Asexual Women Musings

[Shiloh_Rose]

5 minutes ago, weird elf said:

Chances are most of them didn't. Most would get married at 14ish and get pregnant. Ovulation mostly stops while nursing, then once they became fertile again, they'd conceive again and the circle would start over.

... Oh how lovely... >..< 

[weird elf]

Right? I'm so grateful not to be living in that era ... Reenactment is fun, but the reality of life in the Middle Ages would have sucked. Majorly.

[LVG]

Nobody bathed regularly either. I can only imagine the smell. 🤢

[MakeupJunkie4]

Can we talk about the pressure put on (most) women to practically kiss the ground that pregnant women walk on...? I'm not saying to mistreat anyone of course, but it seems like women are always assumed to adore another woman if she's expecting. Lots of fuss, attention, congratulating, etc. And if we don't...we're mean. We're horrible people who have no heart at all. Has anyone else experienced this?

 

Personally, IDC if someone wants to have a baby. That's their business. What I DO care about, however, is when people have kid after kid after kid and are always saying "we have no money!!". Well then....maybe you should STOP HAVING AN ANNUAL BABY...?! My best friend has 4 kids presently, and even when she only had 1, money was tight. She couldn't afford to put her little girl in an inexpensive dance class once a week, so the poor kid just stayed home (other than school) and got very bored. Then she ended up having another and another and another....and I'm thinking "Look, if you can't afford ONE kid, why are you doing this...!!??!?" I just don't get it. Why put oneself in that place, not to mention the poor child who has to grow up in poverty while their school friends get to do sports, go on vacations, buy new clothes, etc.? It just seems very foolish.

[Princess KittenSparkles]

Quote

Can we talk about the pressure put on (most) women to practically kiss the ground that pregnant women walk on...? I'm not saying to mistreat anyone of course, but it seems like women are always assumed to adore another woman if she's expecting. 

Right!!! And when you are the 'rare' type of women to say you want to be child-free you are looked at as if you are a three-headed alien from space...why is it always the assumption that EVERY SINGLE WOMEN wants to be a mother?? Men don't get that pressure! At all! 

 

Like do you know how HARD it is to get a career, deal with student loans, have your own place, and ALSO BE PRESSURED TO BE A MOTHER??? When you don't even want it or feel ready for it?? FUCK. This is a bit of a personal rant because a coworker of mine literally told me I would "grow" out of feeling like I don't want kids...just because she was pregnant. What? 

[MakeupJunkie4]

6 minutes ago, Princess KittenSparkles said:

This is a bit of a personal rant because a coworker of mine literally told me I would "grow" out of feeling like I don't want kids...just because she was pregnant. What? 

Seriously WTF...as if you were a child who wasn't as sophisticated as her, right? I don't get that. If the tables were turned and people like us put pressure on them to NOT have kids, or tell them they'll "grow out of" wanting to have kids... they sure as hell wouldn't like being treated that way. LOL

[Skycaptain]

8 hours ago, LVG said:

Nobody bathed regularly either. I can only imagine the smell. 🤢

This is why churches were full of flowers, as were courts and other public buildings. 

[CandyCane]

