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Sometimes I wish guys would just not talk to me lol. I'm a friendly person, (at least I like to think of myself as one) and so when people start talking to me sometimes I get misconstrued as flirty. Right now there is this guy who seems sweet that talks to me when he sees me (it's my fault I started a conversation the first time we met. I think about something random.) And I really don't want to lead him on so I'm hoping all he thinks is that I'm being nice.

I think it's all just in my head but at the same time I've had people who I was being nice to get a little too attached so.... It isn't just from out of nowhere :p

I really do get tired of the fact that in this world it seems like there are many people who can't seem to think that guys and girls can be friends and not anything more. I've actually had people tell me it's impossible for women and men to be anything other then in a relationship.

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^ Which is so wrong of them to say! I've had many male friends where we haven't ended up in any sort of relationship. :)

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butterflydreams

Yeah, but at the same time I have been in the position where one of my friends was going to get married and move away, and that's what I mean when I say that they have their own lives. It's not that they are incapable of keeping in touch it's just that they get busy starting their own lives. Ended up that she didn't get married :( I was sad and glad for her at the same time, but I realized during the planning process of the wedding that she would be busier then before trying to start her family. So I think that's what my parents were talking about when they said I would be lonely. And as I said before they don't know I'm ace grey-aro so they don't understand why I'm not looking for someone.

There's sadly a lot of truth to this. It doesn't even have to be marriage either. Many of my friends and I became distant after they started expressing interest in just dating. Though that was a while ago. Now some of my friends are getting married. I told my best friend I was scared that our friendship would melt away after she got married (in about a year). I know she really wants the married life, and I know she wants kids. And you know, I want her to have those things. But at the same time, I am sad that it'll mean I probably fall out of touch with my best friend. She'll be so busy. Busier than she already is. Schedules are already such that I only get to see her in person a few times a year at best. I feel like that one weird, lonely, single girl who everyone just kind of forgets about.

It's that kind of thing that really makes me want to have relationships of my own. I mean, clearly that's how you have a "number one". With friends, you're always number two. At least, that's been my very painful experience. I'm tired of being number two.

I really do get tired of the fact that in this world it seems like there are many people who can't seem to think that guys and girls can be friends and not anything more. I've actually had people tell me it's impossible for women and men to be anything other then in a relationship.

Hehe, sometimes I wish anyone would talk to me with interest. And not the kind of interest that starts with, "so, how's your penis today?"

Most of my friends who were girls broke away from me at a pretty early age. Long before things like dating were even on anyone's radar. So there must be some kind of predisposition to it, and not something that's entirely learned. Though maybe they did. I don't know.

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There's sadly a lot of truth to this. It doesn't even have to be marriage either. Many of my friends and I became distant after they started expressing interest in just dating. Though that was a while ago. Now some of my friends are getting married. I told my best friend I was scared that our friendship would melt away after she got married (in about a year). I know she really wants the married life, and I know she wants kids. And you know, I want her to have those things. But at the same time, I am sad that it'll mean I probably fall out of touch with my best friend. She'll be so busy. Busier than she already is. Schedules are already such that I only get to see her in person a few times a year at best. I feel like that one weird, lonely, single girl who everyone just kind of forgets about.

It's that kind of thing that really makes me want to have relationships of my own. I mean, clearly that's how you have a "number one". With friends, you're always number two. At least, that's been my very painful experience. I'm tired of being number two.

Unfortunately, I can relate (which is not a surprise, because I can relate to almost everything you post :lol:). I don't even mind being number 2, because at least that implies that I have some place in their lives. Right now, I'm just that single girl my friend will call in case there's absolutely no one else available to listen to her complains about her boyfriend (or if she needs something or whatever). I got tired of hanging out with her because she wouldn't take a few hours of her time to spend it with me. When we used to go out, she would always carry her boyfriend along (it's like he became her handbag or something) even after I told her it bothered me.

It was not the first time I've felt like it's ok to treat single people as if they should be grateful for any kind of attention they get. That's why, whenever I get dumped because one of my friends has gotten into a relationship, I simply refuse to resume contact after they've broken up. I'm tired of others thinking I should be ok with being treated as if I were disposable. Besides, don't people realize that dumping your friends might be a bad idea in the end? Most people get divorced by the age of 30-45, most women have trouble remarrying, and even if they didn't, men tend to die earlier... So, even if you do get married, dying alone is still a big risk if you don't have any friends.

Anyway, I'm also considering dating for the same reason you do. I got really happy when I "found out" that I'm probably sexual... until I remembered that I'm probably demisexual and, as you pointed out, when you get older, being friends with the opposite sex gets harder and harder (I don't know why is that, but that's my experience with heterosexual men. Gay guys are kinda cool, though), which makes dating impossible for me. In other words, realizing I'm possibly sexual end up being more frustrating for me than it was before, when I thought I was most likely asexual. :unsure: -_-

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butterflydreams

Unfortunately, I can relate (which is not a surprise, because I can relate to almost everything you post :lol:). I don't even mind being number 2, because at least that implies that I have some place in their lives. Right now, I'm just that single girl my friend will call in case there's absolutely no one else available to listen to her complains about her boyfriend (or if she needs something or whatever). I got tired of hanging out with her because she wouldn't take a few hours of her time to spend it with me. When we used to go out, she would always carry her boyfriend along (it's like he became her handbag or something) even after I told her it bothered me.

