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What do you all think about sexualized assumptions people make based on what you're wearing? I like to look great even though I'm not in the pursuit of a mate, but style and grooming are often assumed to indicate you are.

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What do you all think about sexualized assumptions people make based on what you're wearing? I like to look great even though I'm not in the pursuit of a mate, but style and grooming are often assumed to indicate you are.

I must admit that those assumptions are a major factor in why I don't wear dresses/skirts or makeup, other than the fact that I never wanted to wear most of those things (I quit dresses shortly after I turned 12 and the makeup never got started).

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butterflydreams

I must admit that those assumptions are a major factor in why I don't wear dresses/skirts or makeup, other than the fact that I never wanted to wear most of those things (I quit dresses shortly after I turned 12 and the makeup never got started).

That's lame :( I'm sorry to hear that.

Ugh, sex and gender roles and religion. <_<

I try to remember what my grandmother would say about this stuff. She was pretty Catholic, but I was always really close to her. I like to think that if she were here today, she'd be really proud of me, and talk some sense into my parents. And she'd be like that because that's what being religious (specifically Christian) meant to her. It's what it means to me too.

What do you all think about sexualized assumptions people make based on what you're wearing? I like to look great even though I'm not in the pursuit of a mate, but style and grooming are often assumed to indicate you are.

I've always dressed "up" and never felt comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt kind of thing. Even since I was a little kid. It was the main cause of bullying when I was younger honestly.

I get that I'm probably different in this regard, but I don't think anyone makes any sexualized assumptions about me. I've always been viewed by others as totally non sexual. Which is the main reason why I feel like I should be very skeptical about my asexuality. Is it intrinsic? Or is it because no one has ever seen me that way? If no one ever sees you that way, it's easy to think, "hey, maybe I'm not ___ enough to be sexual" or something like that. It's something I'm working on.

Because I've experienced this "weird" angle, I'll share it here in case it's of interest. I've gotten more comments (positive) about my clothes/hair/style from strangers and acquaintances in just one year of transition than I did in all my life before that. What surprised me was that easily 2/3s of it comes from other women. I asked friends and they said it was definitely a thing. But even when it comes from men...it takes me by surprise. And it all is genuinely positive. I always feel like I'm not passing, so I assume these people aren't hitting on me. I dunno what to make of it really. I consider it a good thing. I feel like it means I'm actually injecting myself into social situations more than I used to. I'm more confident I guess...and it shows. I think that's what people are picking up on when they make the comments.

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What do you all think about sexualized assumptions people make based on what you're wearing? I like to look great even though I'm not in the pursuit of a mate, but style and grooming are often assumed to indicate you are.

I get a choice of looking "slutty" or "matronly." Damn boobs. I wouldn't object to finding a mate, but I have other priorities right now. It does make for some weird deer-caught-headlights moments of "crap, how do I get out of this?" after "my eyes are up here." I'm not blessed with being oblivious. Other women can be nasty about it, too, and I don't see the point. Please, take Darryl from [department] away, 'cause he's getting annoying. I know he's assuming I put out because I don't want to look like a school marm.

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I must admit that those assumptions are a major factor in why I don't wear dresses/skirts or makeup, other than the fact that I never wanted to wear most of those things (I quit dresses shortly after I turned 12 and the makeup never got started).

[1] That's lame :( I'm sorry to hear that.

What do you all think about sexualized assumptions people make based on what you're wearing? I like to look great even though I'm not in the pursuit of a mate, but style and grooming are often assumed to indicate you are.

[2] I've always dressed "up" and never felt comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt kind of thing. Even since I was a little kid. It was the main cause of bullying when I was younger honestly.

[1] It's not that big a deal really. Some of it really is societal. "Don't dress a certain way if you don't want to attract attention" sort of stuff. Unfortunately, I did, erm, drink that kool-aid. Also, I had no interest in attracting attention to myself beyond friendship [which probably is lame]. :P

[2] You and I are complete opposites! I feel very uncomfortable in "dress up" clothes. I want to write in my Will: No dresses/skirts/etc. dress me in jeans, a favorite Tee, and comfortable shoes or at least business casual (if we have to there: a polo shirt with decent sleeves and a collar [from the men's department since the women's department is a joke], a nice pair of slacks, and my favorite pair of SAS shoes) and we're good to go into the next world. :)

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Galactic Turtle

What do you all think about sexualized assumptions people make based on what you're wearing? I like to look great even though I'm not in the pursuit of a mate, but style and grooming are often assumed to indicate you are.

Outside of school where we had uniforms, I dressed like a boy for my middle school years and for the beginning of high school. My mom hated it and said it didn't matter what I was wearing to hide my figure, boys would still look at me anyway (I stopped being able to pass as a boy by the time I hit 7th grade). She was right but even today I try to dress as plainly as possible. I feel uncomfortable if anything more than my arms and face are showing. I wear shirts that button up to the base of my neck or turtlenecks only. I don't wear shorts/skirts/dresses without tights, and I don't wear socks that expose my ankles. I've never worn makeup and I keep my hair in a bun instead of letting it out. I only wear sports bras.

