due to their interest in relationships and sex, and my complete lack of interest in such things. 
With all my heart, I want them to be happy and fulfilled to the greatest extents possible, but it’s incredibly difficult for me to feel understood and appreciated when so much of their lives revolve around romantic relationships. I was friends with them before they ever started dating, and all I’ve ever wanted was a great friend group like the Cheetah Girls, or evening just a best friend that I share an apartment with and hang out with after work/school. I want that so badly, I can’t barely stand it, but it seems that friends are not on the top of anyone’s priority list. Some people complain about not having gotten laid in a month; I feel the same way about not having a wine night, or just a fun night with my friends once a month. Why are so many women so willing to tell their life story to a guy they just met but are not willing to share much with their friends unless it’s fluffy and superficial? I’m really tired of all the romantic stuff, and I desperately just want to have a deep, meaningful, give and take platonic relationship with someone. 

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11 hours ago, LesMeufs18 said:

I recently found out I might be asexual, mostly because I experienced a rift that formed between me and my housemates due to their interest in relationships and sex, and my complete lack of interest in such things. 
With all my heart, I want them to be happy and fulfilled to the greatest extents possible, but it’s incredibly difficult for me to feel understood and appreciated when so much of their lives revolve around romantic relationships. I was friends with them before they ever started dating, and all I’ve ever wanted was a great friend group like the Cheetah Girls, or evening just a best friend that I share an apartment with and hang out with after work/school. I want that so badly, I can’t barely stand it, but it seems that friends are not on the top of anyone’s priority list. Some people complain about not having gotten laid in a month; I feel the same way about not having a wine night, or just a fun night with my friends once a month. Why are so many women so willing to tell their life story to a guy they just met but are not willing to share much with their friends unless it’s fluffy and superficial? I’m really tired of all the romantic stuff, and I desperately just want to have a deep, meaningful, give and take platonic relationship with someone. 

I completely understand where you are coming from. I'm worried about this exact thing. I don't want or need a boyfriend .. I just need friends. Strictly platonic. But generally the group likes to talk about sexual stuff and I just sit there almost like I don't know their language or how to respond. Honestly I've been thinking.. should I just start making up stories to keep them entertained so they'll stop prying into my "romantic relationships" n stuff. 

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On 1/11/2021 at 7:10 AM, Syneriia said:

I completely understand where you are coming from. I'm worried about this exact thing. I don't want or need a boyfriend .. I just need friends. Strictly platonic. But generally the group likes to talk about sexual stuff and I just sit there almost like I don't know their language or how to respond. Honestly I've been thinking.. should I just start making up stories to keep them entertained so they'll stop prying into my "romantic relationships" n stuff. 

This honestly gives me a bit of hope reading your post, cause sometimes it can feel like I’m the only one that feels this way. I deeply want a strong platonic relationship in the same way all my friends desperately want a steady boyfriend. The disconnect is a little soul crushing, but at least now I know for sure that there are others out there who are on the same page as me ☺️

 

Also the thing you said about not getting their language i totally relate to!! When they’re discussing when/how to respond to a tinder message I’m just like “well, do you like ____ they asked you about? If not, just say not really”  But they all make it incredibly complicated! They’re all like “well, say this cause it’s sexier” or “definitely wait 10 minutes to open it!”. That last one I never understood. If you want to open a message, just open it. 

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Hello! 

 

I'm not sure if I'm old enough to this topic, or if the question fits in here, but I have a problem with my family and self esteem.

 

Not so long ago I realised I wanted to change my warderobe. After I got a bunch of second hand dresses, I saw how good they looked on me, and wanted to wear them. I felt pretty in them, hwever I wasn't sure if it was okay to wear them. I felt it was showing too much compared to the T-shirt and jeans combo I usually wear. I tought if I gonna go outside in them, men would find me attractive, and I'm desperate not to arouse interest. Even my family felt that I am "just in a rebellious phase that is now ending, that being homoromantic is just something I came up with because I'm afraid of sex (who on Earth believes in this? Exept my mom, she came up with it...), my brain is in place now, and I'm gonna get a decent boyfriend" (hell no). 

