Snao Cone Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 I find full heads of white hair on people with otherwise youthful features to be stunning. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SaturnOOO Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Same. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Unfortunately, with my parents as a benchmark it's going to take well into my 50s to get fully white hair. It's like I'm doomed to be salt and pepper for over half of my life span. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 47 minutes ago, Snao Cone said: Unfortunately, with my parents as a benchmark it's going to take well into my 50s to get fully white hair. It's like I'm doomed to be salt and pepper for over half of my life span. Same here. I have lots of silver strands, but not enough to be becoming. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 I'm probably dyeing my hair purple tomorrow, so we'll see where it goes from that. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SaturnOOO Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 3 hours ago, Snao Cone said: I'm probably dyeing my hair purple tomorrow, so we'll see where it goes from that. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Yeaaaaaah 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ItsABird Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I describe myself as a slightly sex-negative ace, because I’m used to the sexualness of society to some degree, but when someone’s sexual jokes or interests turn personal I want out, right then. (TMI alert) I was at Walmart last week, and I bought myself some lace underwear, and even when I was picking them out I was like “WHY am I even doing this? I hate just the idea of wearing these for someone!” I know lacy underwear can be worn for the wearer just as much as for a partner, but I just can’t shake the feeling that when I’m wearing them I feel like it is ultimately for someone else, you know? Not like I have anyone to wear them for, but to me that seems like their primary function, to please another. “What part of me believes I need these?!?” I know some women feel sexy wearing them, whether it’s for them or someone else, but I just can’t reconcile the different parts of me that want 1. to not be seen by others in a sexual light 2. to be respected as a non sexual person 3. But also seen as a competent and worthy person 4. And someone who’s not seen as a complete bummer to be around when talking about sexiness and sexuality because of my sex-negativity. what do you guys have to say on the subject? I can’t tell if there’s a part of me that wants to be sexy for myself, or it’s just me giving in to the pressure to be sexy. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Hi @ItsABird There are sexual people who don't like open conversations about sex, and who would be ashamed of buying lacy underwear. It's not really your asexuality that establishes that comfort level. The pressure to be "sexy" in some capacity is felt by almost all women, so there's reason to push back that's not just about the perceived "dirtiness" of it. You can respect other people expressing their sexuality while still asserting your comfort levels. Tuning out of conversations you don't like can be done in a tactful way that doesn't become about the politics of sexuality in the public sphere. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Shadow007 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 @ItsABird, if your gut instinct is screaming against purchasing them, then definitely listen to it; there are a ton of other ways of making you feel good about yourself without seeming to conform to gendered stereotypes. If you still want to buy them, then go for it. For me, I just go with whatever I feel like getting at that point in my life. If I want to feel pretty, then I'll find something that matches it - whether or not this fits with conventional views shouldn't matter too much in the long run. And with sexualised discussions, like @Snao Cone has said, you can always find a way to divert the conversation or remain outside of it without seeming rude. Just go with whatever feels right to you, and don't over-analyze the whys too much, as I'm sure you don't want to stress yourself too much about it. For the last comment, it's okay to not be sure about how you feel for everything, and in this case, it may be that it's a bit of both. There's no rush to figure it all out straight away. As long as you're comfortable with yourself, the ideas or expectations of others don't need to rule over you or your actions. Just be you. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Agreed ^^^ I see plenty of sexual women (not here because i haven't perused the forum enough to have picked up on the pattern) who clearly and honestly say that they are not comfortable talking about sex with anyone other than their partner. Whether sexual or not, it is one's own responsibility to themselves to have boundaries. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LVG Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 There are plenty of prudish sexual people. As for lacy undies, I don't wear them because I find them uncomfortable. I much prefer comfy undies with funky designs. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I prefer plain black undies. I worry less about matching it with the rest of my outfit. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kerrylouise Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 sorry upset at moment hate to do this but am sad. Sorry. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 ^ *hugs* I prefer plain cotton undies in one colour, preferably light. Patterned underwear really bothers me for some reason. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SaturnOOO Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 What's going on @Kerrylouise? 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hermit Advocate Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 I saw some family this past weekend and my grandma asked me if I was seeing anyone. I said no and the subject immediately changed to something else. No questions as to why, no subtle pressure to bring someone for the holidays (I did bring someone though, my stuffed bear Beorn). It was really nice not to get the third degree on when I was going to bring a man with me to a family event. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LVG Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 I almost invited my guy friend to New Year's Day dinner because I felt bad he didn't have any plans, but I know for a fact that everyone would have gotten the wrong idea. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Season Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 I always have to watch my mouth, so I don't make my friends uncomfortable with my "dirty" sense of humor. I don't think this has anything to do with sexuality. Lacy underwear: I would buy and wear it, because it is pretty and I like beautiful things. However it's too uncomfortable to be worth it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 This reminded me that my underwear is getting worn out and I need to buy more. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Haze. Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 I like lacy underwear sometimes because it's pretty. But I have to be feeling a certain way, because usually the texture will bother me. Generally I prefer cotton underwear in solid colours that are more neutral (e.g. black, blue, white). Sometimes I can be okay with purple. Also, I aLwAyS wear leggings underneath pants and those little legging-like shorts under shorts. The tightness of the leggings helps. (I wear tight tanktops under all my shirts too.) I feel really uncomfortable and anxious when my clothing isn't tight, but I hate how tight clothing hugs my body and makes me look. So I wear both! A lot of people think it's really weird. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 5 minutes ago, Hazel_Elise said: Also, I aLwAyS wear leggings underneath pants and those little legging-like shorts under shorts. The tightness of the leggings helps. (I wear tight tanktops under all my shirts too.) I feel really uncomfortable and anxious when my clothing isn't tight, but I hate how tight clothing hugs my body and makes me look. So I wear both! A lot of people think it's really weird. ME TOO!!! It is such a relief to hear that someone else does this, as most people think it's odd for me to do that. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Haze. Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Just now, Snao Cone said: ME TOO!!! It is such a relief to hear that someone else does this, as most people think it's odd for me to do that. WAIT WHAT REALLY?!?! I have never met anyone else who does this!!! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 I didn’t realize lacy underwear was a thing...my underwear choices tend to be purely functional. 1 minute ago, Hazel_Elise said: WAIT WHAT REALLY?!?! I have never met anyone else who does this!!! I do it when it’s really cold. It doesn’t usually help a ton, but it’s the effort that counts. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Haze. Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 1 minute ago, butterflydreams said: I do it when it’s really cold. It doesn’t usually help a ton, but it’s the effort that counts Well, that makes sense. I do it in the summer too though. And there's almost nothing that can defeat the skin-permeating cold in the winter... sadly. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 4 minutes ago, Hazel_Elise said: WAIT WHAT REALLY?!?! I have never met anyone else who does this!!! I own many pairs of tights for this purpose. It helps prevent chafing, keeps my belly more contained, and just makes it feel like I protected. I also wear camisoles under all of my tops. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Haze. Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 2 minutes ago, Snao Cone said: I own many pairs of tights for this purpose. It helps prevent chafing, keeps my belly more contained, and just makes it feel like I protected. I also wear camisoles under all of my tops. Precisely! Haha idk why I'm so happy that someone else does this... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 1 minute ago, Snao Cone said: I also wear camisoles under all of my tops. +1000 for camisoles. And the reminder that I need to buy more. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SaturnOOO Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 I'm the opposite of this. I hate feeling my clothes on me. I'm pear-shaped, so for instance I hate feeling the transition in camisoles as it gets tighter around my hips. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LVG Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 36 minutes ago, SaturnOOO said: I'm the opposite of this. I hate feeling my clothes on me. I'm pear-shaped, so for instance I hate feeling the transition in camisoles as it gets tighter around my hips. I know this feeling all too well. *also pear-shaped* 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SaturnOOO Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 18 minutes ago, LVG said: I know this feeling all too well. *also pear-shaped* Yeah! *High five* It's strange how common clothing neuroses seem to be.. I wonder if it happens as often among men. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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