I think for day to day things this helps though the way I dress makes me look quite a bit younger than I am so I still get comments from creepers that have been consistent since I was like...13 years old... and going to school... but when it comes to men my own age they either ignore me because they're nice people or they look at me like a challenge and I'm hassled even more. Being African American I'm kind of oversexualized in the first place.

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I drank the kool-aid :blush: Though I have to say that has never and probably will never discouraged me from wearing shirts that hug my figure, and are a bit low hung. (I enjoy looking good.) At the same time as long as no one walks up to me they can stare as long as they want, though I would also prefer no one making cat-calls soo.....

I hate dresses lol jeans are the best, and my choice of shirt ranges from crew-neck to deep v baggy to skin tight. Just depends on my mood really.

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butterflydreams

Hahaha, jeans!!! My arch nemesis! :P My parents tried so hard to get me to wear them, but I just wouldn't.

That makes me think though, I had a really hard time (at first) getting comfortable with more feminine neck lines on shirts. It's weird because now I don't care, and I think some things look really good on me, but I used to just wear turtlenecks. I probably still will once it gets cold again. I'm not sure why it freaked me out so much. Probably because to others there was then no doubt about it, Hadley definitely has boobs. I'm glad I got over it though.

I dunno. It's nice in the summer, but I think turtlenecks look really smart, and I don't feel self-conscious at all wearing them.

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Turtlenecks look awesome :) and I wish I could wear them more often but it feels like something is strangling me lol, same with crew-necks sometimes I feel like I'm choking when I wear them. I don't like revealing cleavage so I have to try to find clothes that won't show everything ^_^ Though I have a favorite long sleeve shirt that I have to wear a scarf with, because I swear it goes all the way down to the base of my bra o.o; It didn't use to be so bad but when I gained weight my chest size went up, so now I just don't wear it T_T

(Funny story is that I was wearing that shirt and jeans and a friend who was talking to me said that he saw me across campus wearing it once and thought "Nice ass" ) :huh: Yeah..... Made me rethink what I wear lol

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Turtlenecks are awful. Sometimes even T-shirts with necks that are too thick make me feel like I'm choking.

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I like necklines that make me look like I have a jaw. I seriously worry some days that the look of my chin will lead some people to treat me like less of a person. :unsure: It definitely goes way beyond sexual attractiveness or seeking a mate.

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I like necklines that make me look like I have a jaw. I seriously worry some days that the look of my chin will lead some people to treat me like less of a person. :unsure: It definitely goes way beyond sexual attractiveness or seeking a mate.

I'm worried that if people see my missing teeth they'll treat me like less of a person.(It's a congenital condition that I'm getting fixed)

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UncommonNonsense

I like necklines that make me look like I have a jaw. I seriously worry some days that the look of my chin will lead some people to treat me like less of a person. :unsure: It definitely goes way beyond sexual attractiveness or seeking a mate.

I understand that one! I'm blind in my left eye... well, the eye itself works, but my brain doesn't process incoming information from that eye - it's complicated. When I'm tired or have a migraine, that eye turns inward, making me look cross-eyed. When people notice this, they often start treating me differently, like I'm cognitively impaired - just because my left eye doesn't look the way they think it ought to. Stupid. My IQ has nothing to do with my crossed eye.

People are so tiresomely often stupid.

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roti prata no egg plz

For me, I feel lucky to be living in a conversative country like Singapore, where living a celibate life is not shamed.

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butterflydreams

I wish I knew how to flirt in general

Samesies.

I need to be in a mood to flirt. And a little (or a lot) drunk.

Hahaha, I don't know about a mood, but yeah, booze would probably help. I have a lot of hangups about it though (booze and flirting). My dad always drank too much and my mom would often tell me to drink and "loosen up" long before I was of age.

I avoided drinking for a very long time. I don't think I had my first drink until I was 23. And I've only been drunk once. I think a big reason was because I was worried I'd show my true (femme) self at the time.

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I need to be in a mood to flirt. And a little (or a lot) drunk.

Pretty much. Or I'm trying to get something from somebody, which I guess is a mood.

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I need to be in a mood to flirt. And a little (or a lot) drunk.

Hahaha, I don't know about a mood, but yeah, booze would probably help. I have a lot of hangups about it though (booze and flirting). My dad always drank too much and my mom would often tell me to drink and "loosen up" long before I was of age.

I avoided drinking for a very long time. I don't think I had my first drink until I was 23. And I've only been drunk once. I think a big reason was because I was worried I'd show my true (femme) self at the time.

Would you be more comfortable drinking now that you're out as a woman?

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butterflydreams

I need to be in a mood to flirt. And a little (or a lot) drunk.