 

What do you think? Is this something to worry about? How should I tell it to my family, or it's not necessary to talk about this?

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On 1/14/2021 at 7:31 PM, AnnaPanni said:

Hello! 

 

I'm not sure if I'm old enough to this topic, or if the question fits in here, but I have a problem with my family and self esteem.

 

Not so long ago I realised I wanted to change my warderobe. After I got a bunch of second hand dresses, I saw how good they looked on me, and wanted to wear them. I felt pretty in them, hwever I wasn't sure if it was okay to wear them. I felt it was showing too much compared to the T-shirt and jeans combo I usually wear. I tought if I gonna go outside in them, men would find me attractive, and I'm desperate not to arouse interest. Even my family felt that I am "just in a rebellious phase that is now ending, that being homoromantic is just something I came up with because I'm afraid of sex (who on Earth believes in this? Exept my mom, she came up with it...), my brain is in place now, and I'm gonna get a decent boyfriend" (hell no). 

 

What do you think? Is this something to worry about? How should I tell it to my family, or it's not necessary to talk about this?

Hi there! Do you mean talking to your family about how their comments are not helpful? No one can ever guarantee that your family will be 100% receptive, especially since the older generation tends to have a different mindset and pretty set in their ways. But maybe what you can start off with is setting healthy boundaries with them without intending to start conflict.

 

Would you feel safe opening up the conversation and saying something like, "I understand that you want me to find a boyfriend and have a happy marriage, but I feel _____ when you say _____. I feel like it's not helpful. It would be better for my confidence if you can support me by ________. " ?

 

And if they can't (because they are not used to being open minded), then you do you! We can't expect to change other people's mind, but we can learn to be our authentic selves. Reach out to your other support network like friends, mentor, or counsellor to speak to. I hope that helps :)  

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Thank you @Kristenz for you advice, I'm going to try it out.

2 hours ago, Kristenz said:

Would you feel safe opening up the conversation and saying something like, "I understand that you want me to find a boyfriend and have a happy marriage, but I feel _____ when you say _____. I feel like it's not helpful. It would be better for my confidence if you can support me by ________. " ?

They support me, just they tend to forget about it when they talk about me to our other relatives and their friends.

 

2 hours ago, Kristenz said:

And if they can't (because they are not used to being open minded)

They are open minded (at least open about sexuality topics), they just don't believe I'm attracted to girls. It seems, in their heads lesbians are big, masculin broads with a lot of piercings, tattoos, riding motorcycles.

 

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28 minutes ago, AnnaPanni said:

Thank you @Kristenz for you advice, I'm going to try it out.

They support me, just they tend to forget about it when they talk about me to our other relatives and their friends.

 

They are open minded (at least open about sexuality topics), they just don't believe I'm attracted to girls. It seems, in their heads lesbians are big, masculin broads with a lot of piercings, tattoos, riding motorcycles.

 

I'm glad to hear that they support you. :) Perhaps it just takes time for them to understand ~ All the best, @AnnaPanni

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Reading through all these posts, so many of them hit home.

Being surrounded by friends and colleagues who were "early bloomers", many times I've thought to myself that I was lagging behind, and should find someone to hook up and fit in. However, having dated twice, there was always this awkwardness when it came to intimacy, and it was a constant source of dread for me, leaving me unsure of where I stood when it came to sexuality and romanticism. 

 

These uncertanties still hold true up to this day, but I guess I just decided I'd rather have a handful of close friends who will be by my side through thick and thin, than a partner who might demand a degree of attention and affection that I cannot give in exchange for said support.

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On 1/2/2021 at 5:04 PM, PercyJackson said:

However, even though I'm only in my early twenties I strongly feel I want a baby some day. I have always loved children, and I'm studying to become a teacher for the youngest children. What makes me stressed and sometimes sad is that I do not feel a disire to have a child with someone, and though I want a child I don't know if it will ever be possible since I'am asexual.

It's entirely possible and becoming a lot more accepted to have a child on your own these days.  It likely won't be cheap, depending on where you're located, but it's certainly possible. Many reproductive specialists are very accepting of both same-sex couples and single women attempting to have children.  