I find it hard that being in a relationship, allows your significant other to feel as though you owe them sex, as if that is something that is expected from a relationship and if this is not given then they look into ways to fix it, expressing that I have a lack in libido due to my medication. However, even if this was the case I am not distressed by not feeling sexual attraction, i feel extremely uncomfortable when it is mentioned, it repulses me and I don’t understand why. i guess i just don’t see it as a way of showing “love” like everyone else in society expect it to be, but more of a thing that has to be done just for re production, that is if you want to produce a child. I find it difficult that my partner makes me feel horrible that I do not want to have sex and he tries to do it to me when we spent the night together or in the morning or whilst I am asleep and if i don’t sleep with him he will go in a mood with me or say it’s making him insecure, which then makes me feel worse. He will often say “ shall I book a hotel so we can spend time together” this sentence in itself repulses me, it’s disgusting, i understand he finds this as making our relationship more intimate but I cannot deal with this, it doesn’t feel like intimacy to me but more like I am an object laid for a man to get his whims and happiness. This feeling of not being normal, of not being able to give the person I love what they express they “ need” makes me loose hope in ever being loved and not seen as a sexual object. It makes me loose hope in life and in myself. I have questioned breaking up with him, but I love him, other than in the sexual aspects he is amazing and he hasn’t pushed me all the time it’s just been a few occasions, I just feel like i’m running away from something that in his eyes is inevitable, which is him getting his own way. 
I understand what I am describing can appear worrying for some, but don’t worry I am okay and safe. I just don’t know what to do to make myself feel better I guess. Suggestions would really be appreciated? I don’t even know if I am asexual, but the experiences I have correspond a lot with what I am reading about asexuality? 
 

[Diana DeLuna]

20 hours ago, weird elf said:

Chances are most of them didn't. Most would get married at 14ish and get pregnant. Ovulation mostly stops while nursing, then once they became fertile again, they'd conceive again and the circle would start over.

Yeah, when your pituitary gland secretes prolactin, which produces breastmilk, it simultaneously suppresses the ovaries pumping out estrogen and ovulating. The evolutionary purpose would be to keep the mammal from getting pregnant again while still nursing a vulnerable young offspring.

 

When doctors test young women for premature menopause, they first check our prolactin levels to rule out a possible tumor in our pituitary gland, which could be spewing out prolactin and other hormones willy-nilly, hence cutting off our estrogen supply.

[deletingthisaccount]

On 4/3/2020 at 9:52 PM, Princess KittenSparkles said:

Right!!! And when you are the 'rare' type of women to say you want to be child-free you are looked at as if you are a three-headed alien from space...why is it always the assumption that EVERY SINGLE WOMEN wants to be a mother?? Men don't get that pressure! At all! 

 

Like do you know how HARD it is to get a career, deal with student loans, have your own place, and ALSO BE PRESSURED TO BE A MOTHER??? When you don't even want it or feel ready for it?? FUCK. This is a bit of a personal rant because a coworker of mine literally told me I would "grow" out of feeling like I don't want kids...just because she was pregnant. What? 

I get this ALL THE TIME. Drives me nuts. Especially because I also don't want to get married either. People always tell me, "But isn't that what life is? Getting married and having kids?" ... Nope! Plenty of other things that I can do with my life, actually!

[Phalena]

59 minutes ago, Ace_of_Spades07 said:

I get this ALL THE TIME. Drives me nuts. Especially because I also don't want to get married either. People always tell me, "But isn't that what life is? Getting married and having kids?" ... NO. Plenty of other things that I can do with my life, actually!

If that is what life is... How disappointed and bored these people must be once they have reached those "goals" (putting it in " here because they feel more like they're being forced upon people adn aren't set by individuals themselves (necessarily). That usually happens somewhen between 20-40 and by now in some countries people have the average age between 75-90 when dying. But no, no. No suggestions for other obligatory goals in life from me. Self optimisation is terrible enough as is. Especially in media.

[Princess KittenSparkles]

Anyone else have let their daily rituals gone to shit during these trying times? During this quarantine I have:

 

1. Very rarely worn a bra

2. Let my legs get hairy for science LOL

3. Messy bun is the only hairstyle 

4. Have been more lax in my diet + drank more alcohol 

5. Have had days where all I do is wake up and play video games

 

What a confusing time to live in hahaha. 

[Janus the Fox]

I see that my routine has roughly stayed the same or reverted back to times I had no reasons to go out.  1 day a week out is still quite the change than 3-4 days out more recently.  Couldn’t go back to my heavier drinking or eating even if I tried. 