Yup. My oldest friend, a guy I met in high school, just got married last winter. But he'd been with her for several years before that. He rarely texts me, and never calls me unless she's out of town for the weekend. I swear to god. She'll be away all weekend, and he'll call me up on Skype, in a ratty t-shirt and ripped underwear, drinking a beer and eating ice cream or something. But that's the only time he ever wants to talk to me. Imagine how that makes me feel :( I've played that role for a long time. The steadfast friend who's there every time you go in and out of love. How great that must be for them. Knowing that no matter what, Hadley will always be alone, and be there for them :( God forbid any of my married friends ever got divorced. I'm sure they'd come running to me for support, because of course I'll be there.

It was not the first time I've felt like it's ok to treat single people as if they should be grateful for any kind of attention they get. That's why, whenever I get dumped because one of my friends has gotten into a relationship, I simply refuse to resume contact after they've broken up. I'm tired of others thinking I should be ok with being treated as if I were disposable. Besides, don't people realize that dumping your friends might be a bad idea in the end? Most people get divorced by the age of 30-45, most women have trouble remarrying, and even if they didn't, men tend to die earlier... So, even if you do get married, dying alone is still a big risk if you don't have any friends.

I used to do that, get dumped by friends and then cut off contact, but I realized it was making me bitter, jaded and resentful. I didn't like feeling that way. So nowadays I try my best to make sure I'm at least meeting my own needs. I try to have my own parties and celebrations, even if they're just by myself. I had a pretty great Halloween party last year. My brother and his girlfriend showed up at some point, but I spent most of it by myself. My friend said I'm very good at giving myself little gifts and that it was cute that I did that. Like I bought myself new glasses as a present for making it through 1 year of transition.

Anyway, I'm also considering dating for the same reason you do. I got really happy when I "found out" that I'm probably sexual... until I remembered that I'm probably demisexual and, as you pointed out, when you get older, being friends with the opposite sex gets harder and harder (I don't know why is that, but that's my experience with heterosexual men. Gay guys are kinda cool, though), which makes dating impossible for me. In other words, realizing I'm possibly sexual end up being more frustrating for me than it was before, when I thought I was most likely asexual. :unsure: -_-

Yeah, I think if you're not just regular straight and cis, it's gonna be a hard time. Sometimes I just want to give up...on everything...because it all seems so hopeless. I've watched others for so, so long. I've never not been there for them. I've been so patient. I've worked so hard. All I want is an honest, fair chance of my own.

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Yup. My oldest friend, a guy I met in high school, just got married last winter. But he'd been with her for several years before that. He rarely texts me, and never calls me unless she's out of town for the weekend. I swear to god. She'll be away all weekend, and he'll call me up on Skype, in a ratty t-shirt and ripped underwear, drinking a beer and eating ice cream or something. But that's the only time he ever wants to talk to me. Imagine how that makes me feel :( I've played that role for a long time. The steadfast friend who's there every time you go in and out of love. How great that must be for them. Knowing that no matter what, Hadley will always be alone, and be there for them :( God forbid any of my married friends ever got divorced. I'm sure they'd come running to me for support, because of course I'll be there.

Oh, yeah, I know that feeling very well. -_-

It's hard not to feel resentful and also a little ashamed for not being able to find a partner. I feel incompetent and seeing my friends in a relationship makes me realize how different I am from them. Don't get me wrong, I also felt that way when they were single, because they were always going to nightclubs, looking for someone to hook up with and all that, and I didn't. And I thought that at least when they're in a relationship, I would be able to hang out with them, eat some pizza, watch a movie together or something, but boy, I was wrong! I was just someone they would spend time with until they found someone/something better. That's why I sometimes wish I had poly friends. From what I've heard, they tend to maintain more friendships as they keep a wider social network.

I used to do that, get dumped by friends and then cut off contact, but I realized it was making me bitter, jaded and resentful. I didn't like feeling that way. So nowadays I try my best to make sure I'm at least meeting my own needs. I try to have my own parties and celebrations, even if they're just by myself. I had a pretty great Halloween party last year. My brother and his girlfriend showed up at some point, but I spent most of it by myself. My friend said I'm very good at giving myself little gifts and that it was cute that I did that. Like I bought myself new glasses as a present for making it through 1 year of transition.