 

I realized a few years ago that, despite never having wanted children previously, that in fact, I Did want kids. Ultimately, I was unsuccessful (if you know you want them, I would not advise waiting until you're 40, fyi), but I spent about 2 years learning first hand all about assisted reproduction... I never had any issues with my doctor (I went to a reproductive endocrinologist straight off, simply because of my age, rather than an obgyn) or their staff making me feel at all uncomfortable about not having or wanting a partner or not being sexually active, which had been a concern of mine when I was looking for a doctor. 

 

So there's really no need to worry that you won't be able to have a child because you are asexual. It can be done. Though certainly consider the financial aspect in your planning now, rather than waiting until you're ready and then trying to figure out how to pay for it (though that's also an option, as I can attest!). While less intrusive methods like IUI are relatively inexpensive, other methods like IVF can be Incredibly expensive. 

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On 1/10/2021 at 7:27 PM, LesMeufs18 said:

I recently found out I might be asexual, mostly because I experienced a rift that formed between me and my housemates due to their interest in relationships and sex, and my complete lack of interest in such things. 
With all my heart, I want them to be happy and fulfilled to the greatest extents possible, but it’s incredibly difficult for me to feel understood and appreciated when so much of their lives revolve around romantic relationships. I was friends with them before they ever started dating, and all I’ve ever wanted was a great friend group like the Cheetah Girls, or evening just a best friend that I share an apartment with and hang out with after work/school. I want that so badly, I can’t barely stand it, but it seems that friends are not on the top of anyone’s priority list. Some people complain about not having gotten laid in a month; I feel the same way about not having a wine night, or just a fun night with my friends once a month. Why are so many women so willing to tell their life story to a guy they just met but are not willing to share much with their friends unless it’s fluffy and superficial? I’m really tired of all the romantic stuff, and I desperately just want to have a deep, meaningful, give and take platonic relationship with someone. 

PREACH!

 

Granted, with most of my friends sex or sexual pursuits aren't heavily discussed (other than the continual whining of I want a man/woman/other to have fun with). There is such a long list of things I'd rather complain about (or do for that matter) than sex. It's weird though with my friends, even my close ones cause it's like how much can you share without them becoming uncomfortable or them thinking you interested in them in that way

 

Okay for real though, with all those dating apps out there, why can't we have one for platonic relationships?! I'm sure we've got some people with snazzy programming and app making skills.

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17 hours ago, Liamliayaum said:

PREACH!

 

Granted, with most of my friends sex or sexual pursuits aren't heavily discussed (other than the continual whining of I want a man/woman/other to have fun with). There is such a long list of things I'd rather complain about (or do for that matter) than sex. It's weird though with my friends, even my close ones cause it's like how much can you share without them becoming uncomfortable or them thinking you interested in them in that way

 

Okay for real though, with all those dating apps out there, why can't we have one for platonic relationships?! I'm sure we've got some people with snazzy programming and app making skills.

Whining is a really good word for it 😅 It’s really hard not to feel bitter against sexuals, especially at this time when we’re mostly still confined to our house. What irks me a lot is that most of the people in my social bubble have still had multiple hookups and seen many guys from tinder in person and somehow this is still socially acceptable even though it’s probably THE MOST effective way of spreading covid. Yet, I can’t (in a socially acceptable way) go try to make a new friend in real life who could possibly become a best friend or be interested in a queer-platonic relationship. I really really want that sort of relationship as much as my friends want a boyfriend.
 

I totally feel you when you say it’s difficult to share as much as you want to. It’s so hard to explain when anything that deep is automatically associate with romanticism. How do we say “I want to bear my heart to you and I love you, but I don’t love you, you know?” 
 

There are apps out there that are for asexuals and aromantics, but it’s nothing even close to tinder. I can’t find anyone in my area (and I go to a university with 30,000-ish students) and the apps are not super user-friendly 

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On 1/2/2021 at 5:04 PM, PercyJackson said:

I so understand people not wanting babies and I really think people should talk about that, and marrying, as an if and not as an when.