[Gloomy]

On days that I work from home I’ve usually been wearing my glasses instead of my contacts and I’ve sometimes skipped washing my face in the morning. I have worn some stuff like short dresses and thigh high socks which would probably get me sent home if I wore them to the office though lol. Might as well take advantage of being able to wear whatever silly or provocative outfit I want while I’m working from home.

[Guest]

I've been the same because I don't put more effort than necessary into my appearance anyway.

[Snao Cone]

I haven't had to stay home this whole time, but on the days I do (weekends and holidays) I still usually groom myself like normal. It helps me feel less depressed. 

[AceMissBehaving]

I’m in largely that state too now @Princess KittenSparkles I’m trying to break it, but my motivation is low. Though the useful stuff I’ve been doing is messy, which is also part of why I’m currently dressing like crap 

[Bookist Dee]

On 4/4/2020 at 7:40 AM, CandyCane said:

I find it hard that being in a relationship, allows your significant other to feel as though you owe them sex, as if that is something that is expected from a relationship and if this is not given then they look into ways to fix it, expressing that I have a lack in libido due to my medication. However, even if this was the case I am not distressed by not feeling sexual attraction, i feel extremely uncomfortable when it is mentioned, it repulses me and I don’t understand why. i guess i just don’t see it as a way of showing “love” like everyone else in society expect it to be, but more of a thing that has to be done just for re production, that is if you want to produce a child. 
 

CandyCane, 

 

This is exactly how I feel! 

It's pretty obvious that it makes me uncomfortable, but he still pressures me into it.  I know I need to talk with him about it, but I'm not ready for the conflict yet.  

[DarkStormyKnight]

Yeah I'm trying to keep to a schedule and stay groomed just to stay sane, but nothing wrong with being a lil messy about it haha.

[CandyCane]

17 hours ago, Bookist Dee said:

CandyCane, 

 

This is exactly how I feel! 

It's pretty obvious that it makes me uncomfortable, but he still pressures me into it.  I know I need to talk with him about it, but I'm not ready for the conflict yet.  

Bookiest Dee, 

 

At least I know it’s not me who’s in the predicament alone! I don’t even know how to start the conversation with him and same goes for the conflict. 

[budgieghost]

On 4/15/2020 at 2:36 AM, CandyCane said:

Bookiest Dee, 

 

At least I know it’s not me who’s in the predicament alone! I don’t even know how to start the conversation with him and same goes for the conflict. 

Candy Cane,

 

I so sympathize with you! I am single, but in my gut I know that I've always avoided dating out of a fear of what you describe. Thanks for adding that you are safe! I hope you are your partner are happy and able to work things out together.

[CandyCane]

On 5/16/2020 at 12:59 AM, budgieghost said:

Candy Cane,

 

I so sympathize with you! I am single, but in my gut I know that I've always avoided dating out of a fear of what you describe. Thanks for adding that you are safe! I hope you are your partner are happy and able to work things out together.

Budgieghost, 

 

Thanks it means a lot! With lock down happening we haven’t seen each other to see how things will go, but I hope all will be well after this. 
Again I will say, it’s nice to feel less alone! X 

[budgieghost]

On 5/22/2020 at 2:35 PM, CandyCane said:

Budgieghost, 

 

Thanks it means a lot! With lock down happening we haven’t seen each other to see how things will go, but I hope all will be well after this. 
Again I will say, it’s nice to feel less alone! X 

Thanks! I'm worried for you, but I trust your instincts. Maybe quarantine is an opportunity to share some of your feelings with him, although you would know best.

[Burgundy]

Cis asexual woman here  Hi!

 

*Menstrual/period talk!*

 

My periods are bizarre. I can have nothing for months and then bleeding every day for several weeks. Right now I'm the latter. Joy. Luckily it's not painful except when I can get painful cramps when on my 'proper' period, which go within a few seconds. I've been to the doctors: nothing wrong with my ovaries, I don't have PCOS, I've been prescribed the pill for it several times but it doesn't work. Luckily my fiance and I don't want kids as it would probably be difficult to conceive. I think it's just one of those things, relating to hormones. Perhaps related to why I'm ace. 