Well, today is my birthday and I still haven't heard a single word from one of my friends (the one I mentioned earlier). Since she knows that I'll be going away on Monday because my classes are about to start, I thought that we would make plans this weekend. So, I gave up. I don't usually cut off contact with people, but I don't want to feel like I have no self-respect. I'll just stop pretending that we're as close as I thought we were. And realizing that has given me a huge sense of relief! :)

I wish I could enjoy singlehood as well as you do! It kind of reminds me of that Sex And The City episode when Carrie complains that single people don't have special dates (besides birthdays, but everyone has them, so it doesn't count) and that, while we celebrate other people's marriages, go to their baby showers and all that, we don't have the chance to be celebrated. So I think we should do it ourselves! Knowing that I can make it own my own makes me a bit proud of myself. I found out that I can be much stronger than I thought I could be. I should give myself some credit (and so should you, because you're one of the most amazing people I've ever met, and I bet my kidney that a lot of people here feel the same about you) ^_^

Yeah, I think if you're not just regular straight and cis, it's gonna be a hard time. Sometimes I just want to give up...on everything...because it all seems so hopeless. I've watched others for so, so long. I've never not been there for them. I've been so patient. I've worked so hard. All I want is an honest, fair chance of my own.

It's exhausting, I know... And, tbh, all this talk about menopause/ageing that's been going on lately on Aven, along with the fact that I've turned 25 and my life is the complete opposite I wanted it to be have made me even more pessimistic about things. It made me hate being a woman, being "wtf-am-i-sexual", being unattractive and having social anxiety, etc. So, I'm with you on that. I believe that not being "normal" has its advantages, but it can be tiring sometimes... -_-

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butterflydreams

I always felt that being asexual meant I valued friendships at a higher level than most people, simply because for me, that was as intimate as you could be with someone. I didn't understand that there was something beyond that that people wanted and strived for. It caused a lot of hurt over the years. My friends meant everything to me, but I didn't realize they were also trying to fill other needs that a simple friend could not.

Hehe, do I really portray that I handle single hood well? Yikes. I actually feel like kind of a train wreck when it comes to that stuff. I guess I put up a tough front, but really, deep down, I feel hurt a lot. It's a sad, pervasive loneliness that often puts me in a pretty bad (and potentially dangerous) way.

I mean, on the one hand, being single and alone means that I often have to push through really difficult situations by myself. Situations that would almost be trivial if I had other people with me. Like I just went on a two day camping trip at a park. My first time away from "home turf" as a woman. It was really hard. It would've been so much easier with friends or a partner as support and backup. But I survived. I cried a lot, but I got over all of it. Though I have to say, sometimes I worry that the repetative stresses of doing stuff like that (because I have to) are shaving years off my life.

Yeah, I will say that the somewhat muted but persistent discussions of active (and repeated) relationships, and even sex on AVEN make things hard for me. I have to face that stuff like that isn't part of my life, no matter how much I want it to be. It's so easy to fall into these negative spirals, especially for me when I hear people saying, "well, realistically you're trans and so you can't really complain if it's harder." I always try to remind myself that I've got as much right to want things as anyone. I've got as much right to expect things as anyone. I have friends and people who just expect all kinds of things. Expect to get married, expect to have kids, etc etc.

Oh, and happy (probably now belated) birthday! My parents mostly cold-shouldered me on my birthday this year, but my brother and his girlfriend took me out, went swimming with me, etc. I try to appreciate as much as possible the little things that do go ok in situations like that.

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"well, realistically you're trans and so you can't really complain if it's harder."

That attitude of "of course things are going to be this way, so just deal with it" is so frustrating to encounter. I bet as a trans woman you encounter it far more than I do. :( It's very lazy of friends to respond like that. Also the whole "you have a roof over your head so don't complain" attitude when all I want is an acknowledgement of uneven turf is so angering.

"Everyone faces obstacles in life."

"Finding love is always a challenge."

"If you work hard you'll get what you want."

"So what? You're still a good person."

"Just do something about it."

These are very often said by people who have a natural advantage. Cis. Hetero. Able-bodied. Financially cushioned. Attractive. Of a "trusted" race/ethnicity. When I'm feeling down and want to vent, all I expect of the other person is for them to say "You're right to feel like things are unfair and I'm happy to help you get it off your chest." Providing "solutions" when not explicitly asked is like telling the person who's venting that they're incapable of figuring their own life out.

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butterflydreams

"well, realistically you're trans and so you can't really complain if it's harder."

That attitude of "of course things are going to be this way, so just deal with it" is so frustrating to encounter. I bet as a trans woman you encounter it far more than I do. :( It's very lazy of friends to respond like that. Also the whole "you have a roof over your head so don't complain" attitude when all I want is an acknowledgement of uneven turf is so angering.