 

However, even though I'm only in my early twenties I strongly feel I want a baby some day. I have always loved children, and I'm studying to become a teacher for the youngest children. What makes me stressed and sometimes sad is that I do not feel a disire to have a child with someone, and though I want a child I don't know if it will ever be possible since I'am asexual.

Yo!!! You just gave me an idea!!!! AVEN should host a virtual wine/non-alcoholic beverage and game night for anyone who wants to attend! You know, given that meetups are virtually impossible due to COVID, sadly. I’m gonna try suggesting this! I wish I thought of it sooner!!!! 

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thinking about how being a woman who is not attracted to men in any way, shape, or form can make it harder to form and maintain female friendships in a heteronormative society...

 

have y'all had similar experiences?

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4 hours ago, PupperDoggo said:

Yo!!! You just gave me an idea!!!! AVEN should host a virtual wine/non-alcoholic beverage and game night for anyone who wants to attend! You know, given that meetups are virtually impossible due to COVID, sadly. I’m gonna try suggesting this! I wish I thought of it sooner!!!! 

I really want to! I personally love trivia, so I’ll throw that out for a game. I’m down for other stuff though too like online board games, Among Us (although, I’m not a huge fan), or just talking. 

 

This is a long shot, but I’ve been wanting to join a DnD campaign for a long time and I might as well ask on here, cause I know I have something in common with y’all 😁.However, since it’s the beginning of the semester I have no idea how much consistent free time I’ll have. If not this semester, I would be interested in playing over the summer. 

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12 minutes ago, LesMeufs18 said:

I really want to! I personally love trivia, so I’ll throw that out for a game. I’m down for other stuff though too like online board games, Among Us (although, I’m not a huge fan), or just talking. 

 

This is a long shot, but I’ve been wanting to join a DnD campaign for a long time and I might as well ask on here, cause I know I have something in common with y’all 😁.However, since it’s the beginning of the semester I have no idea how much consistent free time I’ll have. If not this semester, I would be interested in playing over the summer. 

Ooooh sounds really fun! I throw my vote in for trivia or board games.

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Anyone who sees this post, message me if you’re down for a wine night/game night zoom call this Sunday (1/24/21) ! 

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16 hours ago, LesMeufs18 said:

What irks me a lot is that most of the people in my social bubble have still had multiple hookups and seen many guys from tinder in person and somehow this is still socially acceptable even though it’s probably THE MOST effective way of spreading covid. Yet, I can’t (in a socially acceptable way) go try to make a new friend in real life who could possibly become a best friend or be interested in a queer-platonic relationship

Yes! I hadn't put my finger on it before, but this has been really frustrating. Living on a university campus with pretty strict social distancing restrictions, the one person it seems to be socially acceptable to see with no mask etc. is your romantic/sexual partner, and that's just a given. I don't want to be that person saying "would you stop seeing your boyfriend in person!" but it's frustrating that there's nobody can see in a socially acceptable way!

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5 hours ago, mercaesan said:

Yes! I hadn't put my finger on it before, but this has been really frustrating. Living on a university campus with pretty strict social distancing restrictions, the one person it seems to be socially acceptable to see with no mask etc. is your romantic/sexual partner, and that's just a given. I don't want to be that person saying "would you stop seeing your boyfriend in person!" but it's frustrating that there's nobody can see in a socially acceptable way!

Exactly! I really want everyone to be happy and fulfilled during quarantine, but it’s unfortunate the things that the culture prioritize even above public safety. 

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I’ve recently tried dating again, and I’m coming to the conclusion that what I’m really searching for is a companion and not necessarily a physical partner. It’s hard to find something like that in an app. 
Im pretty sure I’m going to have to break off my connection with the guy I’m dating because I just can’t have the relationship he wants.

I do this thing with people where I just go along with what they want. Or I seem to trick myself into thinking we want the same thing. Then once I’m in the middle or after the fact, I’m disgusted.