Hahaha, I don't know about a mood, but yeah, booze would probably help. I have a lot of hangups about it though (booze and flirting). My dad always drank too much and my mom would often tell me to drink and "loosen up" long before I was of age.

I avoided drinking for a very long time. I don't think I had my first drink until I was 23. And I've only been drunk once. I think a big reason was because I was worried I'd show my true (femme) self at the time.

Would you be more comfortable drinking now that you're out as a woman?

Yes, definitely. Though as a bit of a hypochondriac, I kinda balk at drinking these days because of the HRT. Though to be fair, I'm in very good health, and I'm not expecting to be excessively drinking or binge drinking for an extended period of time.

I was actually just thinking this past week about how I'd be even so much more comfortable if I had to share a place with roommates (all female or mixed).

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Asexual McQueen

What does AFAB & DFAB stand for?

It's completely irrational but one of my pet hates is having my friends get into long term relationships because it usually means we'll be spending less time together. I have a small group of really good friends & as the constantly single one, it sucks when I don't get to see them as often.

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Asexual McQueen

I also hate how friendship is seen as a lesser relationship than a romantic one. I hate that that seems to be the pervading social hierarchy.

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butterflydreams

What does AFAB & DFAB stand for?

Assigned Female at Birth and Designated Female at Birth. Male equivalents being AMAB and DMAB.

I also hate how friendship is seen as a lesser relationship than a romantic one. I that that seems to be the pervading social hierarchy.

I can almost hear the biological essentialists coming out of the woodwork, "because a romantic relationship leads to children, hence propagating the species, hence more important and valued." Eww. If that's your metric, then fine, it's more valuable, I won't contest that, but that doesn't mean it's a universal. And it doesn't mean people should throw every friendship under the bus just because some good sex comes around. Ugh, sorry, I'm pretty bitter/cynical about this topic. I've lost too many friends that way.

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UncommonNonsense

What does AFAB & DFAB stand for?

Assigned Female at Birth and Designated Female at Birth. Male equivalents being AMAB and DMAB.

I also hate how friendship is seen as a lesser relationship than a romantic one. I that that seems to be the pervading social hierarchy.

I can almost hear the biological essentialists coming out of the woodwork, "because a romantic relationship leads to children, hence propagating the species, hence more important and valued." Eww. If that's your metric, then fine, it's more valuable, I won't contest that, but that doesn't mean it's a universal. And it doesn't mean people should throw every friendship under the bus just because some good sex comes around. Ugh, sorry, I'm pretty bitter/cynical about this topic. I've lost too many friends that way.

Me too. It sucks. And once you're out of school and older, making new friends gets *incredibly* hard, especially if you're socially awkward (or like me, socially bereft :D). Once everyone your age has coupled up and tossed their pre-long-term-relationship friends to the curb, the options for making new friends just aren't there. Everyone is married/LTR/parenting and only socializing with other married/LTR/parenting people since they're now the ones they have the most in common with. If you're not looking for a relationship or sex, you don't do the bar scene, and you have little in common with your workmates or work alone/nights, you are basically screwed on the friendship front.

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I kind of have a weird relationship with relationships (haha) although I guess pretty much everyone here does. I've had romantic relationships before, but that was in high school so the idea of having sex wasn't super present (at least for me), which was probably good for me. I'm ace and attitude wise, I'm pretty sex neutral, like I honestly couldn't care less about sex. It doesn't bother me, and I don't really want it, but I don't think I would be totally adverse to trying it out but it's not even a thing I think about really.

And I'm not adverse to purely romantic relationships, but I don't feel the need for one. If I happened to meet someone, that cool, if I don't, It's not a big deal.

I have been told multiple times that I should 'find myself a man', and that I'll change my mind when I'm older and lonely. Which I mean, I've been single for 5 years, and not once have I felt any need for anything beyond close platonic relationships.

One of my friends told me "well if it turns out you don't really do the sex thing, you can just live with me forever!". And while I appreciate the sentiment, seriously, it was kind of a weird thing to say to someone who just told you they're asexual.

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I hate that I've gone from "maybe if I meet the right person" to actually wanting to get married. Not motivated enough to date though. It also makes me feel like a traitor to the cause (take your pick).

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butterflydreams

So, I know it's kind of random, but I've had a hell of a day. Feeling very lonely now, since my brother said he couldn't get together for dinner tonight. I'm supposed to hang out with my friend, his girlfriend, and another friend of theirs tomorrow. I feel like I'm imposing though (even though he said I wasn't). I don't like always feeling like everyone's extra wheel -_-

I have been told multiple times that I should 'find myself a man', and that I'll change my mind when I'm older and lonely. Which I mean, I've been single for 5 years, and not once have I felt any need for anything beyond close platonic relationships.

First, welcome! Second, don't let people telling you this get you down. I think this is a kind of default reaction from people who can't really imagine any other possible way of being. If you feel comfortable doing what you're doing, and living how you're living, that's all you need. The worst thing you can do is cave in to these kinds of pressures. :cake:

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