Wow, I'd never actually considered this before. It actually makes me feel a little better. There's a lot of thinly-veiled transphobia out there. I'd never say that someone has to sleep with me, or be in a relationship with me, or even be my friend, but at least own it. So much of it ends up boiling down to, "but muh real vagina!" I think people are just looking for any semi-legitimate excuse. I'd rather them just come out with it. You're not sparing my feelings by saying you "want to be with a woman who can have children." Christ...would you say that to a cis woman that couldn't have children? No, you'd be an adult and not push on a tender subject. I hate knowing that I'm "not useful" when it comes to that. I hate that I can never just have my own kid like my friend. Fuck someone who plays that card :( I know damn well I'd be a fine mother.

"Everyone faces obstacles in life."

"Finding love is always a challenge."

"If you work hard you'll get what you want."

"So what? You're still a good person."

"Just do something about it."

These are very often said by people who have a natural advantage. Cis. Hetero. Able-bodied. Financially cushioned. Attractive. Of a "trusted" race/ethnicity. When I'm feeling down and want to vent, all I expect of the other person is for them to say "You're right to feel like things are unfair and I'm happy to help you get it off your chest." Providing "solutions" when not explicitly asked is like telling the person who's venting that they're incapable of figuring their own life out.

Well, and I've also experienced the people who've simply had the experiences of being wanted, loved, etc in a romantic relationship. I consider that a privileged position to be in too. That person never has to wonder if they're defective, unlovable, ugly or if they'll always be alone. Sure, the future might suck, but it happened at least once, you know? I don't have that comfort. -_-

(PS, I know I tend to fall back into trans stuff a lot, and I know this is an ace women thread. Maybe people find use in my perspectives coming from that point, but if you don't, or find them derailing, please let me know and I'll move it back to GD)

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"well, realistically you're trans and so you can't really complain if it's harder."

That attitude of "of course things are going to be this way, so just deal with it" is so frustrating to encounter. I bet as a trans woman you encounter it far more than I do. :( It's very lazy of friends to respond like that. Also the whole "you have a roof over your head so don't complain" attitude when all I want is an acknowledgement of uneven turf is so angering.

Wow, I'd never actually considered this before. It actually makes me feel a little better. There's a lot of thinly-veiled transphobia out there. I'd never say that someone has to sleep with me, or be in a relationship with me, or even be my friend, but at least own it. So much of it ends up boiling down to, "but muh real vagina!" I think people are just looking for any semi-legitimate excuse. I'd rather them just come out with it. You're not sparing my feelings by saying you "want to be with a woman who can have children." Christ...would you say that to a cis woman that couldn't have children? No, you'd be an adult and not push on a tender subject. I hate knowing that I'm "not useful" when it comes to that. I hate that I can never just have my own kid like my friend. Fuck someone who plays that card :( I know damn well I'd be a fine mother.

"Everyone faces obstacles in life."

"Finding love is always a challenge."

"If you work hard you'll get what you want."

"So what? You're still a good person."

"Just do something about it."

These are very often said by people who have a natural advantage. Cis. Hetero. Able-bodied. Financially cushioned. Attractive. Of a "trusted" race/ethnicity. When I'm feeling down and want to vent, all I expect of the other person is for them to say "You're right to feel like things are unfair and I'm happy to help you get it off your chest." Providing "solutions" when not explicitly asked is like telling the person who's venting that they're incapable of figuring their own life out.

Well, and I've also experienced the people who've simply had the experiences of being wanted, loved, etc in a romantic relationship. I consider that a privileged position to be in too. That person never has to wonder if they're defective, unlovable, ugly or if they'll always be alone. Sure, the future might suck, but it happened at least once, you know? I don't have that comfort. -_-

(PS, I know I tend to fall back into trans stuff a lot, and I know this is an ace women thread. Maybe people find use in my perspectives coming from that point, but if you don't, or find them derailing, please let me know and I'll move it back to GD)

It just fucking sucks and I'm sorry Hadley. Yes, you have every right to want things, to need things, and no the world's not fucking fair and people need to shut their mouth if they aren't going to say anything supportive. (((Hugs)))

Happy Belated Birthday though.

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"well, realistically you're trans and so you can't really complain if it's harder."

That attitude of "of course things are going to be this way, so just deal with it" is so frustrating to encounter. I bet as a trans woman you encounter it far more than I do. :( It's very lazy of friends to respond like that. Also the whole "you have a roof over your head so don't complain" attitude when all I want is an acknowledgement of uneven turf is so angering.

"Everyone faces obstacles in life."

"Finding love is always a challenge."

"If you work hard you'll get what you want."

"So what? You're still a good person."

"Just do something about it."

These are very often said by people who have a natural advantage. Cis. Hetero. Able-bodied. Financially cushioned. Attractive. Of a "trusted" race/ethnicity. When I'm feeling down and want to vent, all I expect of the other person is for them to say "You're right to feel like things are unfair and I'm happy to help you get it off your chest." Providing "solutions" when not explicitly asked is like telling the person who's venting that they're incapable of figuring their own life out.

None of those were solutions- they were just telling you to shut up. "Just do something about it," is the closest to a solution but it isn't specific enough to mean anything, and again, it's essentially just trying to get you to stop talking. Actually offering solutions might not always be helpful but it can mean the person listening to you is trying.