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Itsoktobewednesday
On 1/22/2021 at 6:31 PM, Therefore98 said:

thinking about how being a woman who is not attracted to men in any way, shape, or form can make it harder to form and maintain female friendships in a heteronormative society...

 

have y'all had similar experiences?

My core friend group includes a handful of married couples (who were all together when we met), and a handful of women who haven't been interested in dating, or at least haven't made it a priority for years. I've loved having a good group of friends that wasn't concerned about sex or dating - one of my favorite things about being asexual is that we really don't have to talk about it if we aren't interested, right?

Now that we're getting into our thirties though, my best friend is feeling a lot of pressure to get out there and meet someone. She wants to try dating apps or find other ways to meet men, and keeps asking for my advice or asking if I want to join the apps with her. I do find it difficult to be supportive of her while making it clear I have zero interest, and it makes me nervous that now the timer is running down so everyone else will start worrying about dating a lot more too and start drifting away.

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On 1/18/2021 at 7:12 PM, AnnaPanni said:

They are open minded (at least open about sexuality topics), they just don't believe I'm attracted to girls. It seems, in their heads lesbians are big, masculin broads with a lot of piercings, tattoos, riding motorcycles.

Heya, sorry, I'm pretty late to comment 😅 But! If you happened to want to show your folks an example of someone who is a feminine lesbian in a steady relationship, I recommend checking out Jessica Kellgren-Fozard in Youtube. She is amazing, very vintage in her style, very happily married to her wife, and they're even expecting a baby :'D 

Also when it comes to wanting to wear dresses and liking them on you and such, go for it! Your outer appearance and style has literally zero influence on who you are interested/not interested in. I, too, enjoy "feminine" clothing, I almost exclusively wear skirts and dresses, and I'm pretty sure I'm aroace :'D My taste in clothes has nothing to do with trying to attract others, I do it for myself :) 

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On 1/31/2021 at 6:55 PM, Itsoktobewednesday said:

Now that we're getting into our thirties though, my best friend is feeling a lot of pressure to get out there and meet someone. She wants to try dating apps or find other ways to meet men, and keeps asking for my advice or asking if I want to join the apps with her.

For some reason, my friends tend to open up to me and/or ask advice from me relating to their dating lives, quite often 😅 I don't know what it is about "literally no interest towards sex and relationships", that seems to make people think I have some ancient wisdom to impart :'D I don't really mind, though, since they luckily don't ever try to change the way I live my life :) But I understand how it can get exhausting. But I think it's not a given that people who have interest in dating/find a new partner, automatically drift away. Two of my best friends are in and out of relationships, but I've never felt them pull away from me even in the lovey-dovey phase. And with another friend couple, they found each other early into our friendship and became one of those almost sickeningly sweet couples that were hitched together by the hip, and for a long time, they only lived in their own relationship bubble and saw no one else around them, but after a couple of years they started reaching out to our friend group, again, and now we hang out every once in a while, and it's nice :D 

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Also can I say the topic of asexual women (or even asexual men) is such an important deep matter. Asexuality is empowerment in my eyes, for all genders. 

 

Yesterday I was crying happy tears because I am so proud to be asexual. It's a blessing, not a curse. 

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The fact that women are often looked at as a baby making machine really irks me. I was interested in possibly having children, just not out of my own body. I knew this when I was a little girl. I also never viewed myself as a mother, even when I was a kid. I knew I wanted a partner and marriage, but I could do without the kids. Now, I feel like there's constant pressure to have a child. Of course I know that its my choice in the long run, but it's brought up so frequently that I sometimes feel like my body isn't mine...

 

Does that make sense? 

 

I almost feel guilt for not wanting to be pregnant because I feel like I'm supposed to have kids of my own (THANKS society). I know there are so many people who struggle with getting pregnant and those who are unable to, but I find myself wishing that I wasn't able to have kids. I would welcome it. That way I wouldn't have to explain myself to anyone or feel guilt. 