[ClaryFray1984]

I'm looking forward to having my implant out. I was married to a sexual and yeah that sucked. We tried the sex thing once on the wedding night. It did not go well. Sorry if that's tmi.

But now I'm not and realised I'm asexual at 36. Embracing who I am and ordering bracelets in asexual colours off etsy. Talk about change lol.

[Atlantis]

On 6/5/2020 at 4:05 PM, Burgundy said:

Cis asexual woman here  Hi!

 

*Menstrual/period talk!*

 

My periods are bizarre. I can have nothing for months and then bleeding every day for several weeks. Right now I'm the latter. Joy. Luckily it's not painful except when I can get painful cramps when on my 'proper' period, which go within a few seconds. I've been to the doctors: nothing wrong with my ovaries, I don't have PCOS, I've been prescribed the pill for it several times but it doesn't work. Luckily my fiance and I don't want kids as it would probably be difficult to conceive. I think it's just one of those things, relating to hormones. Perhaps related to why I'm ace. 

I had something similar when I was first getting my period; I had three months straight of bleeding that only stopped after my parents took me to an herbalist (after the different birth control pills the OBGYN was giving me didn’t work to stop it either) and then irregular periods, and now they’re not completely normal, but are definitely more normal than they were a few years ago. I still occasionally have cramps, although they’re not as frequent as before, thankfully (they suck to have, especially when I'm at school and can't move for a bit). I think I’ve had a couple of cysts in my ovaries but idk if I have PCOS, although I’m on the borderline for hypothyroidism. I’ve thought that the hormone thing was why I’m ace too. I’m glad I can kind of relate, although it's not an ideal situation and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

[MakeupJunkie4]

2 hours ago, Atlantis said:

bleeding that only stopped after my parents took me to an herbalist

what did they recommend for you?? Just curious. Glad it's somewhat "normalized" now.

[Atlantis]

On 6/10/2020 at 8:55 PM, MakeupJunkie444 said:

what did they recommend for you?? Just curious. Glad it's somewhat "normalized" now.

Thank you! I’m not sure exactly bc some of it was a bunch of stuff the herbalist made himself, but there was stuff for detoxing my liver and helping it function more optimally, Hawthorn/Bladderwrack, and Prolamine Iodine (Standard Process brand), calcium, chromium and selenium every other day, and some other stuff I forgot. At first he made me detox since it turned out I had candida overgrowth (which I think was the main reason for  the super long period). I just remembered the thing about the candida since it’s not an issue as much anymore, but now that I think about I’ve been eating more wheat and sugar so that could be part of the reason why my periods haven’t been regular lately. 

[Burgundy]

On 6/11/2020 at 2:17 AM, Atlantis said:

I’ve thought that the hormone thing was why I’m ace too. I’m glad I can kind of relate, although it's not an ideal situation and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I know exactly what you mean! I know there will be plenty of ace cis women/trans men who won't have the same issues with menstruation as us, but knowing I can relate... it's kinda nice. Not in a 'being happy at someone else's suffering' way though. 

[Burgundy]

On 6/11/2020 at 4:55 AM, MakeupJunkie444 said:

what did they recommend for you?? Just curious. Glad it's somewhat "normalized" now.

 

19 hours ago, Atlantis said:

Thank you! I’m not sure exactly bc some of it was a bunch of stuff the herbalist made himself, but there was stuff for detoxing my liver and helping it function more optimally, Hawthorn/Bladderwrack, and Prolamine Iodine (Standard Process brand), calcium, chromium and selenium every other day, and some other stuff I forgot. At first he made me detox since it turned out I had candida overgrowth (which I think was the main reason for  the super long period). I just remembered the thing about the candida since it’s not an issue as much anymore, but now that I think about I’ve been eating more wheat and sugar so that could be part of the reason why my periods haven’t been regular lately. 

Evening Primrose Oil tablets work for some people. Not for me, but some people.