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"well, realistically you're trans and so you can't really complain if it's harder."

That attitude of "of course things are going to be this way, so just deal with it" is so frustrating to encounter. I bet as a trans woman you encounter it far more than I do. :( It's very lazy of friends to respond like that. Also the whole "you have a roof over your head so don't complain" attitude when all I want is an acknowledgement of uneven turf is so angering.

Wow, I'd never actually considered this before. It actually makes me feel a little better. There's a lot of thinly-veiled transphobia out there. I'd never say that someone has to sleep with me, or be in a relationship with me, or even be my friend, but at least own it. So much of it ends up boiling down to, "but muh real vagina!" I think people are just looking for any semi-legitimate excuse. I'd rather them just come out with it. You're not sparing my feelings by saying you "want to be with a woman who can have children." Christ...would you say that to a cis woman that couldn't have children? No, you'd be an adult and not push on a tender subject. I hate knowing that I'm "not useful" when it comes to that. I hate that I can never just have my own kid like my friend. Fuck someone who plays that card :( I know damn well I'd be a fine mother.

"Everyone faces obstacles in life."

"Finding love is always a challenge."

"If you work hard you'll get what you want."

"So what? You're still a good person."

"Just do something about it."

These are very often said by people who have a natural advantage. Cis. Hetero. Able-bodied. Financially cushioned. Attractive. Of a "trusted" race/ethnicity. When I'm feeling down and want to vent, all I expect of the other person is for them to say "You're right to feel like things are unfair and I'm happy to help you get it off your chest." Providing "solutions" when not explicitly asked is like telling the person who's venting that they're incapable of figuring their own life out.

Well, and I've also experienced the people who've simply had the experiences of being wanted, loved, etc in a romantic relationship. I consider that a privileged position to be in too. That person never has to wonder if they're defective, unlovable, ugly or if they'll always be alone. Sure, the future might suck, but it happened at least once, you know? I don't have that comfort. -_-

(PS, I know I tend to fall back into trans stuff a lot, and I know this is an ace women thread. Maybe people find use in my perspectives coming from that point, but if you don't, or find them derailing, please let me know and I'll move it back to GD)

I bet you would be an awesome mom Hadley fuck anyone who says otherwise :) Also I don't find any of your comments derailing and I would fight someone if they did, because they aren't and they are pertinent to this thread.

People can be assholes, anyone who plays that card isn't worth your time. You're beautiful and from what I can tell a very nice person, and anyone who can't see that is just blind.

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"well, realistically you're trans and so you can't really complain if it's harder."

That attitude of "of course things are going to be this way, so just deal with it" is so frustrating to encounter. I bet as a trans woman you encounter it far more than I do. :( It's very lazy of friends to respond like that. Also the whole "you have a roof over your head so don't complain" attitude when all I want is an acknowledgement of uneven turf is so angering.

"Everyone faces obstacles in life."

"Finding love is always a challenge."

"If you work hard you'll get what you want."

"So what? You're still a good person."

"Just do something about it."

These are very often said by people who have a natural advantage. Cis. Hetero. Able-bodied. Financially cushioned. Attractive. Of a "trusted" race/ethnicity. When I'm feeling down and want to vent, all I expect of the other person is for them to say "You're right to feel like things are unfair and I'm happy to help you get it off your chest." Providing "solutions" when not explicitly asked is like telling the person who's venting that they're incapable of figuring their own life out.

None of those were solutions- they were just telling you to shut up. "Just do something about it," is the closest to a solution but it isn't specific enough to mean anything, and again, it's essentially just trying to get you to stop talking. Actually offering solutions might not always be helpful but it can mean the person listening to you is trying.

Right, hence "solutions".

Anyway, I'm going to take your hint and stop talking.

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"well, realistically you're trans and so you can't really complain if it's harder."

That attitude of "of course things are going to be this way, so just deal with it" is so frustrating to encounter. I bet as a trans woman you encounter it far more than I do. :( It's very lazy of friends to respond like that. Also the whole "you have a roof over your head so don't complain" attitude when all I want is an acknowledgement of uneven turf is so angering.

"Everyone faces obstacles in life."

"Finding love is always a challenge."

"If you work hard you'll get what you want."

"So what? You're still a good person."

"Just do something about it."

These are very often said by people who have a natural advantage. Cis. Hetero. Able-bodied. Financially cushioned. Attractive. Of a "trusted" race/ethnicity. When I'm feeling down and want to vent, all I expect of the other person is for them to say "You're right to feel like things are unfair and I'm happy to help you get it off your chest." Providing "solutions" when not explicitly asked is like telling the person who's venting that they're incapable of figuring their own life out.

None of those were solutions- they were just telling you to shut up. "Just do something about it," is the closest to a solution but it isn't specific enough to mean anything, and again, it's essentially just trying to get you to stop talking. Actually offering solutions might not always be helpful but it can mean the person listening to you is trying.