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lilsciencenerd
On 1/10/2021 at 6:27 PM, LesMeufs18 said:

I recently found out I might be asexual, mostly because I experienced a rift that formed between me and my housemates due to their interest in relationships and sex, and my complete lack of interest in such things. 
With all my heart, I want them to be happy and fulfilled to the greatest extents possible, but it’s incredibly difficult for me to feel understood and appreciated when so much of their lives revolve around romantic relationships. I was friends with them before they ever started dating, and all I’ve ever wanted was a great friend group like the Cheetah Girls, or evening just a best friend that I share an apartment with and hang out with after work/school. I want that so badly, I can’t barely stand it, but it seems that friends are not on the top of anyone’s priority list. Some people complain about not having gotten laid in a month; I feel the same way about not having a wine night, or just a fun night with my friends once a month. Why are so many women so willing to tell their life story to a guy they just met but are not willing to share much with their friends unless it’s fluffy and superficial? I’m really tired of all the romantic stuff, and I desperately just want to have a deep, meaningful, give and take platonic relationship with someone. 

I totally agree with you on all of this! It took me too long to realize that I was aromantic/didn't want a partner because all my friends were constantly talking about their relationships and forming crushes and going on dates and all that jazz and I felt SO left out. One friend in particular was my best friend and roommate for two years, but every time she found a new boy to like or date, she completely dropped off the face of the earth. I would hardly see her and we would barely talk. Now she's getting married in a few months and we've kind of lost touch because all she talks about is her fiance and she's making friends with ~married people~ now. Seeing her (and others) prioritize even crappy romantic relationships over solid friendships made me think I was supposed to do the same. So I thought wow, I really really want a boyfriend. But no. I just really really didn't want to be left out. Friends can have just as deep an emotional connection, and I would argue are way more fun:))

 

I have another friend, however, who is single and declares adamantly that she does not want to be in a relationship now, or anytime soon. We're able to joke about society's misplaced priorities together, and it's been such a relief to know we're (sort of) on the same page. I know that she's the first person I'll come out to, and I've already hinted casually that I'm "probably" asexual and I talk about avoiding relationships enough that I doubt it will be a surprise ha. She's the best and I think if platonic soulmates exist, she's mine. When I think of my friendship with her, and with a few of my other close friends, it makes me wonder how anyone could ever need more than that! Friendships are so fulfilling. But then again, I understand that there is beauty in romance and romantic relationships. It's just not for me.

 

Anyway, Cheetah Girls best friend group type thing sounds like the ultimate dream!! Personal faves are also Donna, Rosie, and Tanya from Mamma Mia or Shawn and Gus from Psych (takes me back to middle school lol). Would love to start a girl band and tour the world w my besties if only I knew guitar or something. 

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2 hours ago, lilsciencenerd said:

I totally agree with you on all of this! It took me too long to realize that I was aromantic/didn't want a partner because all my friends were constantly talking about their relationships and forming crushes and going on dates and all that jazz and I felt SO left out. One friend in particular was my best friend and roommate for two years, but every time she found a new boy to like or date, she completely dropped off the face of the earth. I would hardly see her and we would barely talk. Now she's getting married in a few months and we've kind of lost touch because all she talks about is her fiance and she's making friends with ~married people~ now. Seeing her (and others) prioritize even crappy romantic relationships over solid friendships made me think I was supposed to do the same. So I thought wow, I really really want a boyfriend. But no. I just really really didn't want to be left out. Friends can have just as deep an emotional connection, and I would argue are way more fun:))

 

I have another friend, however, who is single and declares adamantly that she does not want to be in a relationship now, or anytime soon. We're able to joke about society's misplaced priorities together, and it's been such a relief to know we're (sort of) on the same page. I know that she's the first person I'll come out to, and I've already hinted casually that I'm "probably" asexual and I talk about avoiding relationships enough that I doubt it will be a surprise ha. She's the best and I think if platonic soulmates exist, she's mine. When I think of my friendship with her, and with a few of my other close friends, it makes me wonder how anyone could ever need more than that! Friendships are so fulfilling. But then again, I understand that there is beauty in romance and romantic relationships. It's just not for me.

 

Anyway, Cheetah Girls best friend group type thing sounds like the ultimate dream!! Personal faves are also Donna, Rosie, and Tanya from Mamma Mia or Shawn and Gus from Psych (takes me back to middle school lol). Would love to start a girl band and tour the world w my besties if only I knew guitar or something. 