Right, hence "solutions".

Anyway, I'm going to take your hint and stop talking.

I wasn't hinting at that.

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Ace of Amethysts

There's sadly a lot of truth to this. It doesn't even have to be marriage either. Many of my friends and I became distant after they started expressing interest in just dating. Though that was a while ago. Now some of my friends are getting married. I told my best friend I was scared that our friendship would melt away after she got married (in about a year). I know she really wants the married life, and I know she wants kids. And you know, I want her to have those things. But at the same time, I am sad that it'll mean I probably fall out of touch with my best friend. She'll be so busy. Busier than she already is. Schedules are already such that I only get to see her in person a few times a year at best. I feel like that one weird, lonely, single girl who everyone just kind of forgets about.

I`m beginning to feel that way about a straight cis female sister of mine. She`s married with two young kids and although she`s still a sister to me despite me not seeing her very much, I feel like I can`t be close to her when we do meet anymore because the overwhelmingly common heterosexual-marriage-with-children relationship is something I can neither relate to nor desire, or even understand at times.

I know this post is going to be misread, so I just want to say this: I`m not shunning married straight people. I`m not ignoring them. I`m just saying that I feel like I`m losing a relationship I had with a family member because their lifestyle is just too different from what I would ever want. I haven`t discussed it with her as we haven`t met since January, and I don`t think I ever will bring this up.

Anyway, go on with your own rants, everyone.

From Ace of Amethysts, who is now once again the derailer of discussions.

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butterflydreams

I bet you would be an awesome mom Hadley fuck anyone who says otherwise :) Also I don't find any of your comments derailing and I would fight someone if they did, because they aren't and they are pertinent to this thread.

People can be assholes, anyone who plays that card isn't worth your time. You're beautiful and from what I can tell a very nice person, and anyone who can't see that is just blind.

Hehe, thanks. Alas, I think I'd be lucky if I ever even became an aunt. (Probably never be a daughter, consider myself very lucky that I'm a big sister). I'm the oldest of three, and my younger brother is kind of a free spirit and is a long ways away from having kids, though he does have a very nice girlfriend. (I not-so-secretly hope her and I will become good friends, we already sort of are.) My younger sister is older than my brother, but she has a pretty toxic attitude about life. Very cosmopolitan, center-of-the-universe, if you're not "in" then you're out...that kind of thing. I could never picture her having kids, but I think that might change.

The thing I struggle with a lot is getting empathy from friends who should know better. It's only been very recently that I even felt I could want things in my life. I could want to get married and have kids somehow? Wow, what a revelation! Not saying it'll happen, but I am allowed to want it. People always treated me as different, like they didn't expect those things of me, irrespective of my wants. It made me start to question things myself, like I was different and wasn't allowed to want things. I have plenty of friends who want similar things. I was there for them when they were afraid of the future. But it's like, once they pass through that doorway and get their wants, they're not willing to reach back and show me the same care and empathy. Just empty platitudes.

"It'll happen someday"

As someone who was once in a position of not knowing that it would happen themselves, I find it frustrating that they can't empathize with me feeling that same way :unsure:

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I bet you would be an awesome mom Hadley fuck anyone who says otherwise :) Also I don't find any of your comments derailing and I would fight someone if they did, because they aren't and they are pertinent to this thread.

People can be assholes, anyone who plays that card isn't worth your time. You're beautiful and from what I can tell a very nice person, and anyone who can't see that is just blind.

Hehe, thanks. Alas, I think I'd be lucky if I ever even became an aunt. (Probably never be a daughter, consider myself very lucky that I'm a big sister). I'm the oldest of three, and my younger brother is kind of a free spirit and is a long ways away from having kids, though he does have a very nice girlfriend. (I not-so-secretly hope her and I will become good friends, we already sort of are.) My younger sister is older than my brother, but she has a pretty toxic attitude about life. Very cosmopolitan, center-of-the-universe, if you're not "in" then you're out...that kind of thing. I could never picture her having kids, but I think that might change.

The thing I struggle with a lot is getting empathy from friends who should know better. It's only been very recently that I even felt I could want things in my life. I could want to get married and have kids somehow? Wow, what a revelation! Not saying it'll happen, but I am allowed to want it. People always treated me as different, like they didn't expect those things of me, irrespective of my wants. It made me start to question things myself, like I was different and wasn't allowed to want things. I have plenty of friends who want similar things. I was there for them when they were afraid of the future. But it's like, once they pass through that doorway and get their wants, they're not willing to reach back and show me the same care and empathy. Just empty platitudes.

"It'll happen someday"

As someone who was once in a position of not knowing that it would happen themselves, I find it frustrating that they can't empathize with me feeling that same way :unsure:

Anyone who ends up marrying you will be a very lucky person Hadley :) Also not just for your sake but also for hers I hope your sister changes her attitude towards life, because if she doesn't it is going to end up being horrible for her.

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butterflydreams

Anyone who ends up marrying you will be a very lucky person Hadley :) Also not just for your sake but also for hers I hope your sister changes her attitude towards life, because if she doesn't it is going to end up being horrible for her.

Hehe, don't tell her that! Things seem to be going pretty well for her so far. I saw she just celebrated her 4th anniversary with her boyfriend.

Actually, just a year or so ago, my whole family and my sister and her boyfriend were out somewhere and driving home. I was in the car with my parents, and my brother was in the car with my sister and her boyfriend. We're almost to the house, and we see my brother just chilling on the side of the road. Apparently he got so fed up with her trash-talking of "non-city" people he just asked to get out so he could wait for us.

And I know it's unhealthy, jealous and unbecoming of a mature young woman to say, but that kind of crap makes me feel awful. That she can be so toxic but never be wanting for affection and love. Meanwhile, that's something I've never really known in my life. I try not to think about it.

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And I know it's unhealthy, jealous and unbecoming of a mature young woman to say, but that kind of crap makes me feel awful. That she can be so toxic but never be wanting for affection and love. Meanwhile, that's something I've never really known in my life. I try not to think about it.

There's nothing wrong with feeling jealous so long as you don't allow the jealousy to poison your mind.

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There really isn't anything wrong with being jealous Hadley. As long as you don't let it affect your own life. But it's normal to be jealous of something like that and it's horrible that things like that happen. Trust me though if she keeps it up later in life no one will want to be around her. In her old age people will want to avoid her and will dread visiting her even her own children I she has them. Trust me I know older people who are like you describe your sister, the only people who visit them are their children and their children don't want to visit and only visit occasionally. I do hope that things change and you are accepted by your family for who you are. <3 :cake:

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Push Pop the Wolfdog

I'm Christian, but I hate it when other Christians are all "you're a woman so you have to get married to a man and if you don't have sex with him then you're unfaithful". It's bullshit. It reinforces rape culture, which I'm sure the Bible would be against anyways. And really sucky for Christian asexual women.

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I have had some issues with people being unable to understand and sometimes being downright insensitive about my lack of sexual interest since I have come to really recognize who I am. In a previous job I had where I was working on a team in a stockroom I was with a group of other women who, from what I learned in very unpleasantly great detail, were HIGHLY sexual and unashamed to discuss it openly and vividly with one another. (of which I was many times within earshot of too *sigh*)

Within a few days of me joining their group I was asked about my experiences with romantic interactions and plainly told them that I had never so much as kissed a guy before. After their not at all subtle surprise of learning this, (not that I didn't expect it lol) they all tended to sort of pick on me about it from time to time. Not being bullies or anything about it I might add! They were nice people, just ignorant that someone could be entirely uninterested. I was only a little uncomfortable with this, but just kind of rolled with it and generally got along with all of them. Of it all, there had only really been one over the top time where they were overly interested in my lack of interest. Our superior, who we all interacted very lax and informally with, had flat out said to me one time during a lunch break that she wanted me to "Please, just have sex." I did actually get offended about this, but played it off and she left me alone about it when I said that I'd only consider it if I ever (probably unlikely) got married and knew that the man was the love of my life, but otherwise "HELL no."

Smaller incidents were over how at times they would probe me about me probably being a lesbian but not aware yet. And that I should try sex with either gender and then I'll definitely love it. They'd also say how I need go with them to a club some time and meet someone, and that I should even just try a one night stand.

I never did explain to them the depth of something like asexuality and how it works and why I could care less or was repulsed by the thought of any of the stuff they would say to me or with each other when talking about their conquests. But I honestly don't know if I could have convinced them or made them understand any of it if I did. Some people just can't really get that a woman can honestly be normal, happy, and entirely fulfilled without sex or an intimate relationship in her life.

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I feel secure and understood here despite not sharing a word. Thanks a lot for sharing your experiences ladies. I am one of you.

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Ace of Amethysts

I have had some issues with people being unable to understand and sometimes being downright insensitive about my lack of sexual interest since I have come to really recognize who I am. In a previous job I had where I was working on a team in a stockroom I was with a group of other women who, from what I learned in very unpleasantly great detail, were HIGHLY sexual and unashamed to discuss it openly and vividly with one another. (of which I was many times within earshot of too *sigh*)

Within a few days of me joining their group I was asked about my experiences with romantic interactions and plainly told them that I had never so much as kissed a guy before. After their not at all subtle surprise of learning this, (not that I didn't expect it lol) they all tended to sort of pick on me about it from time to time. Not being bullies or anything about it I might add! They were nice people, just ignorant that someone could be entirely uninterested. I was only a little uncomfortable with this, but just kind of rolled with it and generally got along with all of them. Of it all, there had only really been one over the top time where they were overly interested in my lack of interest. Our superior, who we all interacted very lax and informally with, had flat out said to me one time during a lunch break that she wanted me to "Please, just have sex." I did actually get offended about this, but played it off and she left me alone about it when I said that I'd only consider it if I ever (probably unlikely) got married and knew that the man was the love of my life, but otherwise "HELL no."