Thank you so much for sharing this! I think especially since I’m pretty isolated in my apartment doing school work with three allosexuals, it can feel like no one thinks the same way I do and that I’m just being judgmental or selfish for wanting them to understand. However, hearing your thoughts on this really makes me feel validated and important because I’m not the odd-one-out anymore. I feel kind of like I’m shouting my experiences and feelings into a void and whenever someone yells back “yo, me too” it’s so exhilarating and relieving. 
 

i totally agree about friendships, and that oftentimes they can be deeper and better than romantic relationships. There’s so much less drama and guessing with friends. I’m really happy that you were able to find a person who also wants to stay single! It’s so nice to know that they will stick around (I’m sorry your other friend left and didn’t see the value in prioritizing your friendship). 

 

and YES how could I forget Mamma Mia?! Donna and the Dynamos!!! That is the sort of grade A, supportive, fun friend group I dream of 

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lilsciencenerd

@LesMeufs18 Oh I understand that feeling for sure! I love going on here and hearing others' stories because it's a reminder that I'm not as alone as I may think. Even though I don't know any other (at least openly) asexuals personally, we are out there! (Wish I did know a few in person though because I know we'd have a blast ha.)

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On 1/11/2021 at 2:27 AM, LesMeufs18 said:

I recently found out I might be asexual, mostly because I experienced a rift that formed between me and my housemates due to their interest in relationships and sex, and my complete lack of interest in such things. 
With all my heart, I want them to be happy and fulfilled to the greatest extents possible, but it’s incredibly difficult for me to feel understood and appreciated when so much of their lives revolve around romantic relationships. I was friends with them before they ever started dating, and all I’ve ever wanted was a great friend group like the Cheetah Girls, or evening just a best friend that I share an apartment with and hang out with after work/school. I want that so badly, I can’t barely stand it, but it seems that friends are not on the top of anyone’s priority list. Some people complain about not having gotten laid in a month; I feel the same way about not having a wine night, or just a fun night with my friends once a month. Why are so many women so willing to tell their life story to a guy they just met but are not willing to share much with their friends unless it’s fluffy and superficial? I’m really tired of all the romantic stuff, and I desperately just want to have a deep, meaningful, give and take platonic relationship with someone. 

I totally relate to all of this. My closest friend is someone who's always in a relationship and it's hard to accept that friendships don't usually take precedence over romantic relationships. I see a lot of the conversations around me turn exceptionally heteronormative sometimes (like right now since it's so close to valentine's day) and it's frustrating because we don't have the same woes. I'M single for valentine's day, happily so. What's wrong with having a hangout as single people and enjoying ourselves without that negative connotation of that we 'couldn't find a date'. I'm also looking for deep connections with female friends, but it doesn't seem to be that easy.

 

On 1/23/2021 at 1:31 AM, Therefore98 said:

thinking about how being a woman who is not attracted to men in any way, shape, or form can make it harder to form and maintain female friendships in a heteronormative society...

 

have y'all had similar experiences?

Definitely... a lot of conversations always seem to come back to men which makes it harder to engage in them because I completely can't relate.

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13 hours ago, Cee Fox said:

I see a lot of the conversations around me turn exceptionally heteronormative sometimes (like right now since it's so close to valentine's day) and it's frustrating because we don't have the same woes. I'M single for valentine's day, happily so. What's wrong with having a hangout as single people and enjoying ourselves without that negative connotation of that we 'couldn't find a date'.

Oh yeah, I find the whole thing around Valentines' a bit weird :'D Maybe it's because it's called "friend's day" in my language, and when I originally learned about it in school, it was all about celebrating friendships, which I of course jammed with :D But yeah, it's become more and more about romantic love here, too, I think. I still like the friend aspect and try to celebrate it like that, though! And also, as a self-love day. It's actually pretty nice to like, buy a small heart-shaped tart and enjoy it for myself xD Also, buying flowers for yourself! Definitely recommend! 

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