Smaller incidents were over how at times they would probe me about me probably being a lesbian but not aware yet. And that I should try sex with either gender and then I'll definitely love it. They'd also say how I need go with them to a club some time and meet someone, and that I should even just try a one night stand.

I never did explain to them the depth of something like asexuality and how it works and why I could care less or was repulsed by the thought of any of the stuff they would say to me or with each other when talking about their conquests. But I honestly don't know if I could have convinced them or made them understand any of it if I did. Some people just can't really get that a woman can honestly be normal, happy, and entirely fulfilled without sex or an intimate relationship in her life.

OK, I can roll with people being ignorant about asexuality, but your superior literally telling you to "please have sex"? If that was me, I would`ve just walked away.

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I have had some issues with people being unable to understand and sometimes being downright insensitive about my lack of sexual interest since I have come to really recognize who I am. In a previous job I had where I was working on a team in a stockroom I was with a group of other women who, from what I learned in very unpleasantly great detail, were HIGHLY sexual and unashamed to discuss it openly and vividly with one another. (of which I was many times within earshot of too *sigh*)

Within a few days of me joining their group I was asked about my experiences with romantic interactions and plainly told them that I had never so much as kissed a guy before. After their not at all subtle surprise of learning this, (not that I didn't expect it lol) they all tended to sort of pick on me about it from time to time. Not being bullies or anything about it I might add! They were nice people, just ignorant that someone could be entirely uninterested. I was only a little uncomfortable with this, but just kind of rolled with it and generally got along with all of them. Of it all, there had only really been one over the top time where they were overly interested in my lack of interest. Our superior, who we all interacted very lax and informally with, had flat out said to me one time during a lunch break that she wanted me to "Please, just have sex." I did actually get offended about this, but played it off and she left me alone about it when I said that I'd only consider it if I ever (probably unlikely) got married and knew that the man was the love of my life, but otherwise "HELL no."

Smaller incidents were over how at times they would probe me about me probably being a lesbian but not aware yet. And that I should try sex with either gender and then I'll definitely love it. They'd also say how I need go with them to a club some time and meet someone, and that I should even just try a one night stand.

I never did explain to them the depth of something like asexuality and how it works and why I could care less or was repulsed by the thought of any of the stuff they would say to me or with each other when talking about their conquests. But I honestly don't know if I could have convinced them or made them understand any of it if I did. Some people just can't really get that a woman can honestly be normal, happy, and entirely fulfilled without sex or an intimate relationship in her life.

OK, I can roll with people being ignorant about asexuality, but your superior literally telling you to "please have sex"? If that was me, I would`ve just walked away.

Like I said she wasn't trying to be mean. It was just her personality to be pretty blunt and outspoken, even on things she didn't have any solid awareness of (such as with aspects of homosexuality when talking to my lesbian coworker as well). And working in the capacity where we did, you pretty much needed a tough skin to be taken real seriously, meh.

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butterflydreams

OK, I can roll with people being ignorant about asexuality, but your superior literally telling you to "please have sex"? If that was me, I would`ve just walked away.

Heh, this is something my mom has said to me before. I always been kind of anxious and had been very touch averse in the past (less so these days). So if she tried to touch me and I acted all tense and got frustrated, she might tell me, "you need to get laid." Curiously, my sister is also pretty touch averse and my mom never said anything like that to her.

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I'm Christian, but I hate it when other Christians are all "you're a woman so you have to get married to a man and if you don't have sex with him then you're unfaithful". It's bullshit. It reinforces rape culture, which I'm sure the Bible would be against anyways.

I'm not sure about that; have you ever read one of those oldschool "unabridged" bibles? There is some really dodgy shit in some of those pertaining to (sexual) relations between people that might have been considered "A-OK" way back in the day but nowadays would probably get you kicked to the curb at the very least if you were found out, and possibly sent into court at the worst.

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Galactic Turtle
I'm Christian, but I hate it when other Christians are all "you're a woman so you have to get married to a man and if you don't have sex with him then you're unfaithful". It's bullshit. It reinforces rape culture, which I'm sure the Bible would be against anyways.

I'm not sure about that; have you ever read one of those oldschool "unabridged" bibles? There is some really dodgy shit in some of those pertaining to (sexual) relations between people that might have been considered "A-OK" way back in the day but nowadays would probably get you kicked to the curb at the very least if you were found out, and possibly sent into court at the worst.

*jumps into conversation without reading everything*

While I was never one to pay attention during church, as far as asexuality is concerned I've been told it's the duty of a wife to please the husband and if it's withheld then it will only lead to fornication... which apparently in my case would be my fault... since I'm the one withholding the sex... even though it's the dude who would be going out to sleep with someone else. But it seems like a lot of people agree with that sentiment... at least in my family... and in my church.

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